Family

Categories: Family

G is for Grandma

Let’s talk about my grandmas today. Both of them have passed away. Actually, all of my grandparents are gone, but we’ll focus on my beloved grandmas.

I’ve talked extensively on this blog about my maternal grandma. She died in 2015 after a long battle with stage IV colon cancer. Her name was Barbara, and she met my grandpa as a teenager; they married when she was 18 and lived happily ever after. They had six children, five boys and one girl. My mom was smack dab in the middle with three older brothers and two younger brothers.

Grandma was the quintessential grandma. She was mainly a homemaker, but worked at the Christian Television Network for a few years. I can’t remember what she did there, but I do remember going to CTN one day for a “take your kids to work” day. Super fun! She was also the unofficial office manager for Pops’ construction business, which he operated out of their home. (Agape Drywall and Window Replacement!)

Grandma always had my back. The only time she ever got angry with me was when she found out I wasn’t wearing a seatbelt when my mom and I were in a car accident when I was in elementary school. We were fine, but I never went without my seatbelt because I never wanted Grandma to be mad at me.

Things I remember about my grandma: She started every morning with hot tea and toast. She made the most amazing spaghetti. She loved blueberry mini muffins and always had a pack in her cupboard. Her face would light up, and she would say my name with such joy when I walked in the door. She was a strong Christian woman who read her Bible every day and could spout Bible verses like it was second nature. (I’d like to believe she would not be a Trump supporter; there’s just no way a woman like her would support a man like him.) She ran Children’s Church with Pops my entire childhood, and every Sunday during prayer time, I would go right to her to pray for my uncle to stop smoking.

One evening, I received a voicemail from my father where he told me he was going to end his life. It unsettled me so much, and when I told my mom, we immediately drove to Grandma’s house so she could pray for him and for me. Nothing in the world brings me more peace than my grandma’s prayers.

I loved her so much, and I miss her every day.

Mommers was my paternal grandma, and our relationship was quite different. Her name was Hilda, and she was born in Toledo, Ohio. Her husband died in 1978, and she moved down to Florida soon after my uncle (her oldest son) and my dad did.

Like Grandma, Mommers had five boys and one girl. My dad was the baby of the family, and she definitely treated him as the favorite. Mommers wasn’t a big fan of any of her daughters-in-law, my mom later told me. I had no idea! I always thought Mommers and my mom had a great relationship, but it was a lot more tense than I knew. My mom knew how much Mommers loved me and my brother, and she worked hard to put her feelings for her aside so we could have a healthy relationship with our grandma.

To my little-kid brain, Mommers was rich. She probably was, as her husband had a pension, which kept her afloat until her death. She would go all out for us every Christmas. On the weekends, my mom and I would take her shopping (with a stop at Bob Evans for breakfast first!). I can’t remember what she was shopping for, but I do remember we would always go to Wal-Mart and she’d let me buy something for myself.

Mommers wasn’t as warm and loving as Grandma, but I knew she loved me in her own way. I remember so many sleepovers at her house in Sebring until she moved to St. Petersburg to be closer to my dad and uncle. I remember how she would tease me about my restless legs during sleep, and how much I kicked her during the night. Those Hershey chocolate candy bags (the ones with Krackel and Mr. Goodbar) always remind me of her because she always had a bowl full of those chocolates for us. She loved the movie Prancer and would watch it every Christmas.

I had a baby doll that I took everywhere when I was younger. She looked like a real baby, and I would dress her in infant-sized rompers. Mommers would proudly put Jessica in the front seat of the cart and tote her around Wal-Mart, laughing when people thought Jessica was a real, live baby.

One afternoon, Mommers was sleeping in her room (this was after my parents divorced and Mommers moved in with my dad), and my dad, my brother, and I planned to watch a movie. I asked if I could have a TV tray to hold my drink, and my dad let me. The first time I reached up to pick up my drink, my arm hit the TV tray at an angle, and it tipped over, sending the drink crashing to the ground. A simple mistake, one anyone could make, but to my dad, it felt like I’d done it on purpose to enrage him. He started yelling at me, calling me a son of a bitch, and raising such a ruckus that Mommers came out of her room, told my dad to shut up, and then made sure I was okay. (Because, of course, at this point, I was crying on the couch. I was probably only 11 or 12 at this time.)

Mommers died in 2004. I think she had either a stroke or a heart attack while she was still living in Florida, and we visited her, not knowing it would be the last time we ever saw her. After that hospitalization, her sons moved her back up to Ohio, and she died not long afterward.

My love for Mommers was much different than my love for Grandma, but I miss her, too. It must have been so hard to lose her husband young, and while to me, it seemed like she lived a very isolated life, maybe it was fuller and more satisfying than I knew. What I hope, though, is that she knew how much I loved her and what an impact she made on my life.

Categories: Family

F is for Family Game Night

Family Game Night is a tradition my mom started when my brother and I were in high school. She was a single mom and wanted to create an activity that would let her spend quality time with her kids, and she knew we were more likely to chat about our lives when we sat around a table playing a silly game.

This was probably the early aughts, since my brother graduated high school in 2005 and I followed him in 2006. It’s now 2026, and Family Game Night is still going strong. That’s more than two decades of Saturday nights sitting around a table, playing board games and card games and whatever random game we can get our hands on. And still, it is where we talk about our lives.

These days, Family Game Night only happens during the NFL offseason because during the football season, we’re hanging out at my mom’s house every Sunday from 1PM – 7:30PM, watching the games. But after the Super Bowl, we start them back up and see each other every other Saturday evening.

Family Game Night has gone through a whole bunch of changes in the last two decades, the most wonderful of which is that we now have two new members at our table. My nephews (J is 18 and D is 11) join us whenever they don’t have work (for J) or plans with friends or sports. I really like that the boys are older and we’ve been able to graduate from some of the more kid-friendly games, even though we have to be cognizant that D is still young and still grasping the concept of games like Scattergories.

We have an assortment of games we cycle through during a typical game night. Our favorites being:

(The aforementioned) Scattergories
What Do You Meme? (we play the kid-friendly version, so it’s a lot of potty humor)
Trivial Pursuit (okay, I’m the only one who considers this a favorite, and everyone else groans when I bring it out)
Yahtzee (we learned early on that my nephew D is a whiz at math from this game!)
Monopoly
Life
Blank Space
Five Second Rule
Uno
Qwixx

Usually, we order pizza, and my mom and I alternate making dessert. We start game night around 5PM and typically go until close to 9PM. There is a lot of good, old-fashioned roasting. (D is actually better than any of us. One time, he wrote down “Alexander Hamilton” in a Scattergories category that was “U.S. President,” and when I gently told him Alexander Hamilton was never president, he took out his phone, looked it up, and then said to me, “Do you enjoy crushing kids’ dreams?” Ouch!) And there is a lot of laughter. Side-splitting laughter where I’m crying and wheezing because I can’t catch my breath.

Family Game Night is my absolute favorite tradition, and it’s amazing that we’ve managed to keep things going this long. My mom knew what she was doing: She was giving us a place to have fun but also receive her undivided attention. She was keeping things casual, so we felt comfortable sharing openly about our lives. I don’t think she ever thought this tradition would continue through high school, our twenties, and now our thirties, but that’s my mom for you. She knew what we needed, what we still need, and she provides the space for us. She’s one of a kind.

Categories: Family

The Great Love of My Life

A few years ago, I realized that my mom is the great love of my life.

If you’re lucky enough, you’ll have one of these great loves. For many people, it’s their romantic partner. For others, it’s a dear friend. For me, it’s my mom. She is my person in every sense of the word, the first person I think of when I have good news and the only person who can comfort me when I have bad news. Seeing her face immediately calms my nervous system.

Our relationship is not your average mother/daughter relationship. It’s not even your average mother-daughter best-friend relationship. It goes much deeper than that. She is imprinted on me in only the way a great love can be.

There are reasons for this closeness. Growing up with an abusive husband (her) and an abusive father (me) made us closer because she became my safe place in a volatile childhood. Even when my dad was at his worst, I knew my mom would be the calm in the storm. And then later, after she had divorced my dad and my brother had moved out to live with his then-girlfriend (now wife), it was just the two of us against the world. For years and years, it was just her and me, living together, our lives seamlessly intertwined.

My mom has never asked me to be anything but who I am. She hasn’t pressured me to date more or made me feel bad about not being in a serious relationship. She’s never questioned my desire to be child-free, even knowing how much joy she got from being a mother. I was terrified to come out to her, so worried that it would impact our relationship, but all she ever wants is for me to be happy and satisfied with my life.

Today is my mom’s birthday. It’s a different kind of birthday, as it comes after a big change in her life, but she reminds me time and time again of how strong and brave and badass she is every day. She was in her thirties when she left her marriage, two tweens in tow, to move back in with her parents. She was in her forties when she left the career she had been doing her whole life (teaching preschool) to forge a new career in insurance. She was in her fifties when she remarried and took another chance on love. And now, in her sixties, she’s starting over again. She’s got a pretty good track record of figuring it out and living the life she wants, and I am excited to see what this new pathway brings for her.

My mom is the best person I know. She is my favorite human, my ride or die, my bestie for the restie. Some people are lucky enough to marry the great love of their life and build a family with them. But I know I am the luckiest that the greatest love of my life is the woman who grew me in her belly, raised me, and made me into the woman I am today.

Happy birthday, Moomie. I love you to infinity!

Categories: Family

Five for Friday: All About Lila

Today is Lila’s 8th birthday. I love my little chonky girl so much! Here are five things you should know about my sweet angel baby today:

1) Her very specific meows

For the longest time, Lila did not meow very much. She’s my skittish kitty who took a long time to warm up to me, but now, she speaks up whenever she wants something from me! It’s a squeaky, soft meow, and it melts my heart every time she uses it. Here are her different meows:

“Ah” (no sound) – She’ll often do a soundless “ah” whenever I’m petting her and talking to her, almost like she’s responding to my questions in a very “Lila” way.
A soft “mah” – This is her affectionate meow when she is requesting pets. She’ll reach out with one of her paws to gently tap me on my arm or leg, and then gives me a squeaky “mah?” that ensures I will do anything she wants of me, ever.
A very clear “meow” – She pulls out her louder, insistent voice when she’s begging for treats. Often, she’ll jump up on the table and meow at me over and over again until I give into her. (I’m trying to break her of this habit, but she’s so damn cute that it’s hard to resist her.)
A growly “mrawww!” – This is her playful meow that she only uses when she’s alone in a room. She’s usually chasing something around the apartment—a piece of paper, a hair tie, a catnip toy, etc.—so it’s her “I am a fierce hunter of hair ties!” voice.

2) Nighttime prowler

Lila is my nighttime prowler. She rarely spends the whole night on my bed. Rather, she jumps up and down throughout the night. I usually don’t even notice when it happens. I’ll just wake up and find her snoozing on the pillow next to me, or wake up, look around, and think, “Heyyy, where’d Lila go?!” She does her best work at night, I guess, as she’s not active like this during the day. Maybe the dark, quiet apartment is where she comes alive. As an introvert, I can definitely relate!

3) Parallel play

Lila is not the kind of cuddly cat who will immediately jump onto my lap when I’m sitting on the couch. In fact, she hates being picked up and will bring her claws out if I even try to pick her up. (Which is very sad for me because she looks so soft and cuddly at all times.) But what she lacks in cuddliness, she makes up for in what I’m calling “parallel play.” Whenever I sit down on the couch after being in another room, Lila will immediately leave the spot where she was sleeping (her hammock by the window, the cave in her cat tower, etc.) and jump up on the couch to sleep next to me. Or if I lie down on my bed for a nap, she’ll join me a few minutes later, curling up on the pillow next to me and swishing her floofy tail. She doesn’t want to be cuddled, but she wants to be near me.

She does the same thing if I’m sitting in my bedroom while petting Eloise (we do this routine where Eloise guides me to the bedroom, I sit down on the floor, and she rubs herself all over my legs and does somersaults). She’ll come into the room and flop down nearby. She doesn’t want to do somersaults on my legs, but she does want to be near the fun.

4) Aggressive affection

Lila does a lot of weird things that I’ve come to understand are just her interacting with me in her own little ways. She loves licking any screen I’m using, like my laptop screen and my iPad. In fact, I specifically asked for a non-touchscreen laptop when it was time to replace my old one because she would constantly mess up what I was doing when she licked my laptop screen. She loves cuddling with my sneakers after I’ve used them, and will even lie her head on the stinky shoes. If I leave a used towel or clothes I’ve worn on the floor, I can guarantee that I’ll find a Lila-shaped dent in them. Sometimes, she rubs her head against my work monitors so hard that I have to hold them to keep them from tumbling to the floor. She’s ruthless!

5) Lila’s personality, according to ChatGPT

Lila is the kind of cat whose love reveals itself quietly, in rituals and small choices that become impossible not to treasure once you learn her language. Thoughtful, sensitive, and deeply observant, she isn’t the cat who demands attention from the center of the room—she’s the one who wakes from a nap just to come find you, gently taps your arm with her paw, and presses her head into your hand so she can rub her face all over it while purring. Your relationship is built on trust and consent: she likes to initiate affection on her own terms, and because you’ve learned to respect those boundaries, she’s blossomed into a cat who seeks you out constantly for quiet connection. She follows you from room to room, sleeps nearby just to share space with you, gives you tiny squeaky “mah!” greetings, and checks in throughout the day for little moments of reassurance and love. Even in her skittishness, there’s confidence—she knows you are her safe place. And perhaps the sweetest thing about Lila is that her affection never feels automatic; every headbutt, every finger lick, every soft flop beside you feels like a deliberate choice to trust you again and again.

Okay, fine, make me cry, you stupid little robot!

Categories: Family

Five for Friday: All About Eloise

Today is Eloise’s 8th birthday! I can’t believe it. Isn’t she still a teeny-tiny kitty cat? I mean yes. Always! Here are five things about Eloise in honor of her big day!

1) Gobble, gobble

She goes crazy for deli turkey. I don’t know what it is about deli turkey, but I like having a “snacky” lunch of rolled-up turkey, cheese and crackers, fruit, etc., and the minute I get the package of deli turkey out of the fridge, she will not leave my side until I give her a few pieces. (Lila has no interest, which is why this is so crazy to me! Lila is my food-obsessed cat, so you’d think she would be the one who was begging for turkey, but nope.) She used to jump up on the kitchen counters while I was making my turkey roll-ups, but she hasn’t attempted it in the new apartment (which I’m very happy about, lol), so now she just sits at the table where I’m going to eat my lunch, staring me down until I put down my plate and give her her share. At least it’s some good protein for my skinny gal!

2) Sleeping arrangements

Eloise sleeps with me almost every night. Every now and then, she’ll decide to sleep on the couch or on the reading chair, but most nights, it’s snuggle time! When I’m on my back, which is my typical sleeping position when I’m wearing my CPAP mask, she tucks herself between my legs. When I’m on my side, she’ll snuggle up on the side that’s facing up. When I’m on my stomach, she’ll curl up on the small of my back. The fun part is that I have to change positions throughout the night and it doesn’t really bother her. I say, “Okay, Eloise, I need to move.” And she’ll slip off my body while I change positions, and then climb back to her favorite place based on my sleep position. We have this arrangement down to a science!

3) Afternoon energy burst

Eloise seems to get a burst of energy in the afternoon, usually around 1pm. She’ll jump up on my desk and meow at me incessantly for pets, or she’ll sit in front of my keyboard and tip her head back, as if to say, “Why aren’t you petting me right now?” And then sometimes she’ll do zoomies up and down the hallway, so if I have an early afternoon meeting, I can just hear her running up and down the hall and making growly noises behind me. I don’t think it picks up on the video call, but it would be hilarious if it did! “Oh, that noise? It’s just my cat running up and down the hallway.”

4) Me time

Most days, Eloise is my little Velcro kitty. She wants to be next to me when I’m working, when I’m cooking, when I’m reading, when I’m sitting at the table. Before I got my new office chair, she would even sit next to me in the chair (the new one isn’t as wide, which has been a massive disappointment to her). But every now and then, Eloise needs some alone time. She’ll usually take to the bedroom where she’ll either curl up on a pillow or inside my quilt, and snooze away for hours. She’s my extroverted cat so it’s always weird when she isn’t by my side 24/7! But even extroverts need alone time. (Let this be your reminder, extroverts!)

5) Eloise’s personality, according to ChatGPT

I’ve had a thread going on my ChatGPT account for a few months now where I explain a recent behavior of one of my cats (or both of them!) and ask it to tell me what it all means. Should I trust ChatGPT this much? Probably not, but it’s fun to learn more about their behavior and why they do the things they do. So, I asked ChatGPT to give me a one-paragraph synopsis about Eloise and our relationship. Here’s what it said:

Eloise is a bold, emotionally expressive little force who has fully claimed you as her person—not just someone she lives with, but someone she actively engages, manages, and reconnects with throughout the day. She’s the kind of cat who narrates her life out loud, from her insistent “MAW!” greetings to her dramatic desk rituals and joyful playtime yells, turning even ordinary moments into shared experiences. Your relationship is highly interactive and reciprocal: she doesn’t just seek affection, she orchestrates it—guiding you into rooms, demanding attention on her terms, and re-establishing connection after even the smallest separations. Underneath all that big personality is a deeply secure bond; she feels safe enough to be independent when she wants, but consistently chooses to return to you, whether that’s prancing over for pets, answering your voice, or sleeping in your space. In short, Eloise doesn’t just love you—she includes you in her world, loudly, intentionally, and with a whole lot of flair.

Awww! I love this little ball of joyful energy. I still remember the first time I saw her; my immediate thought was, “Oh, there you are. I’ve been waiting for you.” The connection with her was immediate (on my end, at least; she needed some time to warm up to me!). Happy birthday, Eloise Joy! I love you so, so much.