“Your fear is like an intuition-barometer. It lets you know how important this thing is to you. It lets you know how much this thing will help you grow. How it will expand you and peel away another layer so you can become your most authentic self. Fear tells us what we’re meant to do.” – Ashley, Why Terrifying Fear is Actually a Really Good Thing
Today is my last day at my current job.
On Monday, I begin a new journey. I have accepted a new position at a fast-growing marketing firm and I will be a copywriter.
How’s that for a little bit o’ news?
It’s been a surreal couple of weeks. I went through a rigorous interviewing process of three writing samples and two interviews. I felt good about my writing samples, solid in my interviews, and the job offer wasn’t exactly unexpected. (Though still incredibly thrilling and exciting!) But it has all felt surreal. It’s hard to imagine leaving my current job and starting over at a new company. It’s hard to imagine my coworkers won’t be my coworkers anymore, my job won’t be my job anymore. It’s hard to imagine that I will take an opposite direction to work, step into an entirely new office, and sit at a completely different desk. Everything will be different and it will be hard and yes, I am terrified but oh my god, this is exactly what I wanted and I can’t believe it’s all really happening.
Leaving my current company is bittersweet. My coworkers are so much fun to work with. We joke, we laugh, we vent, we confide, we gab, we support, we love. I love them fiercely. I wish I could take them with me. I will miss being around them. A piece of my heart will always be at that place, because I grew so much as an individual and as a professional. It was not without its ups and downs, good days and bad days and happy days and frustrating days and days where I left work, sat in my car, and cried because I was so unhappy.
I took this job two years ago because I was interested in marketing. Armed with a degree in journalism and very little work experience to my name, getting a company to take a chance on me was difficult but less than three months out of college, I was offered a position as a marketing assistant which has morphed into a data analysis role. My whole world has revolved around spreadsheets and data and analytics and while it’s been interesting, it’s not something I love. It’s not what I want to do with my life. I feel squashed creatively and I have known for a while that there is so much more I can do, but this company was not where it was going to happen.
And now it’s time to say good-bye and ready myself for what lies ahead of me.
My mind is battling between excitement and nerves, happiness and terror. It’s scary to leave what’s comfortable and familiar. It’s scary because there is so much uncertainty. It feels like I’m jumping off a cliff into the great unknown and I am grappling with myself. Anxiety is part of who I am and big change like, um, changing careers is anxiety-inducing and pretty terrifying for me. But it’s terrifying in a good way. Terrifying in the way that I am choosing to honor myself, my worth, my passions, my purpose. Terrifying in the way that I am going after my goals, chasing after my dreams, and silencing the voices of doubt that tell me I can’t do this. Terrifying because success can be terrifying. I’ve spent so much time doubting my writing ability, telling myself my writing isn’t strong enough and my voice isn’t unique enough and look at this person and this person and this person, they know how to write! And now… a company hired me to write for them. Because my writing is strong enough. My voice is unique. I know how to write!
So today I will walk out of my office one last time and close this chapter of my life. Monday will start a new adventure for me, a new chapter in the book of me. I’m so happy that I could burst and so ready for what lies ahead for me. It will be challenging and full of learning experiences. I will be working longer hours (but only working until noon on Fridays! What what!) and doing more writing than ever before. I’m so thrilled, though, and so ready. I know this is exactly the right next step for me and I’m filled to the brim with excitement for what lies ahead.