I just ended my 12th week on Weight Watchers. While this isn’t my first time around, it is the longest I’ve stuck around since the summer of 2007. Usually, the program feels too hard and I know that I haven’t totally been ready to commit to this whole weight loss/getting healthy thing. I mentioned before how different this cycle feels. I feel better about how I’m eating and even better about those bad weeks. Because I know it’s not the end of the world if I have a bad week. I know it doesn’t mean I’ll forever be fat. It just means I had a bad week. That’s it! There’s no deeper meaning to connect with this, but the fact that I need to do better the following week.

Two weeks ago, my meeting leader said to us that this program is easy. It’s not hard to follow, nothing is restricted, and there isn’t a certain quota you have to meet every day. Sure, they have the “8 Healthy Guidelines” but it’s something that is more recommended than required. The Weight Watchers program is incredibly easy. Eat right, exercise, and indulge (thanks to those 49 extra weekly points).

Last week, I had an incredible week. I stayed within my points range. I got in 4 days of quality exercise, usually over an hour each time. And I went from drinking 44+ points of soda, to just 18 points. I cut my soda intake by more than half. I even had 14 extra weekly points remaining, when I usually have 0. (I use up those points, and use them up well!) Weighed in. Gained .2.

I almost cried on the scale.

I mean, I really tried hard. I ate better, drank so much more water, and really tried to cut down on my soda intake. It bummed me out, a lot. But I remained positive, telling myself that it would be OK. Next week, I would have a huge loss.

Um. Yeah. About this week. It wasn’t pretty. I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’ve been waiting to feel like this program is too hard, and takes too much out of me. This week, it happened. I was just overcounting everything that I ate, being too diligent in tracking and exercising and decreasing the bad foods. I didn’t open my tracking journal once. The only thing right I did was on my soda. While I drank more of it than last week, I didn’t keep it in the house and would only have about one a day. A vast improvement from two weeks ago.

It wasn’t my best week. But it was just a week. A week where I didn’t follow the plan like I should have, but not a week that totally defeated me. I’m ready to get back to it, tracking my little heart out, exercising consistently, and reducing the amount of soda and junk food I’m taking in. Sometimes, you just need a week off the program to realize how much you need the program.

Stats
Starting Weight: 159.2 lbs
Current Weight: 151.2 lbs
Net Difference: -8 lbs (+.4 over a two-week period)
BMI: 27.7 (+.1 this week)

…buy a bag of Robin Eggs and finish the entire thing in a 24-hour time period. And try to feel guilty about it but can’t, because they are just that good.

…forget to charge my iPod and a scheduled run turns into an unscheduled walk.

…stop tracking my food deliberately and feel completely out of control.

…realize how much tracking helps me stay accountable and, most of all, more in control of my body.

…experience anxiety on weeks when I’m not working as hard as I need to be at this weight loss thing, worrying I will never be able to control myself and always be labeled as fat.

…get annoyed by the perfectionists in my Weight Watchers meetings.

…think the best part of my week is after weigh-in, when I get to eat whatever I want and not worry about points values.

…experience major exercise guilt, either from not working out or not working out as hard as I wanted to.

…think about quitting soda cold turkey, but I know I would be miserable.

…get really jealous of others’ weight loss successes.

…make a really good, healthy choice over a really bad, unhealthy choice and feel completely satisfied and proud of me.

…forget how good an early morning workout feels. I wish I could do that every day.

…think I have a really bad week and will never see successful weight loss…and end up losing more weight than I thought I could.

This week wasn’t a good week. This week was full of ups and downs. Full of pain and burning. This week was one where I only opened my tracking journal once. This week was more about dealing with my physical pain than focusing on my eating habits. More about lounging around, napping, and taking care of myself. Less about go, go, go and run, run, run. This week I learned that I need to slow down. I need to build up my immune system. I need to take care of myself. This week I gave myself permission not to track my food and focus instead on getting better.

It was a tough week. I didn’t work out once because when my blisters grew, I knew the worst thing I could do would be to aggravate them by sweating and pulling on them. Plus, for most of the week, it was a struggle just to walk without them burning or stinging so that was never even an option. I’m not someone who pushes through the pain and exercises anyway. It’s a struggle for me to get my butt to the gym on good days, so on bad days? Forget it. Not happening. I will say I miss exercising. I miss pumping those endorphins into my system and feeling amazed about what my body just did for me. And there were times I wondered how I would be able to survive if I had to wait weeks to exercise again. I never thought I had such a strong pull for exercising, but I guess I do!

As for my eating habits, the last thing I felt like doing was writing down every single thing I was eating. Sure, I was most definitely emotionally eating this week. But you know what? I don’t really care. It was an odd week. It wasn’t as if I had a test coming up and I was eating my emotions because of that. It wasn’t because I had a little cold, or had some rough days at work. No. I had shingles. Shingles! I’m still a little weirded out by the fact I got this virus, but I gave myself permission for the week off. I tried making healthier decisions but, for the most part, I took a chill pill from it all. Sometimes, you just have to have weeks when you emotionally eat. It’s not like I’m never going to do this again. I probably will. I’ll probably do it in the next few months. And sometimes, you just have to give yourself a break. Take a look at what’s causing you to emotionally eat and decide if it’s worth it or not. Sometimes, it is. At least in my world.

That’s not to say I’m not trying to kick this emotional eating habit. I totally am. And if this were a test, a rough day at work, or being delivered bad news – I wouldn’t give myself a break. But illness? I give myself a break when I’m ill. (And also, why does my appetite always increase when I’m sick? If I’m going to get shingles, at least suppress my appetite! Geesh!) Since I started the program close to two months ago, this is only the second time I’ve had a week like this. For me, this means I’m doing pretty well. (This used to happen every 2-3 weeks.)

All in all, not my finest week. But I have owned it and I’m looking forward to next week. On Tuesday, I woke  up to discover my blisters looking tremendously better and feeling good. Yesterday was the first time since last Tuesday that I finally felt like myself again. The burning/stinging is minimal and nothing near what it was at the beginning of this. I’ve taken it super easy this past week and I think my body has calmed itself down. (Although I still think it was more of a low immune system and the stress I’m under just caused it all to come to a head.) I’m attempting to get into some light exercise today, so I’m looking for suggestions. I want something that’s not going to pull too much on the sides of my body, where my blisters are. A walk on the treadmill? The elliptical? What would you guys suggest?