- I took a little unannounced blogging break, mainly because I worked all last weekend on my law term paper (about a topic I was clueless on) and finishing up some law journals to hand in on Thursday. And then I was busy with that little magazine project you might have heard me mention a time or two. The semester is slowwwly winding down (only 10 days left!) so I’ll be blogging less until I get my feet back from under me.
- In completely awesome news, I finished my magazine today! It has to be the best feeling ever to know I am done and still have over a week to tweak it until it’s due. I’m going to send the file to my professor so he can give me his opinion and critique so I know exactly what I need to fix. This project caused me so much stress and tension but once I found out that my professor liked my magazine, it became so much fun! It didn’t feel like I was doing homework when I was working on this project. And I’m super happy with the way it’s turned out.
- I signed up for 4 courses over the summer, forgetting that my scholarship doesn’t pay for summer classes and my financial aid still hasn’t been reinstated. So I might have freaked out a little bit when I saw my tuition would be around $2,500 which is just a little unaffordable. So I’ll be taking two classes and then hoping to get my scholarship back/financial aid reinstated for fall so I can take 5 classes and finish up my undergraduate degree!
- I’ve made a lot of changes to this blog while on my “break.” First off, I changed the layout and I love, love, love it! And since I paid money for it, I’m hoping I don’t get bored with it in a month. I tend to do that. I also fixed my blogroll and made a new 101 days list. I loved how clean and simple Lauren’s looked and went for one like hers with the categories which makes it so much easier for me to look at. I had to make some new goals for the ones I already completed, since I started my 1,001 days over, so check it out!
- I have a short three-day workweek next week which I’m thrilled about! That’s two days where I don’t have to wake up before 5am! I took those two days to help with getting everything completed before finals weeks starts and I think I’m going to manage to do everything. Wow! (And the week after that, I took Friday off to recuperate from this semester. I can’t wait!)
- In May, I’m taking on The 30-Day Shred challenge. I think I need a challenge for my exercise life, since I do everything in my power to get out of it. Anyone up to doing the challenge with me? Pretty please?
A story about a boy and a girl
I want to tell you a story.
The story is about a boy of about fourteen. The boy is sullen and angry. His parents just got divorced and he has to live with his mom and little sister. He thinks the world revolves around his father and wants to live with him. His mom forces him to go to church and he hates being there. Every Sunday, he stomps in and slumps down as far as he can get in his seat.
Watching him, is a man. The man leads a Sunday School class with middle-/high-schoolers with his wife. He has an amazing testimony and story of redemption. The man can see a little of himself in this boy.
The man introduces himself to the boy and invites him to the Sunday School class. It takes him multiple attempts for the boy to finally agree to go.
The boy loves it. He loves the class and he loves the leaders even more.
The boy’s sister joins him in the class when she starts seventh grade. She loves it, too. She connects with the leaders on a level she hasn’t connected with other Christian leaders in her life. These people are real. They are living out loud for God. They are refreshing.
One day, the youth leaders for the Wednesday night class announce they are leaving and the Sunday School leaders will be taking their place. The boy and girl are excited.
Youth group changes dramatically with the new leaders. It becomes dynamic and fun. They learn more about the Bible than they ever have. They start each service with worship and then a icebreaker game before the sermon. The sermon’s are exciting. Both boy and girl can sit through the entire service, with rapt attention. They learn about the man’s testimony, which blows them away.
They begin to become more involved. The youth leaders start a Thursday night game night with a ramp for skateboarding, a pick-up football game, and plenty of board games. The boys play sports and get dirty. The girls sit at picnic tables and gossip (um, in a godly way?). Boy and girl begin to enjoy church.
The youth leaders begin to have a Sunday afternoon hangout, between the morning services and evening service. They go to the beach or hang out by a pool. They stop at Wendy’s for a yummy lunch. They shake the van while sitting at a traffic light, with the leader leading the way. They have more fun with church friends than they ever imagined.
But then circumstances arise where a new youth leader takes his place. Boy and girl are devastated. They never connect with another leader as much as the previous ones.
But for those short months they got to have those leaders changed their life. They never forgot them, never forgot their story or how much they meant to them.
They saved their life. They showed them a new way of living. They inspired them.
Boy and girl grew up. They never tried a drug in their life. They never saw the inside of a jail cell. They never had a drunken night. They fought through the odds to come out on top. Boy has a good job, a beautiful girlfriend, and an adorable baby. Girl has a good job and is finishing up her Bachelor’s degree. They never forgot those leaders or the impact they had on their lives.
Finding My Niche
I haven’t been very happy with the way I’ve been blogging lately. I feel like I’m straying farther and farther away from the essence of this blog and more into “What can I write that will get me a lot of comments?”
It’s a horrible way to blog.
When I first started blogging, it was just because I liked to write and I liked having a way to document my thoughts and feelings about what was happening in my life. I never received comments and the only person I knew who read my blog was my mom.
But now I have followers. I receive comments on every blog post. I have made friends through blogging. I have given and received advice. I have debated over religious and political viewpoints. I have found a blogging community where I belong.
I love that part of the blogging. I don’t love what my (minor) popularity has done to my blogging. I remember Shalay writing a post about this last summer. It was a great post that sums up all of my thoughts in her hilarious blunt way.
See, I’m trying to figure out where I belong exactly. I’m not in a relationship of any kind. I’m not planning a wedding. I’m not a newlywed. I’m not married. I’m not a mother. I’m not pregnant. I’m not trying to become pregnant. I hate cooking. I suck at designing and decorating. I’m not training for a marathon. I don’t care about fashion. I’m not interested in sharing every mundane detail about my weight loss efforts. I’m not living abroad. I don’t have an interesting job. I can’t talk about anything that happens at my job on this blog. I can’t talk about anything that happens at my internship on this blog. I’m not living on my own. The only bills I pay are my credit card bills. I live with my mom. I’m not moving out any time soon. I’m not moving to another state for a job. I’m not interested in missions work (yet). I don’t travel. The finest restaurant I eat out at is Carrabba’s.
Frankly, my life is boring. I work, I go to school, I’m in an internship. I have a healthy relationship with my mom. I have few friends and no social life to speak of. I watch way too much TV and take naps whenever possible. I’m a homebody.
I’m trying to figure what type of blogger I want to be. Am I a seven-day-a-week blogger? A three-day-a-week blogger? A one-day-a-week blogger? A once-every-other-week blogger?
I know I want to go back to the basics of blogging again. I want to get back to writing. I want to write about my thoughts and feelings again. I want to stop completely meme’s and participating in every weekly feature I can find. I want to start honing my writing skills and this blog is the perfect place for that.
Maybe my niche is that I don’t have a niche. I’m just a blogger. I’m just a blogger who is trying her hardest to break into the publishing world, has doubts about every aspect of her life, and loves her family more than anything in this world.
Some things are going to change around here. And I hope you all stay along for the ride. I promise it’ll be worth it.
Priorities
I knew this semester was going to be jam-packed, busy, and test every level of strength I possessed. What I didn’t know was how much it would try to break me.
I’m not good at managing my time. This is not a new fact for me. The truth is, I’d much rather spend my time blogging, catching up my DVR-ed shows, and sleeping than doing actual work. It’s the lazy American in me, you could say.
I managed fairly well, working a part-time job and going to school full-time, last semester. I managed to scrape by with A’s and an almost-A and didn’t feel as if my entire world was caving in at all. The last few weeks were intense but I managed.
I still have another two months to go and I’ve already had my fair share of cry-my-eyes-out meltdowns. My mom has witnessed way too many of these and I’m not a very nice person when these occur. I throw out F-bombs, snap at her for no reason, and just get ugly. It’s not pretty.
But I’m going to make it through this semester. I’m going to succeed, even if success comes in the form of a barely-passable C-.
In order to succeed, I need to put my priorities together. The only way I am going to make it through this semester without going crazy is by figuring out the placement of everything in my life.
Obviously, school must come first. I’m in the process of figuring out what I have due for the rest of the semester in all my classes and making sure I have a timeline to complete it all. The biggest thing weighing on my mind is a 16-page magazine I have to create from scratch. Original images, original designs, and original stories. I’ve come to realize design is not my forte and I know this magazine won’t be the best in the class. But I just want to create it for me and to be happy with my work – even if my professor isn’t.
Second on the list is my health. I’m on the Weight Watchers program and lost three pounds my first week. I want to keep my health in check and know this is the one thing in my life that I can control, even if everything else in my life is going to the crapper. And I know by eating healthy, drinking water, and exercising, I will keep my body happy. And a happy body means a happy mind, right?
Third on the list is my relationship with God. I need to fall back in love with Jesus and I need Him to help me make it through these days. I know I’m just going to falter if I try to do this on my own. And I need His help with the magazine I’m going to produce. I’m trying out a new small group on Sunday and I’m hoping this one works for me. I really have tried so many small groups that I just don’t enjoy, people-wise. I want to feel comfortable and I want my relationship with God to deepen through it.
Sitting lower on my list of priorities are my social life, blogging life, and job. My job isn’t something I’m willing to give up. After this semester, it should be smooth sailing for my last two semesters of college. And I want to keep my job throughout it. I love where I work and even if the pay is crappy, it’s better than no job. My social life is laughable so let’s not even talk about it. Suffice it to say, I know I need down time but those times will be few and far between for the next two months.
But blogging. I love blogging. I love writing blogs and reading posts. I love commenting and finding out I have new people reading my blog. And it hurts to know it’s going to have to go on the back burner for the next few months. My goal is to aim for 1-2 blog posts a week and keep up with my Google Reader as much as possible. But I do need to step away from the obsession I have over blogging until school has calmed down. Am I happy about it? No. But it’s necessary.
I’m already counting down the days until May. It’s going to be a rough, crazy, stressful two months but I will make it through. And I will succeed. Anyway, thanks for listening.
What a Week!
Last week was crazy. CRAZY! I really don’t want to have to live through another week like that ever again. It was just too insane.
Anyway, here’s some of the “fun” that happened this week.
I missed you guys!
Taking a break from blogging was exactly what I needed for this week but I missed it more than I thought I would. I missed writing my blog posts, publishing them, and checking my phone a million times a day to see if anyone had commented. I missed reading blogs and commenting. So I’m super stoked to be back and hopefully, I won’t have another week as crazy as this one was.
Also, I changed my layout this weekend and for some reason, Disqus has not been working for me. I cannot get any comments to show up. I’ve probably run through their installation system 10 times to get comments to show up to no avail. I sent a service request so we’ll see what happens. Right now, I’m back to the old Blogger commenting system. (But no word verification! See? I’m nice!) I’m just really confused and annoyed by all of this.
My “dad” wrote back.
I got a message on my phone on Friday, while I was over at my brother’s. The good thing is, I read the e-mail out loud while my brother and my mom listened. So I’m really glad I didn’t have to read that e-mail alone. Because it was an awful e-mail. Once again, he took no responsibility and laid it all back on my shoulders. He told me to stop using him as a “crutch” for why I cannot have a good relationship with a guy, tried to take credit for raising me (the way my brother and I turned out had to do 75% of US and 25% of my mom. 0% of him. We turned out the way we are IN SPITE of him), and didn’t once say “I love you” or “I’m sorry.” Oh, and he also talked about the great relationship he had with my mom. (Go ahead, laugh. I did!)
I have plans to write him back and the e-mail I write back to him will not be anywhere near as nice. I tried to leave the door open for him to have a relationship with me and he firmly shut the door in my face. I’m giddy with excitement of everything I’m going to write to him. No sugarcoating and no sweetness is going into this letter. It’s going to be blunt, mean, and scathing. I just want to give myself a few days to calm down from the e-mail so I know exactly what I want to say.
And after that e-mail, it will be over. I’m done. I’m fed up with him and his lack of responsibility. And I’m just tired of it all.
A project, a paper, and a monster test.
This week was, by far, one of the busiest I’ve ever experienced. And I know it doesn’t seem like a lot. I know I’ve had more due in one week but none of this caliber. The project took hours to complete, using InDesign, a program I’ve never had any experience with until a few weeks ago. So my designs feel like kindergarten scribble compared to some of my other classmates. And I got the extreme pleasure of having my newspaper frontpage critiqued by my professor and classmates. Luckily, the critique wasn’t as bad as I expected and I do get to fix my mistakes and resubmit the project.
The paper, with which I did 4 live interviews and 2 e-mail interviews for, was probably one of the worst I’ve written. I wrote it in under an hour and was just trying to get it done, somewhat edited, and sent by Tuesday night. It was for my News Editing class and the head of the journalism department is my professor. Needless to say, I’m pretty certain he wasn’t all too impressed with it.
The monster test took up most of my week. I spent the weekend looking through the study guide and finding the answers and then Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday night studying my notes. And I’m a terrible studier. I just can’t sit there and study for hours and hours. So I headed into Thursday (test day) very uncertain of my study materials. I ended up taking Thursday morning off work and met with a friend from class before the test where we studied together for 2 hours. And it was SO helpful! I realized I knew a lot more than I previously thought and ended up going into the test feeling very positive. And I think I did better than expected on the exam.
Exhaustion and sickness.
I ended up catching some kind of bug starting on Sunday. It started with a scratchy throat which morphed into an annoying sore throat. Then I got the snifflies and a cough. The sickness was bad enough. But let’s add in exhaustion. Extreme exhaustion. Exhaustion where I’m a little frightened to drive because I don’t know if I can keep my eyes open. I think my tiredness had to do with the 4-5 hours of sleep I was getting a night, the bug, and just feeling completely worn out and run down.
There were so many days I just wanted to come home and sleep for hours. But I couldn’t and drank way too much Coke to try to keep me awake. (I’m more of a Coke girl than a coffee girl when it comes to caffeine.)