It’s my birthday! And Thanksgiving! It’s birthsgiving.
Today, I’m 37 years old. A few nights ago, I was lying in bed and had to do the math. How old am I going to be? For some reason, I thought I was turning 38 so there’s a kindness that I’m only 37.
If I think back to myself as a young person—a conservative Christian who thought she was going to get married young and have lots of babies—I wonder if that younger me would be upset at the way her life has turned out. Unmarried. No babies (just four-legged ones). And no longer a Christian.
I also think about the me I am today, and who I would be if that life had turned out the way I expected it to. What if I had gotten married in my early twenties and was a mother to multiple children? Would my marriage be a healthy one? How would I feel about motherhood? Would I still be a conservative Christian and… shudder… a Republican?
I’m quickly zooming past the age where I can have children. If I got pregnant today, it would be considered a geriatric pregnancy. I don’t think I want to have kids at this stage of my life, but it’s not something that’s totally off the table. I don’t feel any tug toward motherhood, which is probably the sign that I shouldn’t have kids. I don’t think I have the energy for kids, nor do I think my little anxious heart could handle it.
Marriage, though, is still something I deeply desire. I think about having a wedding and having a person who feels like home. I think about building a life with someone else and having someone to lean on when times are hard. I want that. I hope I get to experience that someday. (I was recently watching a game show and one of the women on the show was in her 70s and talked about her husband. “How long have you been married?” the host asked. “Thirty years!” She said proudly. She got married in her 40s! It gave me hope that I, too, could find my person later in life.)
At age 36, my body started to fall apart. Okay, fine, that’s dramatic but I dealt with two new diagnoses: scalp psoriasis and severe obstructive sleep apnea.
The scalp psoriasis is finally under control, thanks to getting steroid injections in my scalp. It’s so painful but it’s so much better than the constant itching and dry skin I was dealing with. I would get injections every month to keep those symptoms at bay, if I had to. Thankfully, it appears that one treatment was all I needed. I’m also using specialized shampoo once a week and a liquid steroid multiple times a week, which keeps everything in maintenance mode.
Being diagnosed with severe obstructive sleep apnea was both terrifying and relieving. Terrifying because, hello, I stop breathing 40+ times an hour when I sleep! That’s crazy! But relieving because now I understand why I am so tired all of the time and it’s not because I’m lazy or have terrible sleep hygiene or need to stop eating so much sugar. Nope. It’s because I have a diagnosed sleep condition. It was a long road to getting on CPAP therapy (my original sleep study was in April and I didn’t get my CPAP machine until the end of August), but now that I’ve been on CPAP, my life has changed dramatically. I have energy and focus. I don’t need a nap to get through every day. My afternoon brain fog has lifted. I’m hoping I’ll also see improved blood work numbers, too, as the lack of oxygen can cause upward trends with heart disease numbers. It feels good to feel good.
This year brought a major shift to my work life when my boss announced that she was leaving the company. I was devastated to put it plainly. She has been such an amazing mentor for me and has championed my growth in the company more than anyone. She is also someone I just liked and enjoyed working for. She was smart and funny and not too corporate-y. She is someone I felt I could be honest with about my struggles, both personally and professionally. We loved ending our 1:1 meetings by chatting about what we were reading. I thought the world of her and while I was happy for her to spread her wings to do something else, I was so sad that I wouldn’t be working directly with her anymore.
I was also nervous. Who would be her replacement and would I like them? How would this change our department? Senior leadership changes like this can have drastic effects, and although our department runs like a well-oiled machine, I wasn’t sure if there would be changes implemented that I wouldn’t like.
My new boss started the last week of October and there was an almost-immediate connection. She already has some really interesting ideas for shaking things up in our department—in a good way. She’s easy to talk to and I can already tell that we’re going to have a great working relationship. I’m excited to get to know her better and hopefully make some much-needed changes to our department!
There were hard things about this year. There was Hurricane Helene that flooded my car and destroyed the homes of two of my close friends. And then Milton two weeks later that prompted an evacuation. There was my non-existent dating life (one date-from-hell and then a few dates with someone who always left me feeling disappointed, meh). My uncle died from cancer and we got a hard diagnosis for another family member. Trump was re-elected. My mental health was up and down, and there were some changes in friendship dynamics that I’m still processing.
But there were good, good things. There was a trip to New Orleans with my mom and a weekend in Chicago with Kim. There was the Popcast Live! There were incredible book club experiences (flower arranging and candle making and murder mysteries!). I joined a gym and saw so many gains in my fitness level, including using heavier weights and making it through HIIT classes without wanting to die. I got bangs again and started dyeing my hair at home (with the help of friends). I got a nose ring! I got a promotion to senior manager. I created a cute reading nook in my bedroom.
What do I want out of this next year of my life? It’s hard to know where I will be a year from now. Will I have found some success in my dating life? Maybe. Will I have lost some weight? I’d like it because I want to be off CPAP and have better blood work results. Will I be typing up this birthday post next year from a beautiful, two-bedroom apartment? I really hope so. Mostly, though, I hope I continue to be satisfied and happy with the life I have built for myself. It took hard work to get here, and I am so proud of the person I am and the life I get to live.
Happy birthday Stephanie! I wish for you all those things, and more. I think it’s amazing that you got the machine and started working out to get healthy and strong, that’s impressive as HELL and such a great step toward a better future, right?
Hope you have a lovely birthday/thanksgiving!
Thank you, friend! The CPAP has been life-changing and I’m so glad it’s working out like I hoped it would.
Oh, my dear sweet friend, happy birthday to you. May your next year – and all the years ahead – be filled with so much joy. Reading this I realized what a hard year you had in so many ways, and yet you have addressed all those painful things and not only are you still standing, you’re thriving. I’ve watched you grow and change over this year and really take control over your health in every way, and I hope you don’t think it’s silly for me to say that I am so very proud.
You are such a wonderful soul, and I wish all the good things for you. I wish for you health and happiness and so much love. And maybe a nice cold Dr Pepper! Sending much love for you on your birthday and every day. xoxoxo
Nicole, you always leave the BEST comments. Thank you so much!
Happy Birthday Stephany! You and my husband are near birthday twins.
I used to be 37, and in your boat of not wanting kids but wanting to be married and being stone cold single. Then I met the Hubs and wasn’t single any more.
I can’t wait to read your 38th birthday post! Here’s to all of the great things ahead that will be recapped.
This gives me a lot of hope! Who knows what will happen in this latter part of my thirties? I keep my heart open to whatever awaits!
Happiest of birthgivings Stephany.
This is a beautiful post with so much gratitude and happiness.. I really love it.
I wishing you that all your dreams of a two bedroom apartment, some fun dates and better health are on the horizon for you.
Have a wonderful day.
Thank you! I appreciate you!
Happy Birthday! I think if I had to share my birthday with any holiday I’d pick Thanksgiving. Plus, that means you DO get presents on Thanksgiving.
Hope you had a wonderful day. I don’t think I realized your age. I also have to do the math regularly (why is it so easy to forget my age), and I’m also 37!!! I have a flip-flop experience where I had kids quite early. It was HARD. I am so thankful I’m through to the other side and it is a lot of fun (most of the time) to watch my kids spread their wings, but I do wonder sometimes if I would have been better prepared for the rigours of motherhood if I had kids later?
Woohoo – age twins! I feel like we’re the young-ins of the Cool Bloggers community, and I like feeling that way when I usually feel the opposite haha.
My mom also had kids very early (21 and 22!) and the thing I love about that is that she’s so young as I’m in my late 30s – not even 60 yet! So you’ll have that going for you. 🙂
Happy Birthday Stephany! And Happy Thanksgiving! (my birthday was also on Canadian Thanksgiving this year, so it also had me thinking about all I am grateful for)
You have had such a year, and I love how hopeful and positive you are going into your next year – I wish you continued positive health and happiness :).
Oh, that’s fun that you also had a Thanksgiving birthday! Happy belated birthday to you!
Happy birthdaygiving! I can’t believe you are 37; you are starting to catch up to me girl! Actually in all seriousness, I think we have been following each other long enough that you were just a youngun when I first “met” you! You have done a lot of things and I am so glad that you are happy and healthy, despite some hiccups along the way. I think those hiccups can teach us a lot, even though they are hard to get through at the time. I hope you had a wonderful day and a happy Thanksgiving!
You are too sweet – thank you! I started blogging when I was still in college so it’s wild to think about all I’ve been through since then. I feel like the “young’in” in the blogging community, which is nice since I don’t really feel like that IRL anymore!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! Life definitely gets more interesting as you get older, right? FWIW, I had my daughter when I was 42. Not something I would necessarily recommend, but you still have time- IF that’s what you wanted, but it sounds like you probably don’t. As for getting married- I actually think marriages have a better chance to survive when you marry a little later. You’re more mature, you know yourself and what you want. You’re bringing more to the relationship as well. So you also still have time for that. In the meantime, I hope you continue to enjoy the incredible life you’ve built for yourself!
I’m not writing off having kids completely – maybe it’s something I would want if I found the right partner. But it’s definitely not something I want to do on my own! I don’t desire motherhood THAT MUCH, lol.
I love your wise words of advice – thank you!
Happy Birthday! I remember you mentioning that your BD would be on Thanksgiving Day this year and thought of you yesterday. On my 37th birthday I wrote a list of the 37 things I knew for sure. This was before blogging so I never made it public, but it was an illuminating exercise in self awareness… like your post here.
I love writing these annual birthday posts because they give me a space to reflect on the year and what I accomplished. It’s a great exercise for sure!
Happy Birthday my beautiful friend! I am always so happy to read how much CPAP is helping you. And so so glad you are vibing with your new boss too!
I loved our weekend together! Can’t wait for the next time I get to see you!
Yesss – I think I’m going to require an annual Kim/Steph trip now!
Happy birthday! This is a great summary of the year you had and your wishes for the year to come! I know what it feels like to yearn to meet your person. I hope your wish for your person is granted! It is so worth the wait!
Here’s hoping the year to come is a great one!
I know you get the struggle of waiting to find your person better than most. I hope I am as lucky as you have been!
Happiest of birthdays, Stephany. I am so proud of you for taking care of your health in so many ways!
Thank you, dear friend!
Oh, happy birth-thanks-giving-day! This is such a moving write-up of where you are now. I don’t think I did introspection half so well at 37! I hope the next year brings you much joy, in ways hoped-for or unexpected.
Wow, Stephany. What a year. I hope that you get everything your heart desires in your next year of life. You achieved so much this year! You seem to have really prioritized yourself, and just look at what you did. Can’t wait to see how the next year goes for you! <3