Stephany Writes

Categories: Life

The Finish Line

NaBloPoMo-rs: We did it! It’s the last day of November. (And everyone who has been trying to keep up with all of our posts: You can breathe a sigh of relief. We won’t be clogging up your feeds every single day… until next November, that is.)

This was a weird year of NaBloPoMo for me, as I kinda flew by the seat of my pants for most of this month. At least for me—I live and die by my editorial calendar and usually have a few months of blog topics planned in advance. For the last two years I’ve done NaBloPoMo, I’ve planned out every single day and followed that plan perfectly. This time around, I planned out probably half of my month and left the rest of the month open for whatever topics came to me during the month.

And, funnily enough, that non-plan worked out perfectly as every day that I came to this blog to write a post, I had something in mind. It might have been something that came to me during a Google search (Picking Out a 2023 Advent Calendar), or perhaps another blogger gave me an idea (In Which I Lose All My Readers by Talking About Car Organization), or maybe I hit a special blogging milestone midway through the month (2,000 Blog Posts Later), or sometimes it was just a post about something I was going through in the moment (Depression Toolkit).

This doesn’t mean I’m giving up my editorial calendar. LOL, no. I need that structure in my life. It helps me publish three blog posts a week because I know exactly what I need to write about. But, perhaps, I could stand to be a little more flexible with how I structure my editorial calendar—and I can definitely continue this flexibility into next year’s NaBloPoMo.

I was very apprehensive to do this challenge again this year. It’s a lot of work writing a blog post every day! And to keep up with other people’s blogs. And to somehow maintain my other hobbies and friendships and family and work life. But I knew I would have FOMO if I didn’t do it, which isn’t always the best reason to do a challenge like this, but I’m glad I decided to do it. It was fun, I got to connect with so many people, and I wrote posts I’m really proud of.

And now? Now, it’s back to my regular three-posts-a-week schedule, which my typing fingers are really glad about. 😉

Categories: Life

Thirty-Six

It’s my birthday! Today, I turn 36 years old.

Birthdays are a time for many things, in my view. They are a time to celebrate the gift of getting older because it truly is a gift. They are a time to reflect on my life (what went well this year? what was hard about this year?). They are a time to think about the future and the kind of person I want to be in five, ten, fifteen years. And they are a time to be grateful for this life I have because it truly is a good one.

I’m in the second-half of my thirties now and what a wild ride it has been. I started off this decade by celebrating with friends at a small house party and then, a little over two years later, the pandemic happened. Life came to a halt for a full year, and it wasn’t until this year that things finally started to feel like they did pre-pandemic. That’s not to say Covid is over, of course, because it never will be. But to me, I treat Covid like I treat the flu. I get my vaccines, I stay home if I’m feeling ill, but I don’t wear masks anymore and I don’t think about Covid all that much.

It was a hard year for my mental health. I remember being at the dentist in early January and the dental hygienist asking me at the end of the appointment if I had any summer plans. I spiraled, you guys. While I forced a smile for the hygienist and offered a breezy, “Oh, not sure yet!”, inside, I was paralyzed with fear. Summer plans? What if my life looked completely different by the summer because something terrible happened to myself or my family? How could I even begin to look forward to summertime when I was just trying to make it through January with my sanity intact?

That episode prompted an appointment with my medical doctor because it was time to take a look at my medication levels. I was hoping to either make a change to my Lexapro dose or get a referral to a psychiatrist, but instead, that appointment devolved into the doctor giving me a lecture on losing weight. I left that appointment frustrated but immediately booked an appointment with a psychiatrist through Zocdoc. My psychiatrist is amazing. She is kind and compassionate. She reminds me that this anxiety I’m experiencing isn’t something I have to live with. With her guidance, I increased my Lexapro dose from 20 mg to 30 mg, which did incredible things to stabilize my anxiety levels almost immediately.

My psychiatrist has instilled in me this idea that improving my mental health involves more than just medication, although she knows how important it is. It’s also about getting sunshine on my eyeballs, moving my body, eating foods that improve gut health, and talk therapy.  All of this together brings about a much improved mental state where I’m not spiraling just because someone asked me about my summer plans.

One of the brightest spots of my year was my dating life. For five months, I dated a very wonderful woman who ticked all of the boxes for me. She was a huge reader like me, she was kind and compassionate, she was dedicated to social justice causes. We got to do the most delightfully bookish things, like going on bookstore dates and going to coffee shops to read together. It felt like the ideal partnership.

The relationship ended, though, because as much as I enjoyed spending time with her and even though she ticked off all of the right boxes, the connection I craved just wasn’t there. I needed more and I knew, deep in my soul, that I wasn’t going to be able to get that from her. It was heartbreaking to end the relationship, but I know it was the right call and I haven’t regretted it a single day since. (I have regretted losing a friend, though. That part sucks.)

But there was so much good that came from this relationship: Most importantly, I was able to finally come out to everyone in my life. It’s not as if I was hiding my queer identity from people, but I have trouble opening up to people IRL. There were even close friends who didn’t know! I wanted to tell them. I knew they would be happy for me. But vulnerability is difficult for me (IRL, definitely not on this blog, ha) and I didn’t want the attention. But I did it. I told friends, I told Instagram, I told family. It was scary, but there wasn’t a single negative response to coming out. I am so grateful for that! Part of the reason it took me so long to come out is because I was so terrified of this news changing the way people saw me and changing my relationships. But it has only made them stronger and it has allowed me to live my most authentic life.

To the girl who would see cute girl couples together and feel so jealous of them and so sad she would never experience that for herself, look at you now. You get to be you and date the people you want to date. What a gift!

Last year, I wrote this on my annual birthday post: I need to start a journey toward healthy living, but I’m scared. Every time I have tried to do so, I’ve been unhappy.

Enter: My dietician. I am so glad I decided to seek out the services of a dietician so I can learn how to fuel my body in a way that feels satisfying and enjoyable. It’s not about losing weight, but rather about understanding what nourishes my body and how to eat intuitively. My dietician is a supportive, welcoming, kind human who just wants me to have a good relationship with food and to eat in a way that will support the goals I have for myself, like lowering my risk for heart disease.

My dietician has helped me better understand the way my body works. During our first meeting, we talked about what fears I have about changing my eating habits and I told her, very bluntly, that I just don’t think I have what it takes to eat healthy for a sustained period of time. I’m just not built to do that. Once things start to feel hard, I quit. I stop eating well. I order takeout more or get a big bag of pizza rolls to have for dinner every night.

What I’ve learned from these sessions with my dietician is not that I don’t have what it takes or that healthy living is an impossible task… but rather, I just need my food to be exciting. For example, for a long time, I was having a mid-morning snack of string cheese and nuts but suddenly, I stopped wanting those nuts. They grossed me out. And usually, that’s when I start to beat myself up. “I’m just not cut out for this. Eating healthy is too hard!” But when I brought this quandary to my dietician, she reminded me that all it means is that we need to figure out a different snack, something that would be exciting and delicious for me to eat.

That’s the true benefit I have found from seeing a dietician. It’s not necessarily learning the best foods to eat to properly nourish my body (although that has been very helpful!)… it’s about the psyche around food and the stories we tell ourselves when things feel tough. My dietician has all of the faith in me and that has translated to me feeling better about myself and the way I approach eating.

This year was one for the memory books, too. The amazing Bri somehow scored tickets to Taylor Swift’s Tampa show and our seats were insane. She puts on an amazing show and I was forever changed by the experience. I took a cruise on my birthday where I got to ride in a hot air balloon, jump off a cliff in Jamaica, and tube down a river. I explored Charleston with my mom during her birthday weekend. I got my third tattoo, took a knife skills class, and learned how to French braid my own hair. I went to my first-ever Pride parade, earned a nice raise at work, and fell in love with Barbie. And, oh yeah, I GOT LASIK! That’s not something I expected to happen this year, but I would like to thank my parents for giving me super thick corneas that made traditional LASIK an easy procedure. (Also, shout-out to CareCredit for helping me finance the cost.)

It’s been a year filled with ups and downs, but when I look back on the year and when I reflect on the person I am today, at 36 years old, I am really satisfied with who I am and this life I have built. The next year will be a difficult one, as it will likely involve saying goodbye to my uncle (which feels so surreal to even type) and supporting my cousin through all that comes with that. But hopefully, it will also be a year filled with love, optimism, and beautiful memories.

Categories: Life

In Which I Lose All My Readers by Talking About Car Organization

Sarah wrote a post during this NaBloPoMo season about organizing her van. I found her post very interesting because she has five kids she’s toting around and trying to keep happy while out and about. My situation is a lot different, as I’m just toting myself. So this may be my most boring post to date (I’m on that end-of-NaBloPoMo struggle bus, ahhh), but here we go: let’s talk about car organization. GET EXCITED.

Here’s what the situation looks like right now:

Glove Box

  • A half-empty pack of tissues
  • A package of KN-95 masks
  • An umbrella
  • Two reusable shopping bags (the kind that can be folded up into a little square)
  • Owner’s manual/car registration/other odds and ends like that

I need to replace my tissues and do I still need to have masks on hand? I guess so?

Center Console

I have a tiny trash can that fits perfectly inside my console. The best trash can cleaning company WASH BINS, hands down. I also keep my charging cord here unless I’m using it. And I have a zippered pouch that holds:

  • Extra trash bags
  • Hair elastics
  • Pens
  • Backup sunglasses
  • Microfiber cloth

I usually have an emergency $20 bill in this pouch, but I had to use it recently and haven’t replaced it yet. 

Trunk

  • Big bag that holds all of my reusable grocery bags
  • Camp chair
  • Trunk organizer (I use this to keep all of my bags in one place after grocery shopping and such)

Made from high-quality neoprene, Wet Okole seat covers offer durability and reliability that you can trust. I also have a shelf in front of my gear shift and I try to keep it as clean as possible with only my key card to the front gate, my key card to get into my work office, and my library card. I keep a spare jacket in my backseat (mostly because Starbucks is always so cold, and that’s where Mikaela and I meet for our writing dates!).

The things I don’t have in my car at any given time? Water, snacks, a first aid kit, any tools I would need to fix my car in a pinch. I don’t feel the need to have snacks in my car because I don’t have kids and if I’m hungry, I’ll just bring something with me when I leave. I should probably pick up a first aid kit during my next Target run that can live in my glove compartment. And if my car needs a jump or has a flat, that’s where roadside assistance comes in. As for emergency preparedness, perhaps investing in MyCPR NOW’s CPR Certification could be beneficial for unexpected situations. I don’t really feel a pressing need to have a special toolkit for my car. However, it’s always wise to be prepared for unexpected situations. In case of any accidents or injuries while on the road, don’t hesitate to contact a personal injury lawyer for assistance. A personal injury lawyer can help you seek compensation.

I would like to add a few things to my zippered pouch, however (I keep some of these things in my purse, but it can’t hurt to be overly prepared):

  • Hand sanitizer
  • Tampons
  • Ibuprofen
  • Deodorant (would need to be something that wouldn’t melt from the Florida heat)
  • Lip balm (same as above; not sure this is even possible?!)
  • A fold-up brush
  • Makeup wipes

It probably also wouldn’t be a bad idea to have a change of clothes or at least a spare pair of flip-flops in my trunk for emergencies. Then again, I don’t think I’ve ever run across a scenario where I’ve needed an emergency change of clothes/shoes, so is it really that important? IDK. However, in situations where unexpected accidents occur, being prepared, including having provisions for wrongful death incidents, can make a significant difference. Consulting with a houston wrongful death attorney can offer invaluable guidance in navigating the legal complexities and seeking justice in such unfortunate circumstances. Consider having emergency supplies on hand, and if you ever find yourself in need of legal assistance after an accident, don’t hesitate to contact a personal injury referral service for guidance.

But that’s what things look like today! And somehow I’ve written 500 words on car organization. You’re welcome.

Tell me: What does your car organization look like? Is there any MAJOR thing I’m missing that I should always have in my car?

Categories: Life

2,000 Blog Posts Later

On May 27, 2016, I published my 1,000th blog post.

And on November 14, 2023, I published my 2,000th blog post. (Cue the celebration!)

So, what has happened over the last seven-and-a-half years? I have…

  • … come out as a bisexual woman and have had two very satisfying-if-temporary relationships with women.
  • … lost my beloved grandfather unexpectedly and lost my beloved dog Dutch due to old age.
  • … became a cat mom! And a certifiably crazy cat person.
  • … experienced massive career growth, including a promotion to management.
  • … began living on my own (just a few months after writing my 1,000th blog post!) and couldn’t imagine anything else.
  • … lived through a pandemic that upended our world.
  • … traveled to Europe, on more cruise ships, and throughout the U.S.
  • … taken control over my mental health. I see a therapist and psychiatrist regularly.
  • … started a podcast with my best friend!
  • … and a billion more things I’m forgetting right now.

When I published my 1,000 blog post, I wrote about the lessons I have learned from blogging. When I re-read through these lessons, I was surprised to realize that these would likely be the same lessons I’d write down today. Does that mean I haven’t evolved as a blogger in nearly eight years? Or perhaps it’s just that I found my place as a blogger way back when and haven’t felt the need to deviate. Here are the lessons:

  1. Ditch the rules. They are no rules to blogging: Blog your way.
  2. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. My vulnerable posts are the ones that get the most engagement.
  3. Keep your dirty laundry off your blog. We all know that we don’t share everything on our blogs!
  4. Always take the time to visit your readers’ blogs. The blogging community is EVERYTHING.
  5. It’s okay to keep your blog small and unmonetized. This hobby costs me money, still.
  6. Blogging breaks are a necessity — and stop apologizing for them. You know I love my blogging breaks!
  7. You are under no obligation to publish mean comments. 100% of the mean comments I get do not leave a valid email address, so they do not get published. At least be a brave bully!
  8. But don’t be so thin-skinned that you don’t publish any dissenting opinions. It’s okay to disagree!
  9. Invest in your blog. Pro tip: Etsy offers beautiful blog designs!
  10. Blogging should always be fun. This is a hobby. It should be fun!

What’s next for this blog? Do I think I’ll make it to 3,000 blog posts in another seven-ish years? I sure hope so! Because blogging has added so much to my life. It has given me:

Clarity

I feel comfortable being vulnerable on this blog, and that’s because of you guys. You have met me with grace and kindness, even when I’m sharing really hard things. My blog is a place I can come to and talk about the things I’m going through, and it provides me with the clarity I need.

Community

Where would I be without my blog friends? When I started this blog, I was part of a blogging community that has since disbanded and many of those bloggers have moved on from their blogs. But I kept showing up here and soon, I found a new community. We may be in entirely different life stages, but that’s what makes it all the more beautiful and touching. We find ways to connect that go beyond our similarities and differences. I am grateful to all of you: the ones who show up with thoughtful comments on my posts and the ones who are silent participants. Whether you’ve left hundreds of comments or zero, you mean the world to me.

Purpose

Blogging is so much more than a simple hobby for me. It has given me a sense of purpose. I feel an obligation (but in a good way!) to show up here at least three times a week and talk about my life. I love that I have this space to write, whether it’s a creative personal essay or just a check-in on my goals. I love that I can see the passage of time through my archives, from college student to marketing manager, from diet-obsessed to anti-diet, from dog mom to cat mom, from a girl who was hiding her identity to one who is living her best queer life.

My life has changed in so many ways over these past 1,000 posts, and I’m so grateful to everyone who has been along for the ride. Here’s to the next 1,000 posts and the woman I’ll be when I get there.

When did you start blogging?

Categories: Life

10 Things I Loved in October

1) Getting LASIK and having an easy recovery. I am so glad I made the decision to get LASIK and so pleased with how everything turned out. My recovery has been so very easy with very few side effects. It’s so fun to be glasses-free! Even if I do need reading glasses later in life, that’s much easier to handle than glasses I have to wear all the time or else I’m blind.

2) Returning to Silent Book Club. I took a brief hiatus from Silent Book Club in August and September. Mostly because the timing of the events didn’t line up with my schedule. Thankfully, they’ve added a second book club meeting on Monday evenings, and I can typically make those meetings. It’s a nice way to kick off the week!

3) Escape room book club. We had our second escape room book club of the year! We went back to the same place we went in August, this time to do their harder escape room. I didn’t enjoy this one as much as the last one; the other one had better puzzles to solve, IMO. But we did escape (with 3 seconds to spare!) and had a good time together.

4) Getting my flu + Covid shots and having no side effects. Every time I get the new Covid booster, I expect to have a day of feeling shitty, but I keep lucking out! I don’t know what it is about my immune system; maybe it knows I’m such a big baby that it gives me a pass? HA. I got both the flu shot and booster at the same time and felt just fine the next day. Hooray for that!

5) Monitor arms and excellent customer service. I bought monitor arms for my desk and installing them was quite an adventure! First, I realized that my monitors do not have VESA screws so I had to buy a bracket adapter from Amazon. Then, I had to apply the adapter (it’s an adhesive) and wait 3 days to install my monitors. And then when I tried to install the monitors, it seemed like my monitor arms had been installed backward. This would have been a manufacturer issue, so I contacted them. Within THREE MINUTES of sending them an email, they had responded and asked me to send photos/video. So I did and we had a few back-and-forth emails until everything was installed! My monitor arms are from Rocelco and while time will tell if they are high-quality, I will say the customer service is TOP-NOTCH. They were very patient and helpful with me, even when I had really silly questions. And now I have monitor arms! They aren’t quite as wide as I want them (they cut off my laptop a bit), but I do enjoy having the monitors off my desk.

6) My ladder bookshelf. I’ve had a vision in my head to create a “favorite books” bookshelf and I finally got to make it a reality in October. I ordered a ladder bookshelf from Wayfair, which was super easy to put together, and styled it one weekend. It makes me so happy to look at it every night as I go to sleep and every morning as I wake up!

7) Recording all of our episodes for season 7. Bri and I got together three times in October to record all of our episodes for season 7 of the podcast. I really loved these episodes and had such a great time discussing all sorts of mental health and personal subjects with Bri. Our trailer is releasing on Tuesday so make sure you’ve subscribed to The Friendship Paradox to start listening!

8) An impromptu dinner date with my bestie and her girls. I am not someone who says yes to same-day dinner plans, but I decided to let myself be a little spontaneous when my best friend texted me to see if I was up for dinner with her daughters. We went to our favorite Mexican restaurant and it was a really lovely time! I’m glad I said yes.

9) A six-day staycation. I took a nice staycation from work in October and it was much needed. My last day off was in July! (And we have flexible time off, so there’s no excuse.) Honestly, I didn’t do a lot during my staycation (well, aside from my LASIK procedure, ha, which happened on my second day of staycation). I took lots of naps, did some organizing around my apartment, and read a lot of books. It was perfect!

10) Favorites of the month.

What did you love about October?