Life – Page 39

Categories: Life

The Guilt of Contentment

I’ve been going back and forth with myself lately, feeling this need to talk about something I’m going through, but knowing it involves another person and it’s always dicey to talk about things that involve multiple people. But I’ve had a few people ask me about this and I feel like I should talk about it.

The last day of January, I broke up with my boyfriend.

We broke up for a variety of reasons, which I’m not going to discuss because it’s not my place. I will say that the breakup was mutual and it was drama-free. I still think he is a great guy; he just was not the guy for me.

What has been most interesting for me has been my process through the breakup. I mean, let’s be honest: it’s not as if this was a long-term relationship. We were together for a little over a month, but as someone who likes to refer to herself as “chronically single” and does not really date, to give myself over to a relationship for even a short amount of time is a Big Thing for me.

But I’m not here to talk about dating or our relationship. Rather, I want to discuss my guilt.

You see, ever since we made the decision to break things off, I’ve been outrageously happy. My immediate reaction to the breakup was one of relief (which is telling, yes?) and since it happened, I’ve been… happy. Really, really happy.

I’m happy in my singleness. I’ve always identified with being single. I’ve never been the girl that needed a boyfriend. I was single through high school, single through college, and have remained single in my post-collegiate life. I don’t have insane dating stories. I don’t have a ton of ex-boyfriends littering my past. I don’t spend my days perfecting my online dating profile. My weekends are filled with things solely for me: freelancing, time with friends, time with my mom and my brother and my nephew, reading, working out, writing.

I never realized how much I craved the independence that a single life brings me than I do right now. And, yes, I’m certain people who are in serious relationships also have their own independence and I’m not saying that can’t exist, but it’s just different. It’s different when there’s no one to check in with, no one to worry about. When I can make the plans based on my schedule alone, and not anyone else’s. I suppose I’m just in this time of my life where I want to be single because I’ve yet to find the guy I’m willing to give up my independence for.

And maybe it’s also the introverted HSP in me – a girl who has limited amounts of energy, and who needs incredible amounts of alone time to recharge. I can’t spend entire weekends away from home. I get depleted, I get tired, I get upset. I need my home, my bed, my dog, my comforts. I need quiet, relaxation, peace, stillness. I need it more than most people. I need it to stay sane, to stay in tune with myself.

So being single again doesn’t feel awful. I’m not sad about being single, not sad about the breakup. I’m relieved and I’m happy and I feel so satisfied and content with the life I’m building. It’s a good life. It’s a really good life. And, right now, that life just doesn’t seem to have a place for a romantic relationship. There are other things I want to expend my time and energy on.

But I feel guilty feeling this way. I feel as if I’m wasting time – I’m in the latter half of my twenties, this is prime time! This is when I should be dating, should be settling down, should be considering building a family. And yet… none of that appeals to me right now.

And even though I’m happy and I feel fulfilled and content… there is guilt. There is worry that if I stay content and happy in my singleness, then I’ll grow comfortable and complacent and not ever try to move on to the next season of my life. That I’m wasting my most precious years, holding tight to my singleness.

I mentioned this to Nora, whom I could also consider my life coach for all the pep talks she gives me. She is wise and brilliant and completely understands me because she was in my shoes once, too. And this is what she told me (I stole part of our conversation because I want to remember it forever and ever amen): “Be you. It makes you happy. The rest will come when it’s meant to. You’re not wasting time. You’re becoming and are the person you are meant to be. You have the rest of your life to be with someone, to love them. Don’t feel guilty!”

Wise, right? And so completely right. The single life makes me happy right now. It’s not wasting time to be completely in love with being single and want to spend time focusing on myself, discovering more deeply what I want out of life. I’ve known for a long time that I’m someone who likes to swim against the current. I dance to the beat of my own drum, do things a bit differently than other people. I’m not going to be the girl dating around, worried more about finding a partner to build a life with than building a life I love on my own. And I’m young! I’m 27! I have so much of life yet to live and I want to live it the best way I know how. Whether that includes meeting someone in the next few months, the next few years, when I’m in my forties, or never, I’m going to build a life I am proud of. And I’m going to stop feeling guilty and start appreciating this season of my life.

Categories: Life

January Reflections

And just like that, we’re finished with the first month of 2015. I know these months are going to fly by and before we know it, we’ll be ringing in 2016. January had its ups and downs. The highs were high and the lows were low, but I’m not going to dwell on those lows. I am happy with where I am, happy that I’m learning to stand up for myself even when my opinion is unpopular, and happy that I know how to listen to my heart. And I feel really, really excited about what the future entails for me. Good things are happening, even when life seems a bit murky and unclear at times, and there is so much to look forward to.

So, all that said, let’s reflect on January and all the brilliant moments it brought.

In January, I…

Visited St. Augustine. I loved St. Augustine. I’ve wanted to visit it for a long time, and it completely lived up to my expectations. It is a beautiful city, so full of life and history and beauty. I’d go again in a heartbeat.
Started running again. I signed up for a 5k, which meant it was time to tackle one task on my yearly goals list – train to race a 5k. All I want to do is improve on my previous 5k times (which are not impressive at all!), train smart, and enjoy the race come race day.
Started working on a big freelance project. This freelance project has been a lot of fun! I get to stretch my creative muscles in an entirely different way, and the experience I’m gaining is wonderful.
Had two great nights out with girlfriends. I love my girlfriends. We met for dinner on a weeknight when an out-of-town friend was in town for a short time, and then we had book club another night where we had dinner and then visited a brewery to play games. I have the best time with them!
Booked a cruise with my mom. We leave in 103 days! I cannot wait!

I also want to take a moment to take a look back at the yearly goals I set and talk about the progress I am making towards some of them. I won’t recap all of them, just the ones I feel necessitate talking about.

Yearly goals progress…

Complete the Book Riot Read Harder Challenge and read 52 books. I read seven books in January, two of which were for the challenge. And I’m now certain I lowballed my book goal for the year… at this rate, I’ll probably read around 70+ books! Heh.
Put 20% of my income towards savings/debt each month. FAIL. Huge, huge fail. I think I wound up putting 3% of my income towards savings/debt in January. I have to step up my game for February.
Race a 5k. Training for this one! And it’s super hard. But I’m doing it. Sometimes.
Master the 80/20 rule of healthy eating. I’m doing better with eating healthy. There is so much I need to improve on, but I have a whole year to figure this out. I would say I’m eating healthy maybe 60% of the time.

How was your January? What did you do?

Categories: Life

Top Moments of My Weekend

Happy Monday!

I hope everyone had a fabulous weekend – I know I did! It was the perfect mix of being social, being productive, and having downtime to relax and regroup. Next weekend is going to be a billion times crazier, so I think I may hunker down this week to prepare for it. This is the Introvert MO. 🙂 Let’s recap this weekend by talking about my top moments, shall we?

1. Had dinner at The Burg Bar and Grille. We went here for book club and it was fantastic! For many of us, it was our first experience and I will definitely return. We had an awesome waitress, delicious food, and great conversation. We sat outside, too, which was GREAT. (Yay for sitting-outside-in-January weather. I love Florida.)

2. Visited 3 Daughters Brewery and played cutthroat games of Cards Against Humanity, foosball, and giant Jenga. After dinner, we all trekked over to 3 Daughters Brewery to have drinks and play games. We played Cards Against Humanity, which is always a good time. (I had to take a picture of one of my “favorite” card pairings. Ha! So horrible, right?!) Then, there was a very competitive game of foosball played between two friends, and later, an intense game of giant Jenga. All in all, a super fun night! I love book club. 🙂

3. Relaxed with a new book on a rainy Saturday morning. Saturday morning, I woke up a little before 8am to high winds and rain, so after taking Dutch on a super short walk, we snuggled on the couch and I started a new book. I am loving it so far and am finding it hard to put it down!

4. Took a walk in the park. Once the skies cleared up, my mom and I ventured to our favorite park to take a nice walk. It was super windy (23 MPH winds!) so we were definitely working with some resistance! But it was sunny and beautiful and it really lifted my spirits, being out in the fresh air.

5. Saw American Sniper. Saturday evening, Alex and I went to see American Sniper. Oh, heavens. So good. I knew it would be intense and sad and really emotional, and it was all that and more. Bradley Cooper did a phenomenal job and it was a brilliant movie. I would highly recommend seeing it!

6. Had a super productive Sunday. Whew, was Sunday a productive day for me! Let’s see, I… worked on my big freelance project for a few hours, wrote this blog post, did laundry, washed and vacuumed my car, grocery shopped, and meal prepped for the week. (Roasted potatoes, roasted broccoli, cooked a bunch of chicken to take for lunch, and boiled eggs to take as a snack.) Needless to say, I was pooped by the time I went to bed!

7. Started Gilmore Girls! And now I basically want to forget all responsibilities, snuggle on the couch, and watch this entire series from start to finish. I’ve only watched maybe one and a half seasons of Gilmore Girls (and it was about halfway through the series), so this is an all-new experience for me. I love Lorelei and Rory. So much. They remind me so much of my relationship with my own mom! I’m obviously not a good Netflix-er, though, because this means I am now watching Friday Night Lights, Friends, and Gilmore Girls all at one time. I think you’re just supposed to marathon one series at a time, right? Oops.

How was your weekend?

Categories: Life

Project 365: Some Thoughts

So I did it! I finished Project 365!

One year, 365 photos, and the complete satisfaction at finishing.

I won’t lie – Project 365 isn’t easy. It seems easy. All you have to do is take one picture a day! That’s it. That’s all. But it can be a grueling process. Some days were easier than others, especially when I had something special to document, but the other days? The boring days where all I did was wake up, go to work, come home, make dinner, watch TV, and go to bed? Those are the days when finding a special moment to document was much, much more difficult. That’s when I had to really look for the small moments of the day that made me feel good.

A funny expression on my dog’s face.

A sweet treat at work.

A brilliant sunset while taking a walk.

A message on a chocolate wrapper.

A special purchase.

Life is made up of little moments and big moments. And this is what I’ve most learned from taking one photo a day for a year. I lead a quiet life, but it’s a life I really like. My Project 365 album is made up of more little moments than big moments, and there is nothing wrong with that. The big moments are nice, but we truly live in those little moments. That’s where life happens. And, if you wind up trying this photo project for yourself, truly find those little moments in your everyday life. Not every day is going to be big and crazy and magnificent. Sometimes, our days are boring and mundane and filled with the same ole, same ole. But really? That’s okay. The mundane is okay. Of course, growth and change and those crazy fun experiences are important but don’t forget about those small, quiet days. And don’t write them off as days that shouldn’t be documented. Sure, it’s a bit harder to decide what to document on those days, but I love looking back on my Project 365 album and seeing all those little moments I photographed.

I had fun going through all my photos and seeing the breakdown of all the different types of photos I posted. I knew there would be a ton of Dutch because it was easy to take a quick photo of him at the end of the day if I either forgot to take a photo or nothing of terrible interest happened. (And also because he’s so damn cute and people love Dutch-grams!) And also plenty of photos of the food I ate because foooood. Mmmmm! Let’s see how my photos broke down, though, shall we?

Photos of Dutch (including selfies with Dutch, mhm!): 92
Photos of food: 65
Photos of nature (flowers, palm trees, sunrises, etc.): 37
Selfies: 21
Photos with friends (including 3 with bloggers!): 15
Photos of books: 13
Photos of my nephew: 11
Photos of coffee: 8
Photos of work-related stuff (like shots of my cubicle): 8
Screenshots (i.e., phoning it in on the photo-a-day challenge): 7
Photos on vacation: 7
Photos at the pool: 5
And a whole lotta other mish-mash that didn’t fit into solitary categories

I’m really happy and proud that I saw this photo project through to the end. It was really difficult on some days, but once I got through the first few months relatively unscathed, I knew I had to keep going. It’s not as if finding something to photograph every day is intensely difficult. I got into this mode of thinking about my day and planning out when I was going to take a photo. Have book club? Great! Photo opportunity. Going on a walk in a beautiful park? Awesome! Plenty of photo opportunities there. Nephew coming over? Oh, he’s definitely being photographed! Meeting a blogger for the first time? They already knew they would be corralled into being my photo for the day. (And we’re bloggers. We love photos and documentation!)

And then, cool stuff sometimes happened in my day. Like the morning I came into work and my entire cubicle was decorated to celebrate my birthday. Or the time a date brought me a flower. Or the times I’d get the most perfect message on my chocolate wrapper. Little, unexpected moments that make up a year. That’s what this whole project is about. Finding those pockets of happiness and documenting them.

So how did I feel when I woke up on January 1, 2015 and didn’t have to take a single picture of anything if I didn’t want to?

That about sums it up.

JOY. ELATION. HAPPINESS.

ZERO SADNESS.

ZERO.

I woke up and one of my most immediate thoughts was, “I don’t have to take a photo today if I don’t want to! I CAN JUST GO ABOUT MY DAY AND NOT PHOTOGRAPH A SINGLE DAMN THING. THIS IS FREEEEEDOM!”

Look. I understand I decided to take on this project, but Good Lord, I am happy it is over. I am happy I can take a photo when I want to, not because I have to.

If you’re thinking of tackling this insane photo challenge, I definitely encourage you to try it. I have one friend who is doing Project 365 for 2015 based on my doing it, and I hope she has a blast. It is fun and it’s a good way to document your life, especially if it’s something you don’t do often enough and want to get in the habit. It really makes you take a look at your life and celebrate both the big and little moments. They all matter, and I’m so happy I have this little album to look back on, to see what 2014 was like for me and what I found important to document.

Have you completed Project 365? Your thoughts? Or, would you ever consider attempting this photo project?

Categories: Life

The Tampa Bay Project: Dachshund’s Bar & Grill

One of my goals for my Tampa Bay Project is to visit 10 non-chain restaurants in the Tampa Bay area. I mentioned this in the original post, but for someone who has grown up in the area, I am embarrassingly unfamiliar with Tampa’s points of interest. And when it comes to restaurants, I tend to stick to my old favorites (which are usually chains). So, this is a way for me to step a bit outside my comfort zone, try some Tampa area staples, and maybe find a new favorite restaurant.

One such restaurant I visited was Dachshund’s Bar & Grill. My mom had mentioned this restaurant in passing a while back, and I thought it would be fun to go there but pushed it to the back of my mind. Then, as I was trying to find something fun to do this weekend, I saw Dachshund’s was running a Groupon – $12 for $20 worth of food! I was sold.

So we went and it was fabulous. Dachshund’s Bar & Grill is nestled in an unassuming shopping center in the Town n Country area of Tampa. It’s a brand-spankin’-new restaurant that just opened in August. There is a good amount of outdoor seating, which is nice for those who bring their pets. On the inside, dachshund prints line the walls and I could maybe live here. Yes. They are also incredibly dog-friendly, which makes sense with their namesake, but it was nice that Dutch wasn’t an annoyance, but that they loved him being there.

When my mom and I went on Saturday afternoon, we were told we could bring Dutch inside. So we did, but I could tell Dutch is a little too neurotic for that. He wanted to explore! Annnnd then he almost peed on a wall, so I hustled him outside to do his business. After that, we decided to sit outside. Luckily, it was a nice day (low 70s – don’t hate!)

My mom and I both ordered the same thing: the Chicago Shepard, a 1/4 pound Black Angus hot dog served on a poppyseed bun and topped with raw onions, relish, mustard, tomato slices, peppers, and a dash of celery salt. It was delicious! I am not a big fan of hot dogs (well, the animal version, yes. The food version, not so much.), but this place has sold me. I am already thinking about the next time I can go back!

Dutch was also a fan. He ate his fair share of french fries (even stole one off my plate!) and a tiny bite of the wiener. We’ll definitely be back!

Of course, Dachshund’s Bar & Grill isn’t the only Tampa Bay area restaurant I’ve visited since making my list. I’ve visited three other restaurants:

Harvey’s 4th Street Grill – A restaurant located in St. Pete, not too far from me. I went here with my mom a few months ago. It’s small, dark, and folksy. I went simple and ordered a burger and fries. They were good. Not life-changing, but good. I think breakfast would have been a better choice. Live and learn, right?
Datz – This is a Tampa staple, or so I am told. I went for Ladies’ Happy Hour with work friends, and I really, really want to go back! I ordered a sandwich, the Hansel & Gretel, which was ham, swiss cheese, and beer cheese fondue on a pretzel bun. It was good, but I’m not a huge fan of ham and, at the risk of tomatoes being thrown at me, too much cheese on my sandwich. (I would opt for no cheese, in most cases.) But, for those who like ham & cheese? You’d love it.
Nicki’s Omelette & Grill – I went here with some work friends last week. It’s a cute little diner in Tampa, and I was told they make the best breakfast anywhere. I ordered French toast, which was made on their homemade bread, and I will say it was very, very good. I want to try an omelet next time! I’m not very picky with breakfast, so I don’t know if it’s the best I’ve ever had (I’d venture to say I would rather go for Ciccio’s brunch, if I had to make a decision), but it was very good and I want to go back soon!

If I came to visit your city, what is a must-visit restaurant you would recommend and why?