What Is a Writing Date?

Tobia asked if I could talk more about my writing dates, which is something I talk about a lot, but I don’t think I’ve ever fully explained it. I thought it was a great idea for a blog post!

I looked through my blog archives to see if I could find out when we started our writing dates. I don’t know when the official start date was, but I do have a blog post from February 2013 where I talked about our writing dates, and I believe that’s the first time I mentioned it. So, we have been doing our writing dates for A FULL DECADE now! That’s crazy to think about.

(And slightly despairing. A full decade of near-weekly writing dates and not a single finished manuscript to speak of. Sigh.)

Our writing dates have gone through a whole lot of changes over these past 10 years. There have been pauses here and there, like when Mikaela had her babies and when Olive was going through cancer treatment. There was a shift from in-person writing dates to Zoom writing dates during the pandemic. We’ve tried many different Starbucks and Paneras, quitting one Starbucks because they kept their store way too cold and quitting another because Mikaela could never connect to their wifi. When we returned to in-person writing dates during the pandemic, we had to shift from Starbucks to Panera since Starbucks was only doing drive-thru and pickup options at that time.

Being flexible has been key for us to keep our writing dates sacred. For a while, we were doing Friday night writing dates and then that changed to Sunday morning and then to Saturday mornings and at some point last year, Mikaela needed Saturday midafternoon writing dates so she could help with naptime at home. Some weekends are busy, though, and we may not be able to meet for a writing date. Or we may have to try to squeeze it into a Friday night during dinnertime at Mikaela’s house.

We value this time together, though, both to have a set aside number of hours to work on our creative projects, and to have time for each other. So we make it a priority.

What do we do during our writing dates? Well, that has changed a lot over the years.

Originally, I was writing a novel, so I would spend my writing dates working on my novel. We’d get settled into our seats, chat for a little bit, and then work silently next to each other writing. At this time, Mikaela was also writing a novel (which she finished and was in the middle of editing when her daughter got sick). So, we would write, sometimes asking a question to the other if we needed feedback on something we just wrote, and then at the end of the writing date, we would read out loud what we wrote during the last hour to one another. This way, we could offer advice or give encouragement.

My problem with writing, however, is that I can never stay with one story. Or I’ll write 10,000 words of a story and suddenly feel like I need to change everything about it. It’s frustrating for Mikaela because she just wants me to write my novel and I am not great about being consistent. She knew something bad was coming when I’d start off a writing date with, “So I was thinking about my novel and…”

A few years ago, I finally came to terms with myself and set my novel-writing goal aside. Maybe one day I will come back to it and finally write that novel that is inside me, but I’m just not in the right headspace for it right now. Instead, I use our writing dates to work on blog posts, tackle my blog categorization project, and outline podcast episodes. Usually, I’ll come to our writing date with a specific idea of what I want to work on. (For example, during our most recent writing date over the weekend, my goal was to finish recategorizing all of my 2011 blog posts.)

Mikaela is working on her own creative project right now, which I won’t get into since she may not want me to talk about it! But we keep ourselves very busy with our own work. We’ll start the writing date by asking each other what we intend to work on and we’ll chit-chat with each other throughout the writing date.

Our writing dates last around 1.5 to 2 hours, and we probably devote half of that time to catching up with each other and the other half to working on our creative projects. Lately, we’ve been going to Panera (we used to have a fave Starbucks where all of the baristas knew our names, but her laptop couldn’t connect to their wifi for some reason). Since we live about 30 minutes from each other, we switch off which Panera we go to (there is one that is less than 10 minutes from her house, and one that is less than 10 minutes from mine).

These writing dates are a great touchpoint for me. I get to have some time with my best friend while also making progress on my creative projects. It’s truly become one of my favorite parts of the weekend, and I am so grateful I have a friend like Mikaela to have these dates with!

Any other questions about my writing dates? I’m happy to answer them!