A few months ago, The Financial Diet published a post titled, Why You Need to Clean Out Your Junk Financial Beliefs (& How to Start), which really got the wheels churning in my head. TFD is a hit-or-miss publication for me because I find that a lot of the writers are immensely privileged and it’s hard to relate to a lot of their articles. But this one… this one really hit home for me and had me combing through my own belief systems, the way I was raised, and how it all affects the way I view my finances today.

As many of you know, I grew up poor and this was mostly due to the fact that my dad had a rather significant gambling problem. Without it, we could have lived a fairly comfortable middle-class existence, but as it was, we struggled to make ends meet on my mom’s preschool teacher salary. My dad’s paycheck (and sometimes, some of my mom’s…) was used to fund his gambling addiction. So, I grew up on free school lunches, eviction notices, and that survivor mindset. In my family, wealth was not something to strive for. Making it to the next paycheck without the lights getting turned off was. Things like 401ks, savings, and investments were not in the conversation. The biggest vacation we took as a family was when we went to Ohio. My dad drove the 1,200 miles from Clearwater to Toledo, and we stayed with relatives.

So all this to say… I have a lot of junk financial beliefs. I have had to work through a lot of shit, and I’m still working through it because it’s only been in recent years that I’ve been able to feel like I’m finally getting a good handle on my money. But I still fall prey to my junk financial beliefs, so let’s talk about them, shall we?

Deep breaths. I’m about to get real personal about these.

Junk Financial Belief #1: Working a second job is beneath me.

I’m not talking about having a side hustle, like freelance writing. I’m talking about getting a second job, usually in the retail space. Whether that’s working at the local Starbucks or the mall, I cannot bring myself to “lower myself” to get a second job, even though I know I could pay down my student loans so much faster if I did that, not to mention I could have a bit of breathing room in my budget. But there’s something about doing that that feels like defeat. I’m a college graduate! I have a full-time job! I shouldn’t have to also work a second job. (Yeah, I have a bit of that millennial entitlement going for me, I guess.)

If I did get a second job, it would solely be to pay off my student loans faster and build up my savings. Which means I would only have to work said job for a handful of years. It wouldn’t be forever, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. It would significantly eliminate my free time, and I’m not willing to give that up. I also think it would affect my mental health because part of my self-care routine involves lots of sleep and alone time. That’s partially why I haven’t tried harder to find more freelancing opportunities; it takes a lot of my mental energy – mental energy that’s already at a more limited capacity than most people.

Junk Financial Belief #2: I will always struggle with money.

I have a scarcity mindset when it comes to my finances. I never feel like I’ll ever have enough money, even though I actually do. I’m able to pay my bills, put food on the table, go on vacation. But I don’t save as much as I would like, I have credit card debt, and I always feel as if I’m working at a deficit when it comes to my budget. And it all feels very natural to me to have this unhealthy relationship with my finances. That’s the way I was raised, always fearing that one bill that could turn our world upside down, and that’s the way I live today, even though I don’t need to.

This belief about struggling with money has deep roots in my past, but also my present because most of my family also struggles with money to this day. And there’s this part of me that feels selfish when I think about not struggling – do I really deserve that feeling of peace and fulfillment when it comes to money? Have I earned it?

It’s a lot to think about. I know I deserve that peace. I know my family members also deserve that peace. And I know it ultimately comes down to getting honest about my budget, eliminating the things that are holding me back from ultimate financial freedom, and allowing myself to claim a sense of ownership over my own money situation.

Junk Financial Belief #3: Extra money is supposed to be spent, not saved.

Growing up, having extra money was like finding a unicorn on the side of the road. As in, we almost never had it. I still don’t know how my parents afforded Christmas gifts, but I suspect it was a very stressful time for my mom. Savings wasn’t part of my lexicon growing up, and it’s only been in recent years that I’ve realized that having a well-funded savings account is something I need. It’s not something that would be nice-to-have, but it’s something that would allow me to stop depending on my credit card when emergencies arise (like, say, if my tire blows out one morning on the highway).

I’m getting better at this, but I can’t lie. Sometimes when I log on to my banking account and see that I have more money sitting in my checking account than I thought… it’s hard not to immediately place an order on Thriftbooks or start perusing the Old Navy website. It’s a mindset shift, but I know that the pleasure of seeing four figures in my savings account will far outweigh the pleasure of getting that shipment notification in my email inbox.

Junk Financial Belief #4: It’s normal to use credit cards to buy the things you want.

Oy vey. This has been a belief that I’ve been working on dismantling for years now. It’s the whole “buy now, pay later” mindset, and it’s a very popular one. I know I’m not the only one who has fallen into this trap. It started when I was given my first credit card at the tender age of 18. It had a $500 limit and I used it responsibly. I paid it off every month, using it to buy new items for my dorm room. Then, during my sophomore year of college, I stood in front of an Old Navy store, thinking about how I just really wanted some new clothes for summer, but I didn’t have the money to do so. I was talked into applying for an Old Navy credit card, and my jaw about hit the floor when I was approved and told my limit was $2,500. Within a year, that card was maxed out and I had no way to pay even the minimum payment. Eventually, I worked out a payment plan and paid off that card. But I never lost the shame attached to maxing out a credit card during the first year of my twenties, effectively ruining my credit. I had always told myself I was going to be better about my finances than my parents were, and here I was, my first time out as an adult, and I fucked it up royally.

That card is when I got into this mindset of buying now, paying later. And while I have worked hard to dispel myself of this… I have to constantly fight against myself. For example, just a few weeks ago, I spent an entire evening on ThredUp, throwing shirt after shirt into my cart and telling myself I “needed” these shirts because the dress code at work had recently changed. I didn’t have the money in my checking account, so I told myself I would put it on my credit card and “next paycheck, I’ll really get serious about my budget.” (<— anyone else do this? Sigh.) Thankfully, I came to my senses before I spent any money. I had to remind myself that if I don’t have money in my checking out, I don’t have money. It’s a mantra I have to constantly repeat to myself because it’s so easy to get caught up in buying things and putting it on credit. Part of it has to do with growing up poor and spending the first half of my twenties poor. I couldn’t buy things, ever, so now that I have the ability to, it’s so much harder to resist my impulses. But I’m trying and it starts by dispelling this financial belief that I can buy whatever I want using my credit card.

Honestly, I could probably write another 1,500 words on other junk financial beliefs I have, but I think this post has gotten too long already (maybe I’ll write a Part II in the future). These are some of my bigger ones, and it’s not easy to come clean about all of this. But it’s important. It’s important to talk about money and open up about the way our past has defined our present. It doesn’t mean I still abide by these beliefs or that I’ve thrown in the towel. No – I am actively working on dismantling them so that I can have that elusive financial freedom sometime in the future. That’s all I can ask of myself.

Your turn! Tell me one junk financial belief of your own.

Okay, friends, settle in. I am about to get brutally honest about what my money situation looks like today. I’m talking REAL numbers about how much money I make and what my bills look like.

Why am I doing this? Because I think we need to be more honest about money and not feel ashamed to talk about our salaries and budgets. Sure, my salary may not be all that impressive to other people, but it’s fine for my needs and it allows me to support myself easily.

I was inspired to write this post after listening to an old episode of the Girl Next Door podcast (I’m slowly making my way through their back catalog of episodes) where they got real honest about their money situations, including what they make and what debt they have.

So, let’s do this!

At this moment in time, I’m 30 and I work a full-time job as an SEO content writer. I’m in my fourth year in this current position, although the position itself has grown and changed drastically over time, and each year, I’ve gotten a great raise that has put me in a fairly comfortable financial position. I also dabble in freelance writing, but I’m only working with one client who needs content every couple of months or so. It actually works out really well for me because I quickly realized the freelancing side hustle was not for me. This way, I get consistent work without having to spend hours and hours hustling after it. And the money feels like a bonus. It’s never accounted for in my budget, and I usually funnel it to my debts.

So, what does my salary look like? My gross salary is around $47,000, but once I account for taxes, health insurance, and my flexible spending account that I use for healthcare costs, I’m earning around $37,000 a year. And I usually make around $3,000 a year from freelancing, although that doesn’t account for taxes, so when all is said and done, I’m earning a little under $40,000 a year.

Now let’s talk about my expenses. I’m going to break this up into a few categories: housing, debts, auto, and other. These are my fixed expenses that I have to account for with every budget I put together. (Friday, I’ll talk about discretionary spending and where my money goes after the bills are paid.)

Housing

Like most people, this is my biggest expense. One of the reasons is that I have chosen to live alone. Obviously, I could save more money and pay down my debts faster if I had a roommate, but it wasn’t worth it for me. I really, really wanted the experience of living alone, and after 18 months of it, I can say with certainty that it was the right decision. It just means that all of the housing and utilities fall on my shoulders, but it’s totally worth it for me.

Currently, I spend $825 a month to rent a one-bedroom apartment in a great location. And I’m getting a steal because most one-bedroom apartments around here are around $1,000 a month. There are certain sacrifices I’m making: my apartment is tiny (under 600 square feet with no dining area to speak of), the appliances aren’t updated, the countertops and cabinets are a gross beige color, etc. But I honestly didn’t want to pay much more than $800 and I’m really happy with the apartment and location, so I’m hoping to stay here for at least a few more years.

My other bills related to housing include utilities (water and electric), which usually run around $100 a month, sometimes a little more. I also pay $75 a month for high-speed Internet, which feels really pricey, but I literally never have issues with my Internet and it’s lightning-fast, so I can’t complain too much. I don’t have cable, but pay $12 a month for Netflix.

Debts

After housing, my next biggest expense is paying off my debts. I carry three specific debts: a school loan, a car loan, and credit card debt.

My school loans total $13,409 currently and I can’t see myself paying those off for… well, a long time. I try not to think about it too much, haha. I pay the minimum balance on two of the loans and I have a third loan that’s under $500 that I’ve been very focused on paying off. In total, I pay $200 a month for my school loans. I don’t regret my student loans because they were the only way I was able to pay for college, so I try not to think of them as a burden. They just… are. I had to have them and they will be paid off one day. I refuse to feel bad about my school loans or the fact that I may be in my forties and still paying them off.

(You may be wondering why I haven’t consolidated my student loans and the truth is, I just haven’t done the research to figure out how to do this. It’s pure laziness on my part.)

My car loan is almost paid off – I have less than $900 to go. Woop! Once the car is paid off, my plan is to take the money I was spending on my car payments every month ($228) and put it into a savings account for a car down payment. I don’t want to buy another car anytime soon, but I want to have a hefty down payment saved up for when the time comes for a new car. Once I’ve saved $3,000 for my down payment, I want to start throwing that monthly payment toward my school loans. (Honestly, I’m not sure if this is the best decision because all the debt blogs say to pay off debt before saving, but I also know I’d feel more secure knowing I have a down payment saved up, should my car give out on me in a year.)

Lastly, my credit card has a $600 balance. But considering that balance was over $2,000 just a few months ago, I’m feeling rull good about this balance. So sue me.

Auto

I really, really wish I lived in a more walkable city with a dependable public transportation system, but I don’t. I have to drive everywhere. My car is old (2005) and is nearing 110,000 miles, but it’s in great shape and I’m hoping it’ll last me another few years.

My auto expenses include:

• Car payment – $228
• Gas – I fill up once a week for about $20
• Auto insurance – My six-month premium is just under $900, which feels insanely expensive, but every time I quote out another auto insurance company with the same type of coverage I have, the price is about the same. (Am I over-covered? I dunno! Tips welcome.)
• Oil changes – Around $30 every three months
• Car registration – $30 once a year

I’ve been lucky in that my car hasn’t needed too many pricey repairs. I replaced all four tires a few years ago and recently had to get my brakes replaced, but that’s it. But now that my car is getting up there in mileage and years, I know I’m going to need more frequent repairs and replacements. But so far, she’s held up well and drives just fine! (*knock on wood*)

Other

Some of my different miscellaneous bills that don’t fit into any of my bigger categories include my cell phone bill, gym membership, and Spotify Premium. My cell phone bill is around $100, but this includes my leasing agreement for my iPhone and unlimited data. I pay $35 a month for the gym and $10 for Spotify Premium, which is worth every single penny (and I’m not even much of a music person!)

I’m also part of two monthly subscription services – Book of the Month, which is $15 a month, and Sephora PLAY!, which is $10 a month.

But that’s what my expenses look like today! On Friday, I’m going to talk more about my discretionary spending and specifically where my money went (after bills) during the first quarter of the year.

Truthfully, it’s going to be damn hard to push publish on this post because it feels so incredibly vulnerable to be this honest about my financial situation today. But I’m also tired of reading personal finance posts where it feels like people have all their shit together and can put away thousands of dollars into their savings or toward their debt. That’s not my situation because I’m a single person supporting myself on my own and I don’t want to live so frugally that I miss out on the things that make me happy. And honestly, I don’t have my shit together (something you’ll definitely notice in Friday’s blog post) and that’s okay. As long as I’m willing to admit my mistakes and learn from them and try to be better, that’s all that really matters.

And, honestly, I’m proud of where I am today because life was goddamn hard when I was growing up. Financial literacy is not a thing for those of us who grow up poor and functioned in survival mode for most of our growing-up years. I’ve had to learn financial literacy the hard way, which included getting into credit card debt before I even graduated from college. But I’ve taken the time to learn and grow, and I’m in a pretty damn good place today. Maybe not by a financial planner’s standards, but by my standards. And shouldn’t that be the standard that guides my life? I think so.