Family

Categories: Family

For My Grandma

My grandma and me, circa 1988

On Friday, October 9, my grandma passed on to Heaven. It’s been a surreal and heartbreaking time for my family, and I haven’t fully processed the fact that I’ll never hear her voice or receive her hugs ever again. For nearly eight years, she fought the most courageous battle with cancer. She was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer in 2008, and she managed to continually defy the odds, again and again and again.

It’s hard to believe with all she’s been through, with all she’s fought, that she’s really gone. She was the glue for our family. She was a woman who made everyone feel better when they were around her. She was a woman who freely gave out her love to anyone and everyone. Jesus received one of the very best women on Friday and I have no doubt He planned the most extravagant party for her arrival.

I take comfort in knowing my grandma passed away peacefully and without any pain. That she had her entire family surrounding her in her last hours. And, most especially, that my grandfather – the love of her life – felt complete and utter peace at letting her go. He is a man of strong faith, and it’s because of his faith that he was able to have this peace, knowing that Jesus told him it was her time and that Jesus is helping him get through this.

I process my emotions best through writing, so I wrote the below poem that I tearfully read at her funeral yesterday. On Friday before she passed, as we all gathered in her hospital room, my grandpa asked if we could talk about the qualities Grandma had that we loved best. I took the qualities listed, along with other qualities, to write this poem. My grandma was one of the biggest supporters of my writing and always believed I would be a published novelist someday. So, for me, there was no better way to honor her memory than by writing this for her.

Grandma Was

Grandma was joy
She put a smile
on the face of every person
she came into contact with

Grandma was encouragement
No matter who it was
or what their needs were
Grandma touched them
with words that would
motivate
inspire
enthuse

Grandma was fight
She battled cancer
again
and again
and again
She did it with grace
with strength
with positivity
She never backed down
and she never gave up

Grandma was grace
She was forgiving and accepting
of everyone
of everything

Grandma was wife
She was Terry’s sweetheart
for 56 years
56 years of
love
joy
happiness
family
Their marriage was an inspiration
Their commitment was a model
of which we should all
follow

Grandma was mom
She had six kids
a godson
eleven grandkids
and four great-grands
She was mother
to us all

Grandma was godly
She was the quintessential
Proverbs 31 woman
Noble in character
Unceasingly devoted to her family
Wise beyond belief
And clothed in strength
and dignity

Grandma was comfort
She was a woman
who restored peace to your world
and order to your surroundings
with just a smile
a laugh
a prayer

Grandma was nurture
She was the one we ran to
with skinned knees and
broken hearts
And she found a way
to make it better
to make us whole

Grandma was support
She believed that her kids
could do anything
No goal too big
no dream too far-fetched
Even becoming President
of the United States

Grandma was admiration
She thought her kids
were special
were unique
were gifted
She made us feel
powerful
strong
important

Grandma was blessed
She delighted so many
inspired everyone she met
and left a legacy
that cannot be tainted

Grandma was friend
She was the type of friend
that everyone needs to have
loyal and trustworthy and loving
She was always in your corner
and never faltered
in her belief of you

Grandma was love
She was wholehearted
unabashed
unconditional
overwhelming
inspirational
abundant
deep
genuine
profound
love

She loved not only her family
but also her friends and
everyone she met

But above all
above everything
Grandma loved Jesus
with everything in her
Throughout every curve ball
life threw her way
Grandma was Jesus’ faithful servant

And after
following Jesus
reading His Word
witnessing
serving
praying
fixing her eyes
on Jesus
and only Jesus
she is dancing with Him now
She is free of pain
of sorrow
of strife
She entered His kingdom
and He said to her
Well done, thy good
and faithful servant

We miss you
we grieve your absence
It’s hard to know
how to exist in this world without you
But we rejoice
we celebrate
because you are in glory
and we will see you soon

Categories: Family

5 Reasons Why I’ll Miss Living with My Mom

This is it. Moving weekend!

I feel like I’m entering this new phase of my life in the best way possible because I’m moving away from one best friend and moving in with another best friend. I’m really happy I opted for having a roommate rather than living by myself because I think it’s going to make this transition a lot easier.

Still, I’m very sad to be leaving my mom. It’s just been the two of us since my brother moved out when he finished high school. So, that’s 10 years. Minus one year of living on campus and that’s nine years of us living together. For most people, living with their parents past college is a nightmare, but for me, it has been a dream. It helps that my mom is my favorite person in the world and she treats me like an adult, not a child. And we just have a super wonderful relationship. It’s really awesome to have your mom be your best friend.

Today, in honor of leaving her to finally be on my own, here are five reasons why I’m going to really miss living with my mom.

Watching our TV shows together. My mom and I love some TV time and we watch a lot of shows together. Some of our favorites: Big Brother, Scandal, American Ninja Warrior, Modern Family, and The Blacklist. It’s always fun to relax on the couch together after a long day and turn on our favorite shows, laughing together or discussing them together. I’m going to miss those nights.
Having my life be so closely connected with my mom. My mom and I spend a lot of time together. This is good and bad. Good because it’s nice to always have someone around to do stuff with, but bad because it meant I spent a lot of time not trying harder to foster connections with other people. It has only been in recent years that I’ve been working towards building my own life, separate from hers. Even though I make plans with my friends often, my mom and I still have a closely interconnected life. (We’re honestly like an old married couple.) Though I’ll only be a short, 20-minute drive away, and I know I’ll be visiting often, it’s going to be different to not know what my mom is up to all the time anymore.
Having someone to share dog duties with. Taking care of a dog is a lot of work. I think one of the biggest challenges is the fact that you can’t leave dogs alone for very long. (Or, at least, a senior dog who has had bladder issues in the past.) My mom works five minutes from our apartment, so it’s easy for her to come home at lunch to let him out. Now, I’ll have to use my lunch break to let him out. My mom sets up his vet and grooming appointments – that will now be in my hands. And it’s been really nice to have someone around to be there if I decide to go out after work and spend a weekend away from home.
Saving money. Though I did not live rent-free with my mom, we didn’t have a full 50/50 split with our household bills. This has allowed me to save money and pay down debts. My budget is going to go through a radical shift with this move. It’s necessary and I’ll be living within my means, but I’m still a little nerve-wracked about it.
Having so much one-on-one time with my mom. I know I am really lucky to have such a close relationship with my mom. Not everyone has this, and it’s a credit to both of us that we’ve worked hard to maintain a wonderful relationship. It’s been so nice to be able to hang out with her whenever I want, to relax on the couch after long days at work and chat about our days. I will miss those chats.

I don’t want to make it seem that I’m not excited about my upcoming move. I really am! I am looking forward to this new change in my life. I know I’m going to struggle with the transition because I always struggle with transitions. (It took me forever to feel comfortable at my current job.) But I also know I am going to thrive in this new environment. I cannot wait for the new adventures that await me.

Today, my roommate and I will fill out the final paperwork, get our keys, and start the move-in process for real. This has been something we’ve been envisioning since we made the decision to move in together earlier this year. I can’t believe the day has finally come. The next time I write, I’ll be writing from my new apartment! Wahoo!

Post idea inspired by Kate

Categories: Family

Love, Laughter & Happily Ever After – The Wedding

On Saturday, my mom and stepdad were married in a beautiful ceremony by the water in downtown St. Petersburg.

It was a gorgeous day – sunny with big puffy clouds in the sky and a slight breeze off the water. They professed their love in front of friends and family, with my mom’s best friend officiating.

I love weddings. I really do. They’re just so full of love and happiness, of hope and excitement. Even during the times when I’m a bitter, chronically single girl, I love weddings. They turn me into a sap.

My mom’s wedding was no different. I feel like I’m such a broken record nowadays, but honestly, my mom deserves this so much. She has been through a lot in her life, especially as it relates to the crap she put up with when married to my father. I’m so happy she has found someone who treats her with patience and kindness and respect. It gives me hope that someday I can find the same.

There’s not too much to say about the actual wedding day because everything went perfectly. (There was a slight mishap when two of my mom’s friends who arrived early to decorate started decorating in the wrong area… but we got that sorted out quickly!) After the ceremony, we stayed for pictures and then cleaned up and headed over to the restaurant for the reception.

And the reception was just as wonderful! The service was fantastic and the food was delicious. And I just loved how people completely loved on my mom and her new husband. I’ve known for a very long time how special and awesome my mom is, and it pleases me to no end that she has found a group of friends who see that as well.

But, before I knew it, it was time for my mom and stepfather to leave for their honeymoon. There was a lot of emotion tied to this day – the stress of getting everything done on time and helping people find the location, the happiness of seeing my mom get married, the joy of being around my family and my mom’s friends – and seeing them off felt like the final pin into this journey of planning a wedding. As I packed all the wedding paraphernalia in the car, I felt like I could breathe for the first time in a few weeks. The wedding planning was over, my mom was now married, and they could take a break and relax on their honeymoon.

So, it was a beautiful wedding and I am so happy for my mom. I’m also thrilled to officially welcome Robert into our family. In the beginning, I wasn’t sure how he would fit in, but he does. It hasn’t been a seamless fit, but it’s a fit nonetheless. And I’m happy to call him my stepfather.

Happy wedding day, you two lovebirds! I cannot wait to see what the future has in store for you guys.

Categories: Family

Three Years

Minnie was a surprise.

I didn’t believe my mom at first when she told my brother and me that we were getting a dog. It was something I had hoped for, wished for, but never really believed would happen. Secretly, my mom and my dad had been visiting the local SPCA shelter and already had the paperwork to prove that Minnie would be ours soon.

I was in fourth grade, my brother in fifth. I remember leaving school early, and driving to the animal shelter to pick her up. She was beautiful. She sat on my mom’s lap as we drove home and immediately found her spot on a blanket laying on the floor the moment she walked into the door. At that moment, she stole all of our hearts and we would never be the same.

Over the next 11 years, Minnie was one of the best friends I’ve ever had. She slept in my bed every night, taking up as much space as she could. She would greet us at the door with something in her mouth, be it a shoe, a sock, or a receipt, anything laying by the door. She liked hugs and kisses after being away from us but was always content to lay in her bed while we watched TV.

She was a good dog. We could walk around in a public park without a leash on her and she would stay by our side, no matter what. My dad trained her and he did an amazing job. We could let her outside in the front yard and she would never leave, only scratching at the door when she was done. She would sit by the door and stare us down when she had to go outside. Sometimes, it would get so uncomfortable that we would leave in the middle of watching TV to take her out.

She was easily frightened by loud noises and yelling. Dutch is the total opposite, looking at you disdainfully when there’s yelling. Minnie always thought the problems lie with her so she would slink down real low, tail behind her legs, offering her apologies when most times, she wasn’t the one at fault. It was the most pitiful thing.

In April of 2008, I was giving Minnie a hug and petting her when I noticed her throat felt like there were two lumps. I had my mom feel them and we set up a doctor’s appointment right away. The vet didn’t have good news. Shaking his head and tsk-ing, he let us know that Minnie had most likely developed lymphoma. At best, she had 2 years left and that’s if we pursued surgery and chemotherapy. He gave her a shot to “help with the pain” but I know in my heart, it was the wrong decision. Within a few hours, Minnie was different. Lethargic, unhappy. She wasn’t the same.

We took her to a specialist, who confirmed our fears. She had lymphoma. Chemotherapy could help, but it wouldn’t prolong her life for more than two years and there wasn’t any guarantee of that. So we made the tough decision to let her live out the rest of her days until her quality of life diminished too far. Those next two weeks were the hardest of my life. It was so tough to see her go from a lively, fun dog who would greet us at the door full of energy, jump on the couch to cuddle while watching TV to a shell of the dog she was. She had a spot on the floor she only moved from to go outside. Every step she took was painful and every night, she would moan in pain. I don’t know how I could go through that again. I don’t know how it didn’t absolutely kill me from the inside with her.

It was June 8, 2008 when we decided we had to do what was best for her. We took Minnie to an emergency pet center to put her down. It was so difficult to hold her in my arms, a 25-pound sick dog, knowing this would be the last time I held her. The last time I looked into her furry face and saw my love reflected. When we went home, she would not be there for the first time in 11 years. I couldn’t be in the room when it happened. I left a split second before it happened. I hate myself for that. I hate that I left her. I hate that I couldn’t be there in those final seconds.

Minnie was an amazing dog. I feel blessed that she was my first dog and attached herself to my heart so solidly. I knew it would be difficult to replace her, but Dutch has done his part in restoring my heart. Still, Minnie will always be that first dog, the first one who taught me what love looks like.

Categories: Family

Cheated Out of a Father

A few weeks ago, I was walking through an aisle in the grocery store where I witnessed a father-son interaction. After everything I’ve been through with my dad, I always find it interesting to watch interactions between fathers and their kids. I have to admit, though, most of the fathers I see have very little patience with their kids. This was especially true with my dad, to an extreme.

The father was on one side of the aisle and the child on the other. While the father was sniffing candles, the child was playing with a display. And the kid accidentally knocked down one of the items on the display. He quickly picked it up and put it back but I was more interested in the father’s response.

From my own personal experiences, I expected a sharp reprimand and a look of sadness on the child’s face.

Instead, the father looked over at his son, gave a low chuckle, and motioned for his son to follow him. No reprimand, no look of sadness on the child’s face.

Honestly, I was astounded – and a little choked up. Never in my life could I ever imagine my father doing this. He was a man who was long on discipline and short on love. (At least, this is the way it felt to me.)

And I just feel so cheated out of having a father. I feel cheated out of knowing a father’s unconditional love and approval. Who knows what type of life I would be leading today if I had a father who loved and supported me in every aspect of my life? Who wasn’t a convicted felon?

It’s so easy to get caught in the what if’s, especially when life isn’t working out the way you imagined it. I could imagine what my life would be like with a great father, but it’s such a moot point. There’s a reason God gave me this father in my life. There’s a reason I’ve had to deal with such heartache and pain when it comes to him. I don’t know why but it has made me a stronger person. And it’s made me a person who is not going to settle for a relationship where a guy doesn’t show his love and appreciation for me. I saw how my dad treated my mother. I saw how he belittled her, threatened her, and beat up on her. I saw how long it took my mom to break out of this shell my dad placed her in to become the woman she is today. That’s not going to be me.

I am not settling for a relationship like my mom had. I want a man who is going to be there for me on my worst days and on my best days. I want a man who is going to treat me with dignity and respect. I want a man who brings out the best in me. I want a man who is going to be the best father to my children, who loves them unconditionally, no matter if they score the winning soccer goal or fail to hit the ball once in a baseball game. (And all of this goes hand-in-hand for how I need to treat my future husband as well.)

And when God gave me a father like my deadbeat one, he also gave me a mother who surpasses all expectations. She is the most unselfish, giving, and loving person I’ve ever met. She has given up so much for my brother and me and has shown me time and time again, what it’s like to fall down, brush yourself off, get up, and persevere. She has evolved into my best friend and someone I would be lost without. My mom more than makes up for my father.