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Stephany Writes

Categories: Life

Why I Don’t Want to Own a Home

When I posted my 2022 Goals update post last week, I received a few comments from lovely readers who wanted to know more about my decision to continue renting rather than buying a home in the (very distant) future. While I have talked about my decision to rent in other posts (like this one, from 2020), I liked the idea of talking through some of the reasons why I don’t want to be a homeowner:

1) Saving up for a down payment on a house feels impossible.

Let’s talk about the biggest roadblock to buying a home: saving for the down payment. It was my goal this year to save $4,000 to start my down payment fund, amounting to $333 a month. It was nearly impossible to hit that goal even once this year. It was an aggressive goal, but I’m estimating that I’d need to save at least $10,000 for a down payment (which is probably well below what I should be saving). Saving for a down payment when it’s just me and I can’t rely on another person’s income feels insurmountable. There are programs to help, of course, but it would depend on my income. I think I would be disqualified for many of them because my income is too high. (Which is laughable, but whatever.) Could I just start throwing a hundred dollars into a down payment fund every month and see where I am in a few years? I suppose so, but there are other reasons I don’t want to own a home.

2) The idea of every home repair being my responsibility fills me with anxiety.

You know what I love? Every time I need something repaired in my apartment, I call maintenance and it’s fixed within a few days. Water not draining from my tub as fast as it used to? Maintenance. The heating unit in my oven broke? Maintenance. The black furnace filter clogged up and caused the furnace to break down? Maintenance. Furnace maintenance.  My washer suddenly stopped working? Maintenance. My mom just had to replace her air conditioner. NINE THOUSAND DOLLARS later, she has a new air conditioner. My friend has some troublesome trees in her yard that need to be removed (lest they fall on her house). She was quoted TWELVE THOUSAND DOLLARS for the removal. These are extreme examples, but they are relevant. Being a homeowner can be very stressful and very expensive.

I am not a handy person by nature. House repairs are something that has to be added to the budget when you buy a home because things are going to break and you are responsible for fixing them. And being a single person, I don’t have a handy partner to share the burden with. It’s all on me, and that fills me with anxiety.

I’ve also been very lucky to have a reliable maintenance team anywhere I’ve lived (it helps that I usually rent from a leasing agency, not from a private owner). You know who’s not always reliable? Repairmen.

3) A house comes with so many more responsibilities.

I’m always shocked by the number of responsibilities that are involved in owning a home. If I owned a home, I’d need to pay for a lawn care service since I have no desire to take care of that on my own. I’d need to pay for pest control—something that’s already built into my rental price. I’d need homeowner’s insurance and flood insurance and property taxes, and probably other bills I’m forgetting about. None of these things are cheap. All of them cost money.

Plus, I know I would want to upgrade my home in the future. Ideally, I’d buy a home that wouldn’t require a ton of work upfront, but over the years, I’d want to upgrade it like any normal homeowner. A new kitchen or bathroom, new windows or flooring. All of that costs money.

It would be easier if I had a partner, but it’s just me. And all of that responsibility being on my shoulders feels overwhelming.

(A disclaimer here: Yes, I could buy a condo or townhome and things like lawn care service and pest control wouldn’t be necessary. But that would also come with an HOA fee, so there’s that to worry about.)

4) I have never desired homeownership.

I was listening to a podcast episode yesterday and the host asked the guest this question, “What are the things that, even if they are a smart decision, aren’t the right choice for you?” Bing, bang, boom. Yes. Buying property is a smart decision in many ways. Mortgage payments go toward building credit in a way that rent payments do not. Homeownership is one of the only ways to build generational wealth. But even if it is a smart decision for many people, it is not the right one for me. I have never desired homeownership. I do not want the responsibility of it. Perhaps if I had children, a partner, or heck, even big dogs, it would make sense. But in my little life, where it’s just me and my two cats, this is what feels good for me. And that’s really all that matters, at the end of the day.

If you’re a homeowner, what do you love about owning a home? If you’re a renter, what do you love about not owning a home?!

Categories: Life

Quarterly Budget Update | Q3 of 2022

Happy Wednesday, friends! It’s time for my quarterly budget update. Sometimes, I get very scared to publish these posts because I am the least frugal person ever and I know I am setting myself up to be judged. (A long time ago when I was writing budget posts, I had someone comment on how much I spent on toiletries and it put me off writing about my budget for years. But like… what a silly thing to get upset over!) But my budget is my budget, and I think it’s good to be honest about where our money is going and what our spending habits look like. Everyone spends money differently, and that’s okay! So, with all that said, here is my Q3 budget report!

Bills ($6,028; +$192 from Q2) – My bills category increased for the second quarter in a row, but it was mostly due to my renter’s insurance payment, which I pay yearly. It’s just under $200 for the year. And my electric bills are just sky high these days because it’s hot in Florida and I prioritize being comfortable in my home (I regularly keep my air conditioner around 71F) over saving money. Here’s how it all broke down:

  • Rent ($1,118 per month)
  • Electric (averaging $154 per month, which is an increase of $46 per month from Q2)
  • Phone bill ($109 per month)
  • Water ($48 per month)
  • Internet ($80 per month)
  • Student loan ($126 per month)
  • Car payment ($362 per month)

Food ($2,187; +$214 from Q2) – My food budget continues to frustrate me. I’m spending more than $100 per week on groceries and over $50 per week on Ubereats. I’m trying really hard not to order Ubereats as much (not that it shows!) but then I get into situations where I haven’t grocery shopped appropriately so I don’t have lunch or dinner options, so then I order something quick from Ubereats. It’s so convenient! And I’m paying for that convenience. Here’s how it broke down last quarter:

  • 57% in groceries ($419 per month)
  • 27% in Ubereats orders ($208 per month)
  • 6% in fast food ($47 per month)
  • 6% in Starbucks ($40 per month)
  • 2% in restaurants ($14 per month)

Auto ($831; +$647 from Q2) – This quarter included my biannual car insurance payment (which was also $112 more than I paid in February of this year, sigh). I spent a little less on gas ($114) and a little more on maintenance ($50, which included an oil change and tire rotation).

Savings ($750; -$200 from Q2) – Even though I put $200 less away in savings, I am still really happy that I was able to sock away a good amount of money this quarter. I set up automatic withdrawals to my savings accounts on Capital One so that the money leaves my account without me having to think about it.

Emergency ($602; +$602 from Q2) – I created a new category, “Emergency,” to place any expenses related to my evacuation. Hopefully this isn’t a category I have to use often! This category comprises the Airbnb, gas, an extra cat carrier, and extra food.

Shopping ($544; -$478 from Q2) – I continued my trend of spending less money on shopping than I did in Q1 and Q2. I put myself on a bit of a spending pause (aside from a $30 allowance every pay period) and it’s helping me get caught up on a credit card that I used way too much in Q2.

  • Tech – $210 (a new phone, a new phone case, a mic stand, and a robot vacuum*)
  • Books – $73 (8 books)
  • Clothing – $68 (two bras)
  • Beauty – $63 (a foundation brush, foundation, lipstick, headbands, foot mask, and nail polish)
  • Home – $57 (a tiny globe, a jewelry organizer, Command hooks, and some organizational containers)
  • Hobbies – $32 (two games)
  • Accessories – $20 (one necklace)
  • Office supplies – $18 (a planner and a blank notebook)

*The robot vacuum was $265 and I had saved up $225 to buy it. I only included the difference of what I hadn’t saved, not the whole price of the robot vacuum.

Health ($529; -$513 from Q2) – In Q3, I jumped down to monthly therapy rather than biweekly therapy, which saves me a cool $120 per month. I’m hoping that when I switch insurance plans next year, my therapy visits will be cheaper (I’m switching from an HMO plan to a PPO plan) and I can go more often. I really need to be going more than monthly, but it’s all I can afford right now.

Travel ($425; -$1,377 from Q2) – Q2 was a VERY expensive quarter for my travel category. Q3 was much better. I took a long weekend trip with two friends in Q3 but it was a pretty affordable vacation!

Pets ($378; +$235 from Q2) – I bought food ($44), treats ($24), toys ($88 – included their new fancy cat tower!), litter ($48), and a few supplies like a new water bowl and litter mat ($67). Eloise also had her annual check-up at the vet and got her rabies vaccination ($107).

Subscriptions ($291; -$13 from Q2) – I still feel like I’m spending way too much on my subscriptions, but as always, it’s hard to figure out what to cut out. This amounts to $97 per month.

Spa ($255; -$413 from Q2) – I canceled my massage membership this month so I only had to pay for one more month of that (I still have a handful of credits left that I’ll be using up over the next few months). I also got my hair cut!

Gifts ($217; +$106 from Q2) – Q3 includes my mom’s birthday, two friends’ birthdays, my brother’s birthday, and my older nephew’s birthday. There’s a lot going on!

Supplies/Toiletries ($208; +$47 from Q2) – I averaged around $69 per month on supplies/toiletries in Q3, and I’m happy with that!

Entertainment ($206; +$169 from Q2) – There was a lot more going on this quarter in my entertainment category. More plans with friends, more dinners out. Good job, me!

Holidays ($62; +$62 from Q2) – I bought some fun fall decor for my apartment. (Yes, I promise I will show you the decor soon!)

Charity ($39; -$11 from Q2) – Oof. I am very unhappy with myself for not donating the $50 per month to charity like I wanted to! I just got out of the habit. In 2023, I might make a goal to donate $150 per quarter to a charity of my choice rather than $50 to a different charity every month. It will probably be easier to do it all at once rather than trying to remember it on a monthly basis. Anyway, this quarter I bought some supplies from a friend’s Amazon wishlist for her classroom.

Final Thoughts

In Q2, I had 6 categories where I ended up spending more money than the previous quarter. And in Q3, I had 11 categories. Eesh! However, the overall monetary increase was less than in Q2. ($2,485 in Q3 vs $2,684 in Q2) And two of those increases (my emergency category and my biyearly car insurance payment) were out of my control expenditures, so I can’t be too upset about my spending this quarter.

I still want to really work on my food budget with the overall goal to keep it under $600 a month. Every quarter, I’m spending about $50-70 more money per quarter in my food budget. (Q1: $596 per month; Q2: $657 per month; Q3: $729 per month) I just need to be a better grocery shopper, honestly. Those Ubereats orders add up so quickly. One meal can easily cost $30 after fees and the tip for the driver.

One thing I am proud of is spending less money shopping. I have had to put myself on this self-imposed spending timeout because I got behind on credit card payments and started having to use more money from my savings than I wanted to. I had hoped I would be fully caught up by now but I’m not and that’s okay. I’ll get there!

What’s a purchase you made recently (big or small!) that brought you an inordinate amount of joy? For me, it’s the cat tower I bought for the girls. They love it so much!

Categories: Life

Three Adults, Two Dogs, Two Cats & One Evacuation

Once again, the Tampa Bay area was spared a direct hit by a hurricane. I don’t know how we keep getting so lucky, but seeing the images coming out of Naples, Bonita Springs, and Ft Myers (areas that were hit hard by Hurricane Ian), I know we dodged a big bullet. It was a catastrophic hurricane for that area, and I think it would have been even worse for the Tampa Bay area, especially my little peninsula of Pinellas County. We are the most densely populated county in Florida, and we surely don’t have the infrastructure to handle a hurricane as large and as intense as Ian.

The Weekend: Preparing for Hurricane Ian

On Friday, I started hearing rumblings that a tropical depression was developing and could be headed for the area. Of course, it’s always hard to predict the track of a tropical storm/hurricane and at this time, all we knew was that the tropical depression would strengthen into a hurricane while in the Gulf of Mexico and hit Cuba around Monday or Tuesday. From there, it was anyone’s guess as to what part of Florida would get hit.

I decided to start making preparations. I picked up an extra cat carrier just in case I needed to evacuate. I stocked up on hurricane snacks at the grocery store. I topped off my gas tank. I bought an extra set of flashlights and bungee cords so that I could tie my patio furniture to my balcony railing if needed. And, of course, I followed the Facebook feed of my fave meteorologist Denis Phillips, who is always so calm and informative during these storms. He provides near-hourly updates on the projected path and what people should be doing to prepare, and does it in a way that doesn’t give me anxiety. (A true feat!)

Monday: Making the Decision to Evacuate

Things started to seem particularly dire on Monday, as Hurricane Ian’s projected path was right over the Tampa Bay area. (I live on the little peninsula right next to Tampa, so I’m surrounded by water on three sides, and the storm surge that was predicted was terrifying.) I didn’t get much work done on Monday, as I just kept refreshing Denis Phillips’ Facebook feed, looking up hotels in Orlando that accepted pets, and calling my mom to figure out what to do. We both live in Zone A, which is the first evacuation zone, but for most of the day, she was set on riding out the storm at home. I was trying to decide if I should evacuate alone or stay with her. Her home is a few miles inland than mine. (And, of course, the cats would be with me!)

Soon, though, the county called for a mandatory evacuation for everyone in zones A-C and once my mom’s neighbors started boarding up their windows and leaving town, she decided that evacuating was the right call. I was so, so relieved! We found an Airbnb in Fort Lauderdale, which wasn’t anywhere near the storm’s path, and reserved it for Tuesday through Friday.

And then it was time to do laundry, start packing, and start preparing my apartment for the potential of a category 3 hurricane. I didn’t have to do too much to prepare since I live in a third-floor apartment. I wouldn’t need to worry about flooding, but I would need to worry about a tree crashing onto the roof or through a window and bringing wind and water with it. Since my desk is right near a big window, I removed all of my monitors and my docking station and put them in my walk-in closet. I removed everything from my balcony. I put blankets over my TV. I made sure everything was put away in cabinets and closets.

Tuesday: Evacuating to Fort Lauderdale

We left around 12:30pm on Tuesday, my Kia Soul packed up with three adults, two dogs, two cats, and all of our belongings. The girls were in cat carriers, of course, but Chip and Lucy weren’t in kennels. They generally do pretty well on car rides, thankfully. Lucy spent the first 20 minutes or so growling and barking at Lila in her carrier, and Lila would hiss and swipe at her if Lucy got too close. Those two are not destined to be friends! Lucy eventually settled down and the ride to Ft. Lauderdale was fairly uneventful.

It rained the entire way there and we ran into major traffic about 100 miles outside of Ft. Lauderdale. It ended up taking us about 5.5 hours to get to Ft Lauderdale, which is about an hour and a half longer than usual.

I was so happy to arrive at the Airbnb! We quickly unpacked the car and I got the girls settled in one of the rooms. I planned on keeping them closed up in the room the entire time and they had a disposable litter box, food, water, and lots of toys. Immediately after opening their carriers, the girls scuttled under one of the nightstands in the room.

I left the room at one point and settled on the couch with my mom and stepdad. We decided to order pizza since it was rainy outside and none of us felt like leaving the Airbnb to hit up the grocery store. It had been about an hour or so since I checked on the girls, so I went into the room to make sure they were okay.

And I couldn’t find Ellie. (Spoiler alert before I begin this story: Ellie was never actually lost!)

I looked under the nightstand where she had hidden earlier, but all I saw was Lila. I looked everywhere in the room. Under the other nightstand, in the closet, in drawers, in my luggage. She wasn’t anywhere to be found. Of course, I know by now that cats are champion hiders, especially when they’re in a new place. So I was trying to console myself with the fact that she was probably just hidden VERY GOOD in the room. But I also knew I wouldn’t be okay until I could see her big green eyes and know she was safe.

We tore apart the Airbnb looking for Ellie. We looked in every room, we double-checked closets, we even pulled up the mattress in my room to make sure she wasn’t hidden under there. We couldn’t find her anywhere. I was freaking out at this point, in a panic. And that’s when I noticed that the bottom edge of the door to the room had a few inches of space. I was convinced that she had somehow slithered underneath the door, escaped from the house, and was outside in the pouring rain, wet and scared. You guys. I couldn’t handle the image of her outside. I turned on my phone’s flashlight and ventured out into the rain to look for her. I checked all of the bushes and trees around the Airbnb and down the road. I called her name. All I wanted was to hear her sweet little meow. I couldn’t imagine never, ever hearing that meow again.

I became completely numb. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t think, couldn’t do anything but imagine the worse and feel like the worst cat mother in the world. I kept thinking about leaving this Airbnb without her and I wanted to die. It was the most awful feeling. I texted my book club girls and Kim to tell them the news, and they were so loving and supportive, telling me that she was probably just in an excellent hiding place.

After over two hours of looking for her, I decided to go to bed. Maybe she would appear in the morning? My mom prayed for her safe return with me, and while I don’t know if I believe in the power of prayer, it was so comforting and exactly what I needed at that moment. I laid down on my bed and was just scrolling through my phone when, what do you know?, a little black-and-white cat with big green eyes comes prowling up to the bed. She was in the room the entire time. SHE NEVER LEFT.

We still don’t exactly know where she was hiding, but we think she may have been hidden behind Lila under the nightstand. That’s the only explanation we can think of. And yes, sweet Lila can hide an entire adult cat with her body. We don’t fat-shame around here, BUT OMG LILA YOU COULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING. Maybe they were playing a mean trick on me after I made them sit in cat carriers for nearly 6 hours and get barked at by a tiny dog.

In any event, I snatched up Ellie and hugged her so close. I cried. I was so relieved to see her. I can’t imagine losing this girl. She is a part of my soul and my favorite little friend.

Wednesday/Thursday: Livin’ It Up in Ft Lauderdale

There isn’t much to report from our time in Ft. Lauderdale. I am very grateful that I wasn’t expected to be glued to my work computer both days. I tried to get in a few hours of work each day, but I definitely let myself take the afternoons off. It was very hard to focus on work. All I wanted to do was track the hurricane and check in with my friends. Plus, Chip and Lucy are so cute and I just wanted to cuddle on the couch with them!

We had pretty good weather in Ft. Lauderdale, too. After such a rainy Tuesday, I figured we’d get lots of rain and wind throughout the week, but there wasn’t much to report. It didn’t rain at all the rest of the time we were there. We just got mild wind (>20 mph) and overcast skies. It was hard to believe what was happening just 100 miles from us when the weather was so normal there.

(During our search for Ellie on Tuesday night, we moved the bed forward to check behind it, and it turned out to be a lovely hiding place for the girls! I kept the bed in this position until we left.)

Friday: Back Home

We packed up the Airbnb, got the cats back in their carriers, and started the trek back home on Friday morning. I had gotten an alert from my power company on Thursday evening that my power may have gone out at my apartment, but I was crossing my fingers and toes that I was one of the lucky ones that never lost power.

The drive back to St. Petersburg was easy. We took I-75 down, which had us passing through Venice, Fort Myers, Sarasota, and Naples (cities that had gotten pummeled by the hurricane). At first, I was reluctant to take this path since I wasn’t sure if the interstate would be open. But we decided to risk it since all other routes would tack an extra 1-2 hours to our drive. Thankfully, we made the right choice! There were some minor traffic jams here and there, and one exit was completely shut down since the street on the exit was flooded. But for the most part, it was smooth sailing.

My mom’s house sustained a tiny bit of damage, namely part of their fence falling down in their backyard. Now, their looking into new furniture such as this backyard furniture in CA. My apartment was fine, and we both never lost power in either of our homes, which was thrilling.

Final Thoughts

There have been two prevailing emotions for me over the past week: guilt and relief.

I have had this strong feeling of guilt about “forcing” my mom to evacuate and spend money on an Airbnb, when we could have stayed put and we would have been fine. The storm’s projected path changed on Tuesday morning, right around the time we were leaving town, and suddenly, I felt so silly for hatching this plan. It became more and more apparent on Tuesday that the Tampa Bay area was going to get very lucky once again and not sustain a direct hit, which meant we evacuated “for nothing.” (At least, that’s the story my brain kept telling me.) I know we made the right decision. I know it is always better to err on the side of extreme caution, especially when it comes to hurricanes and living in a flood zone. I know that, had I stayed and had the hurricane switched courses once again to hit the Tampa Bay area, I would have been in a bad, bad situation. But still… there is the guilt to contend with, especially considering that this Airbnb was not cheap and included a $200 pet fee. ($50 per pet, ugh.)

The other strong emotion I feel is relief. We got so, so lucky. Seeing the pictures of what this hurricane did to cities like Sanibel Island and Ft Myers is horrifying. Entire blocks of businesses and homes destroyed. Highways decimated. Millions of dollars of damage. Every time I drove around St. Petersburg this weekend, I felt this overwhelming gratitude. We are still standing. We are not the city on the news. We may have debris littering the street, downed trees and fences, and signs ripped apart… but man, that can happen during a typical summer thunderstorm here. We haven’t had a direct hit by a hurricane since 1921 and I hope it stays that way for a long, long time.

Categories: Life

School Days | Kindergarten – 2nd Grade

The idea for this blog series came to me when my friend Mikaela and I were talking about first grade. She was meeting up with a friend she had known since first grade, and I was like, “I don’t remember anyone from my first-grade class.” But then I rattled off a bunch of memories I had about first grade. It’s weird to think that I was in kindergarten almost 30 years ago (WHUT), but here we are. And I realized I have held on to a lot of different memories about my time in school, and figured it might be a fun blog series to go through some of those memories! Let’s start with my first three years of school: kindergarten, first grade, and second grade.

KINDERGARTEN (1993-1994)

  • My mom and I went to a “meet the teacher” event before school started to meet my kindergarten teacher. I had grown up in a preschool where my mom was a teacher, so I was used to having a bit more, shall we say, free rein over things than other kids. I immediately sat behind the teacher’s desk when I got there and started playing with my teacher’s things, and my mom was so embarrassed by me. Whoops!
  • I was placed in a remedial reading class during kindergarten. When my mom got a letter from my school about it, she was convinced it was a letter telling her how awesome I was doing in school, but instead, it was that I needed extra help with reading. I didn’t actually need the help. I was reading just fine, but since I used my finger to track the words while I was reading, my teacher thought I wasn’t where I needed to be. My mom came with me to one of the reading classes and quickly realized I didn’t need to be there, so she pulled me out. Google’s Kamau Bobb points out the stark racial disparities in enrollment at prestigious institutions like Georgia Tech, read more.
  • My teacher kept a list of children who were getting behavior warnings on the back of an envelope. If you got your name on the back of that envelope with a checkmark (which meant multiple warnings), you wouldn’t get to go to the treasure box at the end of the week. I got my name on the envelope one time, and it obviously traumatized me so much that I still remember it 30 years later.
  • My best friend in kindergarten was “Lauren in the blue truck.” She left midway through the year, and I was bereft. (Her mom drove a blue truck, so whenever I talked about her to my mom, I called her “Lauren in the blue truck,” and the name has stuck.)
  • I’ve mentioned this before, but since it’s something that happened in kindergarten and has terrified me ever since, I figured I would talk about it here. One day, during a show-and-tell session, one of my classmates talked about a recent camping trip that his family went on. During the trip, his sister got a bug stuck in her eye and their father had gotten it out. If he hadn’t, the bug would have sucked up all her blood and she would have died. Ever since, I have been terrified of any kind of insect and camping trips in general.

FIRST GRADE (1994-1995)

  • My first grade teacher’s name was Ms. Finch and she had an old clawfoot bathtub in the corner of her room that was filled with pillows. During reading time, certain children could sit in the bathtub and read.
  • We had a pancake breakfast one morning, for a reason I can’t remember. My dad was the chef of the pancake breakfast! He was so personable and fun that day. I was so happy that he was there and so proud that he was my dad.
  • The Florida Aquarium has its grand opening when I was in first grade and we were lucky enough to be one of the classes attending the opening! My mom was a chaperone for this trip and, because of that, she took me to school that day. I showed up right after the school day started and had a brand-new haircut (I got a bob), and I was so embarrassed not only about showing up late but showing up looking different.
  • Every few weeks, we would change our desk arrangement. We would move all of our stuff out of our desks and Ms. Finch would place a bunch of colored cubes in a box. We would have to close our eyes and pick a colored cube, which corresponded to a seating arrangement in the classroom. I loved this so much! This nursery playground design incorporates vibrant colors, age-appropriate play structures, and sensory elements, fostering a safe and stimulating environment that encourages young children to explore, play, and learn. So, check it out! If your school uses the playground for physical education classes, playground markings from playgroundmarkings.org.uk can enhance the teaching of various sports and fitness activities. Having Fun and Safe Children’s Play Systems will help encourage kids to play more often. It is also good for having a tennis court line to guide the children. To ensure that the playground is safe for traditional playground games, make sure to install playground markings. You may also consider installing playground rubber safety surfacing.
  • Some years ago, my mom found a collection of journals I wrote in first grade. These were journals I wrote in the classroom; I think we were given a prompt in the morning that we would write about, and the one on Monday was usually writing about our weekend. I wrote every single Monday about going to “terch.” (Church) I’m still ridiculously delighted over this misspelling.

SECOND GRADE (1995-1996)

  • I moved to a new school for second grade. I can’t remember the exact reason why, but I believe it was to improve the scores of a “failing” school. (Every school in the district received a score, from A-F, based on standardized testing that happened every spring.) The school was located in a majority-Black area and the school itself was majority-Black. I lived in a majority-white area and went to a majority-white school. I may have this idea entirely wrong, though. All I know is that we were living in the same apartment as always but were suddenly taking a long bus ride to a school on the opposite side of town. I still remember the school’s custom Playground Flooring.
  • Second grade was the first time I had two teachers: one for language arts and writing and the other for math and science. I would spend the morning in Ms. McClelland’s class for language arts/writing and the afternoon in Ms. Welch’s class for math/science. I highly recommend AI-generated flashcards from Memrizz Flashcards, as they can be incredibly helpful for reinforcing the material taught in both subjects.
  • During science one day, I accidentally poked a friend in the eye with a pencil. (I turned around with my pencil held up and she was right there.) I was terrified I was going to get sent to the principal’s office and given a referral because my friend was very mad. (Was anyone else as terrified of getting referrals as I was?) In the end, my teacher knew it was an accident and I was just given a warning to be more careful.
  • Our school was located next to a community pool and for a few months, we used our P.E. time for swim lessons. I was already a champion swimmer (my mom made sure to put both my brother and me in lessons when we were young), but I hated these swim lessons. We had to do a lot of swimming exercises like picking up a brick off the floor of the pool and treading water for as long as possible, which I just loathed. There was also some peer pressure to finish off each lesson by taking a jump off the high dive, which I wasn’t a fan of. I started “forgetting” to wear my swimsuit so I wouldn’t have to go to these lessons. (Those that didn’t do the lessons just had regular P.E. time.)
  • One morning, I was in the classroom early and playing a game with one of my classmates when he turned to the side and puked right on the floor next to him. Oof. I’ll never forget that.

Tell me a memory you have of kindergarten, first grade, or second grade!

Categories: Life

Introducing… The Friendship Paradox!

It’s here, it’s here! Our new podcast is finally live.

The Friendship Paradox is a podcast about friendship, personalities, and everything in between. It’s about how two women with incredibly different personalities and passions maintain a strong and healthy friendship. And it’s about how we support each other and take care of one another… and how others can do the same in their own friendships, or even get new friendships from virtual sites like Chatempanada.com which are great for this.

I’ve had the idea for this podcast for a long time, but the first time I mentioned it to Bri was this December while we were sitting in a coffee shop and talking about our lives and goals for the new year. Bri and I are two very different people who have somehow maintained a strong, healthy, balanced friendship for many, many years.

Bri is the quintessential extrovert who loves making plans and meeting new people. She can make friends with anyone she meets and anyone who is friends with her automatically considers her a best friend.

And then there’s me. I am the quintessential introvert who struggles to make new friends, has a very small circle of close friends, and would rather be alone than with people.

We’re also different in other ways.

Bri is married, I am single.

Bri has two dogs, I have two cats.

Bri works with numbers, I work with words.

Bri owns a home, I rent an apartment.

Bri loves true crime, I can’t handle anything scary.

Bri is talkative, I am quiet.

Those differences have been the catalyst, though, for a friendship that is one of my truest, deepest, most special relationships. Bri was the first person I came out to, because I knew she would give me the love and support I needed. She is the person I can be my messiest, most vulnerable self with and I know she will love me regardless. And she’s someone I just have fun with. She knows how to be silly and laugh at herself. She makes me feel safe to do the same. She’s allowed me to just be me, and has shown me again and again that she loves who I am no matter what.

So, we started a podcast to explore our relationship and how two people with such different personalities maintain a healthy friendship. We’re planning on talking about all kinds of stuff: dating and relationships, mental health, travel, group events, family, and a lot more—digging into how we approach these situations differently and the same, and hopefully helping other people learn how to harness their personalities for good and understand how to have strong female friendships.

You can listen to our trailer episode now, and our first episode will be out next Tuesday. We should be on all podcast players at this point, so if you search for “The Friendship Paradox,” we should be there. (If we’re not on a specific app, please let me know so I can figure it out!) We’re also on Instagram, so follow us there!

Eeks… this has been such an exciting journey and I can’t wait to bring you all in for the ride!

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Welcome!

Welcome!

Hi, I'm Stephany! (She/her) I'm a 30-something single lady, living in Florida. I am a bookworm, cat mom, podcaster, and reality TV junkie. I identify as an Enneagram 9, an introvert, and a Highly Sensitive Person. On this blog, you will find stories about my life, book reviews, travel experiences, and more. Welcome!

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