Originally, I had no plans to move in with someone. I wanted my own place where I didn’t have to share a single thing with anybody. In my head, this sounded fantastic. I wrote out a budget for myself and started doing a little apartment hunting to see if I could find something that met all of my needs.
But alas, here I am, a month or so away from finally moving out, and instead of moving to my own place, I’m moving in with a roommate. At age 27. I think it’s around this point when people, if they’re single, decide to get out of the roommate rat race and into a place of their own. And yet… though I thought I wanted that for myself… I am supremely happy with my decision to live with a roommate.
Here’s why.
1. I don’t like living alone.
I like being alone. I like alone time. But I do not like living alone. It’s lonely. It’s confining. I get freaked out that someone is going to break into my apartment and murder me in my sleep. I just don’t feel safe living alone. I have a very active imagination, and even though I live in a gated, very safe apartment community right now, I still get freaked out at night when my mom’s away.
Don’t get me wrong – I do like those weekends when she’s away and I have the place to myself. It is nice. And I’ll definitely have that with Roomie because she travels a lot, visits family and friends, and has a super active social life. So there will be many nights and weekends when I am alone.
But I just don’t think I want a 24/7 living-alone arrangement. At least right now.
2. Rent ain’t cheap, yo!
First, I want to make it clear that I don’t live with my mom rent-free. I haven’t since I graduated college and started working at a “big girl” job. I’ve been contributing to our household bills for a very long time, and also have my own bills, like car insurance, phone, car loan, etc. Basically – I know how to live financially independent of my mom. Just because I live with her doesn’t mean I’m living off her. (I believe most of my family thinks this of me, so I just wanted to clear this up right here.)
So it’s really nice to be able to split my bills up. To not have the burden of rent or utilities on my own. When I started looking at one-bedroom apartments that fit my needs (i.e., safe community, pet friendly, washer/dryer included, etc.), I started to realize I would have to live at the top of my budget. So I was stressed about being able to afford to live on my own. And stressed about having to forfeit some of my apartment needs to find a cheaper place.
Enter Roomie. With her, I can live in a place that meets my needs (and hers, of course!) and all the bills will be split down the middle. It relieved so much stress off my shoulders and, through our searching, we’ve been able to find places that are beautiful and updated, but also keep us at the lower end of our budget.
3. A roommate equals a built-in buddy.
Well, probably not always, and probably not if you don’t get along with your roomie (as happened to me in college), but in a sense, having a roommate means I’ll have someone to do stuff with. Living alone means I would have to really be diligent about reaching out to friends (something I need to be doing anyway, I know) to ensure I don’t spend entire weekends curled up at home, watching Netflix. Which, as mentioned in Monday’s blog post, is what I’m most wont to do. My roomie is definitely an extrovert and someone who thrives on a busy schedule, and living with her will force me to get out more and be more social. And it will be nice to have someone to come home to, in a sense. Someone to share dog duties with. Someone to cook with, watch TV with, be goofy with. I have that with my mom and it’s just so darn nice. It really is. I would really miss the built-in buddy part if I lived alone.
4. I’m moving in with one of my best friends – not a stranger or someone I barely know.
While all of the above points are true and big reasons that factored into my having a roommate, this point is the biggest factor. I am not sure I would have considered moving in with anyone else – in fact, having a roommate wasn’t even on my radar until I met Bri last June and formed a deep bond with her. We clicked instantly and even though we are very different in some ways, we are also so eerily similar. And she’s just so darn easy to be around. She makes me feel better, just by being around her. I’m so looking forward to having her bright spirit in my everyday life.
I would not have considered a roommate situation with a stranger or a casual acquaintance. I tried that once, and it ended up terribly, and I would never do it again. The main reason I am moving in with Bri is because I think living with her will be such a positive experience because she is someone I know and love.
And, so, there you have it. Perhaps one day I will live alone, but it just doesn’t feel like the right time for me right now. I have fears about what these next few months will hold, but I also have a ton of excitement and anticipation. A roommate situation isn’t for everyone, but I think it can be a positive experience in the right circumstances and I’m willing to take the chance on that.
What’s one piece of advice you’d give for living with a roommate?
I was a tad non-traditional and lived with a dude for two years; no we weren’t dating, no we didn’t like each other “like that.” (Although he was very good looking and a great guy, just too short for me.) Living with him was some of the most fun I had! It was definitely a built-in best friend AND a bodyguard; he would approve (or disapprove) of my boyfriends, he loved Jack and we had lots of laughs + fun. The only thing that was challenging for us: we had no dishwasher in our place, since it was a super old building, and as such we had dish washing stand-offs. 🙂 I usually caved and washed them!
I was always afraid to live alone, too, but then once I was forced to, I found I really, really, REALLY loved it. It took some getting used to (I was also afraid of someone breaking in and murdering me and of constantly feeling lonely) but I am really grateful for the experience. It was HARD in some ways (mainly financially) and in that respect I was so ready to move in with Pete after living alone for 3 years. I do think living with a roommate is very different from living with a significant other/family member. I can’t say why exactly, because I’ve never done it, but when I imagine living with one of my friends vs. with a boyfriend or family member, I feel like I would probably be more likely to maintain some independence. It’s hard to explain…for example, Pete and I map out our weeks and are jointly planning meals, chores, etc., where I don’t think I would do that with a friend – maybe a little bit? I don’t know. I know of some couples that pretty much live independently and cook separate meals, etc. so I guess it’s different depending on the person. Anyway, don’t feel like you are doing something wrong by living with a roommate. It is HARD to afford living alone and this will give you much more flexibility to actually enjoy your life rather than spend every penny supporting yourself. You’re making the right decision for YOU and that is all that matters.
And as far as tips! Prior to living alone, I’d never had my own bedroom before. I shared a room with my sister for my entire childhood after she was born, and then when I moved out of my parent’s it was to move in with a boyfriend, so I literally was terrified of living alone. I struggled big time after living alone to go back to living with someone, because I got so used to doing things MY way all the time, so it’s been a huge transition for me to get used to living with Pete. One thing that has helped us a lot is to divvy up chores. We made a list of all the things that are required for the household to keep going, and we picked chores like you pick a team for Dodgeball. Prior to doing this, I was picking up most of the chores because I was used to doing them all anyway (and Pete’s mom/grandma always did things for him growing up so he fell back into that roll with ease haha) and it led to a lot of resentment on my part. I was able to choose the tasks I am most picky about while still lightening my load, and Pete feels like a more active participant in maintaining the household.
I would just add on to Emilie’s comment that it’s so important to understand what each other is going to contribute. I had a roommate who literally did no chores and who I hardly ever saw. It was incredibly awkward but we never communicated about chores ahead of time and then I never had the courage to bring it up with her. So I just ended up doing a lot of it. Even if you are friends, you still need to talk about it and plan it out. Especially because small conflicts like that can really ruin a friendship if you’re not careful.
I’m so excited for you! Can’t wait to hear how it goes.
That’s great! So excited for you! My roommates honestly bring me happiness on a daily basis. All the compromises that I have to make when living with someone are 100% worth it. I lived alone right after college and it was really tough!
I think one of the things that has been so helpful living with two roommates is having a cleaning chart and a chores chart. At first I thought it was crazy but we have no drama regarding these things because of it. We have a cleaning chart – every week one person is assigned to clean bathroom, living room/hall, kitchen. We check it off when it’s done. Then the chores chart is a white board with magnets. It has dish washer, trash, toilet paper, paper towels. The magnets go around and around again so everyone knows who’s turn it is and that it’s fair – no one is always buying stuff or always emptying the dish washer, etc.
I have not had a roommate since July of 2005! How crazy is that? So after 10 years of solo living I’m probably not the best person to give advice about living with a roommate. Although I have spent a lot of time with Phil so I guess I sort of getting small tastes of having a ‘roommate’? Like others have said, I think that setting expectations on division of labor/cleaning tasks is important or at least have a conversation about the level of cleanliness you both expect/prefer and who is willing to do what…
I’ve never lived with a roommate, only family, but I would maybe recommend setting up budgets concerning food and bills. Make sure that your pay period lines up with your roommate’s pay period so there’s no late fees. You may want to do a chart for groceries and/or cooking if that is something you want to do.
This is so exciting for you! I’ve had two really great roommates (one of which is my husband so not sure if he counts entirely but we still have to live together!) and a bunch of terrible roommates. I hope this works out really well for you! Sounds like she’ll be able to get you out of your shell a little bit too.
It’s SO expensive to live alone. I hate living with others. I prefer just living with T (I have never lived by myself – could never afford to.)
That said our current flat is pretty awesome. The keys to success so far: we have our own bathroom. We’re quite separate overall (4 rooms of our own on the bottom floor). Big deck, decent sized kitchen and lounge upstairs. The 3 boys are not home that much – 1 we literally see maybe once a month, he may as well not live here, and the other 2 work crazy hours. But we actually turned out to get along super well and hang out together a lot. I will actually miss them when we no longer live together, unless something happens before then to make me hate them 🙂
I think just being on the same page about alone time, cooking schedules, cleaning standards and splitting bills… you’ll be dine.
I think even if I was single, I would and in my late twenties or even in my thirties, I’d still want to live with a roommate. I’m the kind of person who likes and needs her alone time every so often, but I also don’t like too much alone time. I’ve lived alone before and it definitely got lonely and even a little scary at times. I definitely prefered living with my college roommate (who was also one of my best friends) than living by myself.
Some advice I’d give is to keep the common areas clean. I’m a neat freak so I really appreciated that my roommate, who was not a neatfreak at all, made an effort to keep the kitchen, bathroom, and living room clean. (Her bedroom was a different story but that was none of my business!) I think this really helped to eliminate a lot of potential arguements.
I never had the opportunity to live by myself (which I sometimes regret), but I also always loved having roommates… and my best advice is (esp. when you move in with a friend!): clear communication.
Even if you’re moving in with a dear friend that you think to know very well, there will be situations where you will bud heads and the best way to deal with this is to be upfront and honest about it (and have ” rules” in place from the get go!).
I think this will be a great experience!!
All great reasons! I only ever had roommates in college in the dorms and then only lived alone for 11 months and it was fine since I was in my final year of University, working part-time and just basically SUPER BUSY but definitely not something I would want to do long term if I didn’t have to. I’m so glad you found someone great to live with and it sounds like it will be the perfect arrangement for both of you!
My only advice about moving in with someone you’re really close to is to be sure to give each other space. I moved in with a good friend back in the day and we were ON TOP of each other. It ended up ruining our friendship. It didn’t help that we’re very different people and I had no idea what a slob she was, which caused A LOT of fights between the two of us. Nonetheless, just make sure you each give each other alone time.
Otherwise, having a roomie is fun and knowing you you’re going into this with both eyes wide open. I’m happy for you!
These are very serious reasons! I agree with you that it is nice to move in with a roommate! I used to live with my best friend when I was in college and it was a lot of fun but also hard because the fact that you know each other well makes it that you can tell anything to each other and this can cause conflicts from time to time so be aware! Good luck!
I’ve lived with a roommate before and didn’t love it, but now that I’ve been by myself for the past four years almost, I’m 100% ready to live with someone again, and should life not throw any curve balls at me in the next six months, I’ll be looking to moving to another place and acquiring a roommate. Good luck with your new adventure!!