Ever since the semester ended, I’ve been in a weird place. As crazy, time consuming, and hectic as last semester was, I enjoyed it. I was challenged beyond belief, exhausted by 10 AM, and more busy than I have ever been. But there was freedom in that. I was stretching and growing as a person and as a student. I was given tasks to complete and I did them, some greater than my biggest expectation.
And now I’m back to an easy, go with the flow life. I wake up at 5:30 AM, go to work, come home, watch a little TV, take a nap, read some blogs, rinse and repeat. There’s no challenge, no focus, no excitement. It’s back to my same blah existence that I had before. Sure, I felt better rested and less crazy but there’s something magical about being busy and crazy. Something that makes you stand up and enjoy life.
I want that back. I want to be busy again. I want a new challenge.
I’ve been thinking a lot about goals. Where do I want to be this time next year? Who do I want to be? How can I stretch myself as a person? What’s my five-year plan?
I made three New Year’s resolutions which are pretty straight-to-the-point. I like those resolutions and have kept them at the forefront of my mind this year as I seek to achieve them by December 31. I have a “101 in 1001” goals list that keeps me motivated to take on new tasks and challenges.
But I want something bigger than that. I want to set some big goals and figure out how I am going to achieve them. I want to sit down and come up with a list of where/who I want to be in five years. I want to start living my life with intention every single day.
I never aimed to live the life of a normal college-aged girl. But I also never aimed to live the life of an eighty-year-old. I want to experience more of life, get a taste of the night life and traveling. I want to go to bed exhausted, but thrilled about my life. I want excitement, growth, change.
Next week, I’m going to start a week-long media fast. I’ll disable Twitter and Facebook from my phone. I’m not going to read any blogs (so, um, don’t post anything exciting. ‘Kay?) or even go on the Internet. I’m allowing myself one hour of TV a night. I just want to take a step back from this fast-paced, high-tech digital world and find peace within myself. I want to take time in prayer with God, reading my Bible and doing my Bible study. I want to journal on paper and talk about things I’m too scared to bring to life on my blog. I want to experience life and not worry about sending a tweet about it the minute it happens. I want to figure out what I want out of life and how to get that.
I’m drifting right now. I’m not exactly sure where I want life to take me. I’m not exactly sure who I want along for the ride. But I’m just not happy with life right now. I want to take the negativity out and bring in the positive. I want to remember what it’s like to be head over heels for Christ. And I want to reconnect with myself. I want to find myself again, away from Stephany Writes.