Stephany Writes

Categories: Life

On Jeremiah 29:11

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to PROSPER you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE.’” Jeremiah 29:11

This verse was written on a “Plus One” (anyone remember them?) poster in my room when I was in middle school. It’s one of the more well-known verses and is quoted frequently. And it’s one I’ve always loved, but never felt the impact of. Three words: prosper, hope, future. They speak life into me. They remind me that God already knows my future. As much worry and anxiety I place on job hunting, the reality is that I need to release it. Because God has my plans perfectly carved out.

I asked Him one thing: “God, if this isn’t the job you have for me, please shut the door firmly in my face. In fact, please make me hate the position so it’s not a devastating blow if I don’t get it.”

I’m here to tell you that God still answers prayers. Because he did turn this position I thought would be wonderful into something I would never in my life want to do. (Sales. Door-to-door selling. While some people will flourish in that role, like the girl I shadowed did, I know it’s not the place for me.)

What Monday taught me was what I want in a job. Other than the normal things like being challenged, job security, and feeling part of a team, I finally have some ideas of what kind of job I want. Lately, I’ve just been telling people, “Oh, whatever! I just need some job experience so whoever’s willing to hire me!”

Actually, there’s more to what I want from a job than that. I know twenty-somethings have gotten a bad rap lately about switching jobs so much and never quite being satisfied with where they are, but I’m not going to apologize for wanting to feel fulfilled in my job. I worked my butt off for my Bachelor’s degree and I want to use it! I want to feel challenged in what I do, but I don’t want to be miserable waking up every day.

While my job at the preschool isn’t ideal and there are things that drive me crazy about it, I don’t dread going to work. Of course, I don’t jump out of bed, saying, “YAY, WORK!” but who does? For right now, it’s a job that I (usually) enjoy. I want the same out of my future career.

While the first job I get will probably not be the place I’m at even 10 years from now, it will be the starting point of my professional life. I want a job where I will use this degree I put so much work into and constantly be pushed to do more. I want a job where I use my writing skills on a daily basis because a job where I don’t write isn’t the place for me. I want a job where my skills in social media, branding, and customer service are showcased and fine-tuned. I want a job where I feel comfortable sharing my opinion. I want a job where people work hard and play hard. I want a job where I feel proud of the work I do.

It seems like a lot to ask for, doesn’t it? And sure, maybe I can’t have everything I want. But I do know what my strengths are and I want to build on those strengths.

While I was pretty lucky to score a second-round interview on only my fourth job application, I know it may take a while for me to actually find a job. But I also know I have a lot to offer a company and I’m going to keep applying to those jobs that fit me until I get that magical call. Because it’ll happen. Jeremiah 29:11 makes it so.

Categories: Life

These Days…

…I am finally seeing the end in sight. After two hardcore weeks of writing and studying, the end is near. It felt as if my to-do list was so long but as I began to cross off assignments and submit my work, I could see the finish line. Currently, I have one final left. It’s a take-home exam consisting of a 1,500-word opinion essay, due Monday night. Once that is completed, I will have finished my last assignment of my college career!

…I am no longer doubting graduation. I have spent the last 4 months preparing myself for the worst: not graduating. It started with being in the wrong lab for my Spanish class and having to submit paperwork to get it changed. There were questions about passing Spanish. And then I began to worry that a major article I submitted would make my professor doubt my abilities as a writer, saying I haven’t learned enough in the past two years and couldn’t graduate. All worries were unfounded. I will pass all my classes and I will graduate.

…I find myself in awe of what will happen 9 days from now. Graduation. From college. It feels so surreal, since I was so close to graduation before, and it’s finally happening. I will have a Bachelor’s degree. It’s an amazing, amazing accomplishment. And I am so proud of myself.

…I am one of the few people chosen for the second round of interviews for a very special company I badly want to work for. The job is perfect for me, allowing me to utilize my degree as well as challenge myself, both personally and professionally. On Monday, I will shadow an employee at said company all day to get a feel for my responsibilities and the people I will be working with. I’m very interested in what Monday will bring!

…I am getting back into the swing of exercise after a long break. With my schedule, there just wasn’t time to fit in exercise and I found out how much I missed it. Yesterday, I went for my first run in a long time and it felt awesome to break a sweat!

…My Friday nights have turned into one of the best nights of my week: Bible study. My grandparents, two of the most knowledgeable people about faith I know, are helping my mom and me to understand who God is and what His promises are better. I am learning so much from this. I’m usually afraid to speak up in other Bible studies, for fear I’ll look incredibly stupid and naive. I don’t feel this way when I ask my grandma questions a girl who has been attending church since she was a baby should know. These nights are priceless.

…I feel so blessed when I think about blog friends. It’s been such a blessing to see how many of you are rooting for me and cheering me on with this whole job situation. Sometimes, I wonder if I should have waited until I knew whether or not I got the job, but then I know how fun it will be to go back through my Twitter feed and see what an amazing week this has been for me. Even if I don’t get the job, it was still worth it. And I have to give a huge shout-out to a girl I consider a best friend, Sam, who has been cheering me on since the beginning, calming my fears about finding a job and being excited for me about this opportunity. Everyone needs a friend like her.

…I can’t help but imagine life as a full-time employee, making a paycheck that will be a lot more than I’m making now (just a smidge over minimum wage, and I’m only working 20 hours a week). I’m imagining actually supporting myself and not having to come to my mom for every little purchase. But no, I have not (I REPEAT NOT) looked at websites to buy a car. Absolutely not. I would not do that to myself. Gosh. Why would you even think that?!

Categories: Life

A Facelift

You will want to click out of your readers for this one. My blog redesign is done! Ashley did such an amazing job with designing and putting up with all the mess I was giving her. (Seriously. I was like the Design Client From Hell at certain points.)

I cannot recommend this girl enough. She knows her design stuff, she’s affordable, and willing to try out anything you want. The process is long and detailed, making sure you are getting the design you want.

And even during my bad moments (like the time I said I might want to go back to a two-column layout after she had worked with the three-column layout for weeks. Luckily, I came to my senses before any damage was done.), she was super sweet and willing to do whatever I wanted.

Please, please check her out if you want a new blog design! She also does headers, invitations, business cards, etc.

In other news, I am up to my eyeballs in homework and finals. I have a Spanish final on Wednesday, the final draft of my short story due Thursday, and an intense take-home final due on May 2. On top of all that, I’m applying to jobs, which is a long and arduous process. I have a lot I want to blog about, but no time to do it.

But I’m graduating two weeks from tomorrow. And I’m so stinkin’ excited about my future, I can barely stand it.

Tell me, what’s going on in your lives?

Categories: Life

School, Stress, and Shingles

It’s been a while.

Well, only 5 days since my last post, but it feels like forever. I had to take a big step back from blogging this week (and probably will continue until I’m done with school) because I got overwhelmed. I looked at my homework list, realized I almost missed completely an assignment and realized I was in over my head. It didn’t take long for me to figure out what had to go first: blogging. And by stepping back, I was able to regroup, make out long to-do lists, and get stuff done. This semester isn’t too heavy on homework and projects and tests, but it’s all those little things that I’m trying to do now so I’m not overwhelmed with everything in April. But it’s better now. I know I have to keep school and work and exercise and downtime at the forefront of my mind and leave blogging to when I can get around to it.

I don’t think I can stress enough how much I am loving my classes this semester. My creative writing and literature classes are everything I have ever hoped for. I am totally in love with all the work I’m doing for those classes, especially those long reading assignments. My past five semesters as a journalism grad have been filled with interviews, research, and paper writing – nothing that excited me or fueled my passions. I am now realizing I want nothing to do with the journalism world. It’s not where my passions – or my talents – lie. Some days, I flirt with the idea of getting my teacher certification and teaching middle school. Some days, I think about missionary work or getting involved in a ministry. On other days, I just want to keep inside my bubble and do something that comes easily to me. But the best part about this time in my life is that my future is so wide-open. It’s a little scary but mostly thrilling to realize how much life I have yet to experience and how many milestones I have yet to achieve. And I can’t wait to take this little blog along for the ride.

But enough about school, let’s talk about shingles!

Shingles? Yes, shingles. (AKA, adult chicken pox.) Guess who was diagnosed with shingles last night? Yours truly. Quite a fun way to spend a Friday night, if you ask me!

It all started on Wednesday when I started feeling pain on the left side of my body, close to my hip. It felt like I had bruised my side or pulled a muscle and noticed two red marks that looked like insect bites around the area where it was hurting. For the most part, I shrugged it off, thinking it wasn’t something major. I would ice it tonight and try to stretch out my hip flexors. No big deal.

Oh, but Thursday, I realized something was up. Still experiencing pain and little red marks began forming on my skin all around my side. They began to make a trail toward my belly button and down my upper thigh. At this point, I started to worry. I was in pain but nothing excruciating. The marks didn’t itch or hurt, but they were there. I asked about it on Twitter, where Stephanie mentioned shingles. I didn’t want to believe that, so I shrugged it off again. (Plus, hi, I have no insurance. I don’t make visits to the doctor unless it is absolutely necessary. At this point, I didn’t think it was.) At first, my mom and I thought it was a bad reaction to an insect bite. I am slightly allergic to insect bites where some can make me swell up and develop lots of redness around the bite. But I’ve never had a reaction like this…and I’ve never been in pain. (Just itchy/uncomfortable pain.) Then, after my mom looked at them again, she thought they looked like hives. Hives? Oh, I can do hives! Hives are nothing! Yay, hives! I figured the stress I was putting on myself to complete this half-marathon was the reason behind my hives. I kept pouring Benedryl lotion on the marks and taking baths to hopefully heal them.

Then, on Friday, after still experiencing a lot of pain in my side (and now my back), we went to see my grandma. She has a nursing background, took one look at them, and said, “Oh, that’s shingles!” No. No, no, no, no, no. I cannot have shingles! Shingles are something old people get. I’m 23 and fairly healthy (ish). Heck, I’m training for a half-marathon. People training for half-marathons don’t get shingles! She advised me to get to a doctor ASAP, so my mom and I found an urgent care clinic a few blocks away. It took me about an hour to see a doctor, and I worried it was some strange disease that would give me 3 days to live. (My mind, you guys. MY MIND!) Less than 10 minutes after seeing the doctor, he diagnosed me with shingles. I have adult chicken pox. Awesome. (Oh, and did you know anyone who has had chickenpox still technically has it? It just lies dormant in your body. For some people, it stays dormant. For others, it rears up its ugly head in the form of shingles. Interesting!) Basically, there’s no real reason why a person gets shingles, but it has been linked to a low immune system. I know I have a low immune system thanks to those lovely kiddos who like to sneeze and cough all over me. I get sick every 2-3 months. (Meanwhile, I can’t remember the last time my mom had a cold! Not in the past 10 years, at least!) It’s also linked to stress which causes a low immune system.

Basically, they put me on an antibiotic and told me to take Advil for any pain. (Although, I haven’t yet filled the antibiotic because it rang up at $282! There is another kind that rings up for just $30 so I’m waiting on the phone call to see if the doctor will approve that one.) The pain isn’t too bad. I can do all of my normal activities, although I’m laying off exercise until this clears up. At its worse, the pain is at a 3 or 4. But, most of the time, it doesn’t hurt at all. It’s just ugly to look at.

And that’s about it. There’s nothing much I can do about it, although I’m taking about two oatmeal baths a day. (LOVE!) I’m just trying to relax and let it run its course. It’s been a stressful few days, but I’m glad I have an answer and a solution. (Plus, I think this gets me out of housework for at least the next week, right?)

Categories: Life

On Singleness & Loneliness

It’s Valentine’s Day. And appropriately, I’m writing a post on love. I’m quite original, yes.

I don’t feel as if I talk too much about my singleness on this blog. I write letters to my future husband and have talked about my stance on premarital sex and cohabitation. But not about the here and now. Not about living day in and day out, wondering what’s wrong with me. Cringing every time a formerly single friend finds love. Aching at the thought I may never wear a silver band on my left hand or a beautiful, white dress on my body.

I’m single. I’ve chosen to be single, but I desperately want to find love. I even went so far as to join a dating site, only to delete my profile the next day. Not that I necessarily think there’s anything wrong with dating sites, but it’s just not the path I want to take right now. I’m growing impatient and it scares me. I don’t think I’ll ever settle for Mr. Right Now, but there are moments when I think I could.

I hate to use the term because it is so overused, but it rings true for Valentine’s Day. Commercialized. Valentine’s Day is the single most commercialized holiday there is. Way more than Christmas. It’s all about jewelry and chocolate and teddy bears and flowers and cards. Love, love, love. On this day, if you don’t give me anything, you don’t really love me. I mean, really? That’s what this day has come to? This scramble to buy the one you love the perfect gift to signify your love. I’m also not on the “Valentine’s Day should be every day” camp, because let’s face it, can we really treat every day like we love the person we’re with to bits and pieces? Are we really that loveable 365 days a year? I think not. I’m never going to put that kind of pressure on my guy, that he needs to buy me some extravagant gift or take me out to an extravagant dinner just because it happens to be the Day of Love. So, future husband, if you’re reading, just know you’re off the hook when it comes to V-Day.

The truth is, I’m lonely. And not just because today is Valentine’s Day, but because there’s not a day that passes where I don’t wonder if I’ll ever spend this day with my future husband. Will I ever meet him? As single girl after single girl gets paired up and swoony (I’m growing to hate that word, by the way), I’m still stuck in my pattern of singleness and loneliness. I want to stop waiting for him. I want him to be in my life right now. I read love stories that give me hope for the future, but also simultaneously make me nervous that I won’t have the same serendipitous chance meeting. That I’ll be too afraid to even attempt a relationship, that my own fears and anxiety will take center stage and leave me alone once more.

I’m willing to sit back and let God control my love life, but I would be lying if I said I’m content with the way he’s conducting it right now. I know He has a plan, a bigger and better one than I could ever imagine, but it’s hard to not be at the controls. I just want to jump in and take it over, but I know it would only result in a mess. Right now, I’m just searching for peace. Peace in my singleness, peace in my loneliness. Peace that I will someday find him.