I’ve started running again.
I had to start running because I signed up to run a 5k at the end of March in Savannah. And I would like to be able to run the majority of that race without, you know, wanting to die.
I have a love/hate relationship with running. I love it when it feels easy and I hate it the rest of the time.
So mostly I hate it.
I don’t look forward to my early morning runs, but there is literally nothing in the world that tops my feeling when I finish a run and fulfilled my goal. (Which is, thus far, completing all the intervals given to me on Couch-to-5k.)
I have to coach myself through the running. I have a bunch of little mantras:
Nobody said this was going to be easy.
It’s okay to be uncomfortable.
Pain is weakness leaving the body. (Even I roll my eyes at that one. OKAY?!)
Nothing good in life every came for free or easy.
You can do hard things. You can do things you didn’t think were possible.
Running makes me feel capable. It makes me believe in the possible.
The number one reason I don’t reach my goals isn’t because I’m afraid of hard work. No. It’s because I don’t know if I deserve good things. It’s because those big goals I want in life are scary as hell, and I don’t know if I’m good enough to achieve them.
I learned this term the other day: Upper Limit Problem. Marie Forleo explains it better than I can:
Each of has an internal thermometer for how much success, wealth, happiness, love, and intimacy we’ll let ourselves experience. That’s our upper limit setting. Kind of like our success comfort zone.
When we exceed our internal thermostat setting and life gets super duper OMG good (we have an influx of money, get healthy and thin, find a great relationship) – we unconsciously do things to sabotage ourselves, so we can drop back to the old, familiar place where we feel in control.
A “success comfort zone.” The upper limit to what you think is possible. And when things in your life start exceeding that upper limit, when what you thought wasn’t possible in your life suddenly become possible – and not just possible, but on-top-of-the-world amazing – we fall back into old patterns so we can get back to our comfort zone. It makes so much sense. At least in my life.
I’ve been in this unending cycle of wanting to lose weight, and losing weight, and then falling back into old habits because – just for a moment – I was finding success. Success that wasn’t exactly comfortable. Success that I wanted but I didn’t feel I deserved. Success that I worked for but didn’t know if I was good enough to keep.
And running. I’ve started and stopped running so many times. I stop when it gets too hard and complain I’m just “not the running type.” I stop even when things are going well and I’m on pace to meet my goal because this is “uncomfortable” and I “just don’t want to do it anymore.” (You can go ahead and imagine a foot-stomping to go along with it. I’ll wait.)
There is no limit to what we are capable of. The possibilities are unending. We can do whatever we want. I want my life to be one where I fought. I fought for not finding the good, but the great. Not settling for good enough, but striving for better than I could imagine. Finding what lights me up, what I am passionate about, what fuels me, and fighting for it. We only get one life. I only have one chance to get this right. And I’m going to fight for what I want. I’m going to set goals and believe in the power of myself to work my ass off to get it. The time is now. It’s not next week or next year or when I’m skinny or when I’m more financially stable. It’s right now.
This is the year we all put a stop to the self-pity and the negativity and the foot-stomping. And we dig in deep, grit our teeth, and find the courage, the bravery, and the guts to go after what we want. I’m going to stop believe there is an upper limit to what I am capable of, an upper limit to what I deserve, an upper limit to my success. There is no limit. There is no comfort zone. There is only fighting for what we want, grabbing onto the success we find, and enjoying the ride.