I have a post sitting in my drafts, and I was going to publish it last week to explain my absence from my blog. In the post, I talked about how I haven’t had time to blog because my grandpa (“Pops”) was in the hospital and I was spending every evening with him.
I never got to publish that post because the day before I was going to do so, Pops passed away.
It was shocking, traumatic, and completely unexpected. It has thrown my whole family into a loop because we all expected him to live for 20 more years at least. He was supposed to be someone who lived until he was 100. He was supposed to be one of those guys still kicking it at the gym in his nineties.
Instead, he’s now buried next to my grandma, gone at 77.
None of it makes sense and I’ve had a hard time wrapping my head around what happened. None of us ever expected we’d be saying goodbye to Pops and watching his casket be lowered into the ground on November 1st, a mere 18 days after he entered the hospital for back surgery.
This is the first time I’ve had to deal with an unexpected death in my family. I’ve lost great-grandparents, but it was always due to old age. I lost my grandma, but she had metastatic cancer and we had time to say our goodbyes. I lost Dutch, but I knew in the months leading up to his death what was coming. With Pops, it was entirely shocking. He may have been 77 years old, but he sure didn’t act like it.
Before his back pain got too bad, he was at the gym just about every day. He was swimming, keeping active, and maintaining relationships with the people he met at the gym. Just a few weeks ago, he had flown to Georgia for my cousin’s wedding. He lived an active, fulfilling life and had a massive impact on every person he saw.
Pops could talk to anyone, the complete opposite of me. Last year during my nephew’s birthday party, my mom and I laughed as we watched him go from person to person standing around the room, engaging them in conversation. My mom said, “There’s not a single person there who could say nobody talked to them.” He cared about people in a way that was totally genuine; even if you were a stranger, he wanted to get to know you. He believed in the impact of people and relationships.
Even in the hospital, he made friends. The nurses adored him, one of them (our favorite nurse) telling Pops over and over again how Pops was going to be his bodyguard when he recovered. They bent over backward for him because Pops was the most pleasant patient. Even in the midst of pain, he would smile at the nurse and ask how they were doing.
Pops was ready to live for many more years, and that’s what feels so hard about losing him. I expected to have decades longer with him. I expected him to see me marry and love on my babies. I thought I would be able to bake him so many more batches of cookies, have so many more holidays with him.
People tend to think that losing a grandparent isn’t as hard as losing someone at a young age because they’ve “lived.” They have had a full life. And that’s true. Pops had a full life. He spent 56 years married to the love of his life, survived alcoholism that threatened his marriage, got to watch all six of his children and all eleven of his grandchildren grow up. He got to see many of those grandchildren marry and have kids of their own. He had a successful stint in the Navy, owned a booming construction business, and traveled all over the country. A full life, indeed.
But it doesn’t hurt any less that I lost him at 77. It doesn’t hurt any less that I’m now 30 years old and have lost all of my grandparents. It still hurts. I still grieve deeply. I still believe he should be here, fighting through physical therapy treatments at his rehab facility. He shouldn’t be gone.
But he is gone. And he’s gone to a much better place. Because, you see, above everything else, Pops was a man of faith. He was the man who read his Bible every day, believed wholeheartedly in the Word of God, and could quote Scripture like nobody else. He led the Children’s Church ministry at my church throughout my entire childhood, and for him, there was never any doubt as to who Jesus was and what He meant to Pops. Pops loved Jesus with every fiber of his being. His faith was a constant, moving force within him. It was everything to him. It was what comforted him when he had to say goodbye to his wife for the last time. It was what kept him going through each day, as he tried to build a life without his wife by his side. His faith was the most essential part of his soul.
And on Sunday afternoon, on the 28th of October, he finally got to meet Jesus. Can you imagine? All of those years of praying and reading his Bible and following Christ with his whole heart, and he got to see Him, hear His voice. I can only imagine how Jesus greeted a servant as faithful as Pops. I can only imagine the beautiful party that was had as Pops walked into the open arms of his Father.
I miss Pops desperately and this grief feels overwhelming. But as the pastor said during Pops’ funeral service, he wouldn’t come back here even if he could. He’s where he belongs now. He served his purpose on earth, and now it’s time for the rest of us to fulfill his legacy.
I can only hope I make him as proud as he made me.
A beautiful tribute – your Pops sounds like an amazing man, indeed. Words don’t feel like enough, but I wanted to let you know I am so sorry for your loss. I’ll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you so much. <3
I am so sorry for the loss of your wonderful Pops. I know from seeing what you’ve written over the years that he was so special to you. My Papa’s death in 2016 was also unexpected. I hated that because I didn’t get to say goodbye. They know we loved them though. Take care of yourself during this hard time. <3
Thank you, friend. <3 Losing a grandparent is a fact of life, but it doesn't mean it's ever easy. They are such a part of our world, and that's what makes it all so hard.
This is such a beautiful tribute to a beautiful man. I am glad you had such a special relationship with your grandpa but it’s bittersweet to be so close to a grandparent because it makes losing them much harder. It is comforting to know that he’s in heaven with his beloved wife. I think about the beautiful reunions when I think about those I have lost. We lost my aunt to cancer 5 years ago and I think of her being reunited with her dad. And Phil lost his dad 5 years ago and I think of him being reunited with his son, Paul, who died when he was just under 2 years old (he fell at daycare and died from the head injury – so horrific. Our Paul is named after him (with his mom’s approval) as well as my dad). Those reunions must be so amazing. I’m thankful for my faith and belief in the after life because it’s so much more comforting to imagine them in a better place.
I will say that 77 seems so “young” to me as my parents are 70 and Phil’s mom is 75. I am lucky to still have 1 grandparent left – she’s 95 and appears to be in good health but we know that every day with her still here is a gift because most don’t get to live this long and have their mind and health intact!
I’ll be thinking of you and your family as you grieve this loss. 🙁
He was very young! And he lived such a big, full life in those 77 years. We all expected him to live well into his nineties, so it’s just so unfair we lost him so soon.
I take great comfort, though, knowing him and Grandma are together again. I’m sure they’re having a blast together up in Heaven. 🙂
Oh Stephany, I am so very sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for sharing such a moving tribute to your grandfather with us.
Thank you so much. <3
I couldn’t believe it when you posted about your Pops passing away. You had mentioned that he was in the hospital and it sounded like was on the way to recovery. Hearing now that he went in for back surgery, I am even more surprised by his sudden passing. Were there complications?
He sounds like he did everything to keep and active and healthy lifestyle, which makes it even harder to deal with such an unexpected death.
I can only imagine how much you miss him. He sounds like a wonderful man, husband, and grandpa! Many hugs my friend. You’re blessed to have had such a great Pops in your life!
Yes, he just wasn’t able to recover after his second surgery. It was really traumatic. I’m taking comfort that I got to have him for 30 whole years and be there for him during his last few weeks in the hospital.
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. My heart goes out to you.
Thank you so much. <3
Wow Stephany. That was so beautiful I had tears from the first sentence. I really loved the pictures. You are such a talented writer.
Thanks, Uncle Paul. <3 He was an incredible man.
I’m so sorry, Stephanie. Huge hugs to you.
What a shock, even though he had the FULLEST life, like you said. He sounds like someone I really would have liked. I especially love that he chatted with everyone and made everyone feel good by engaging with them – that is such a great quality! I’d love to hear more stories and see more of these adorable pics if you ever feel up to it.
Oh, I think you would have LOVED him. He just loved, loved talking to people and could have long conversations with anyone he met. I don’t have that gift!
Beautiful, not that I expected anything less. He and Your Grandma were very proud of you! They bragged about you every time I saw them! Love you sweetie!! Tamy
Aww, that’s so sweet to hear. Thank you!
That was so beautiful Stephany. I miss him so much. Thank you for writing this. I love the pictures
It was an honor to write it for Pops. <3
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss! Your love for both your grandparents is very evident from your posts and my heart goes out to go at this time, which comes so soon after losing your Grandma and Dutch. Sending sympathetic and encouraging vibes from British Columbia, Canada!
Thank you so much for your kind words. There has been way too much loss lately. <3