Stephany Writes

Categories: Life

School, Schmool

I start another semester of school on Monday. Unlike last semester, I’m not very excited about this. Well, I’m a tad bit more excited than I was a few weeks ago. I think I’ve forgotten a little how hectic and crazy and stressed a semester is.

Last semester was my first time working 30+ hours while attending a full load of courses. And I’m not going to lie, it was intense. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so stressed out and tired as I did last semester, especially with a crazy move in the midst of it. But I managed through it and ended up with 3 A’s and an Almost A (it was an 89.96% and my professor didn’t bump it up to an A. He gave me a B+. But I’m calling it an Almost A because I was so close.)

I don’t feel settled about this semester yet. There’s one class I’m trying to get into and I’m on 3 separate waiting lists for the sections that are offered. On Tuesday, I received an e-mail saying they had opened up another class. (FINALLY!) So I shot off an e-mail to get the permit to take the class and I’m still waiting to hear back. If I can get into this class, which is on Monday nights, it would work perfectly with my schedule and I wouldn’t have to quit my job!

My other classes are set. (Although, if I do get into the above-mentioned class, I would drop one of my classes, to keep me at 12 credit hours.) I’m taking an internship, which will be my fourth one I’ve taken but seeing as my other three internships were in an elementary school setting, it will be much, much different. Two of the classes I’m taking are extremely close to my heart so I’m very excited about them. I think I’ll really get a feel for what I think I want to do when I graduate, so I can discover if it’s something I’m truly passionate about.

I’m having some major internship anxiety right now, something I’m going to talk more about tomorrow. I have a lot of baggage when it comes to internship, based on my past experiences.

So while the level of excitement isn’t the same as it was last semester, I’m still very excited about the possibilities and experiences that await me as I begin my third semester as a journalism student. And once I finish this one, I only have two semesters (and 5 classes!) until I graduate!

Categories: Life

2000-2009: The End of an Era

I can’t believe this first decade of a new millennium is coming to an end. I won’t embarrass myself by telling you how much I bought into the Y2K hype. (Hey! I was twelve!) I have grown up so much in this decade, yet sometimes it seems as if I’m still the twelve-year-old girl I was when 2000 started.

In 2000, I was 12 and felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. My parents had finalized their divorce the September prior. I had no self-esteem to speak of and was scared to even look at a boy I had a crush on. I dealt with extreme insomnia. My mom battled depression. The one bright spot of 2000 was the week-long trip I took to Virginia with my mom, my brother, my grandparents, and my cousins. I saw snow for the very first time and experienced the thrill of skiing for the first time.

In 2001, I was 13 and experienced tragedy when terrorists crashed planes into a huge building. My dad went to jail for 3 months for stealing $2,000 from his mother. We lived in 4 separate places this year: a condo, an apartment, my grandparents house, and then had to move with them as they moved to another house. I still struggled with major self-esteem issues.

In 2002, I was 14 and really excited about what life had to offer me. I was excited to finish middle school, as it had been the most awful three years of my life. I couldn’t wait to start high school and have a fresh start. I was still incredibly shy and saw myself as fat and unwanted. My self-esteem was super low. I was extremely proud to be in a magnet school, even if it was in a program I had no interest in pursuing as a career (criminal justice). Still, I thought I was better than those “mainstream” kids. My brother started dating Jenny.

In 2003, I was 15 and immersed in the world of AIM and Xanga. I was addicted to the computer and playing on it every chance I could get. While I had friends, we didn’t spend much time after school together, aside from one or two sleepovers. I went to Homecoming on a date with a friend, and it was one of the best times I have ever had. This was a year I was trying to “find” myself and searching for answers in everything from religion to rock music. It was also the year an amazing opportunity passed my way.

In 2004, I was 16 and handed an amazing opportunity to spend the rest of my high school years at a charter school, where I would take college classes that would count as college and high school credit. At the end of my 2 years, I would graduate with my high school diploma as well as my Associates in Arts degree. I met a great group of girl friends who brightened my day. I was very family-oriented. After taking college-level Anatomy and Physiology (at the age of fifteen), I decided I didn’t want to be a veterinarian anymore. And so went the process of finding what I did want to do in life. I went on a date this year and had an “almost boyfriend” for about 3 weeks.

In 2005, I was 17 and floating by in life. This was the end of my junior year of high school and the beginning of my senior year. My guidance counselor was going crazy, getting us ready to apply for colleges. I applied to 3 colleges this year: University of Florida (denied), University of South Florida (accepted), and University of Central Florida (denied). I took the SAT and didn’t do so well on them. Life was mundane and nothing exciting happened this year. My brother graduated from high school and moved out in September to live with his girlfriend.

In 2006, I was 18 and a high school and college graduate! I spent the summer working for a movie theater, which was so hard but also a little bit fun. I left home for college (which was only 30 minutes away) and ended up hating it so much. I had a roommate that I clashed with. I spent a lot of my free time in the school bookstore to get away from it all. I was an elementary education major, something I absolutely adored. And I worried away most of fall semester that I wouldn’t meet the class requirements to get into the College of Education, because of two awful classes. (I ended up making an A in one, and a C- in the other.)

In 2007, I was 19 and lost 30 pounds. After a horrible year in the dorms, I came back home for good. I started working at a preschool and became a lot more adept at handling babies and kids. I joined Weight Watchers and lost those aforementioned 30 pounds. I was an intern one day a week in a first-grade classroom, which was a whole lot of fun but also very scary. I was excited about my future.

In 2008, I was 20 and lost my way. I was supposed to graduate with my Bachelor’s degree in elementary education in December but after a bad internship in the spring with a fourth grade class and then an awful one in the fall in another fourth grade class…I was told by my supervisor I wouldn’t pass the internship. I took a month off to think and decided teaching was not for me. I changed my major to journalism. I discovered I didn’t have any financial aid left to cover any more expenses. My dog of 11 years, Minnie, died in June from cancer. I quit my job in March to focus on school. I worked at a print shop during the summer, where I spent 90% of my time watching sitcoms and playing at my computer. We found out in May my grandma had stage IV colon cancer. My nephew was born in September. I spent November and December searching for a job to no avail.

In 2009, I was 21 and pursuing my passion. I excelled in all my journalism classes and for once, I was recognized at having talent at something. I started working at another preschool in February. I started blogging with a purpose and discovered an entire network of bloggers and friends. My grandma has been cancer-free for an entire year. We were given a dog, a mini-daschund, from a family member who has become an integral part of my life and one of my best friends.

I realize I spent most of this decade worrying. Worrying about money, worrying about my looks, worrying about what people thought of me. My hope for this upcoming decade is that I stop worrying so much. I learn to trust God and trust myself more. I learn to stop worrying so much about what people think of me and start looking internally for happiness. Happiness and acceptance will never be found in other people, something I did end up learning from this decade.

Categories: Life

Operation: Move

It’s been over a week since I last updated, thanks to no Internet connection at the new apartment. I found this out on Saturday, cried about it a little (I’m serious), and moved on. I’ve been able to get any homework I need to get done when I’m at school and today I woke up early to take my mom to work and then head over to Panera Bread to work on more homework. Yay, me.

And since I’m finished with my homework and it’s not even 9:30 a.m., I thought a blog post was in order.
Mom and I spent Friday, Saturday, and Sunday moving. We moved the majority of our boxes on Friday, mostly cleaned the old apartment on Saturday, and moved the rest of it on Sunday. On Sunday, my brother also helped move the big stuff. He has a big truck and big muscles. Big muscles, as in, he can carry a couch all by himself. By himself! Mom and I, together, couldn’t even carry our 28-inch TV. (Granted, it’s not one of those fancy-shmancy flat screens but a big, black, clunky one.) His help was greatly appreciated.
The apartment is great, we love it! There are so many pluses to this new place. Mainly, our financial situation is going to look a LOT better as our rent will be a LOT cheaper. We have an amazing view, a fantastic apartment manager, and I have a ceiling fan in my room! For some reason, this excites me greatly.
The place is a lot smaller than our old apartment but we didn’t use half the space of the old one. The appliances are a little older but we can deal. We also don’t have a washer/dryer in our unit. The last time we had to use a laundromat, I was in middle school. Luckily, our laundry room is just a few steps from our apartment so it’s not too bad. (Can you tell I’m a bit of a glass-half-full type of girl?)

All in all, I’m pretty happy. I’ll be even happier when we have Internet, better cable, and MONEY! Mom and I will be sitting down sometime this weekend and working out our budget. We need to get caught up on all our credit card bills and also start saving money. I’ve had $1.00 in my savings account for 3 years now. It’d be nice to get in the double digits, at least.

The mantra for this week is that it’s going to get better. Things are tough right now but they will get better. We’re both so happy with the decision we made and I can’t wait for the day my mom can put in her two week’s notice at her second job! (I’m shooting for March!)
Categories: Life

Stress Demon, Part Two

See these boxes? They weren’t supposed to grace our apartment for another couple of weeks.

Yet, here they are. Why? Because our move-in date was bumped up 3 weeks. Our apartment complex decided to give a new tenant our apartment with a move-in date of October 5th. (Coincidentally, our lease doesn’t expire until October 15th.) We talked with the awesome Heather at our new apartment complex and were able to snag an apartment quickly.

In August, Mom and I decided to move. We’re living in a beautiful apartment in a beautiful complex. It’s a gated community with covered parking, granite countertops, and a full-size washer/dryer in every unit. But it’s way too expensive for us. We need to downsize and found a perfect little community that fit our budget.

So, when I said I was stressed before? Man, I didn’t even know! We only have one week to pack. We also have to set up cable and liability insurance before move-in. And the move-in fees? $1,400, which, thankfully, includes October’s rent. Basically, money is going to be non-existant for me until my next paycheck in October. Honestly, right now, I have no idea how we’re going to work this out. Money issues are keeping me up at night.

My mom sent my apartment complex an e-mail Thursday night to tell them we are able to move out before October 5th. (Although, frankly, I would’ve waited until Monday and let her sweat all weekend about it.) And now the office manager has been acting very strange. Before, when she told us about the new tenant, it was all roses: You’ll get any unused rent and your security deposit. And now? She’s telling us that any damages and cleaning they’ll have to do will be taken out of the security deposit.

Under normal circumstances, this would be fine. But these are not normal circumstances. We are, in a sense, being rushed out of our apartment. We won’t have the time (or the money) to clean the carpets. (Which is our main concern.) Everything else will be spic-and-span. My mom once read some reviews about our complex after we moved in here and one lady talked about how awful they were to her when she moved out. And how much they overcharged her. And it looks like the same might be happening to us.

Anyway, it’s going to be a long week. I still haven’t gotten the OK to take Friday and Monday off from my job, which I’m worried about. We have so much stuff to pack and get rid of. And I have 3 exams this week and a paper due.

Honestly, I just want to bypass the next 3 weeks. I want to be all settled into the new apartment with money in my bank account.

Categories: Life

Battling With the Stress Demon

I haven’t wanted to admit it. First of all, I don’t like to complain. (Unless it’s about how much I don’t want to exercise.) Secondly, I don’t want to be a Debbie Downer. But, after 4 weeks of classes, it’s finally hit me: Stress + Stephany = Crabby Pants.

I don’t deal with stress well. I get crabby, short with people, and consume my body weight in chocolate. I’m really scared of what I’m going to be like around November, when the tough projects come rolling in. (Hello, case studies.)

I’ve never worked a part-time job while going full-time at school. Actually, scratch that because I did work in my school’s bookstore at the end of 2006, beginning of 2007. But I only worked maybe 10 hours a week and was taking easy-as-pie education classes.

I’m working 30 hours a week. My alarm goes off at 5:15 a.m. Monday through Friday. After class, four days a week, I rush to campus where I try to stay awake to listen to boring exciting lectures. On Mondays, I get a semblence of a break until I have to sit at my computer from 7 p.m. until 8:45 p.m., logging onto my online class’ Virtual Classroom. Then come Tuesdays, my longest day. I have work, afternoon class, a break, and then class from 6 p.m. until 9 p.m. And it’s not even a fun class. (Although, it could be. They just choose to be boring about it.)

Luckily, my week gets better starting on Wednesday. I’m done with work/classes by 3:15 p.m., which is heavenly. And I usually don’t start any homework until Friday night, at the earliest. (Yes, I do homework on Friday nights. You can see how extremely exciting my life is.) But this means my nights are usually free for me to bum around online, watch lots o’ TV, and catch up on my reading.

It’s a busy schedule. I wouldn’t say I’m at the level I was at during my “final” internship in fall 2008, but I’m getting there. And, really, it’s not half as bad as many people. I live with my mom, which means I don’t have too many responsibilities. I don’t have any children to care for. And most of my nights are free for me.

So why am I so stressed out? My mom and I have gotten in more small arguments in the past 3 days than we have all year! I’ve come up with a list (because who doesn’t love a good list?):

  1. I’m sleepy – I’ve been going to bed way too late for someone who has to be up at 5:15 a.m. The past 3 days, I’ve gone to bed past 11:30, which means I’m getting less than 6 hours of sleep. And I’m a 9+-hours-of-sleep-a-night type of girl. I don’t function well when I’m exhausted.
  2. We’re moving – Our lease for this amazing-yet-way-too-expensive apartment is up October 15, so we’ve already put a deposit on another apartment, closer to my school and my mom’s work. But we put our deposit in very early so we haven’t exactly secured an apartment yet. I’m a little anxious about that and don’t relish the thought of yet another move. (This will be my 14th move. And no, I wasn’t a military brat.)
  3. Flab to fab – It hasn’t been working out as brilliantly as I had hoped. I don’t want to get too in depth, since I’ll be blogging about it tomorrow, but I’m getting really disappointed in myself. I’ve been feeling that I’m destined to be fat. (Lane Bryant…here I come!)

All of the issues, combined with my classes, projects, and work (which can be a VERY stressful job on most days), have gotten me to this point. Blogging about it has helped. I started this blog, not knowing I would find out why I am stressed. And now it’s just a matter of moving forward, making changes, and battling with the stress demon.