When it comes to setting goals, that’s just my thing. I love it. I love yearly goals and monthly goals and weekly goals and daily goals. I love checking things as complete and obsessively keeping track of where I’m at and where I want to go. Goals are my thing. So it’s fairly easy for me to come up with my yearly resolutions and break those down into smaller actionable steps, by way of my monthly goals.
It’s pretty easy for me to make goals, which is why I was excited to try out Nicole’s goal-setting workbook. It’s intense, it’s detailed, and it’s pretty incredible to work through if you geek out about goals, as much as I do. She breaks goal-making down in a completely different way, and it was pretty eye-opening for me, to say the least.
One thing she stresses, though, is about your obsessive goal. While I made long goal lists through her workbook, broke those down into a six-month time frame, and further down into action steps, she wanted us to choose one of the goals we set as our obsessive goal. The one we want the most, the one we’re willing to drop our other goals to make sure this one is getting marked as complete. The one that we crave the most.
My obsessive goal? I want to lose 50 lbs.
It’s been a goal I constantly am striving for and one I can never quite seem to mark as complete. It’s the area of my life that most makes me feel like a failure, like I’m not measuring up. It’s this constant beast that hovers over me, pushing me down when I fail and laughing in my face when I stumble.
I connect a lot of my self-worth to my weight, and I know that’s not good, and I know losing weight won’t solve all my problems, but it’s more than that. It’s more than being skinny. It’s about pride, it’s about understanding my strength, it’s about proving to myself how capable I am of anything as long as I set my mind to something. This goal I can’t seem to achieve holds me back from so much, both physically and mentally.
Physically, I’m just tired and worn out. I want to be healthy. I want to move more easily, to not be winded after walking up a few flights of stairs, to be proud of my reflection, to stop being asked if I’m pregnant, to feel better, to sleep better, to have more endurance and strength and power. I want to be less addicted to food, especially sugar and carbs.
And mentally, I want to show myself that I can be committed and dedicated to this change. To completely altering the way I view food and exercise. I want to feel good about what I put in my body, to allow myself to indulge but also recognize when I need to deny myself. I want to be committed to the change, to trust the process, to do the work, put in the effort, step outside my comfort zone, be open to a different way of living.
It’s hard and scary and difficult and overwhelming. I feel frustrated and mad at myself when I realize how far I have to go, and I’m learning to extend grace to myself to accept where I am and understand that I have what it takes to get where I want to be.
This is my obsessive goal. If I fail every other goal on my list, but emerge out of 2014 a slimmer, healthier, more energized version of myself, I will have done what I need to do. Honestly, I feel like this is my year. This is my time. This is when the change happens. I’m ready for it, embracing it, and excited to prove to myself that I can make this my reality. I can be a healthy person.
Commitment is my word for the year. It’s my theme to push me past what’s comfortable, what’s normal, what’s easy. It’s proving to myself how capable I am, even when I feel the least capable.
“Commitment means staying loyal to what you said you were going to do long after the moment you said it in has left you.”
50 pounds. I’m ready to hit this one out of the park.