I had insomnia for all of sixth grade. Maybe I’ve talked about it before. The spring before sixth grade, my parents split up, and my mom, my brother, and I lived with my grandparents for a number of months before my mom found a two-bedroom condo to rent near a middle school. It wasn’t the middle school all my friends from elementary school were going to. I was effectively the new kid. While everyone else in my classes was greeting each other excitedly, happy to see their friends after the summer break, I was feeling lonely and sad and anxious.
Middle school is a tough time in anyone’s life, but it was especially so for me. I was not only in a new school environment, going from being in one classroom all day to six different ones, but I was also in a new family environment: it was just me, my mom, and my brother. No more dad to pick me up from the bus stop, no more grandparents to wake me up in the mornings.
Insomnia hit me hard that year. (Along with never-identified depression, being that I was all of eleven and mental health wasn’t talked about at all, much less with children.) My mom was dealing with her own depression and she didn’t quite know how to help me with my issues. Essentially, we were both a bit of a mess and it led to a really tough year for both of us.
Things shifted for me once sixth grade was over. My insomnia disappeared and not being confined to a school schedule meant my depression did as well. Ever since then, I’ve been a champion sleeper. Like, I may be too good at sleeping? I recently listened to a podcast episode where the host (jokingly) railed at people who can fall asleep almost as soon as their head hits the pillow. What’s their secret?
I don’t have a secret. Honestly. I live with anxiety so it would make sense that I would have trouble sleeping, but I honestly don’t. Maybe it’s because my mind is so busy during the day that it’s able to quiet when the lights are off and I’m snuggled under my blankets.
That said, sleep does not always come easy. For me, it’s usually because my anxiety has been heightened due to any number of factors: worrying about work or family members or relationships or a writing project or even… where I should put my new desk in my room. (This is what kept me up on Sunday night, no lie.) On these sleepless nights, turning my brain off feels impossible. I toss and turn while groaning to myself, “Why aren’t you asleep?!”
So what’s a perfect sleeper to do for sleepless nights? Implement a few strategies, that’s what.
ASMR on YouTube
This is actually something I do most nights, not just on the nights I’m tossing and turning. And I make it a bigger priority when I feel particularly restless or know my brain hasn’t quieted down enough for sleep. ASMR stands for autonomous sensory meridian response and it describes the sensation of tingling or deep relaxation that occurs when listening to certain sounds. Not everyone has this response to these sounds—some people are visibly disturbed by them—but the sounds of crinkling paper, whispering, tapping, and scratching soothe and relax me. It really helps me turn off my brain and get ready for sleep.
When I watch ASMR videos, I get really cozy in bed: pillows just right, comforter tucked in tight. I’ll place my phone on my chest and close my eyes, and let the sounds give me all of the tingles and relaxation I need. It soothes me right to sleep! (Also, Lila seems to really enjoy certain ASMR sounds, too, as she’ll jump on my chest and stare at my phone to figure out how it’s making a certain noise. Heh.)
Some of my favorite ASMR YouTubers to follow: ASMR Darling, Gibi ASMR, and Rebecca’s Beautiful ASMR Addiction.
Melatonin
I’m not someone who tosses and turns in her sleep, so on the nights I find myself doing that, I’ll take a dose of melatonin. Melatonin isn’t fast-acting (it’s advised to take it an hour before you want to go to sleep) so I’ll take a dose and watch ASMR on YouTube until I start to feel sleepy. Melatonin is a true lifesaver for me on nights when falling asleep feels downright impossible. And now it’s the first thing I recommend to people when they tell me they’re having trouble sleeping. Melatonin is a hormone your body makes naturally, so taking a supplement is not like taking a prescription sleep aid. It’s not habit-forming or addictive!
Warm Bubble Baths
Sometimes after taking my melatonin dose, I’ll draw myself a warm bubble bath. There is truly nothing that soothes me more! I’ll bring a book to read or even just turn on a white noise playlist, close my eyes, and submerge myself up to my neck in the bubbles. It really puts me in a relaxed state of mind.
Reading + A Change of Scenery
Well, of course I do this. Is anyone surprised? It’s not usually my first response when I’m not able to fall asleep because it can sometimes keep me awake, especially if I’m reading something particularly engaging! But if I’ve tried ASMR and melatonin and a bubble bath and I’m still awake, I’ll just throw in the towel. My body is obviously not ready for sleep! That’s when I get out of bed, pick up my book, and sit on my couch to read. The change of scenery sometimes helps: my bed has suddenly become an unsafe place for me and reminds me of how much sleep I’m not getting. There’s something about changing locations that can help to lull me into a more relaxed state. (And if I fall asleep on the couch, even better!)
I’m writing this post at 8:30 on Tuesday night and now I’m nervous that I’ve jinxed myself for sleeping tonight, ha. So, with that, I think I’m going to take a dose of melatonin, watch some ASMR, and say a prayer that I fall asleep easily tonight.
What are your strategies for falling asleep?
*post inspired by Suzanne
One of the techniques a commenter posted on Swistle’s post about this topic is AWESOME. It is listing things alphabetically. I have been doing books. And it is surprisingly hard (for me) to come up with books to match each letter of the alphabet, so that mental straining, plus the rigid structure of the technique, has been REALLY helpful in getting me to fall asleep. I don’t think I’ve ever made it past J.
I hope you didn’t jinx yourself after writing this!
This is a great list! I do the reading thing, but in bed with my Kindle, because if I get up I will start working on my computer (like blog and personal work, not work work).
Isn’t it interesting that during the shuffle and chaos of the divorce and move that no one realized you were having those issues? No blame at all – that was common for the time! But I hope parents are more aware now. Have you ever talked to your brother about what he was experiencing then?
I haven’t tried ASMR, but just thinking about those sounds makes me cringe. Lol. So I am guessing it would not be effective for me!
I also have dealt with insomnia in the past and it is AWFUL. Just awful. I had it really bad during the summer of 2015. I probably had it for longer than that but I had masked it by taking sleeping meds that were prescribed when I got RA. I took steroids initially which are rough on your sleep so the dr prescribed ambien and I was on it for almost a year. I went off it and my sleep problems got really bad. I ended up seeing a sleep specialist and they said I definitely had bad insomnia and encouraged me to try cognitive behavior therapy techniques to remedy the situation. Which I basically call “sleep training for adults.” It basically involved leaving the bedroom if I was awake for more than 5-10 minutes. At that time I would go into the guest room to read. It was a total pain and the last thing I wanted to do in the middle of the night (I mostly had trouble sleeping during the night, I didn’t have too much trouble falling asleep). It took several weeks but eventually the insomnia improved. Now I only deal with insomnia when I have a lot of stress in my life. Having a baby actually made me a better sleeper because I was just so tired and I continue to feel pretty tired even though Paul is sleeping through the night and out of the demanding baby phase!
That photo of the girls is toooooo cute! I love them, man.
Ugh, I miss having a bath tub so much, man 🙁 It used to be my favourite “get ready for sleep” thing. The stand-up shower is just not the same!
Is it weird that one of the most effective strategies I have for falling asleep is waking up early? I started getting up at 6 am on weekdays so I can have time to put on makeup and read my bible before work…and man, let me tell you, it totally changed how bedtime works for me. Most nights, I’m ready for sleep by 10 pm and I fall asleep quick and easy (and if I am up later than that, I’m in the camp of “asleep before my head hits the pillow”). Not really a strategy but haha that’s where I am now.