I’ve been thinking a lot about blogging lately. Spending an entire month without blogging was hard on me. I use this space as more than just a place to write but a place to let out all my thoughts and journal through my feelings. I’m pretty open and vulnerable in my posts and it’s a cathartic release for me to write some of my more vulnerable posts.
August was hard on me and I think some of that comes from not blogging. I had a friend tell me that coming back to my blog and talking through my feelings on August might help me get out of my funk. And she was totally right. While I did some journaling and soul-searching during that month, it wasn’t the same as blogging. There was something inherently missing from my writing, even though journaling let me be even more open, even more whiny than usual. But there is just something magical about this space for me. I share my ideas and get feedback. I open my heart up and get support. I have taken friends who were just people who commented on my blog and turned them into people I go to when I need a listening ear or a place to vent.
My life would be drastically different if I did not have this blog.
Because of this blog, I have opened myself up more to new ideas and ways of thinking. I have done more things to break out of my comfort zone and stop living such a small life inside my bubble. I am beginning to understand me and I know if it wasn’t for the blogs I read, or the friends who I have grown to love like sisters, or the ways I have poured my heart out to my blog to get feedback and support – I would still be stuck in my little bubble, afraid of evening attending a meet-up event for fear of what people might think of me.
Lately, I’ve been asking myself the question, why do I blog? Why do I spend hours each week creating posts, connecting with other readers, and reading blogs? What is in it for me? My readership has gone down, my comments have gone down, and while I don’t check my stats regularly, I am assuming they have gone down as well. Blogging has changed. Blogging is different than when I first started. Those friends I met in the beginning are no longer blogging. I know my writing has changed in dramatic ways (now that I’m no longer ranting about life and realizing people are reading my writing and let’s try to rein in the whiny posts a bit, ‘kay?).
I went through a long period of questioning my blogging style and ways I could change to make my blog better and more successful. I wanted to make something of my blog and learn all those big keywords bloggers need to be aware of to grow their blog. And then one day, I just stopped. I stopped writing for my readers (though I love you guys tremendously and MWAH!). I stopped fretting about stats and comments. And I just wrote. For me. I started using my blog to write through my tough times and hardships and exciting vacations and ponderings of the universe. I started writing about my faith and being serious that no, I do not have it all together but I’m trying. I started to realize that I am writing this blog for me. I am holding onto this blog because I need it in my life. Even if I pour my heart and soul into a blog post and get no response to it, that is okay. I don’t need to be a blogger who gets 80 comments when I just post a picture of my dog sleeping. I don’t want to be a blogger who just posts a photo of my dog to get a post up. I want to be a blogger who is a writer. I want to be a writer who has a blog. I want my blog to be a place where people can come and know I’m going to be honest and forthright, a place for people to be inspired or want to offer advice, a place that is wholly, 100% me.
Even if that means less readers. Even if that means less comments. Even if that means I’m never going to be a successful megablogger.
This blog is my release. It is my space to journal. It showcases my journey from a timid and shy 21-year-old on the precipice of a new beginning to an almost 25-year-old woman who is growing into her skin and herself. Who understands herself better and embraces her successes and failures.
Having readers and developing friendships has been one of the best parts of this blog and I love that. I will always love that. And never hesitate to email me to just say hey. Some of the best friendships I’ve developed off this blog have developed because one of us got brave enough to just say hey.
I am no longer struggling with my identity of this blog because I have released the need to worry about it. I will not fret over comments or falling stats. Why do I blog? I blog because not blogging would be like taking away a part of my heart. I blog because I have to. Because it is as true to me as breathing.
Why do you blog?