Stephany Writes

Categories: Life

This Is What Democracy Looks Like

women's march st pete

I’ve never been particularly interested in politics.

Ten years ago, I was a conservative Republican who was pro-life and didn’t believe in gay rights. That’s just the way I was raised. I grew up in a strict Christian family (we were Pentecostals, which should give you a very good idea of the type of faith I was raised in) and this is what they believed in, so it’s what I believed in.

Even though I couldn’t vote in 2004, I wanted Bush to win a second term, and when he did, I was thrilled.

Mmhmm.

And then 2008 rolled around. I was 20 and it was my first election. My choices: Barack Obama, a Democrat, or John McCain, a Republican.

I voted for Obama, gladly and happily, and was over the moon excited when he won.

And then I voted for Obama for a second term, still gladly, still happily.

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But even though I voted Democrat in 2008 and 2012, I considered myself a Republican. I still considered myself pro-life. I just didn’t feel like voting based on one single issue nor did I feel like the Republican candidates fit my vision for America.

This past year, something changed. Maybe it was what happened during this election cycle when the Republican nominee was someone so vile and so repugnant that the only thing I could do was figure out where my alliances truly lie. I became engaged this time. I learned about issues and followed blogs and forums that talked about what was going on. I figured out that what I truly, actually believe, after researching and reading and opening my heart, is nothing of what the GOP stands for.

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What I am is a liberal Democrat with a passion for human rights, most especially for women and the LGBTQIA community. I’m pro-choice, which is not the same as being pro-abortion. Then again, being pro-life isn’t the same as being pro-all life. What I do believe is that women should have access to the services they need and, in some cases, that includes abortion services. What I believe is that I have zero right to tell a woman what she should do with her body. And neither does anyone else.

Can I admit that I’m a little scared to say all of that publicly? I know that’s a highly controversial opinion (at least to some people), and I am more than happy to discuss further, calmly and respectfully, with anyone who wants to send me an email.

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But back to the matter at hand.

This past Saturday, I attended the Women’s March St. Pete and it was life-changing. I feel like I’m still trying to process all of my emotions because it was such a positive, uplifting, exhilarating time. Friday felt like the beginning of the end, but Saturday gave me back hope. It made me realize how many people are ready to fight and to make their voices heard.

This past Saturday, there were marches on every single continent. (Yes, even Antarctica!) I’m not sure of the final numbers, but I do know that there were at least 3 million people marching around the world.

It was peaceful. It was encouraging. It was demanding action without violence.

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It was about showing this new administration that is going to be led by someone who has racist, misogynistic, xenophobic views that we are going to fight him every step of the way. It was to tell him that we the people believe in the rights for all… for women, for the LGBTQIA community, for immigrants, for those with disabilities.

At these marches, there were Democrats and Republicans. Christians and Muslims and Jews and atheists. Pro-lifers and pro-choicers. Women, men, kids. Liberals and conservatives. It was all of us coming together to stand together in solidarity.

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photo credit

It was about human rights. That’s why we marched. And if you can’t see how this incoming administration is a threat on that, then I have nothing to say to you. At the end of the day, this march showed that this isn’t about party vs party. It’s about people who fight for human rights vs people who are threatened by those who are different. Those who don’t care about marginalized communities. Those who don’t believe rape culture exists. Those who laughed along with Trump as he joked about grabbing a woman by the pussy.

As I walked along streets I’ve known my entire life in downtown St. Petersburg, so crammed in some areas that I couldn’t move, I felt filled up. I read the signs and snapped photos. I chanted along with the crowd with my fist in the air. Show me what democracy looks like. THIS IS WHAT DEMOCRACY LOOKS LIKE.

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And, look, I get it. This is not the end. I’m not patting myself on the back for a job well done for going to a march for a few hours on a Saturday. There is still work to be done. There is a lot of work to be done. There are calls to be made, protests to attend, money to donate, organizations to volunteer with. There’s a midterm election to prepare for. This is only the beginning of what is going to be a long and tough-fought four years.

But hell. I am fired up and ready to go. This march was a life-changing experience not because I attended or because of the people who were there. It was life-changing because it taught me that women are powerful, that we’re not going to let this new administration run over us, and that political activism is more important than ever before.

I hope he’s ready for us.

Categories: Life

Sad, But Not Defeated

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to say anything about the election. I don’t really talk about politics much, especially on this blog, but I feel like I have to. Writing is how I process my emotions and, right now, my emotions are a mess. And so I write.

I’m grieving right now. Some people have compared this state of mourning that our country is in to a breakup. The kind of breakup that comes out from nowhere and takes your breath away. The kind of breakup where you thought the future was bright and happy, you had dreams for the two of you, and suddenly, all of that has been taken away. I’m grieving for the future America could have had.

I never thought I would cry over an election. But that’s what I’ve been doing for the past two days. I cried when I saw the results at 3AM Wednesday morning. I cried at work when I talked to my coworkers. I cried in my cubicle when I listened to Hillary’s concession speech… and then sobbed for a solid five minutes afterward. I cried on my way home from work. I cried reading news articles and listening to podcasts reacting to the horrific news that a racist, sexist, xenophobic, unqualified, failed businessman was voted to be the leader of our country.

I want to know when this will feel less raw. When I will feel less shocked. When everything won’t feel so hopeless.

I’m disappointed. I’m disappointed in my family members who voted for hate. I’m disappointed in my state that voted blue in the last two elections, but red in this one. I’m disappointed in protest voters in swing states, who would rather take the chance of hate winning than vote for Hillary. I’m disappointed in the 47% of eligible voters who didn’t show up on Tuesday. I’m disappointed that 25% of the voting population believed in Trump’s message.

I was and am an ardent Hillary supporter. She has her faults, for sure, but so does everyone. But I am so goddamn proud of this woman. She put up with more shit than any other presidential candidate has had to deal with. She had to run against a joke of a presidential candidate, and she handled it all with class, beauty, and grace. She has a backbone of steel. She is a woman to aspire to be. I am sad she is not our president. I really wanted her to be our president. She was the most qualified candidate to ever run for president, and she lost to the most unqualified candidate to ever run for president. That sickens me.

But let me be clear: I am not upset because a Republican won. I am upset because hate won. I am upset that someone who ran on a platform of bigotry and hate, someone who thinks sexual assault is a joke, won. I am upset that he won. If it had been Cruz or Rubio or Kasich or, hell, even Jeb, I wouldn’t be excited, but I also wouldn’t be scared.

And that’s what this comes down to. We are afraid of our president-elect. People are fearful of what he might do, based on what he said during his campaign, based on his actions and the actions of his supporters. And that is not okay. We should not be afraid of our president. That’s not democracy, that’s dictatorship.

That’s not the America I want to live in. That’s not the America we should be living in. Not in 2016. Not after so much progress has been made.

I’m allowing myself these feelings of grief and sadness, no matter how many people tell me I’m being melodramatic or that I need to “pull myself together.” I’m letting myself mourn as long as I need to because we are living in our worst-case scenario.

But soon, when I’m ready, I’m going to start fighting. Because hate will not win. Hate will not defeat us.

We can let this empower us to take action. To advocate for those who are in fear of their rights being taken away. To be kind, to be tolerant, to listen. Start with this list to find the different organizations to donate to and volunteer with.

I’ll end with the Bible verse that Hillary quoted in her concession speech: “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9)

Let us not give up. Let us fight. Nasty women, let’s fight.

Categories: Life

On September

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Hello, hello, hello!

Oh, it feels so good to be back online. My time away from the internet was lovely, but I really missed this space. What these breaks really solidify for me, more than anything else, is how much I love this little blog of mine. I missed writing and connecting. I missed brainstorming about blog ideas. I missed opening up and speaking my truth. I’m so excited to dive back into blogging.

I didn’t miss social media as much as blogging. I never do, really. Social media is so noisy and I loved how much quieter my mind was without it. I only really missed social media when I was waiting in line for coffee or on a walk with Dutch. Those little moments of downtime when I just wanted to occupy my mind with something brainless. It’s really rather strange to be waiting for something and just… sit there while you wait. Quietly. Without opening up a social media app.

In any event, the break was good for me and I am so, so happy to be back. I have so many blog post ideas running through my head and I’m excited to get back to writing.

So, let’s talk about September and what I’ve been up to:

Hurricane Hermine

In the days leading up to moving weekend, a tropical storm started brewing in the Gulf of Mexico. The Tampa Bay Area wasn’t supposed to get hit, but we were predicted to get tons of rainfall due to the outer bands. The tropical storm soon developed into a Category 1 hurricane and I have to believe whomever named this hurricane has beef with Harry Potter. But whatever. My work closed early on the Thursday before my move, as well as closed completely on Friday, as a safety precaution. Thankfully, we didn’t get too much rainfall, for which I am very grateful.

A seamless move

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I am happy to report that my move to my new apartment was as seamless as it could be! I did my moving in bits and pieces. I got my keys on a Friday and then moved the majority of my boxes on Saturday and my furniture on Sunday. (Well, my brother moved in my furniture. I just rented the U-Haul and tried to stay out of his way.) It was a physically demanding move due to all the back and forth of moving boxes into my car from my second-floor apartment, and I am so glad it’s over. I think I’ll stay put for three years at least, just because I hate the process of moving.

An easy transition

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It was well documented that I was worried about how I would handle the transition to living alone, emotionally. Change, especially physical change, is really super duper hard on me. When I moved into the dorms as a freshman in college, I was severely homesick for the entire nine months I lived on campus, so much so that I went home every weekend. I also struggled pretty awfully last year when I moved in with Roomie. So, I figured I would also have a hard time with this move and prepared myself for that as much as I could. Well, for reasons I still don’t understand, aside from a rough first night in the apartment, I transitioned pretty smoothly. By my second night, I was feeling pretty good and didn’t have any feelings of anxiety or fear about my new living situation. Mostly, I was just excited about the fact that I get to have my own space and reap all the benefits of living alone.

Cutting cable

I love TV. A lot. My old roommate was actually impressed at how full I could get our DVR during the busy TV season. But when I moved, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to have cable and a DVR because it’s just too expensive for one person. (I was quoted around $160 for cable/DVR/Internet, yikes.) Instead, I opted for an Internet-only package and told myself I would have to learn to live without cable. And truthfully, it’s been pretty easy to live without it! I have Netflix and have toyed with the idea of adding on Hulu Plus or Amazon Prime (but haven’t felt the need for either just yet). I have a digital antenna so I can watch broadcast channels as needed. And it just feels good to cut the cable cord. I used to feel so much guilt if I wasn’t caught up on certain shows and I’ve never been one to sit down and binge on TV all day. It feels good to not have my full DVR mocking me every time I turn on my TV.

All of the birthdays

September is a month that is filled with birthdays. My brother turned 30 and it’s just weird that we are in this stage of life now. Solidly adults. He’s got a wife and two kids; I’ve got a dog. We are definitely not kids anymore, though we still like to bicker like we are. 🙂 My nephew turned 8 and that’s also weird. He’s solidly a kid now. He’s reading and writing and can even play games like Trivial Pursuit (the kid’s version, of course). It’s wild. My stepdad and a few of my friends also celebrated birthdays, so it was quite the month!

Odds and ends

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Other happenings in September: I read a ton of books, 12 in total, most of which were romance. I put in a lot of hours freelancing, finishing up some website content for two clients and signing on a brand-new client for regular monthly content. I decided to embrace a bold bang cut and I go back and forth on whether or not I love it immensely or just completely hate it. And Dutch is doing well. He loves his new home, most especially because he has so much grass to sniff and jump around in.

September was good to me, it was so good to me. I thought the transition to living alone would be hard, but it’s been exactly the opposite. If anything, it’s showed me how ready I was for this next phase of my life and how much I love being alone. It’s truly a sensational feeling.

Catch me up on YOUR lives! What’s been going on?

Categories: Life

A Little Break

Tomorrow begins my month-long break from blogging and social media.

It’s a tradition I started back in 2012 when I was going through a painful time and I needed to step away from the online world for just a little bit, to clear my head, to get back to myself.

It was such a rejuvenating time for me, so exactly what I needed, that I have continued to take month-long breaks from blogging and social media each year (excluding 2014).

Usually, I take the break in August, but this year, I decided to take my break in September because I knew I would be moving and I figured it would be best if I could be present during this time of transition, to step away from the distraction and the loudness of social media.

I won’t lie, though, I am seriously having second thoughts about taking my break. I’m worried about how I’ll handle the move, and wondering if the distraction of social media is exactly what I need.

I usually start a social media break excited to get away, but I have trepidation this year. I am drowning in fear of “what if I feel sad… lonely… scared…?”

It’s scary to be this vulnerable, but being vulnerable and completely open to how I’m feeling is the only way I know how to be. Even when it’s scary to admit how terrified I am of change. Even when it’s good change. Even when I want the change.

So there it is. I am scared. But I am going to take the break anyway. Because I know I need to. I know I need to sit with the uncomfortable feelings of loneliness and fear and sadness and let it be okay to not be okay. The distraction of social media is not helpful; what is helpful is acknowledging my feelings and giving myself buckets of grace to make it through the struggle of transition.

I have a lot of plans for how to use my time away. I want to:

  • settle into my new place and make it a home. (And try not to freak out about moving in a freaking tropical depression! ARGH!)
  • get back to reading my Bible and really digging into the lessons God is trying to teach me right now. I haven’t been very connected to God lately, mostly due to my own inability to accept grace, and that needs to stop.
  • figure out my five pillars of singleness. I loved this post from Leigh Kramer that talked about her ideal single life and identified her five pillars of singleness. This really spoke to me in my unending (or so it feels) journey of singleness.
  • write lots of fiction because that’s something I haven’t been doing as regularly as I want.
  • figure out an exercise schedule that gets me excited to work out again.

It’ll be a good month. A hard month, a growing month, but a good month. I’m excited to start this new journey and to have a place to make 100% my own.

Have a good September, everyone. I’ll be back in October!

Categories: Life

What I Learned in July

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1) Gut instinct is a real thing.

Early in July, an apartment came available in the community I want to live in when I move in September. The rent was about $70 over my ideal price, but my nerves got the best of me – I wanted to live in this community and I’ll deal with the higher rent price! I called the leasing office, had the application emailed to me, and was on my way to get money orders for the application fee and security deposit. But while I was driving, my stomach was twisted into knots. All I kept thinking was that I was making a bad choice.

So I turned around. I left. I listened to my gut feeling, which was telling me that this was not the apartment.

And then, two days later, an apartment in that same community came available at the exact rental price I was looking for. Timing is everything, isn’t it?

I’m so glad I paid attention to what my gut was telling me because by doing so, I was able to apply for the apartment I truly wanted. And I did so with peace, knowing I was following my intuition.

2) Braiding a friendship bracelet is surprisingly therapeutic.

My roommate introduced me to the relaxing benefits of braiding a friendship bracelet. I’m not sure how I lived 28 years of my life without ever making a friendship bracelet, but here I am. I’m still working on mine, but I’ve been braiding little by little while watching TV. I started while watching a John Mulaney comedy special (highly recommend – it’s on Netflix!), continued through episodes of Big Brother, and braided while watching the fourth Harry Potter movie. It’s such a calming activity – give it a try!

3) Part of the reason why I love my alone time is because I’m not *technically* alone.

One of my least favorite things to do is to drop Dutch off at PetSmart for baths and vet appointments. Even though I know he needs them, it still breaks my heart to hand off my little munchkin to these people who don’t have the same emotional attachment to him as I do. I just want to tell them how special he is and to treat him kindly. (I shudder to think of the kind of mom I will be. SIGH.)

I also hate dropping Dutch off because coming home to an empty apartment is quite dreadful. It’s just so quiet. Even though Dutch is small and he doesn’t make a ton of noise, there’s something comforting about having another living being (can a dog be a “being”?) with me. Alone time feels a bit lonelier without him by my side. Even if he’s away from me, sleeping in his bed, it’s comforting to know I am not technically alone. Dutch is there.

I guess it’s something you get used to, or maybe this is just what makes me a dog person. I can’t imagine my life without a buddy by my side.

4) I just really hate going to the beach.

My friend told me about a beach that was small, quiet, and secluded after I told her how much I hated beaches because they’re always so busy and crazy and loud. So I went to this beach and, you know, it was my kind of beach. It was really peaceful. It wasn’t crowded or filled with screaming kids. It also had an easy-to-access parking lot. But, even so, I have come to the understanding that I’m just not a beach person. I wish I was. I’d like to be, but I’m not.

I think it’s because it takes so much effort. And driving to the beach (this beach was a 45-minute drive, ugh) is annoying. And then I want to make sure all the effort is worth it so I want to stay a long time, but truthfully, after 3 hours, I’m ready to call it a day.

Kudos to all of you beach people, but I’ll just stick to pools and cruise ships. (And if you’re wondering: no, I never do beach excursions while on a cruise. Good for you, not for me!)

5) Visiting a puppy store is a healing experience.

My mom and I visited a puppy store in July and it was everything I could have ever hoped for. I spent most of my visit snuggling a Victorian bulldog puppy who fell asleep on my chest. There was also a dachshund puppy who was just so wee and cute. My mom and I made the mistake of inquiring about the prices for these two puppies. (Verdict: the bulldog was $3,000 and the dachshund was $1,500.)

BUT JUST LOOK AT THIS:

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I’d never buy a puppy from a puppy store, mind you. All of my dogs have been rescues and that’s how I will continue to get dogs. And also, I’d never spend that much money on a dog. (Can you even imagine?!)

But still, visiting the puppy store was so wonderful. I loved spending time with the puppies and snuggling them. They were all so excited and sweet. It was a healing, restorative experience.

6) Lisa Unger lives in the Tampa Bay Area.

Who knew? She’s a favorite of my book club (we’ve read two of her books as a book club, though many members have read several of her novels) and I had no idea she lived in our area. Next step: get her to join us for a book club discussion!

7) I think I like country music.

I’ve always been one of those “I like all music except country” types of people. And then I started watching Nashville and I fell in love with their music. So much so that I bought the first two volumes of their songs on CD. But still, I resisted country music. I liked the music from Nashville, but not, like, actual country music. No way!

Well, on a whim, I decided to listen to the Hot Country playlist on Spotify. And I loved the music. So much! With each new song that played, I found myself adding it to my playlist.

What is it about country music that I love so much? Maybe it’s the storytelling aspect. Maybe it’s the drawls. Maybe it’s the seriously fun, easy-to-sing-along-to songs. All I know is that I’m enjoying this new aspect of my music tastes.

Tell me, what’s something you learned this past month?

Post inspired by Modern Mrs. Darcy