I have generalized anxiety disorder and social anxiety, and I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). Put all of these things together in one person, and, well, you get someone who finds traveling enormously difficult. As much as I love to travel and see new places, I also spend a lot of time worrying about it. So much so that I sometimes wonder if it’s even worth it. Is it worth feeling so anxious for this? Sometimes, I think it is, but not always.
For example, my last big trip was the seven-day cruise I took with my mom in May of last year. I have been on many cruises, as is well documented on this blog. But this cruise was different. I spent the entirety just wanting the trip to be over. I didn’t know it then, but I was entering a period of depression, and that’s most likely what led to feeling so anxious on the cruise. We had booked some more active excursions, too, including a zip-lining excursion in Honduras, and I was just so scared something terrible was going to happen to either my mom and me. (And, look, these are not irrational fears: on one cruise, my mom fell off her bike and down a ravine during an excursion and I broke my ankle during a hiking/zip-lining adventure.)
Thankfully, I have more tools at my disposal this time around. I’m on a higher dose of anxiety medication, I’m in therapy, and I know the warning signs to look out for. So I’m hoping my trip to Ireland will go much more smoothly, mentally, than my cruise last year.
Before I head off to the castles and cliffs of Ireland, however, I wanted to talk about some of the issues I experience as a generally anxious person. In doing so, I hope to normalize my anxiety and show others that the worries they have aren’t unique to them. You’re not alone in this. I promise. 🙂
Anxiety Issue #1: Worrying about something bad happening in the days leading up to the trip.
I started feeling this way last Friday, and I could immediately identify it for what it was: the age-old panic I always feel right before a vacation begins, the worry that something terrible is going to happen to either me or my mom and we won’t be able to go on our vacation. I start having to check in with my mom more frequently than usual, and I do it in a very odd way. Like, I’ll ask her a stupid question just to make sure she responds and that way, I know she’s alive. Last year before our cruise, I remember a morning where I checked in with her and didn’t get a response for hours. I was convinced something terrible had happened when, in reality, she had just had a busy morning full of meetings and didn’t have time to respond.
This constant worry can be so exhausting. I feel like I’m constantly on edge and it means I’m spending less time anticipating my trip and more time worrying about what could go wrong beforehand.
Anxiety Issue #2: Worrying about all the things that can go on wrong while on the trip.
Ah, yes. Not only do I worry about what could go wrong before the trip, but also all the terrible things that could happen while on the trip. Some of the things I’ve been worried about for Ireland:
- Learning to drive on the other side of the road – I am very worried about this! But also excited, which is why I really want to do it. I want the experience of driving on the other side of the road. I have booked a car to take us from Galway to Kilkenny, and then from Kilkenny to Dublin (not all on the same day). But if my anxiety ratchets up too much, we can nix the car for the train. The car just gives us more flexibility and also allows us to stop at the Rock of Cashel on our way to Kilkenny.
- Making it to the train station on time – Logistics are always a huge anxiety trigger for me. I’m always worried about being exactly where I need to be on time. As such, we’ll be getting to the train station at least 45 minutes before the train leaves so I’m not freaking out beforehand.
- Getting caught up in customs – I don’t even know what I’m worried about with this. I’ve just never been through the process, so I get panicky about it from time to time.
- Not scheduling enough downtime – Our days will be busy while we’re in Ireland because we only have six full days to see everything we want to see. We’re basically exploring a new town every day, so there won’t be a lot of downtime. However, there will be some long train rides and I don’t expect us to be out late at night. (Most mornings we need to be up by 7am, which will feel like 2am our time, so I expect many early nights.)
Those are some of my biggest worries and they really aren’t anything like my worries for my last cruise, where it was more like “will I die on this zipline excursion?!?!” And I have a plan in place for every worry, which eases some of my panic.
Anxiety Issue #3: Feeling uncomfortable in new settings.
This worry falls under: Traveling While Having Social Anxiety. Feeling uncomfortable in new settings is a hallmark of social anxiety, and I expect to feel a lot of that while I’m in Ireland. There will be loud pubs and a new bed to sleep in nearly every day and new sights to see. I’m going to feel very out of my element, and that’s not my favorite thing. And when I feel that way, the only thing I want is to be back home, in a familiar environment and in my comfy bed. That’s how I felt last year on my cruise, and I really do not want to feel this way in Ireland. I want to enjoy each day. I want to be present, not looking ahead to what’s next and how many days until I can be home.
I’m not exactly sure how I’m going to remain present during this trip, other than trying to be very mindful of my thoughts and journaling when I feel the anxiety creeping in.
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So, that’s how my anxiety manifests in the days and weeks leading up to a vacation. There is a lot of anticipation and excitement, please don’t think there’s not! I can barely sleep at night because I’m so excited about what awaits me next week. I spend all of my free time looking up restaurants to visit in Ireland and have worn the hell out of my copy of Rick Steves Ireland. But I wanted to write all this out as a way to normalize it. This is just the way my brain operates; it doesn’t mean anything other than that. And, hopefully, if your brain operates similarly, you can take comfort knowing you’re not alone and we’re in this together.
What do you get anxious about before a trip?
I hope that you have a wonderful experience on this trip. I think it will help that it will just be you and your mom and you won’t be in a big group of people, like part of a tour. That puts more pressure on you guys to figure things out and do the planning, but it will make for a more enjoyable experience, I think, since you get along so well with your mom! It’s good that you are on a higher dose of your meds and have a therapist as I am sure he/she has helped you work through some of these anxieties!
I usually get nervous about misplacing my passport on a trip. That’s my biggest nightmare so I am always double and triple checking that I know where it is. that’s usually my biggest worry. My least favorite part of travel is the flights as I can not sleep on airplanes so international flights feel very long for me. I can usually take some cat naps but I don’t sleep for hours like some people do. But the in flight entertainment is soooo much better these days so that helps!
Thanks for being so open about your anxiety. It’s not something that gets discussed enough! And sharing your experiences helps other understand what it’s like to live with anxiety!
It’s so great you wrote this out and have the tools to logically work through all this now! Even though the anxiety is still there, and will always be there, you are doing SO WELL with it! I commend you. Definitely journal on the trip, and talk about it, if it helps. You guys have a lot going on and I do hope you get that downtime to recharge. That is one of the hardest parts for me when I travel – getting enough alone time. (hence why I run when I travel)
I get very anxious until I leave. Anxious about packing, getting the house and things ready for the cats, and getting to the airport. Once I am in the air, I am good to go. I am pretty go with the flow and quick to think on my feet when I travel. I do still get anxious about being places on time though, like your train stress!
We are going on a trip in a few weeks and I am anxious about two (related) things: 1. Flying, which I haaaaaaaaate and 2. Dying and leaving my child an orphan. I have been dealing with these anxieties by 1. Applying for additional life insurance and 2. Writing novel-length instructions for my parents, who will be taking care of my daughter while we’re gone. Like, they are fully capable of just winging it, and yet I am detailing exactly what she needs to wear each day to school and how to prepare for ballet class etc etc etc. I have even begun an already long list of foods my kid will and won’t eat when all my parents have to do is ASK HER, my goodness she is FIVE and totally capable of saying “I don’t like cantaloupe” or whatever.
Anxiety is so weird and I am hopeful that your preparations (and mine) will ease some of the stress. And that the trip is AMAZING.
Thank you for sharing this. I agree that being mindful is so important and I think it is great that you can journal if you are feeling anxious. I sometimes get anxious about packing and remembering everything and I have found that taking a days leave before going on holiday really helps. I can take my time packing and have a day to just de-stress and unwind before my vacation starts.
I hope you have a wonderful time and make loads of happy memories.
I really do think these are all normal thoughts for us anxious folks! It’s definitely no fun, but you’re not alone. <3 You are so prepared though that I think the trip will be a breeze. In the end, you will have an amazing time and see so many cool things. I can't wait to hear all about it!
The only thing customs will be asking about is why you are entering the country. You’ll tell them why you’re there (vacation), your itinerary, and where you’re staying. That’s it. They just want to know who is coming into the country and why.
The rest is pretty normal and hopefully you’ll find some way to manage the stress and the messages you’re telling yourself. You ARE a smart, capable human being who can handle when things to awry.
I regularly (I mean, probably every other month) have dreams where I have arrived at the airport without luggage, my passport, my diabetes supplies, something. And I have to try to go home and get it before the plane leaves. This has NEVER happened. I don’t know where my brain came up with this scenario and it’s horrible!
I’ve gotten much, much better about traveling in the past few years. I think traveling alone helps keep my anxiety down because I know I’m only responsible for me and whatever happens, I can deal with my own self. I do always, always worry about oversleeping and missing my alarm and then missing my flight, even though it’s never, ever happened. Once I’m at the airport and through security, I’m usually fine.
The fact that you’re aware that it’s the anxiety talking makes such a huge difference already. J has anxiety to and it seems irrational at times (because it is or can be), but I definitely understand where you’re coming from.
I think that most of your anxious thoughts are normal, they’re just much more pronounced than in people who don’t suffer from anxiety!