Dear 13-year-old Stephany,

I wish I could take you in my arms and give you a great big hug right now. You’re going through a lot. It feels as if the world is on your shoulders and the things you are going through are monstrous. You don’t like to admit it, but you suffer from low self-esteem and feeling like you don’t belong.

But I promise you, things are not as bad as they seem. In fact, compared to some 13-year-olds, you have it good. You have friends, a mother who would do anything for you, and a great family. You are doing well in school and it all seems to come easy for you. Maybe you’re not the popular girl and I know how much you want to have Scott or Dustin notice you. It’s tough being a teenager and middle school is hard. You are a sensitive, quiet soul but it’s hard to embrace that part of yourself when all you want is to be loud and exciting, like all the popular girls.

The biggest advice I can give to you is that it will get better. The world may feel like it’s ending but this time is just a small blip of your life. You will grow up, grow into your skin, and embrace who you are. One day, you will realize it is OK to be quiet and shy. You will find that the best friend you could ever have is staring you right in the face. And that being single is not the end of the world.

The only thing you want right now is to have a boyfriend. You want to be one of those girls walking down the halls of middle school with her hand wrapped tight in a boy’s and whom the whole school knows as “the couple”. Trust me that you will be happy you stayed single. And guess what? Aside from a short one-month stint as a girlfriend, you’ll be single throughout high school. You will hate it then, but when you hit college, you will be oh-so-happy you held true to your beliefs and values. That you didn’t jump into a relationship because it was the thing to do. It would have been so easy to fall into a relationship and lose the essence of who you are. You can enter your twenties knowing you are not afraid to be alone and that you are becoming the woman you were meant to be, with or without a man by your side. It’s hard right now, and it’s going to be hard ten years from now, but God has His hand in your romance and He will guide your path. Trust Him on this one, because it’s going to save you a lot of heartaches.

Over the next ten years, you’re going to learn a lot about your father, and none of it is good. For over two and a half of those ten years, he’ll either be in jail or prison. At this point in time, you know your dad isn’t one of the good guys but you still believe he can change and that he loves you unconditionally. You’ll soon realize this isn’t true and I wish I could spare you from the heartbreak that he will eventually cause. Hold on to that pure love you have for him now because soon, it will all change.

I promise things are going to get better, Stephany. Things look bleak now and at age thirteen, all you want is to be surrounded by great friends and adored by a cute boy. You’re going to get through this. You’re going to grow up and learn to accept who you are, even if the people around you don’t. You will find where you belong.

Just remember to stay true to who you are, keep your family close, and don’t worry so much about what others think about you. These people are not going to be around in 10 years and you will find that they didn’t matter in the least. Trust me, Stephany. I’m a little older and wiser. Things will get better. You will get through this teenage melodrama. And you will learn to love yourself.

Love,

Your future 23-year-old self

Prompt:
When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step? (Scott Belsky)

I love making goals. For a while, I was making monthly goals but stopped once I feared my blog was becoming more of a goal journal than a blog. In 2010 alone, I wrote about goals 13 times. So, twice a month I was either setting goals or talking about them. I have some big goals for my life, big goals for 2011. I want to lose weight, graduate college, become more independent, branch out more.

While at Disney World last month, I saw a sign with a quote by Walt Disney. It read, “The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.” I want 2011 to be the year I began to chase after my goals and put them into action. I want to stop talking about my goals and start living them out. I have big goals, yes. But they are all achievable and start with putting my foot in a different direction.

Sometimes, I feel as if I’m stuck in stagnation until I graduate in May. It’s not true, but I feel like I’m just waiting until then to begin my life.

But there are so many steps I can take before then. So what’s my next step? It’s to change my entire thought process about food and exercise. Eating right has been such a struggle my entire life and has become even harder as I grow up and take control of my own food choices. Most times, I scoff at people who seem to be able to eat right 24/7, saying it’s “not for me.” That thought process has got to stop. I have to start believing I can become a health nut and that some food is wreaking havoc on my body. And also on my mind.

I also want to begin thinking differently about exercise. The truth is, I feel awesome when I’m exercising. I feel as if I’m finally taking steps in the right direction and just the feel of sweat feels good. I’m not sure I have any specific exercise goals for 2011, but I just want it to become a more natural part of my day. I want my mood to be reflected on whether or not I exercised that day.

I want to end 2011 as a completely different person. I hope it doesn’t seem vain when I say I want to look completely different on the outside. I want to have more energy and feel better. I want to be thinner and stop flinching every time someone looks at my belly, hoping they don’t ask the pregnancy question. (Which, by the way, I was asked about on Monday. Whee!) I just want to look at my body and be proud of it. I’m not, because I don’t take the time to be good to it.

What is your next step to attaining your goals?