Hey, friends! It’s been a while since we’ve sat down for a little coffee date. I’ll be drinking an iced coffee with a few pumps of vanilla creamer. Mmm! Here’s what I’d want to talk about with you today:
If we were having coffee today, I’d talk about how I took a break from the news for a few weeks. Do you ever hit a breaking point with the news? It’s just one shitty story after another. It’s Republican governors signing anti-mask mandates into law and news of irreversible effects of climate change and horrifying stories from Afghanistan. I just couldn’t take it anymore. At least, I couldn’t take all of the news consumption I do on a daily basis: the podcasts and the e-newsletters and the online threads. It was too much, so I decided to give myself a break from it all for a few weeks. I still received CNN breaking news alerts to stay informed, but I didn’t click on the links and I didn’t spend hours listening to political pundits talk about each news event to death. It’s been good for my mental health to have this break, which I started right before I left for Chicago and will extend until next week most likely. And I highly encourage anyone who’s feeling overwhelmed by the news to take the same break. It’s okay to step away for a bit and gather your bearings.
If we were having coffee today, I might confide about a scary incident that happened with Ellie last week. I left her outside on the patio for two hours! You guys, I felt like the worst cat mom ever and I couldn’t stop crying about it all night. Every time I looked at her, I’d start crying. I went out on the patio for, like, five seconds and I didn’t see her come out there with me, so I closed the door when I went back inside I usually always, always check to make sure both girls are in the apartment before I close the patio door but I didn’t do that this time because I wasn’t out there for very long. Ugh! I gave Ellie three big handfuls of treats and an extra “meaty stick” because I felt so bad. The patio isn’t enclosed and I’m just so grateful that Ellie didn’t jump off the patio or do something else crazy. My brain can’t stop thinking about worst-case scenarios of her running away or falling and hurting herself. But she didn’t. She just sat on the patio and waited for me to open the door. I think I was more traumatized by the event than she was, quite honestly. She’s gotten so many hugs and kisses and extra treats since then. And one day I will forgive myself for doing that to her.
If we were having coffee today, I might complain that it feels like my time is being pulled in so many competing directions. And I really don’t feel like I know how to manage my time well anymore. It feels like finding time to do all of the things I want to do is so much harder these days. There are blogging tasks to get to (writing blog posts and reading my favorite blogs and keeping up with my personal inbox), reading time to prioritize, and workouts to do. There is time I need to spend maintaining a clean home, my finances, and my friendships. There’s a new relationship that’s burgeoning and exciting that I want to invest my time and energy in. There’s my family and all of the space I want to make for them. There’s TV and all of the shows I want to watch (my TBW list grows longer by the minute). Social media has become almost a non-factor in my life these days because I just don’t have the energy for it anymore. And, of course, work takes up a bulk of my day Monday-Friday, leaving me very little time to enjoy my personal pursuits outside of the few hours at night that I get to myself. It just feels like a lot and all of it is a priority to me; these hobbies are critical to my mental health. And then there are the pursuits that I don’t have the bandwidth to even think about (like restarting my novel). Anyone else feel like they’ve just been treading water for a long time?
If we were having coffee today, I’d probably talk about how irritable and oversensitized I’ve been lately. Which hopefully was all because of my period, which I started yesterday. For the past few days, I’ve felt so incredibly irritable. Everything has been bugging me, to the point that hearing people laugh on a podcast made me angry. (At least I was self-aware enough to know that I was being ridiculous?!) I know some of my irritability is due to work stress and feeling so overwhelmed by my workload, but I’m hoping the irritability mostly had to do with PMS and that it’ll go away very soon. I don’t always experience PMS, so it is always a rude awakening when it happens. Ah, hormones.
If we were having coffee today, I’d be happy to share an Olive update. She is now nearly two months post-treatment (she finished treatment on July 10th) and is doing incredibly well. She’s had scans done twice and both have been completely clean—what a relief! Her hair is slowly but surely growing back and she’s regaining her strength. She’s even measuring on track physically and is light-years ahead developmentally. Basically, homegirl is a goddamn warrior and it’s the most amazing thing to witness.
What would you want to talk about during our coffee date?
I love Olive updates! Hooray!!!
PMS is the worst. I don’t even get a period (b/c of the OCPs I take) but I still manage to get PMS and it’s awful. The irritability, the mood swings. I also get hot flashes and canker sores. LOVELY.
I wish there were a way I could persuade you to stop feeling so upset about leaving your kitty on the patio. It sounds like such a scary discovery, and I am no stranger to a mind that projects slide of worst case scenarios all over the interior of my brain. But it worked out, and it is one of those things that you will never do again. <3
Hmm. For my coffee topic, I would say that I keep having book slumps. I will find a book and tear through it… and then won't be able to find anything, or get up the energy to read anything, and I hate that. I feel so much better when I have a good book going! I think I've beaten this most recent slump — I'm reading How It Happened by Michael Koryta — but I'm worried once I finish I will just go for weeks without finding anything to read again. What a silly thing to worry about!
Try not to feel so guilty about the Ellie situation. I’m glad she is ok. That is the worst feeling, though! We all make mistakes sometimes and the best thing to do is learn from them and move forward! When Paul was a baby, I was trimming his nails and cut the top part of his finger! I felt sooo horrible! So now Phil does all nail trimming in our house because he is much better at it! That’s just a small example of something I’ve done as a parent and felt horrible about! It was more traumatizing for me than for Paul for sure!
I’ve been disconnecting from the news more lately, too. I feel priveleged being able to do this but it’s so necessary from time to time. You have to really protect your mental health!
If we had coffee together, I’m sure we’d talk about reading of course! But I’d commiserate in the feeling of treading water. I feel like like the early parenting years are like that so I”m just biding my time until life feels a bit more manageable. I did order an actual planner for 2022 for the first time in 5 years! I am not planning all that much but I am setting more goals and adding some things back in so I felt like it was time to get a formal planner again. It’s a good problem to have a lot of great things that take up your attention but it is really hard to balance everything!
I hate to say this, but I have been taking a break from the news all year. And I just unsubscribed from every news feed in my Feedly. It was either too depressing or too slanted. I am so out of touch now 🙁 But I am at peace. I am glad you took a break!
Aww, I am so sorry that happened to Ellie. You really didn’t know! And I am glad to hear it was worse on you than her. I wonder if she thought it was a big adventure. I hope you forgive yourself soon. I read that and had absolutely zero judgment and just thought “that sucks.” But I also had nightmares last night that Apollo got out and ran away, so I get it <3
Giving up social media is the right step with being pulled in all directions! Give time to what gives you the most enjoyment (ugh, and those things you absolutely have to do, blah), right? I feel like my new meds and the fact that we have no social calendar has made it so that I don't feel like I am treading water. It would be much different if I had family around and actual social dates!!!
Whether it was PMS or not, I hope the irritability goes away soon because it's so frustrating when you feel that way and don't want to but can't get out of it!
Yay, Olive! Wow! I think back to how dire things were with that first doc, and this is just so so fantastic!!!!
Hmm, for my coffee date, I would probably talk about my excitement for our trip in two weeks and want to hear cat stories 🙂
I can get behind the “no news” routine. In the middle of august I felt so overwhelmed. Everywhere you looked it was one catastrophe after another. Afghanistan, reducilus trump like election praganda here in Germany, huge floods in the country and on other places, wildfires, you name it… So when I was on vaca I decided to not watch any news, kill the social media alerts and try to stay away from the phone as much as possible. Its been good. But as I said with upcoming elections in 3 weeks I need to get more information to vote wisely. But the break was good. I am glad it also helped you.
And that lets me to the second point I agree and felt too. That treading water, trying to do it all, not having energy and failing at everything. I guess it is time to focus otherwise it all is going downhill. Man but so many ideas, plans, whites. Is it because we have too many options nowadays? Is it because we are too greedy to want it all? I don’t know what ever it is, it is not good for mental healths…
“It feels like finding time to do all of the things I want to do is so much harder these days. ” STORY OF MY LIFE.
I am so glad to hear that Olive is doing so well. That is really wonderful.
And you’re not a bad cat mom because Ellie was out on the patio for two hours. Maybe she even enjoyed it! At least she didn’t have to stay outside over night 😉
First, YIPPEE about Olive.
Second, I’m SO SORRY about the situation with Ellie, and for your guilt. You are an awesome cat mom, but I understand the reaction.
And, I am completely with you on the inability to find time to do what we want to do. And I WANT to do all the things. It’s just… I cannot figure out how to stretch time. If / when you figure it out, could you please let me know? 😉
And also? I wish I could disconnect from the news. It’s such a big part of What I Do In My “Free Time” though that I wonder what I would do… oh, wait. Maybe some of those things I WANT to do? Hm. Food for thought. To go along with our coffee, of course! Thank you, as always, for an insightful post. 🙂