Life – Page 45

Categories: Life

Life Lately

So that was August and it was a month to savor. I made the decision to step away from social media and blogging, knowing it was entirely possible my life was going to go through a dramatic change in August. All throughout July, I had been sending in writing samples and interviewing for a new position and it was on the first of August that I was offered the job.

August was a Month. It was a month of goodbyes, of hellos, of changes, of fun events and adventures, of rediscovering myself and what I want. I always feel a little lighter when I come back from a media fast. Life is fast, but life is slow. No more needing to Instagram or tweet or blog about all my moments. They were… there. Just there. It was a nice break, but I am oh-so-happy to be back.

Oh, it’s been a month. That’s for sure. Highlights, anyone?

> My last two weeks at my old job flew by in a flash. The first week was spent wrapping up all my projects and tasks and the second week was spent working with my boss to make sure my leave was as seamless as possible. Leaving the job itself wasn’t difficult, but leaving my coworkers broke my heart because they were never just my coworkers. They were my friends. There was a goodbye lunch with all my favorite ~~coworkers~~ friends, a surprise celebration with death-by-chocolate cake, and lots of hugs and sadness all around. I miss them terribly, but since my workdays end at 11:30am on Fridays (I KNOW!), I’ll be able to meet up with them for lunch often. Yay!

> I’ve been at my new job for almost three weeks now and everything has been going really well. It’s a completely different office environment than I’m used to and I’ve been slowly figuring out my place in it. It took me a long time to feel comfortable at my old job, so I know it will take more than a few months for me to fully open up and be myself at this one. I’m a painfully shy, socially anxious introvert so being quiet while testing the waters is just what I do. The writing aspect of it is going well. I’m actually really enjoying it but I am fully aware I’m in the honeymoon phase where everything is WONDERFUL and BRIGHT and EXCITING. It will pass, of that I am sure. For now, though, things are going well and I’m so, so happy I took the leap with this position.

> I quit Project 333 a few weeks early. Once I accepted my new position, I needed to figure out my clothing situation because I was going from a job where our dress code was to “wear clothes!” to a much more business-professional dress code. After two years of a casual dress code, I had to do some shopping! I ended up buying two dress slacks, two cardigans, and four new dressy shirts. I enjoyed doing the challenge, but I also am enjoying my bigger closet again. So I’m not sure where that leaves me with Project 333 and keeping my closet minimalized. That’s all I really have to say about that.

> I spent one Saturday morning in August volunteering at my local Feeding America food bank with my mom and her coworkers. I really had such a great time. Our job was to unpack boxes of food and place them in specified boxes, according to what type of food they were. (For example, anything pasta-related had its own box, canned veggies had their own box, juices had their own, etc.) We spent 4 hours there and I just really enjoyed myself. There were a ton of people. It was an event hosted by the Tampa Bay Rays for season ticket holders (which I am not, but I came along for the ride anyway) so there were a lot of people in a small warehouse. It was hectic and crazy and hot and very, very fun. The four hours flew by and before I knew it, I was signing my name on their volunteer wall and saying goodbye. It wasn’t hard work, but it was enjoyable and I loved the feeling of giving back. I’m definitely searching for another opportunity to volunteer for this wonderful organization!

> Dutch had his first dog beach experience! I went back and forth on whether or not I wanted to take him (he’s not the best at car rides) but on Sunday, my mom and I made the trek to Fort De Soto and we all had a blast. Dutch wasn’t a big fan of the water but I forced him into the ocean a few times. Mainly, he loved just exploring the beach itself and making friends with new dogs. The dog beach, though, goodness it’s just such a fun little spot. As my mom said, it’s impossible to not be happy when you’re there! So many dogs and they’re all so excited. We only stayed for a few hours but we’re planning on taking him again soon!

> I read 12 books in August. Reviews of all books will be coming next week, but let’s just say I am killing my book goal this year and I don’t think I will have any problems achieving my goal of reading 100 books this year. CRAZY! (I’m not sure if this means I have no life or if I’m just a fast reader. Probably a bit of both.)

> Because summer TV is pretty boring (aside from Big Brother and So You Think You Can Dance, of course!), I’ve been recording episodes of Friends. I have this goal of one day owning the series and watching it from start to finish because I never really watched it when it was on TV. So I’ve been recording random episodes here and there and it’s just very lovely. I love Friends. (How could you not?) And it’s just really, really funny to realize how “nineties” that show was. What with their pagers and landline phones and bad hair and all that. And Phoebe is still my favorite Friend.

And, really, that was my August. Quitting a job, starting another, and doing a lot of little things in between. It was a good month but I am so, so ready to be back in the world of blogging and social media. I missed it more than I imagined I would! I’m inspired and happy and so ready for what the rest of 2013 holds for me.

How was your August? Any big, or little, changes happen in your life?

Categories: Life

Goodbyes and Hellos

“Your fear is like an intuition-barometer. It lets you know how important this thing is to you. It lets you know how much this thing will help you grow. How it will expand you and peel away another layer so you can become your most authentic self. Fear tells us what we’re meant to do.” – Ashley, Why Terrifying Fear is Actually a Really Good Thing

Today is my last day at my current job.

On Monday, I begin a new journey. I have accepted a new position at a fast-growing marketing firm and I will be a copywriter.

How’s that for a little bit o’ news?

It’s been a surreal couple of weeks. I went through a rigorous interviewing process of three writing samples and two interviews. I felt good about my writing samples, solid in my interviews, and the job offer wasn’t exactly unexpected. (Though still incredibly thrilling and exciting!) But it has all felt surreal. It’s hard to imagine leaving my current job and starting over at a new company. It’s hard to imagine my coworkers won’t be my coworkers anymore, my job won’t be my job anymore. It’s hard to imagine that I will take the opposite direction to work, step into an entirely new office, and sit at a completely different desk. Everything will be different and it will be hard and yes, I am terrified but oh my god, this is exactly what I wanted and I can’t believe it’s all really happening.

Leaving my current company is bittersweet. My coworkers are so much fun to work with. We joke, we laugh, we vent, we confide, we gab, we support, we love. I love them fiercely. I wish I could take them with me. I will miss being around them. A piece of my heart will always be in that place because I grew so much as an individual and as a professional. It was not without its ups and downs, good days and bad days and happy days and frustrating days and days where I left work, sat in my car, and cried because I was so unhappy.

I took this job two years ago because I was interested in marketing. Armed with a degree in journalism and very little work experience to my name, getting a company to take a chance on me was difficult but less than three months out of college, I was offered a position as a marketing assistant which has morphed into a data analysis role. My whole world has revolved around spreadsheets and data and analytics and while it’s been interesting, it’s not something I love. It’s not what I want to do with my life. I feel squashed creatively and I have known for a while that there is so much more I can do, but this company was not where it was going to happen.

And now it’s time to say goodbye and ready myself for what lies ahead of me.

My mind is battling between excitement and nerves, happiness and terror. It’s scary to leave what’s comfortable and familiar. It’s scary because there is so much uncertainty. It feels like I’m jumping off a cliff into the great unknown and I am grappling with myself. Anxiety is part of who I am and big change like, um, changing careers is anxiety-inducing and pretty terrifying for me. But it’s terrifying in a good way. Terrifying in the way that I am choosing to honor myself, my worth, my passions, my purpose. Terrifying in the way that I am going after my goals, chasing after my dreams, and silencing the voices of doubt that tell me I can’t do this. Terrifying because success can be terrifying. I’ve spent so much time doubting my writing ability, telling myself my writing isn’t strong enough and my voice isn’t unique enough and look at this person and this person and this person, they know how to write! And now… a company hired me to write for them. Because my writing is strong enough. My voice is unique. I know how to write!

So today I will walk out of my office one last time and close this chapter of my life. Monday will start a new adventure for me, a new chapter in the book of me. I’m so happy that I could burst and so ready for what lies ahead for me. It will be challenging and full of learning experiences. I will be working longer hours (but only working until noon on Fridays! What what!) and doing more writing than ever before. I’m so thrilled, though, and so ready. I know this is exactly the right next step for me and I’m filled to the brim with excitement for what lies ahead.

Categories: Life

Break

A year ago, I made the decision to step away from social media and blogging for one month. I was coming off a really sad time in my life and I needed a way to get past what I was going through, learn how to deal with my emotions, and figure out what I wanted from my life. So I stepped away and it was the best thing I could have done for myself.

Social media brings with it so much noise, so many conversations and differing opinions and complaints. Sometimes, I scroll through my Twitter feed and it feels like one long list of complaints. Lately, I haven’t felt as connected to social media as I used to be. I open my Twitter app a few times a day, very rarely entering into conversations, and feeling less and less inclined to tweet. There is so much I have to say, but I just don’t feel like saying it.

Blogging has always been my happy place. I love making my monthly blogging schedules and sticking to them. I love writing posts, reading blogs, and connecting with bloggers. Writing about my life is therapeutic for me and I love the people and the things blogging has brought into my life. Lately, though, I’m feeling very uninspired to blog. The words I want to say don’t come out right when I write them. My thoughts feel jumbled and I’ve been deleting blog post after blog post because I’m just not saying what I want to say. I think I’ve placed a lot of expectations on myself to blog in a certain way and be a certain person, and I need to let go of those expectations and just blog from my heart. Blog about what I want to blog about, even if it makes other people uncomfortable. This is a lesson I feel like I’ve learned over and over again. I am hoping that stepping away for a month (though I may pop in a time or two if I feel a need!) will help me to find that inspiration and fire to blog again.

I’m also planning on seriously limiting my time spent on the Internet (mainly, reading blogs and responding to emails) to one hour a day and also limiting my TV watching to one show a day. Both can be such time sucks for me and sometimes, I even feel as if I’m not getting things done if my Feedly blog count is up or I have a ton of DVR-ed shows I haven’t watched. This is not what life is about. I need to refocus on the important things in this life: spending time with people, getting outside and enjoying the beautiful place I live in, and understanding that a day spent sprawled on the couch reading a book is not a day wasted.

So here we go. Another media fast is beginning and I think it is coming at such a perfect time in my life. I will be back in September with new posts and hopefully a renewed passion for blogging.

Categories: Life

Guest Post: A Letter To My Past

Happy Friday! I have a very special post for you today. While I’m on my own personal mission to write guest posts this year, I think it’s only fair I open my own blog up for guest posting. Akirah has just launched her own website that has a very personal and wonderful mission. I’m so excited to bring you her post – and as a special note, you should definitely hop on over to her blog as she’s running a very awesome giveaway – check it out here.

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Hello everyone! My name is Akirah Robinson. I recently launched akirahrobinson.com, my own special space on the Internet where I remind women of how brave their hearts are and teach them how to pursue healthy relationships.

Today I am really happy Stephany let me take over her special space on the internet because I love her blog, especially the letters she writes to her future husband. Her letters are always honest and show how committed she is to being with not just any man, but the right man. I’ve always admired that about her and thought today I would write a letter too. This letter is for twenty-four year old me, right after I finally decided to break up with my abusive boyfriend and learn how to live life on my own.

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Dear Akirah,

You did it. I am really proud of you. There will be some tough nights ahead, but trust me, you won’t regret this decision. In fact, in a few years you’ll consider it the best decision of your life. And you will be very happy.

You’ve known for a while that this relationship was wrong for you. Even on your first date, you knew something about him was off. I understand why you held on for so long though. Don’t feel silly for trying to make it work. You simply wanted what most of your friends already had: a boyfriend.

Boyfriends can be great, but not when they’re abusive. Over the next few months it will sink in just how unhealthy this relationship was. You’ll attend a support group for other survivors of abuse which will help you a lot. You’ll regain your confidence, run a 10K, start rockin’ an afro, and begin grad school.

You’ll date a lot of different guys and get your heart broken a few times, but after becoming stronger and wiser, you won’t take too long to bounce back. You’ll go dancing with your girlfriends, live in an apartment by yourself, and even accept a promotion at work. So many awesome things are ahead of you, Akirah. Your mid-twenties are going to ROCK!

That doesn’t mean life will be easy. There will be some nights when you cry yourself to sleep. You’ll read some article claiming that 70% of black women never get married and it will freak you out to your core. Some days you’ll feel fat and inadequate and ugly. You’ll grow impatient with singleness and wonder if you should take your ex back. And when all of your friends start to get engaged, you’ll freak out some more. It will feel like you’re being left behind, but try hard to trust your journey. Marriage and babies do not make your friends’ journeys any better than yours. Your journey is unique and beautiful.

Remember that.

This relationship may have failed, but you are not a failure. Everyone and their mother could see how much you gave this man. He just wasn’t able or willing to give you what you deserve in return. Hard work is crucial to a relationship and it must be reciprocated in order for the relationship to survive. One day you will meet a wonderful man and fall head over heels in love with him. After you get married, you’ll both work equally hard at your partnership. Words cannot express just how right he is for you. For now, be patient. Your life with him will be worth the wait.

Akirah, you must believe that even when you don’t have a man in your life, you are still valuable. Your worth is not determined by whether or not you are the apple of some man’s eye. This is a dangerous lie and the sooner you realize that, the better off you’ll be. You’ll struggle with this a lot over the next few years, so do a little bit each day to change your perspective. You deserve to know the freedom that comes with self-love. Self-love will sustain you. Seeking validation from men will not.

These next few months are going to be hard. I won’t sugarcoat it for you; breakups suck. But your heart is brave. Let it guide you as you begin healing. Journal. Cry. Eat cookies in bed. Go dancing every weekend. Travel. Get a fish. Go shopping. Enjoy your girlfriends. Read good books. Run.

Focus on you.

After four years, it’s about time you see how awesome that can be.

XOXO,

Akirah

Categories: Life

When Intentions Fail

The Declaration of You will be published by North Light Craft Books this summer, with readers getting all the permission they’ve craved to step passionately into their lives, discover how they and their gifts are unique and uncover what they are meant to do! This post is part of The Declaration of You’s BlogLovin’ Tour, which I’m thrilled to participate in alongside over 100 other creative bloggers. Learn more — and join us! — by clicking here.

I am a big believer in setting intentions. I plan long-term intentions – such as my 30 Before 30 list and my yearly resolutions. I plan short-term intentions – such as my monthly goals and 30-day challenges. You could say my life revolves around setting intentions and goals, and planning how I’m going to achieve them. I love it.

But setting intentions is only the first step of the process. It’s the easy step – the fun step. Once you’ve discovered what intentions you want to achieve in X amount of days, weeks, months, years… then you have to break down how you’re going to set your intentions. You have to start putting in the work – and it’s not always glamorous or fun. And sometimes, and this happens to me a fair amount of the time, intentions flop. They fail. You break down halfway through the month or something happens in your life and you have to put the intention on hold.

It happens. We’re not perfect. We make mistakes. We try and fail.

I fail a lot. I’ll be completely honest. I probably achieve less than half the intentions I set every month. So what do you do when you fail, how do you pick yourself up and try again? What’s even the point?

All good questions and today, I’m going to break down three reasons why our intentions fail and what to do about it:

1. Our intentions are too vague.

Setting intentions is a fine-tuned process. We have to set specific goals that we can measure accurately. Thus, an intention of exercising three times a week for 30 minutes is a goal we can measure. On the flip side, an intention of writing more is a vague goal. When we set vague goals, we are not setting ourselves up for success because we don’t give ourselves an opportunity to track how we’re succeeding. Setting a goal for writing more isn’t bad, per say, but it’s only the first step in the process. You then have to break down the intention to exactly what you mean (Writing a specific amount of blog posts a week? Writing for 30 minutes a day?) into actionable, measurable steps.

2. We have an all-or-nothing mentality.

Let’s say you set an intention of drinking no soda for 30 days, but 10 days into the challenge, you break and have a soda. Intention over, you failed, right? Wrong! The all-or-nothing mentality has no place in goal-setting. So you screwed up once. What if you get right back up and stay soda-free for the next 20 days? Over the course of 30 days, you had one soda. That is a HUGE accomplishment and it should be celebrated! But instead, we make one mistake and we think it’s all over. We didn’t accomplish what we set out to do, so let’s just completely get off-track and do whatever we want. Stay away from this kind of thinking. Remember to do the best you can do and nothing is ever as black-and-white as we believe.

3. We’re setting an intention we don’t actually want.

Here’s the thing: sometimes, we can set an intention, fail, set it again, fail, set it again, fail. We try new ways of achieving the intention and promise ourselves next time will be better. What if you gave yourself a break? What if you sat down with yourself and wrote out exactly why you think you need to achieve this thing? What if you find out you’re setting a goal because of what other people think or are doing? Sometimes, we fail at intentions because we’re setting goals we don’t actually want for ourselves. We’re following the crowd, believing they hold the key to what makes us happy. Make sure the intention you’re setting is an intention you truly want, not what somebody else wants for you.

An example of this is the two times I made it a goal of mine to run a half-marathon. I don’t even particularly like running, but everyone around me was running half-marathons and I wanted to be like them! Both times, I quit not even halfway through the training cycle. (And the second time, I stressed myself out about it so much, I developed shingles. Yikes.) I finally sat myself down and realized that, while many of my friends are runners and love running, it’s not something I love. And then I started making goals that fueled my own passions and less of the passions of those around me, and my motivation to succeed tripled.

Setting intentions is something I thoroughly enjoy. I get excited to make lists and scheme up what I want to accomplish next. It’s exciting to me, but failure does happen a lot and these three reasons have helped me when I get frustrated with my lack of progress. Sometimes, it’s about setting a more specific intention, other times it’s about giving myself a break and getting back on the horse when I fail, and every so often? It’s about letting go of a goal because I’m not making it from a good place.

Always remember you are more than your intentions. Even when you fail, it doesn’t mean you lack something within yourself. Give yourself so much credit for being brave and courageous enough to try – and get out there and try again!

What intention are you currently working toward?