Stephany Writes

Categories: About Me

Never Have I Ever…

Never have I ever… owned a car.

Never have I ever… kissed a boy.

Never have I ever… painted a room.

Never have I ever… participated in Black Friday.

Never have I ever… eaten ribs.

Never have I ever… owned a cat.

Never have I ever… run a marathon.

Never have I ever… watched an episode of Seinfeld.

Never have I ever… gone bungee jumping, sky-diving, or parasailing.

Never have I ever… been a Maid-Of-Honor.

Never have I ever… gotten a tattoo.

Never have I ever… flown on a plane.

Never have I ever… been inside a Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods.

Never have I ever… been drunk.

Never have I ever… met a celebrity.

Never have I ever… been completely financially independent.

Never have I ever… been to Washington D.C., New York City, Chicago, L.A., or any other big city like those.

Never have I ever… climbed a tree.

Never have I ever… cut my own hair.

Never have I ever… played the lottery.

Never have I ever… swam with dolphins.

Never have I ever… been to a wine tasting.

Never have I ever… smoked a cigarette.

Never have I ever… read anything by Jodi Picoult.

Never have I ever… lived in another state but Florida.

Never have I ever… been in a long-term relationship.

Your turn. What is on your “Never Have I Ever…” list?

Categories: About Me

Taking My Passion Off the Shelf

The first time I tried to complete National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo – writing 50,000 words in 30 days) was two years ago. Halfheartedly, I tried it again last year. Both times, I got way behind within the first week and realized I had to let it go. November was notoriously busy with schoolwork, completing assignments and studying for tests before finals week came in December. It was too much to keep up with, between school and work and maintaining my sanity.

But I promised myself I would try again when I was done with school.

Well, I’m done with school. I’ve been done for almost six months now. And I have yet to even begin writing my novel. My biggest dream in life is to make a living as a published novelist, but I keep shelving that dream for other pursuits. Things that I need to do, but don’t fill me up with as much passion as writing does.

I know the easy part will be the writing. The hard part will be the editing, the revising, the rejection. I know there’s a part of me that keeps pushing it aside because rejection is scary and difficult to swallow. When I took a creative writing class my last semester of college, I had to step way out of my comfort zone and read my fiction aloud. There were writers in my class that already seemed to have a firm foundation in their writing. And they were amazing writers. Intimidating. Inspiring.

Another thing holding me back from writing my novel is the novel itself. What do I want to write about? Do I want to write young-adult literature? And, if so, do I want it to be faith-based or not? What about chick-lit? Can I even write in this style, funny and light, yet also cutting to the core of what women suffer with? (I’m currently reading my first Jennifer Weiner novel, Good in Bed. It is phenomenal and a great, great example of “chick lit”. Anyone who looks down on this genre has seriously never read a good chick-lit book.) Do I want to write pure romance novels, Christian fiction, or mysteries?

I know I have a story to tell, I just don’t know which one it is. Each genre fills me with a different kind of passion. I know there are incredible stories of struggles and triumph to be told in each one. Which one do I focus on?

November first is coming up much more quickly than I imagined. And I know I have it in me to complete NaNoWriMo. I just need to put my nose to the grindstone, focus on an idea that fills me with the most passion and excitement, and get to planning.

Have you ever completed NaNoWriMo? Are you doing it this year?

Categories: About Me

I Believe…

I believe in hard work and the things that we work the hardest for are the most worthwhile.

I believe that exercise can cure a bad mood, much more than chocolate, although chocolate is always the preferred method.

I believe that the holiday season is the best time of year and nothing else compares.

I believe everyone should go on a cruise at least once in their life.

I believe in the power of social media.

I believe that it’s the quiet ones who have just as much, if not more, to say as the loud ones.

I believe in snacking on spoonfuls of cookie dough.

I believe in rewarding yourself for a job well done.

I believe in goal-setting.

I believe that friends can sometimes be more supportive than your family, but your family will always be the support you look for first.

I believe in celebrating birthdays in a big way.

I believe a nap doesn’t count unless it is two hours or more.

I believe that abortion is wrong and that you will never convince me differently.

I believe in comfort food and that it is OK to eat your emotions sometimes.

I believe that my dog’s stinky dachshund breath is one of the best smells in the world.

I believe in putting yourself first, not in a self-absorbed way, but in a taking care of yourself way.

I believe in 9:30pm bedtimes.

I believe in our president.

I believe that cookies for breakfast is a perfectly acceptable option some mornings.

I believe that football is the best sport in the world.

I believe in squeezing my dog’s ears every chance I get.

I believe that marriage is so much more than a piece of paper.

I believe in staying up late to finish a good book.

I believe in being real, honest, and raw.

I believe learning how to handle money is one of the most important lessons someone can learn.

I believe in the sweet accomplishment of crossing the finish line of a race.

I believe in my faith and the comfort it brings me.

I believe in my writing and that someday, it will be on the spine of a book.

What do you believe in?

*Post inspired by Kate and San.

Categories: About Me

Fear

I’m not a big fan of Halloween. I don’t know why, but it’s never been a holiday that fills me with excitement. Growing up, I didn’t put too much thought into my costume, never went to a haunted house, and the only plus side to the whole holiday was the candy. I don’t understand why people enjoy being scared by visiting such events as Halloween Horror Nights and Howl-O-Scream or watching scary movies. Or maybe I don’t understand it because I live it every day.

I live my life in a constant state of fear. My stomach feels in a perpetual state of knots of everything that I worry about throughout the day.

Worry I will get a call, saying someone in my family has died.

Worry I will be fired from my job.

Worry something I blog about or tweet will be ripped apart and crucified.

Worry something terrible will happen to my dog.

Worry I will find out I have a terrible disease (or cancer) when I finally drag myself to the doctor.

Worry my anger will get the better of me while driving and cause an accident.

Worry I will end up in prison. (Like father, like daughter?)

Worry I don’t have what it takes to live a healthy lifestyle.

Worry about what people think of me: as a girl who is perpetually single, still lives with her mom, and has few friends (at least in real life).

Worry I am wasting my life away and will look back with regret on the life I led.

Fear is an awful way to live. It infests itself in every facet of your life, causing you to pass by opportunities and lose focus. You look behind you, instead of ahead. You never feel safe, never feel fully happy and content. You burrow further and further into this shell you’ve created because it’s the only place you feel a modicum of peace. It’s never full peace, but it’s there and for now, that’s OK.

It’s not OK. It’s not OK to go about life this way. It’s not OK for me to never feel safe. It’s not OK for me to worry about every little situation that can occur. It’s not OK for me to demean myself when something goes wrong. It’s not OK for me to continue to let fear live inside of me, to let impossible could-be situations crop up and grab hold of my heart.

I go to bed with my heart racing. I wake up in the middle of the night convinced my mother lay dead in her bed. I spend my entire day in fits of worry, fear manifesting itself in every little way it can.

It’s an awful way to live and it’s time to do something about it. It’s time to stop letting the fear control my life and start punching it in the face.

I’m 23 years old. I have an entire lifetime to live. And I refuse to spend that lifetime in fear.

Note: When my insurance kicks in next month, I plan on finding out if therapy appointments are covered. I work for a small company, so I’m not 100% sure it will be. Even if they don’t, I know there are other, more financially feasible options available for me. I know I suffer from some form of anxiety, but I’m not sure what or if it would require medication or just finding a way to talk through my issues. (Possibly both.) What I do know is these intense level of worry and fear is not normal and I need help.

Categories: About Me

Shifting Priorities

I took an unannounced break from blogging and social media last Friday. It was pretty spontaneous and spur-of-the-moment, especially for someone like me, who likes to announce these things. (I’m important like that.) But Friday morning, I decided it was time. I deleted Facebook and Twitter from my phone and just stepped away. Not fully. I still read and commented on blogs. I still had a book review to post. But I took the pressure off.

Pressure to keep up with my Twitter timeline, pressure to spend all my free time reading blogs, pressure to adhere to a strict five-day-a-week blogging schedule. Pressure to be present in everything but where I am at this moment.

I’ve struggled with finding my blogging and social media identity. Where do I fit into this all? What kind of blogger do I want to be? How is Twitter impacting my daily life? Lately, I’ve fallen into the habit of writing five posts a week, Monday through Friday, scheduled to post at 7:00AM every day. I have a set schedule for what types of posts I want to write each day.

This schedule worked in the past and things were fine. I would take a day off here and there, but generally, kept up the schedule.

And honestly? It’s just not working for me anymore.

Time is an issue. I work a full-time job now and usually work out at the gym afterward, not making it home until 7:30 or 8:00 most nights. This leaves little time to even take a shower and eat dinner, much less sit down and write a coherent blog post. And honestly, after sitting in front of a computer for 8 hours and having to have my mind completely on, the last thing I want to do is sit in front of my laptop and turn my creative brain on.

I worried a lot about how my blog might suffer once I started a full-time job. And I know it sounds silly, but I did. I have known many bloggers who have fallen off the face of the earth because their job consumes their entire world. I didn’t want that from me. I wanted a job, of course, but I also wanted to maintain a semblance of me and blogging is a major part of me.

I want to value quality over quantity and I’m not doing that when I’m sticking to a schedule. Instead, I’m too busy trying to keep up with the schedule to ever put out quality posts. So many good post ideas come and go because they don’t fit into the schedule, or I just can’t find the time to sit down and write them.

So I took a break. I had to get away from the schedule for at least a week. To figure out where I wanted to take my blog this next year. What’s my goal? While I love getting comments from new readers and the friendships I’ve built from this blog, my number one goal isn’t to gain readers or sponsorships. It’s not to make money. It’s not to become a famous blogger.

My goal is to write. To share my passions. To be honest and truthful in my everyday struggles with my faith, my health, and my everyday life. To plan for the future. To get back to writing posts that resonate with my soul, no matter if it causes controversy or people belittle the way I think. To write from the heart, not just from the head.

Maybe I think about it too much, but there it is.

(I also don’t want to take away from those bloggers who do make money from their blog, do use a schedule, do post daily. That works for them. It doesn’t work for me. But I don’t begrudge those who do.)

Don’t forget to enter my giveaway to win a fancy-schmancy training ball! Giveaway ends on Monday, October 3rd.