I feel like things have changed so dramatically from my last update. Florida’s been in the process of reopening for most of May now, and just about everything here is open—restaurants, hair and nail salons, beaches, public pools, gyms, retailers. Our local county is taking things one step further and allowing bowling alleys, movie theaters, and even tattoo parlors to open because, I mean, why not? Let’s just go hogwild here. (Sigh.)
Of course, everything that’s opened is open at limited capacity and with strict sanitation mandates in place.
It’s confusing, though, to know what to do personally. In what ways can I “reopen” my own life? As long as I wear a mask, limit contact, and wash my hands thoroughly, what’s okay for me to do? What’s irresponsible? Is it all irresponsible? Should I continue to stay at home, only going out for my weekly grocery store run?
Well, that’s not what I’ve been doing. Since my last update, I have:
- Spent time with my mom, my brother, and my nephews
- Gone to the hair salon
- Went to a socially distanced book club meeting in a friend’s backyard
After spending Mother’s Day with my mom, I have continued seeing her. We’re meeting up once a week at her home to just hang out and order in dinner. It’s been so, so nice to see her again and spend time with her face-to-face. FaceTime is just not the same!
I went to my hair salon last weekend. They had strict procedures in place, which made me feel safe enough to go: waiting in the car until your stylist is ready to see you, everyone wearing masks, people sitting six feet apart while waiting for their color to process, etc. They were sanitizing like crazy and spacing out appointments so the stylist could sanitize their area after each client. I have really missed my hair appointments and I’m glad I was able to go and felt comfortable doing so.
But there is also a lot I haven’t been doing, like:
- Getting a massage
- Getting a pedicure
- Going to a restaurant
- Shopping at Target, TJ Maxx, Homegoods, the mall, etc.
- Going to the beach or the pool
- Going to my gym
I’m not planning on going to a restaurant anytime soon, and I think I’ll also stay away from shopping for the time being. You won’t find me at a beach when there isn’t a global pandemic, so I am sure as shit not going to one now. And as much as I want to go to the pool, I think I’ll wait until my mom and stepdad move into their new home this summer, which has a pool. (!!) My gym opened this week and I am very grateful that they are allowing people to continue to freeze their membership for the time being. I don’t think I’m ready for that just yet! How does it even work? They are recommending but not requiring masks, but I can’t imagine doing a workout with a mask on!
I really want a pedicure and I am craving a massage like mad. I think I’m going to wait another few weeks on the pedicure—I’d like to see what case numbers look like as more and more things open and people start to venture out more often. My massage spa is still closed for now and I haven’t heard anything about when they are going to open. I know they are making plans to reopen, but I’m encouraged that they are taking their time to do so. It means they are putting strategies in place and taking their time. If they open, though, I’ll probably book a massage.
And then I feel guilty about that! See what I mean?
Things are open and as long as I’m being as safe as I can possibly be while venturing out, shouldn’t it be okay to do so? But none of it feels okay. It all feels like a moral decision, and no matter what I do, I feel like I’m making the wrong choice.
Maybe it’s all about baby steps. Maybe it’s about venturing out to do one thing… and then a few weeks later, if everything seems okay, adding something else in. I don’t need to do it all at once, and I also don’t need to stay home indefinitely. As long as I feel comfortable and I wear my mask and the place I’m going is abiding by the proper protocols, it’s okay to venture out. At least I hope it is.
I’m keeping my eyes on case numbers, of course. But there have been a lot of articles recently about the misrepresentation of data in Florida. One of our data scientists who helped to create an online dashboard to easily access information about COVID-19 cases was fired from her job for allegedly not being willing to fudge the numbers to support Florida’s reopening. Of course, our governor (Trump crony that he is) says that she’s been fired for a history of insubordination. (Which makes me wonder: what insubordination? Refusing to manipulate data? Hmm.) It’s frightening, though, to realize that the data I’m looking at may not even be correct. Our case numbers aren’t going down at all, but they also haven’t gone up drastically since reopening. Then again, who’s to know if they are going up…
I’m still working from home, of course, and I haven’t heard anything about going back into the office. I know a lot of companies are keeping employees at home through the summer and even into much of the fall, and I hope the same is true for my company. I’m pretty sure it will be—they haven’t been too eager to get us back into the office. So I foresee another few months, at least, of full-time remote work, which I am oh-so-happy about. Getting all of this time with the cats has been the most amazing thing. I remember how sad I would get at the beginning of every day when I had to leave them! And now I don’t have to. Yay!
So, that’s where I’m at right now. Everything felt so strange and apocalyptic this time last month when everything was closed down and all we could think about was COVID-19. And everything still feels so strange with businesses opening back up. It feels weird to walk around my hair salon and see everyone in masks and weird to see restaurants with signs out front, “We’re Back!” and weird to feel like normal life is oh-so-slowly returning. I’m not sure I’m ready for it yet. I want to guard my weekends fiercely still, even as friends reach out to make plans. I don’t know if I’m ready for that level of togetherness just yet. It still feels scary to think about being around people, even with masks on. And I think there is a level of grief in that, that maybe I haven’t truly dealt with yet. The disappearance of feeling safe in public, at least safe from germs and infectious diseases. Thinking about packed spin studios and busy airports and crowded restaurants… it never crossed my mind to worry about getting sick from being in such close quarters with people. And now it’s all I can think about.
What a weird time to be alive.
It’s been weird to see other states in a different state of re-opening. Like seeing pictures of packed bars makes me think – who are these people? Like who wants to drink that badly that they will stand in a crowded area around people who are exposed to God knows what! I also have moments of jealousy. Like when my cousin in ND posted photos of their trip to the zoo. I don’t even know if zoos will open this summer and it makes me sad as Paul is at an age where he would LOVE the zoo. But I know how crowded they get on summer weekends so I completely understand why they can’t reopen. It just makes me a little jealous to see people doing things that I wish I could do.
We have started phase 1 of re-opening but in general, it doesn’t impact how we are living our lives. I’m being cautious since I have RA and we also recognize that we have no idea what Paul is exposed to at daycare so we have to be careful about what we are exposing other people to… So for the most part, not much is changing for us. We’ll have weekly play dates with daycare friends and I will get together in small groups where we can distance ourselves. Like I’m doing a coffee date with 3 college girlfriends next weekend but we will be outside and sit 6′ apart. I was disappointed to see that the catholic church in Minnesota and some Lutheran churches are defying our governors orders and starting to have religious services at 33% capacity. They say they don’t see why retail stores can be open but they can only have 10 people at a religious service. But church is a long, sustained contact. The super-spreader events we saw this spring were allll groups that were in sustained contact – like a choir practice in Washington. So I will not be returning to church because I think it is very irresponsible to gather group, even at 33% capacity. I mean at our cathedral in St. Paul, 33% capacity is a TON of people as that church is so massive. And yes, people can spread out but the air is being circulated, etc. Just makes me very upset and disappointed that people are defying orders.
“it never crossed my mind to worry about getting sick from being in such close quarters with people. And now it’s all I can think about.”
THIS is what goes through my head whenever I think about what reopening will look like… I’ll be so hypervigilant around other people.
Will we ever hug and sit next to people completely carefree again? I don’t know, but I know that it’ll take a while until I’ll venture out again.
I can’t even fathom going back to how it used to be right now… but you’re right, it’s probably going to be a gradual process, where you do one thing, see if things are okay and then add another thing…
I do trust the leaders in our state (more than others), but just because things are opening up again doesn’t mean that it’s safe to go there.
Your plan to gradually add a bit every week or few weeks makes sense. (and even to add something then take a step back and decide it was too soon! it doesn’t all have to be adding things!) We were completely shook by this and our way of living understandably has to change. You are smart to recognize that is grief and a moral dilemma. Most people are probably just confused and upset and don’t realize those are two of the big emotions! (and loss of a feeling of control, for sure, among others)
It makes me so happy to see you spending time with your family, especially your weekly dates with your mom! Gatherings of ten or less are allowed here starting Friday. I doubt we will spend time with anyone, but it will be nice to see others doing so.
That is so effed up about the employee getting fired for that. I love data but REALLY question it all the time, and especially now. I understand they need a metric to open things, but it all seems forced and manipulated 🙁
I am really curious about your theaters opening. Do you know if they are staggering seating and “cleaning” between each show (LOL how much can you clean those seats?!)? We love going to the movies… and there are things coming out I want to see, but I wonder if we will.
that picture of Ellie and Lila is TOO CUTE. I love how much they love each other 🙂
We’re in the reopening stages where I live. Not everything is back up and running like it was before, but we’re getting there every day. I’m with you, though — none of it really feels OK. I think at the end of the day, though, all we can do is our best to make sure we’re a) keeping ourselves safe and b) keeping others safe, you know? That’s what I’m telling myself, anyway.
Little jealous of your continued remote work! I started back at the office this week and I’m not gonna lie: it’s a bit weird. Not necessarily bad (especially since I have an office with a door) but I do miss being home. That’s civil service life, though, I suppose.
Weird time to be alive, indeed, but glad you’re doing alright, friend!