Here’s the week when I regret starting this series because oh, my goodness, I am not doing well with healthy living lately. I don’t have much to say for myself, other than laziness, falling back on old habits, and eating healthy just doesn’t seem all that interesting to me right now.
This week was not a great week for me. I mean, in all other aspects of my life, it was. Work was fine. Personal life, fine. I slept well. But I just didn’t feel like eating healthy. Or exercising. Or any of that. I guess I’m just having a really hard time getting back on track after being on vacation.
I’m participating in a DietBet challenge currently but it is NOT going well. I am nowhere close to making my goal, and I’m going to have to be super restrictive over the next two weeks to win back my money. Which makes me feel crappy. I want to start another DietBet right after this one, but if I lose that one, too, that means I’ve spent $83 over the past three months to see barely any results. And that doesn’t sit well with me.
I know I need to take a different focus on this. I feel frantic about losing weight, sometimes. As if the reason I don’t have a boyfriend or a more active social life or more friends is due to the fact that I’m overweight. And if I keep gaining weight, nobody will ever love me and I’ll never succeed at anything I do and life will be terrible and wah wah wah wah wah. Which is so untrue and I don’t know why I keep shoveling these thoughts into my mind. I don’t know why I let them fester, instead of silencing them the minute I think them.
I engage in negative self-talk. I fat shame myself. I fat shame others, which is horrible and makes me feel terrible and I hate admitting it but there it is. I’m not a very good friend to myself. I don’t give myself time to appreciate who I am and what I’m doing now, because I’m so focused on who I wish I was and what I want to be doing in the future.
There has to be a balance. A balance between appreciating myself, loving who I am, in this body, with this life, right now, and striving to make better choices that feel good. Eating unhealthy doesn’t feel good, not exercising doesn’t feel good. I think once I gain that understanding, that who I am right now is okay, but that I want to be a healthier individual all-around, my entire mindset will shift. And instead of being this frantic battle to lose weight so PEOPLE WILL LIKE ME! and IT WILL MAKE ME THE HAPPIEST!, it’ll simply be a change I’m making because it feels good and is the right thing to do.
I need to think of healthy living as something I’m going to be doing for my whole life. This isn’t something I’m doing just to lose 50 lbs, and then I can go back to eating what I want. It’s a lifestyle, and it’s hard to think of it as a lifestyle when it’s something that makes you uncomfortable and annoyed. Something that feels so hard and unnatural.
So maybe instead of making grandiose goals and starting crazy challenges and any other alliteration I can think of, I should take the babiest of baby steps. Start as small as possible, and then once that becomes second nature, add on another goal. And so on and so forth.
This is such a rambling post. It has no point, other than to be a stream of consciousness for how I feel about my healthy living attempts lately. Since this is a weigh-in post, my weigh-in result this week was that I gained 2.2 lbs. Yay. (I can blame my period for some of this, right? Riiiiight.) Hopefully, this upcoming week is better and I’ll see a better result on the scale.
How do you snap out of a healthy living funk?
Your comment about this becoming a lifestyle change is so true. I learned that years ago and have to continue to make healthy choice and to avoid temptation all these years later. I still have hard days but once it becomes more of a habit, it is more sustainable. It’s always hard at the beginning.
I usually get out of a healthy living funk by having an accountability partner. I will tell Amber what workout I plan on doing because then I will not want to skip it and have to tell her I skipped it. I also write out a schedule in my planner because if I write it down, it usually happens. I am working on getting back onto a schedule now. Last week was a write off week as I had such busy days between work, work commitments after work, and packing/moving/settling in. So I am hoping this week is better in terms of eating and workouts!
Losing weight is hard. Resisting temptation is hard. It’s true that we can be our own worst critics, but that only makes the process even more difficult. In trying to keep a balanced view, I always try to remember:
-I am the same person no matter what my body looks like
– I have many qualities like a good listener, intelligent, compassionate etc that have nothing to do with my body
– working out and eating better makes me feel better both physically and emotionally
– I am awesome so I should take care of myself by being good to myself (activity, healthy eating)
I still struggle a lot with it, though. Thanks for being open and real.
Our weight is so much what we see versus how other people see us. I think you are beautiful and I honestly can’t see how you can lose 50lbs. I started actually counting calories two weeks ago because I’m not doing good either, but I know that I need to step up and work out. I can’t just wish the weight away.
As someone who has lost a considerable amount of weight, I remember having lots of false starts like this. I wonder if you could just take a break from writing and obsessing and shaming for a bit and just ask yourself if you’re really ready. I remember wanting to do it so badly, but something not clicking and then finally, I realized I was really, really ready. It wasn’t easy but it suddenly felt so much more worth it. I got really clear on why I was doing it and suddenly things felt so much less tempting. Losing weight is hard and requires a total focus and shifts in just about every area, but I think most importantly, it’s a mental game and an emotional one. And if you’re not ready yet, that’s okay. You’ll do it when you are. But most importantly, be kinder to yourself. Start asking why you self-talk negatively and seeing why you feel so badly about this area of your life. And then, make shifts if and when you’re ready.
I am here to tell you that no matter the number on the scale you are beautiful, you are loved and I think you’re awesome. I truly do. You are vulnerable and raw and honest with your healthy living journey (note: I’m not calling it a weight loss journey because personally, for me, it’s about healthy living, not necessarily a # on a scale).
With that said, if I need to snap out of a funk I tell myself this: I will work out for just 15 minutes, something enough to get my heart rate up (Tabata’s from pinterest, for example). That’s usually enough for me to want to keep going and if not? I did 15 minutes. Better than zero minutes. On the food side of things, I consider it a win if I say no to one thing a day that tempts me (soda, chocolate, whatever). Eventually saying no becomes normal and I don’t think twice about opting for a veggie vs. fries when I’m out, or water over soda. It takes TIME and you will have days or weeks where you falter and you know what? That’s ok because you are human. Be kind to yourself, friend. (easier said than done, I know)
It’s just soooo hard! I’ve been slacking off lately too. I’ve been somewhat tracking my calories but my goal isn’t very hard to begin with and I always let myself cheat on the weekends. I truly believe that sugar/carbs are addicting and I am addicted. I am actually seriously considering doing whole30 just to snap out of it. It sounds really scary but my goal isn’t to be at a specific weight but to live a healthy lifestyle. If I really want to be proud of what I put in my body some serious change needs to occur and I think I’m at the point where I need to do a reset like that. (But I also want to be able to enjoy a nice splurge without feeling guilty, and right now I haven’t earned that.) Now I’m rambling in your comments but I just really relate!
Don’t lose heart! One day you’re going to look back on these struggles and be so incredibly proud of yourself for persevering. You got this!
Girl, I feel ya. Ever since I started my second job almost two months ago, my healthy living goals have been shoved to the backburner. Luckily, I haven’t gained back the weight I lost earlier this year, but I certainly haven’t lost any weight either. I just can’t seem to make it a priority even though I’m unhappy with my body! I’m hoping that once I sign up for a half marathon, that’ll be the incentive I need to start working out again. 😛
You should read this! http://momentpunch.wordpress.com/2014/05/15/it-sucks/
I gained ten pounds on my cruise. TEN. I am hoping some of it is water weight and bloating from eating out for 9 days.
I am signed up for Amber’s next DietBet and ready to get back into my routine but that is usually easier said than done. I agree with Lisa that a.) having a partner and b.) writing out a schedule are two very helpful things when it comes to following a healthy lifestyle. I also like meal planning, too. It takes the “thinking” out of it and I just follow what I’ve planned for the week. Don’t give up. This is a hard battle to fight and you are worth it. Big hugs to you, my friend!
Amy said it perfectly so rather than repeat what she said I will just say that for now I would refocus on being kinder to yourself. Make that your goal for the rest of 2014. Or even for the summer. Then you can move onto the weight loss part.