Stephany Writes

Categories: About Me

30DC: Week Nine

Thinking about what 13-year-old Stephany pictured 23-year-old Stephany would be like is tough. Back then, I knew I wanted a husband and children. I imagined I would find my footing and self-confidence during high school and college and meet the man of my dreams. He would be tall and strong, probably dark-haired. He would have a musical laugh and make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. He would be a Christian and we would attend a couples’ Bible study where, for the first time in my life, I would be a part of the popular crowd. We would perhaps be planning our wedding, or maybe still dating. I would have graduated from college and immersed in a career I love.

I don’t think 13-year-old Stephany pictured 23-year-old Stephany as a recent college graduate, still single (and still very self-conscious and shy around boys), living with her mom, and working a part-time job that doesn’t fulfill her in the least. I don’t think she would be excited about the fact that she still depends on support from her mother.

So what do I hope my future will be like? It’s a tough question because I know what I hope is not always what will be.

I hope to have a husband, someone who loves me unconditionally and makes me feel special. I know every day won’t be sunshine and roses but I know the man I someday marry will be worth fighting for.

I hope to have established a writing career. I want to be published and well on my way to being a full-time writer. Yes, it’s a lofty dream and yes, I need to do a lot of work with my writing but this has been a dream of mine since I was a little girl and I can’t imagine doing anything else with my life.

I hope to be healthy and happy. It’s a slow process but I hope to one day be able to control my eating habits and find a consistent exercise pattern.

I hope to have a family. Right now, pregnancy and having children is the furthest thing from my mind. (Well, aside from the fact that I am constantly worried people are going to ask me how far along I am whenever their gaze drops to my stomach. Erg.) But I imagine it will be something I long for once I find a partner in life.

I hope to be happy with where I am at the moment. I am always so worried about the future, about not being at a place I “should” be, about why I’m so different than other people my age. Just to be in the moment and content in that.

Categories: About Me

30DC: Week Six

1. I’m 90% certain I will be growing my hair out again for Locks of Love. I miss long hair and feel that sometimes, it’s easier to handle than short hair. This makes no sense, I know. But I’m excited!

2. I am a dog person through and through. I couldn’t imagine my life without a dog in it.

3. I watch America’s Got Talent every year, but I don’t really like the show. They put so many people through “just because” when they’re not very talented! I feel like Piers knows it’s a sinking ship and he’s the only voice of reason on the panel.

4. I’m addicted to soda.

5. I’m terrible at keeping up with my Words With Friends games.

6. Sometimes, I think about going back to my dark brown hair because it was so much cheaper! But I also love having blonde hair so I’m very undecided on this issue.

7. Sleep is one of my favorite things in the world.

8. But I think my relationship with my mom is my most favorite. While I bombed in the dad department, I got extremely blessed with my mom who knows how to be the perfect parent and perfect friend.

9. I recently joined an online dating site. I’m not sure how well it will work out but dang it, I want to go on a date every once in a while!

10. As excited as I am to get a new phone in August, I really do love my Blackberry.

11. I only like to watch movies with happy endings.

12. Even though this makes me sound like I’m fifteen years old, I really want a boyfriend.

13. I graduated from college almost seven weeks ago, but will not feel at peace until I have my diploma in my hands. (Sidenote: WHERE IS IT?!)

14. There are so many bloggers I want to get to know better and bridge the gap between commenting on blogs to e-mailing/chatting with, but it’s scary to take that leap.

15. I work at a preschool. I don’t have any specific job title, but I help out anywhere is needed. Mainly, though? I make breakfast for the center and give bathroom breaks.

16. Making phone calls is my least favorite thing in the world.

17. After going to the dentist.

18. Which is after going for a run.

19. I always thought I would want to be a June bride, but if I’m still living in Florida at that point, there is no way this will happen. The humidity is killer.

20. I’m really lazy about keeping my apartment clean, while my mom is a Clean Freak Nazi. Which makes me feel bad since she works 40 hours a week, I work 25. So I try to clean up to her standard, but it’s hard.

21. I think a food scale is an absolute must for anyone trying to lead a healthier lifestyle.

22. Sometimes, I “forget” to take the meat out of the freezer just so I don’t have to cook that night.

23. Chick-Fil-A breakfast > McDonald’s breakfast.

24. Spinning is my new favorite way to exercise. So long, running! Hello, spin bike.

25. Although, I am still running. But on a treadmill. And for just minutes at a time. I’m trying to build up my running endurance but adding 1 minute to my time at every run. So far, I’m at 6 minutes and doing good.

26. Rainy days are the best days.

27. Unless I do it, I’m really bad at putting away my laundry.

28. I’m at a point in my life where I don’t think I ever want to have kids. Which is weird, because I have always wanted to have children.

29. I never imagined job hunting would fill me with as much disappointment as it has. I knew it would be hard, but didn’t imagine the toll it would take on my mind.

30. I can’t believe I wrote 30 “interesting” facts about myself. That’s impressive.

Tell me one interesting fact about YOU!

Categories: About Me

30DC: Week 3

Before I get to the challenge: today, I am going on an interview. This is only the second company that has taken a look at my resume and asked me for an interview so I am hugely excited about this opportunity. Any prayers or well wishes you can throw my way would be greatly appreciated. 

I grew up in a strict Christian environment. My grandfather was a recovering alcoholic and alcohol was strictly off-limits for any family gathering. We didn’t drink it, we didn’t talk about it. I grew up believing alcohol was bad. Drinking was bad. Getting drunk was the stupidest decision one could make.

A month before I graduated from high school, I had a sleepover with two friends. One of the friends’ parents bought us wine coolers and alcohol to make strawberry daiquiris. (This still astounds me. I would never buy my underage child and underage friends alcohol.) I enjoyed the wine coolers and had a very strong daiquiri that I drank for the simple fact that I was with friends and we were drinking. I was a little tipsy, but that’s about it. We met for a second time after graduation for the same little “party”.

I didn’t have another sip of alcohol until I was 21.

After those two sleepovers with friends, I still had a bad view of alcohol. I still considered it “evil” and something “Christians did not do”. And then I became a blogger. I started reading blogs of people all around the world. People my age. People who are Christians. People my age who are Christians who drank. They talked about beer and wine and fruity drinks. What was this? Christians are drinking now? WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?

And then I realized something: alcohol isn’t inherently evil. I grew up believing that because of what it can make people do. How it can affect people. How it can become an addiction. But for the majority of us, alcohol is just something to have at a party or after a long day at work. It is perfectly OK to drink alcohol. I had a twisted view of the substance for the longest time and it’s taken a while for me to release all my restrictions on it.

I’m still not a big drinker. I don’t really like the taste of alcohol, so I rarely get a drink. For example, I only had two drinks on my cruise and in both cases, asked them to go light on the alcohol. I could go the rest of my life without alcohol and be perfectly fine. It’s not something I have to have, but it’s a nice divergence from my normal drinking habits.

My views have changed as I’ve grown older. While we still don’t have alcoholic beverages at family functions, I’ve learned that drinking beer doesn’t make you a bad person. I’ve learned that it’s OK for me to drink. God won’t love me any less if I do. It’s not a sin. And while I’ll never be someone who reaches for the wine glass after a tough day (it’s more of a Coke bottle and candy bar), I am the girl who will reach for a delicious fruity drink to celebrate and not feel bad about it.

Categories: About Me

30 Week Challenge: On My Season of Singleness

I’m borrowing this challenge from the fabulous Katy Widrick, who borrowed it from someone else, who borrowed it from someone else, and so on and so on. I love the idea of it so it shall be my new thing for Fridays.

Day (or week, in my case) one asks about my single life. I’ll admit it can be a touchy subject for me.

I’ve been single for a long time. And for the longest time, school was my biggest excuse for why I wasn’t dating. I’m just too busy to find time for a relationship, I constantly told myself. And while it is certainly true, I think I used this excuse as a crutch for why I didn’t put myself out there more. Why I shied away from attention and immediately deleted online dating profiles within days of setting them up.

I’m constantly changing my view on my singleness. Some days, I find it free and empowering. Other days, I find it lonely and empty. The fact is, I know I will one day have an amazing love story. I know it will be incredible, special, and mine. I just have to be patient, bide my time, make the best me I can be, and it will all fall into place.

But for the first time in my life, I finally feel ready. I feel ready to meet someone. I feel ready to make mistakes and explore the dating scene a little. I feel ready to fall completely in love. I feel ready to give my heart away, even if it’s returned to me in a million pieces. I’m so done with feeling like I don’t measure up and I’m not pretty or smart enough for someone to love. Because, damn it, I am. I am so freaking worthy of someone’s attention.

Who knows where the future leads. Right now, I want to learn to be content in my singleness. At the same time, I want to learn to open up more, take some risks when it comes to the opposite sex, and believe in myself. I know that if God gave me this desire for my own love story, He will be faithful to see it to completion.

Categories: About Me

Well, I Didn’t Die…

I have never shown my fiction. Writing a fiction novel is something that I was obsessed with when I was younger but has fallen to the wayside as I’ve become more involved with blogging, journalism, and life in general. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, but never something I have sat down to seriously consider.

Thursday was the day I had to show my fiction to a group of classmates. I am a very shy and quiet student, tending to stay in the background and never feeling the need to raise my hand to volunteer my work or offer an opinion. So having an entire classroom of writers, some being exceptionally good writers, having their full attention on me was incredibly nerve-wracking. I knew of my date from mid-January: March 24. I would have to showcase my fiction to a group of people I barely knew. As I read through my story again and again, I fall more deeply in love with my characters and feel like they are such a part of me. I wouldn’t say I was scared of the criticism, because I know it was done only to make the story stronger, but having all of the attention focused on me and my work wasn’t something I necessarily coveted.

I was pleased as punch when my classmates began to trickle in slowly. By 11am, at the class start time, we only had 9 people. Unfortunately, my professor stalled for time to wait to see if anyone else would show up. They did, and I eventually read my story to 16 classmates. I had decided to print out copies for people to read off of, instead of pulling it up on the computer to be flashed on the screen. It was less scary that way. And it also gave people a way to write down comments they had on the piece as it was right there to look at.

The first comment, made by a guy, was a little harsh. While we are supposed to start off with what we like, he started off with criticism, saying he didn’t know these characters at all and I made the man figure (Jay) too perfect. Luckily, I had a rebuttal in the form of a girl who agreed that Jay was a little perfect, but she understand the character development. From then on, classmates began to offer suggestions and feedback.

The good: The story has a nice flow and reads well. The story concept is a great one and, even overwhelming, in the possibilities to grow it. Most people liked Ava’s character and thought she was well-developed. They loved the last scene with Jay and Ava and this is where he is developed best, being controlling. And they loved the ending.

The bad: I made Jay a little too perfect, which I agree with. I was trying not to make him out to be a bad guy, and I think I went too far into the realm of perfection. Dialogue is a little stilted at times and should always move the story along. One girl also made the point of saying that the line “God had different plans” leads the reader to think everything will work out, but it really doesn’t. I think that was such a striking point that I agreed with. I need to show more of Jay and Ava having disagreements, instead of the only one at the coffee shop.

Things to ponder: I received so much great feedback on how to improve this story! One such piece of advice was to make the dress a symbol. Make Ava see how imperfect it really is, even if it is breathtaking on the outside. Another one was to really play on the controlling man vs. insecure woman angle and show that a lot through dialogue and actions. A girl also brought up a great point of how it seems as if Ava, who used to be very insecure, has found a sense of self and independence through the attention she’s getting from Jay, which, in turn, causes her to apply for the study-abroad opportunity. I wanted to KISS THAT GIRL ON THE MOUTH when she said that because it’s never something I ever thought of but it makes perfect sense!

All in all, it was a great experience. I do have to do another reading on April 19, which gives me a few weeks to make it a whole lot better. (And if you’re interested in reading the edited version, let me know in the comments and I’ll make a list of who to send it to!) I’m glad I’ve stuck with this class and it’s caused me to learn so much about the writing process. I still want to be a writer, but I know it’s not as easy as it looks. But there’s something there, a smidge of talent that I need to refine and keep working towards.