Life – Page 45

Categories: Life

Guest Post: The Top 10 Life Lessons I Learned By Moving To Canada

I have an amazing guest post for you today. Ashley of Your Super Awesome Life put out a call for guest bloggers and as she so graciously let me guest post on her blog for my 50 Guest Blogs challenge, I knew I had to return the favor. Ashley is one of those bright spots in the blogosphere, with a mission to show women how they can achieve and live the life they want. She recently made a big move to Canada to live with her boyfriend and I wanted to hear her thoughts on what she’s learned in the month she’s been there.

It has been almost one month since I left Texas, arrived in Canada, unpacked my bags, and began settling into my new home. This major life change wasn’t completely unexpected – my boyfriend and I had been planning my move for almost a year – but it was still a decision filled with anxiety, fear, and self-doubt.

“Is this the right decision? Should I really quit my job? What if I get homesick? How will I make new friends in this new place? What if I hate it there? How will being together every single day change our relationship? What if this is all a huge mistake?”

My mind was racing with these questions for months leading up to the move. It helped me to talk it through with people I trusted, but there’s not exactly a magic wand that will erase these uncomfortable feelings. As the saying goes, the only way out is through.

You can’t figure out all the answers or plan ahead for every possible situation. You prepare, you do what you can, but eventually, you have to actually do it.

And so I stayed focused on what I wanted (to be in Canada with Peter) and kept moving forward. I kept going even though I was scared. This past month has been one of the most challenging, but also a time when I learned the most about myself and about life.

The Top 10 Life Lessons I Learned By Moving To Canada

10. Holding on to fear is worse than fear itself. If you can accept your fear for what it is (usually fear of the unknown) and stop trying to escape it, you will feel less overwhelmed and be able to focus on more important things. It’s the act of holding on to our fear that allows it to control us.

9. Time will never slow down, no matter how much you want it to. When you have a to do list that’s a mile long and you’re preparing to move to another country, a few extra hours in the day could be a game changer. Unfortunately, this is one thing we can’t change, so it’s best to just accept it now and focus on one thing at a time.

8. Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. Your apartment might be a wreck, you haven’t been to the gym in months and you’ve eaten take-out for dinner every night this week. And you can still be happy. I know because I’ve been there.

7. Small acts of kindness make the world a better place. Be kind to strangers. Smile at people who look like they are having a rough day. Hold the door open. Offer to help carry a bag. Being kind shows people that you care and are interested in more than just yourself.

6. The first time is always scary. I don’t like uncertainty and I feel uncomfortable when I’m not sure what to expect with new experiences. But I’ve learnt over the years that most things are pretty scary the first time, but quickly become easier over time. So, take a deep breath and do it anyway.

5. There are no mistakes, only new adventures. When I begin feeling anxious, I remind myself that this isn’t a test I can fail. There are not right or wrong answers; this is all one big adventure.

4. You regret the things you don’t do more than the things you do. Out of all the things I’ve done, I don’t regret any of my big decisions. My regrets are reserved for not telling that person I love them, not taking that vacation, and not putting myself out there more often.

3. You can’t control other people, only how you react to them. People will have their own thoughts, opinions, and ideas, and you don’t have control over them. Even if they are insanely wrong or judgmental, the only thing you can control is how you respond.

2. Choose love. I was worried that I’d regret quitting my job and giving up my life in Texas, but now that I’m here, sitting next to my love and falling asleep in his arms every night, I can’t imagine anything else.

1. Trust yourself. Some people were concerned about my decision to move to Canada and questioned if it’s what I “should” do. I listened to their concerns, but I knew this is what I wanted. I learned to trust my heart and followed my intuition.

And finally, I want to share this lovely, and oh-so-true quote with you.

“The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe that it is possible.” ~David Viscott

Ashley Wilhite is a Life Coach who helps courageous women break free from expectations, create radical change, and begin living a bigger, bolder, more radiant, super awesome life. Whether you want to move across the country, backpack through Thailand, become a yoga instructor, write a book, or quit your soul-sucking job, Ashley will help you change your life, one daring adventure at a time! You can find Ashley at Your Super Awesome Life.

Categories: Life

50 Guest Blogs (Part I)

I have a personal goal to write 50 guest posts this year as a way to get my name out there and hone my writing skills. As someone whose dream is to one day support herself on her writing, it’s the necessary first step in discovering how to live my dream. I wanted to take some time to showcase what I’ve been writing – as well as spotlight those wonderful bloggers who have graciously opened their blogs for me.

1. On the Boldest Decision I’ve Made (Your Super Awesome Life)

Ashley posed the question for me on the boldest decision I’ve made for my post topic. It was an easy choice to make: deciding to change my major in my last semester before I graduated. It was a bold decision that required self-awareness to realize I was on the wrong path and wanted something different. I had to make a ton of sacrifices along the way. But it was absolutely the right decision and I’m proud of myself for stepping up and making a big choice for my future.

“I was meant to change majors, and maybe it was even I was meant to go through all the teaching classes to end up where I was at that moment in time.”

2. What Happiness Means to Me (Curious Notions)

Linda gave me the task of writing about what happiness means to me and I happily provided her with a post on my theory about happiness and how it has changed through the years. This was actually a hard topic to write about, funnily enough, because it required me digging deep and figuring out my own reasons for happiness.

“It’s easy to be happy when life seems to be perfect and everything is happening according to plan. That’s when being happy is a simple emotion. A reaction to the good that is happening.”

3. On Grace (Aisle Hi-Five)

I was really excited when Tabitha gave me some topic suggestions for my guest post on her blog and one of them was on faith. I wanted to write some posts on my faith walk for certain blogs and hers was an appropriate blog for this! My post centered on two of the words that have come to mean the most to me lately: grace and mercy. Ever since a pastor defined them for me, they have held such great meaning in my life.

“For me, my faith stopped becoming about being perfect. It stopped being about my actions and all the ways I needed to be “good” for God to love me.”

4. Blogging: A Personal Journey (Life by Kristen)

Kristen left the topic up for me to choose and since she is currently on a path to figure out where she wants her blog to go, I thought giving an insight into my blogging journey and what has worked for me to get to “where I am” (not that I consider myself a mega-popular blogger, but I’ve been doing this a while and can give my advice for new bloggers). It’s been an uphill battle to come to terms with my blog and where I fit in the blogging world, but I think I’ve found my place.

“The formula for what makes a blog a success is unique to each blogger. I had to go through a lot of growing pains to find the formula that fit for me.”

5. To Florida, With Love (Colorful Calm)

Maria lived in Florida for a short period of time and misses this great, beautiful state so it was a no-brainer for what to write about: why I love Florida. I have such intense love for my state and I never want to leave. Quite honestly, I live in paradise.

“I love the beach, the hot sand between my toes, and the crisp, salty water splashing around me.”

6. On Writing and the Process of Inspiration (Dynamite Candy)

Liz of Dynamite Candy “works with writers, artists, and comic artists to get their dream projects off the ground and help them take the first steps toward their dream careers.” She hosts a podcast on her journey to becoming a solo-preneur. Her suggestion was to write about my writing process and inspiration. This was a post I wrote straight from my heart and, gosh, it was so much fun. I honestly had the best time writing this guest post.

“My goal has been to be honest and truthful, in the hopes I will inspire others and let them know we are all crazy and messy and that’s what makes life beautiful.”

Want to help me out in my goal to guest post on 50 blogs this year? Fill out this form and let’s get things started!

Categories: Life

On Minimalizing

So, unless you’ve been living under a rock or haven’t been reading my blog lately (FOR SHAME!), you’ll know I’ve been in the process of moving for the past two weeks or so.

Actually, scratch that.

I’ve been in the process of moving since JULY. Since my mom and I found the apartment we adored and signed our lease… we have been in the process of moving. And for today, I am partnering with Apartment Guide to share ideas on how to declutter your apartment to get ready for a move. A win-win for all of us!

Phase 1 of our move involved minimalizing our stuff and organizing everything that was left. Something most people do when they begin the process of moving, right? I may have been a little extremist in my approach…

In July, I read The Joy of Less, in which the author talks about how to begin the process of minimalizing. I have been intrigued by the concept of being a minimalist and living a life less cluttered. Even though we would be moving into a bigger place and would have more space and closets to house all our stuff, I still wanted to pare down our belongings and actually discover how to live without stuffing everything to the brim and trying to capitalize on all the countertops and cabinets and drawers.

I actually wholly recommend to anyone who is moving – or even anyone who wants to get rid of clutter and discover all you actually do have – to minimalize your space in this way. It is eye-opening to see all you have and discover why you are holding on to certain items.

Step One: Take everything out of the room and dump it into a separate room. Piece by piece. Every single thing.

I did this in my walk-in closet, my room, my bathroom, the linen closet, and the kitchen. It was a lot of work but it was so beneficial for me to lay it all out there and see what I had. It gives you such a great picture of all the things that are cluttering up your life. The picture above is everything that was in my walk-in closet (that I shared with my mom). I took every single thing out of that tiny closet and put them in the living room. It’s amazing how much stuff you can amass in just a few short years.

As I was taking things out of my closet and dumping them onto my living room floor, I tried to organize them in piles as best I could. It soon became difficult to walk through and find space for everything I had! I mean, this was only a tiny walk-in closet. How did I amass so much stuff?

Step Two: Make three piles – stuff to keep, stuff to give away, and stuff to toss.

This is where the real work comes in: combing through your stuff. I would start on one side of my living room and work my way to the other side. I went through all my shoes and my purses and my photos and my books. Everything went through a process of whether to keep or not. I had to decide what each item was adding to my life and if I wanted to keep it, why I wanted to keep it. There were things I was keeping around for sentimental reasons, but when I really thought about it, I wouldn’t really care to lose them. There were things I was keeping around just because. Just because wasn’t a good enough reason. I went through all my clothes, giving away things that I know I won’t wear or won’t feel awesome while wearing them. At the end of this process, I was left with an entire garbage bag of junk to throw away and four bags to give to Goodwill. That’s a lot of stuff I was hanging onto for no good reason!

Step Three: Put what is left away.

As if this whole process isn’t tiring enough… now it’s time to put everything away and organize what’s left! This is the time to take what you have decided to keep and find a place for it. From now on, everything you own has to have a place. And for those of us who live in apartments (especially shoebox ones!), it’s especially necessary to keep clutter to a minimum. It was amazing to see my closet before and my closet after. My closet is tiny to begin with and with all the stuff I was keeping around for no good reason, it was cluttered and overwhelming every time I walked inside it (if I could walk inside it). When I finally made the decision to minimalize my space and throw away things I was holding onto, it was so incredibly freeing. Looking inside my closet, it was as if a weight was lifted. And that’s what minimalizing does: it lifts those weights that have been holding us down for so long. So much stuff we hold onto for reasons that end up hurting and keeping us from truly moving on from different facets of our lives. If you need junk hauling Roanoke, contact Roanoke Junk Removal & Dumpster Rental for help with clearing out your space and embracing a lighter, more streamlined lifestyle.

This whole process of minimalizing and decluttering my apartment taught me so much about what I was keeping around and how to actually use my space to the fullest purpose. It’s so easy for us to keep filling up closets and desks and cabinets and drawers with stuff. So easy to keep things around because we can. There was such freedom in sending away things that I was holding onto because I should, not because they were anything I really needed – or even wanted around.

What this process gave me was a better appreciation for what I own and a new outlook on shopping and buying things. Because I’ve been moving into a new place, I’ve been on a bit of a buying rampage to fix my new room and bathroom the way I want it but this doesn’t mean I’m going overboard on filling my room, closet, and bathroom to the brim. For one, my closet is much smaller, as is my bathroom, which means I am having to take the space I am given and live it in the way a minimalist would. Apartment living means you have to be creative with how you house some of your belongings, especially for those apartments that don’t have many closets or cabinets to help you house everything. But the point is to make sure what you are housing are necessary and needed things and things you will use.

I’m looking forward to further minimalizing what I have now and it’s been interesting to see how my spending habits have changed, since I know I have to find a place for everything I buy. Minimalizing is a concept I wholly believe in and while it may not be a lifestyle most people choose, it’s one I fully plan on investing more time to achieving and growing into.

Whether you’re living, looking or moving, Apartment Guide offers tips on how to decorate your apartment and help you find the perfect apartment community. “Like” Apartment Guide on Facebook, tweet at them @AptGuide on Twitter, “circle” them on Google+ and follow them on Pinterest for real-time tips and updates on how to make the most of your small space.

Disclosure: Apartment Guide and owner Consumer Source, Inc. partners with bloggers such as me to participate in blogger programs. They did not tell me what to purchase or what to say about any products and believe that consumers and bloggers are free to form their own opinions and share them in their own words. Consumer Source’s policies align with WOMMA Ethics Code, FTC guidelines and social media engagement recommendations.

Categories: Life

On feelings, breaks, and being more badass

I haven’t been myself lately.

My mind has been racing. My mind is always racing but I feel like I’m losing my grip on myself. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. My career path, once so clearly defined, has blurred. I get tired more easily and dealing with my problems feels overwhelming.

Sometimes, life kicks you right in the face and it’s when you’re flat on your back, staring up at the sky that you realize You Are Not Okay. A boy says incredibly mean, untruthful, and hurtful things that break your heart but at the same time, make you question everything you have ever thought about yourself AND want to kick his ass. (Yes. All three emotions at once.)

From there, mistakes happen at work and the stresses from life and simply being weigh you down.

I can feel myself shutting down emotionally. Putting up my guards and locking everything down. Feelings can’t escape, which feels safer. Something I can control. Until it becomes too much. Too many feelings. Too much sadness. It can’t escape and I can’t describe it to anyone. I just withdraw even further.

I need a break. I need a break from all the noise. I’ve wanted to take a complete break from social media and blogging for a while now. I take days and weekends off, but I’ve been intrigued by taking a complete month-long sabbatical. To slow down and stop needing to constantly scroll through my Twitter stream or keep my blog updated three times a week. To lessen the noise. To get down and dirty with journaling, soul-searching, and discovering what it means to truly love myself.

A few days ago I wrote a tweet to the effect of: “New plan: Stop questioning myself. Live life on my own terms. Be more badass.” I want to be more badass. I feel as if I’m living a half-life, letting little things trip me up and other peoples’ opinions of me affect me too much. Being badass means understanding who I am and loving myself in spite of all my failings, shortcomings, and fears. It means being okay with my imperfect self and unleashing my power onto the world. Believing in myself and never letting a boy who knows nothing about me have the power to hurt me.

I plan on using the next month to fully dive into Fierce Love course, to do more writing for myself, and to completely disconnect from my online persona. I plan on taking a break from checking my OK Cupid profile and discovering what I am really seeking from a relationship. And I plan on learning what it means to just be.

I hope to come back in September more refreshed and happier with myself. I know my entire life won’t have changed, but I also know I need this break to center myself and figure out what I’m searching for and how to chase after it.

***

I have one book review scheduled for Wednesday but after that, this blog will remain quiet for the rest of August. I will still be responding to emails and perhaps lurking on some of my favorite blogs. As far as #twookclub goes, I will still be handling the monthly poll and book chat. The Twitter feed just might be a little quieter than usual.

Categories: Life

One Year & Seven Lessons

This post should have been written early last month, but considering I was over my head in wedding stuff and cruise prep, it’s easy to see how it slipped by me. But last month, May 6th to be exact, I celebrated my one year anniversary of being a college graduate.

Graduating from college was a Big Deal for me. I was one of the first people in my family to do it (the first of the cousins!) and it was a long and arduous process that had seemingly no ending in sight. Changing majors felt like a huge step backward, but it was the only logical step I could see for my future. Instead of graduating in December 2008, it took me 3-and-a-half more years to actually walk across the stage to receive my diploma.

But I don’t regret it. I’m happy I chose to major in journalism because it afforded me the opportunity to hone the one skill I should have been using in the first place: writing. It took me just 3 months after graduating college to find a job. I consider myself extremely blessed to have found a position (and a good one!) so quickly but I put in a lot of time and effort into my job search. (I had a goal to apply to five different jobs every day and I made that goal at least 3-4 times a week.)

I’ve been at my job for 10 months. (Time flies!) I’ve learned so much about myself through the process of this job. I’ve learned about what I desire from my career, what I need to feel fulfilled in a job, and the best way to handle criticism. The people I work with are some of the smartest, funniest people I’ve ever been around and I can honestly say I don’t dread the end of the weekend. The work I get to do is different and interesting, life-changing on some days. I have learned that I don’t mind the mundane, clerical tasks but I also love challenging my mind with something new and tough. I have learned when to keep my mouth shut and when to stand up for myself. And I feel so darn lucky to work under a woman who not only puts a smile on my face but has taught me more than I ever thought possible about the marketing business.

This sounds like an “I’m moving on” post, but it’s not. I’m not moving on just yet. I still have a lot to learn and my job has changed so much in just ten months (I’m getting to do more of the online, techy stuff which thrills me!) that I’m excited to see what happens from here. (Plus, hi, #tootsiegram? Where would the Internet be without that?)

But it’s been over thirteen months now and in those thirteen months, I have learned a lot of lessons:

I generally enjoy the 9-to-5. One of the more interesting things I’ve learned in the past year is how much I enjoy the 9-to-5 office work environment. Aside from a short stint as an office manager (3 months) and my internship, I’ve never experienced office life and in both instances, the days would drag on and on. I’ve found that when I’m busy and enjoying what I’m doing, the days go by super fast. With the way my job is, I’m always doing something completely different from day to day so it doesn’t feel mundane. Maybe it’s coming from a crazy job as a preschool teacher where things were always loud and busy and insane or maybe it’s just my style (maybe both!), but the 9-to-5 suits me well.
I don’t need to have it all figured out just yet. Or even in ten years. I spent a lot of those 6-8 months after college in a downward spiral of negativity, wondering why my life didn’t feel as put together as those around me did. There were weeks upon weeks when my job wasn’t fun anymore. I didn’t feel the passion. I felt like a failure because here I was, twenty-four years old, and still clueless about my life’s path. I felt as if I had to have it figured out. I had to know my Five-Year Plan. I needed to be more ambitious, tackle more big tasks at my job, and exceed everyone’s expectations. And when I couldn’t do that, when other coworkers were given those tasks and my panic attacks grew more frequent than ever before, that’s when I had to take a step back. I was convinced I was having a quarter-life crisis. But was it a quarter-life crisis? Or was I simply placing too much pressure on myself? I’m twenty-four. I don’t need to know exactly who I am. I don’t need to have my life all figured out. All I need is to live my life. Take chances. Keep pushing myself. Don’t let myself get too comfortable. Forget about life plans and timetables and what I should be doing at this point in my life. Just live my life.
Accepting criticism is getting easier… and so is dealing with scary, intense people. I have always had a problem accepting criticism. It came to a big head when I had to read my fiction aloud in one of my lit classes during my last semester of college. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and hearing the criticism was tough to handle. But through that and through instances throughout the past year, my skin is getting tougher. I’m getting better at handling critiques of my work and not letting them beat me up. And I think that’s all a part of growing up and becoming more comfortable in your own skin. I’m getting there. It’s been a slow process but I’m getting there. Every critique I’ve been given has been given to propel me to be better.
I enjoy working out after work more than I enjoy working out before work. There’s something about moving my body after a long day sitting at a desk that calls to me. I know most people are morning worker-outers but I have found that I a) like sleeping in and b) feel more motivated to work out after work. I put more effort into my workouts in the afternoon and quite frankly, after being stuck inside all day, it feels good to get out in the sunshine and heat. Sure, it’s easier to talk myself out of workouts but it also gives me time to plan out the perfect afternoon workout.
Working in a casual environment is exactly my pace. “Wear clothes!” is what the owner of the company said about our dress code at one meeting. I spend the majority of my day without my shoes on. I could wear jeans and a casual top to work every day if I wanted to. (I don’t, but I could.) I love how casual my office is. I’m actually not sure I could work at a more corporate, business-professional office! And not only is the dress code casual, but the environment around the office is also casual. There’s a lot of joking around and I feel completely comfortable around my coworkers. This is not something that’s easy for me and while it did take me a while to open up, I’m in a good place right now.
I need to deal with my anxiety. This has been a very tough year for me, anxiety-wise. I spent the majority of my year battling panic attacks, anxiety-ridden thoughts, and a mind that would not shut off no matter what I did. In the past few months, my anxiety has gotten better, the panic lessening, and I feel more in control. But it’s still at a point where I realize it’s affecting my day-to-day life and I need to find a way to control it. I’m talking about therapy and coping mechanisms. I don’t want to keep silent about all the ways my anxiety has taken hold of my life (especially as it relates to my job) because while I spent a long time convinced I was the only person in the world who ever had thoughts like the ones I had, I know that isn’t the truth. Believing that for so long caused me to keep silent and try to handle it on my own. And while the small steps I have taken to handle it on my own have helped, it’s still an issue.
Never regret your gut instinct. I think this is such an interesting lesson to learn. And not always a fun one, but I’m learning my gut is never wrong. And when my gut tells me something doesn’t feel right, it probably means it isn’t right. When my heart feels unrest, when I don’t feel at peace, that’s when it’s time to take a step back and re-evaluate the situation at hand. Find out what’s causing this unrest and fix the situation. Always trust your gut.

Have you learned any lessons about yourself in the past year?