NOTE: Alright, you guys, I’m about to get fully “TMI” all about periods in this post. I know people have different comfort levels when talking about things like this, so I want to have this disclaimer up front if this isn’t your thing. But if it is, read on! It’s about to get real.
I was 10 and in 4th grade when I started menstruating. I was very much embarrassed by the whole process and furious at my mom for telling my dad, even though of course she did. We weren’t a family that was very open about things like this: periods and sex and private parts. So it felt like it should be something that should be kept between my mom and me.
Thinking back, I was so young when I started having periods. Elementary school! I remember that one of my closest friends in 5th grade also started her period early and we could commiserate with each other. However, she also had to deal with cramps every month and I didn’t start getting cramps until a couple of years later.
When I was younger, I was really bad at knowing when my period was coming (I doubt it was super regular back then, but even if it was, 12-year-olds aren’t the best at understanding schedules). I always seemed to get my period in the middle of the school day when I didn’t have a pad in my backpack to use. I’m sure I could have gone to the school nurse for a pad, but that was way too embarrassing to even contemplate! Instead, I would either wind toilet paper around my underwear or call my mom to come pick me up. When my mom was young, she would get awful, awful cramps during her period so her grandma would pick her up from school on those days—so she understood how I was feeling.
Back then, periods were something to be whispered about. My mom would always call it “that time of the month” and I doubt boys learned anything about periods during our sex ed classes. (My school put on a sex ed seminar for us in 5th grade, but they separated the boys and girls, and I am 99% sure the boys didn’t learn about periods.) I’m really glad that periods are less secretive now, but it’s hard for me to shake this feeling that they should be a private part of our lives. Even writing this post feels crazy! Should I really write 1,000+ words about periods? Ahh!
But periods are an essential bodily function that anyone who has a uterus has to deal with, and I’m really glad they aren’t such a secretive thing anymore. I hope that there are period products in middle and high school bathrooms, and that those who have periods feel comfortable talking about them. We shouldn’t have to hide our tampons in our pockets when we’re going to the bathroom, we should be able to take time off work for cramps and general malaise, and there most definitely shouldn’t be a tax on period products.
The Girl Next Door Podcast, one of my all-time faves, released an excellent episode all about periods a few weeks ago, which prompted me to write a post about the subject (I truly get all of my best blog ideas from this podcast). I loved the honest conversation they had about their own periods and the experiences they’ve had with different products. I wanted to continue this conversation so we can keep talking about periods because they are such a big part of the lives of uterus-having people and we need to talk more about them.
My history with my period
As I mentioned, I started having periods when I was 10 and they were fairly regular (28 days like clockwork!) right up until I was in my late twenties. Then, I started having really long cycles, around 40-50 days between periods. Some months, I would miss my period entirely! And when my period did come, it would be light with only 3-4 days of bleeding. I wasn’t all that worried about it at the time; I wasn’t sexually active or trying to have a baby. I was mostly happy that I didn’t have to worry about my period as much as other people did!
When I finally started seeing a gynecologist (I waited a long time to see a gynecologist for the first time because I was just way too embarrassed about letting a doctor see my private parts!), they were pretty concerned about my long cycles and prescribed birth control to try to help me regulate my periods. Another gynecologist was convinced that I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and wanted me to go through the rigamarole of diagnosis. I didn’t go through with everything I needed to do to get a diagnosis because it seemed like a lot of work (and a lot of money; an ultrasound was involved) for something that didn’t have a cure, only management. While there are some health conditions that can be attributed to PCOS (like type 2 diabetes), its main complications are pregnancy-related. PCOS could make it harder for me to get pregnant, make it easier for me to miscarry, and increase my chances of having gestational diabetes or premature birth if I were pregnant. These complications would be heartbreaking if I wanted to have a baby, but I don’t and I am so grateful for that. As such, getting a PCOS diagnosis wouldn’t change my day-to-day life very much.
Now, I’m on birth control mainly to regulate my periods and I tend to get a period every three months or so. I don’t mind being on birth control; it’s easy, it doesn’t mess with my hormones, and it keeps me from getting a period every month, which is A-OK with me! My periods last around 4-5 days with normal flow.
Cramps, PMS, and other side effects of my period
When I was younger, one of the tell-tale signs I would get before starting my period was a few days of light cramps. The cramps wouldn’t be anything too horrendous; just uncomfortable enough to remind me that my period was coming and I better get ready. Then, the day before getting my period, I would get really bad cramps that would continue through days 1 or 2 of my period. Ibuprofen and Midol were a godsend during those days. These days, the cramps usually only happen on the day my period comes and they can be uncomfortable, but one dose of ibuprofen is usually enough to keep the pain at bay.
I’ve never dealt with the more serious sides of PMS or PMDD, but I definitely go through moody periods that can be attributed to a hormone shift. These days, since I’m really out of tune with when my period will come (since it comes so infrequently and I’m no longer tracking my cycles), I always think that moodiness is due to my own anxiety disorder. So I’ll have a few days where I feel like my life is falling apart and everyone hates me and I’m crying at the drop of a hat… and then my period arrives and it’s like a lightbulb goes off. “Ohhh, ok. Just PMS then.” It always makes me feel better when that happens! We can’t control these crazy hormone swings, so we gotta just ride them out.
The other side effects I get from my period are bloating, feeling low energy, slight back pain, digestive issues, and hormonal zits. The bloating and low energy just make me feel a bit blah, but again, since I’m not tracking my periods, I often think this is a mental health crisis when it’s just my hormones. The back pain is mostly just a little irritating and makes me worry I strained a muscle during a workout or something. The digestive issues are, of course, no fun to deal with but surprisingly, this is the side effect that tips me off these days that my period might be coming. And, lastly, hormonal zits. I did not think I would still be getting zits in my mid-thirties but here we are. I get at least one during every period, always on my chin.
Period products
I can’t remember when I started wearing tampons. I think my mom wanted me to wait until I was at least 16 to start using them, so I wore pads for most of my preteens/teenage years. I never loved wearing pads (I especially hated the ones that came with the “wings” that you could attach to your underwear), but I was terrified about the process of wearing tampons. It seemed so complicated!
Eventually, though, I got the hang of wearing tampons and now that’s what I wear today when I’m on my period. I have been intrigued about menstrual cups, although I’m intimidated about the process of getting used to wearing one. I’m less concerned about the whole “cleaning it out” process since I work from home and I can just set up my day so I’m home when I need to change it. But what I am most intrigued to try are period underwear, like Thinx. Since I don’t have a very heavy flow these days, I think it would be so cool to not have to worry about changing out a tampon every few hours. Just put on the period underwear and go. If anyone has used period underwear, I want all of your thoughts and opinions!
Period stories
We all have some insane period stories, don’t we? Here are some of mine:
+ Like I mentioned above, I was so embarrassed about having a period when I was younger, especially since I started mine so early. When I was in 6th grade, I went to a week-long summer camp with my church group and I was worried that I was going to start my period during camp. Aside from the camp counselors, I was going to be one of the oldest there since this church group’s age limit was 12. As such, I knew I was going to be the only camper who had started her period. So instead, I prepped all of my underwear with pads. I had a separate stash of underwear without pads just in case I didn’t start my period while at camp, but I spent time painstakingly opening and sticking pads to another stash of underwear so I could just grab-and-go if necessary. (And good thing I did, because I did start my period while at camp!)
+ There was an afternoon when I was in middle school where my whole family was coming over to go swimming. I was so excited! And then I got my period. I begged my mom to let me try wearing a tampon so I could swim with everyone else, and she finally relented. We got tampons with cardboard applicators and it was nearly impossible for me to insert it. It hurt so much! I was able to swim with everyone, but I was so uncomfortable the whole time and I swore off tampons for a good long time after that.
+ Does anyone else worry that they’ve left a tampon inside them for days or weeks at a time? Because I sure do! It never fails that a few days after I finish my period, I start worrying that I forgot to take that last tampon out and it’s been stuck inside me and I’m going to need medical intervention to remove it. It’s the worst kind of fear because ugh, how embarrassing would it be to go to the ER for that and does this mean I’m going to get that dreaded toxic shock syndrome that I’ve always been worried about?! It’s never happened, but I know I can’t be alone in this anxiety. (Another reason to try period underwear!)
Well you’ve read a bit about my history – HEAVY periods since I was 12; on and off birth control to regulate flow without much success. I lose so much blood I’m anemic. My periods are quite consistent and I have some cramping but most of my issue is heavy flow which really does impact my days (need to be close to a bathroom at all times for ~2 days) and then I’m just so fatigued. BUT I’ve finally made the decision to have a hysterectomy and I’m excited about that.
I use a Diva Cup, it’s great for me. I’ve been using one for over a decade. I still have to wear a pad because of how heavy my flow is, but it is so much better than a tampon IMO.
I am so, so glad you are going to get a hysterectomy and hopefully be done with all of this period nonsense you’ve been dealing with for so long. Heavy flows that make you anemic must be so awful! I feel really grateful that my periods haven’t affected my life like that, and that even if I do have PCOS, it’s not a big deal for me since children likely aren’t in my future.
I started my period early too, Stephany! I can’t remember if it was 5th or 6th grade, but it was elementary school for sure. I guess I was 10 or 11. I haven’t ever had too many issues with it, other than cramps when I was a teen/ young woman. I am in perimenopause now and after years of super long cycles, like you have, I now get my period every 3-4 weeks! It was a shock to the system after sometimes going 3 months between cycles. But it’s super light, like maybe a day of “period” and the rest is mostly spotting. My biggest indicator is that my breasts get sore and swollen a few days before Aunt Flo arrives, and also I usually have one day where I feel very sad and emotional. I am glad you posted about it – periods are a normal part of life and it’s good to talk about them!
Early bloomers FTW! I think it’s so healthy to talk about periods and our experiences with them, especially because, for some women, they can affect so many parts of their lives! And symptoms can drag on for weeks. But periods are such a secretive part of our world and most men have no idea what women go through every month! Added to that: talking about menopause and what that is like should be normalized as well!
Throughout my teens and early twenties, I had terrible cramps and fatigue with my period and I’ve been on BC since. At this point, it’s probably been half my life. Now I only have a few mild symptoms and sometimes my period even sneaks up on me because I’m not great at tracking it. Sometimes I wonder about the long-term effects of being on the medication for so long, but I guess it is what it is. I wouldn’t change the decision because it’s made my quality of life so much better. I am also glad you started talking about this – I feel like it’s a discussion that doesn’t come up very often in “polite” circles and that’s too bad because it really should be more normalized.
I, too, wonder about the long-term effects of being on birth control. I haven’t been on it as long as you have but I can’t see myself going off it anytime soon, so I just treat it like I do my anti-anxiety meds: a necessary thing. I’m glad birth control has helped you!
I started my period when I was 11, in sixth grade. I always had a very heavy flow and terrible cramps. When I was in college, I went on birth control but it didn’t really help a whole lot. When I went off birth control to try for a baby, my period was AWFUL. I remember just starting a new job and having to go to a fancy client party and having my period, and it was so hot outside and I was sweating like a fiend (from the heat AND the hormones) and having terrible cramps and bleeding and yet still needing to be ON because I was the newbie and we were visiting big important clients!! Ugh! It was awful! After my kiddo was born, I went back on birth control and the hormones really threw me for a loop. I started feeling super dark and depressed for the week or two around the end of my cycle (although I stopped having a period). I tried multiple types of birth control until I found one that seemed to have less vicious hormonal peaks, but I am terrified of going back to that cycle of feeling intensely sad and hopeless. FUN STUFF. (I recently learned that my insurance no longer covers my birth control, and so my doctor — a new doctor, who wasn’t part of the earlier process of figuring out how to find a pill that didn’t make me hate myself — prescribed something new. I am in the first week of trying it out and am so nervous that it will dump me back into that pit of despair. STAY TUNED.)
Ugh, I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had such a rough go of it in finding the right birth control. It’s crazy the way birth control can make some people feel! I would be so scared to try a new birth control when you’ve had such poor luck with them! I hope the new one you’re on doesn’t give you any scary symptoms. Just happiness and no period!
I enjoyed the podcast episodes about periods, too! And I like how Joanna from Cup of Jo has normalized periods with her boys. That is something I want to do. There was so much shame and embarrassment around periods when I was growing up!
I got mine at a later age – I think I was 14/in 8th grade. I remember telling my mom and being so embarrassed to discuss it with her! I used pads initially and maybe didn’t use tampons until I was in college? I oddly have no memory of it. But my period was so irregular in college and my 20s. I went on birth control for my acne and it had the added benefit of giving me predictable periods. I was so sure I would have a hard time getting pregnant since my periods were so irregular so we took a natural family planning class right before we got married so we could hopefully get pregnant easily. And then I got pregnant that first month off birth control! I had gone off bc around my hip surgery and waited like 6+ weeks for my cycle to come back to start bc, so I assumed I’d have the same experience when going off bc when we got married. So I didn’t take a pregnancy test until I was over 5 weeks pregnant because I just assumed I still hadn’t gotten my first cycle. So crazy huh?
Since having kids, my period is very regular – it’s around 28-32 days. But I have a genetic abnormality that puts me at risk of blood clots when pregnant or on hormonal bc. So after I had Paul, I got a copper IUD which was SO GD AWFUL. I had heavy cycles before but these periods were even worse! Truly truly truly awful. But it was my only option so I put up with it until we started to try for another baby. I tried the diva cup when my cycle came back after having Will but I have a really heavy cycle and the cup would always leak no matter what. And I was annoyed at having to wear a pad and the cup and cleaning the cup was very messy… and you need to be real comfortable with yourself because it can be quite tricky to get it out and there was one time when I panicked that I would not be able to get the dang thing out! So… I ditched it and am back to organic cotton tampons. Oh and Phil got a vasectomy in March 2021 since I could not bear to get another copper IUD. But he was completely willing to experience some discomfort.
Yes – Kelsey also talked about how she’s very upfront and honest with her boys about her period and I think that’s so great! It shouldn’t be a taboo subject that only girls/women talk about!
Your periods sound really difficult, Lisa! I’ve been wondering about getting an IUD since it seems like it would be an easier thing that taking oral birth control every day, but I’ve heard a lot of terrible experiences like the one you just described so it scares me a little! Three cheers for a vasectomy, though! I believe all men should get one once a family is done having kids. The woman shouldn’t be the one who has to be on continual birth control or an IUD!
I also got my period early- I was 11 and in 5th grade. UGH!!! I hated it so, so much. And this was in the late 1970s so imagine what the options were- there were none of these “ultra thin” pads- the ones we had were practically the size of mattresses. I didn’t start using tampons till college. And now… I’m done with all that! Menopause was easy for me and I don’t miss it one bit. I’m very intrigued by the whole period underwear thing- that was after my time. Oh, I did use a Diva cup at one point, but it was kind of a pain. i ended up liking tampons better.
Now my daughter is dealing with periods… but so far so good. She doesn’t have any cramping or PMS (that I can see.). We’ll see how it goes! I’m glad it’s easier for girls now- better products and less embarrassment. She seems to take it all in stride.
I’m glad to hear that things are seemingly easier for your daughter now! I’m really curious how periods are talked about with kids of younger generations, and how younger generations treat periods and period talk! I hope it’s not as hush-hush as it used to be! There’s no reason for that.
Appreciate you’re writing about this. I agree that your period shouldn’t be something to be embarrassed or secretive about, but something normal. More than 50% of the world’s population have to deal with this for a good chunk of their lives and they should be much more supported in dealing with the potential side effects (hence also the discussion about women’s health issues around the topic of abortion and birth control!).
I am very lucky that I got my period late (I was 15) and always had very regular, very moderate bleeding and symptoms (but I’ve also been on the mini-pill for a long time). I dealt with back pain and cramps for a few years in there, but there were manageable and never debilitating. However, I know a lot of friends who had a much, much harder time. My sister even got on birth control early to regulate her cycle and reduce symptoms.
I also truly believe boys/men should learn more about the female cycle. Maybe then they’d better understand, and not make fun or diminish, what we’re going through once a month. Maybe then we wouldn’t have legislators – mostly men – who want to take away reproductive rights.
Ugh, San, your last paragraph hits home especially right now with what’s going on in the news. Most men have NO IDEA what women go through on a monthly basis, and I think if they had to experience this life, there would be a lot more laws/standards in place for menstrual care.
It was fun to read your period history! I agree that it should be more open and we shouldn’t have to hide our products!
I love how prepared 12 yo Stephany was at camp! It paid off!
I am curious about the cup too. And also worry about leaving a tampon in. One time I accidentally put one in on top of the other? WTF, Kim. Ha
Every time I think about my younger self prepping my underwear with pads, I want to give her a hug!
I’ve tried to put in a tampon when I already had one in, too! It was such a weird feeling. I’ve always been worried that I would do that, and then I did it, and I immediately knew something was wrong, so now I feel less worried that I would do so unexpectedly and have an old tampon floating around in my uterus for god-knows-how-long. HA.
Gosh that is so young!
Cups would theoretically have been good to try during the pandemic with WFH but I’ve just been too burnt out and also grossed out. I really don’t think it’s for me. Like you, period underwear intrigued me and I bought two pairs. But I bleed heeeeeeavily so I use them as backup to avoid leaks (so awesome!) or alone on the last day of my flow.
I have to double up with pads and tampons most days. This was less the case when on the pill when they were lighter.
Thanks for sharing your experience using period underwear! I can imagine they come in handy for people with heavy flows to avoid leaks. I think I’m going to try them out for my next period. I think they would be perfect, considering my flow isn’t very heavy these days!
Oh, my – you have been through so much! And yes, that is very early (and becoming more common, for unknown reasons). I did not start mine until eighth grade (I was also late into puberty and as a result ended up super-duper short… :>). It was an issue on and off, for unknown reasons – for example, I got out of the shower one day and my cramps were so bad I almost passed out. Wet. In the bathroom.
Your history of using bcp’s to control flow is not atypical – so many people do this! Are you on the extended-cycle 13 week option? If not, talk to your provider about it – might be a good one for you.
Me? I went back on them after being unable to get pregnant, and being very sensitive to when my period would start (due to what it meant, to be honest). I’ve just stayed on them because I love the control (SHOCKING, I know. Ha!). I hope that you’re able to find management strategies that work well for you – it sounds like you are getting there! (Oh, and BTW, I could have written that cardboard-tampon story… OW! Seriously, ow.)
Haha, well, I went through puberty early and STILL ended up super-duper short! But my parents aren’t very tall (mom is 5’5 and dad is 5’7) so I think it was mostly genetics. My brother is 6′, though, and all of my cousins are over 5’8, even the girl cousins. It’s very unfair!
I once felt CERTAIN had toxic shock syndrome… & it turned out just to be my first-ever (EXTREMELY MILD) hangover from the first time I’d ever drank. That’s a me story if ever I’ve had one to tell.
Oh my goodness – how scary! But what a relief when you figured out it was just a hangover! Ha. They really tried to scare us with TSS warnings!