Stephany Writes

Categories: Recurring Series

50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind, Part 9

41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?

This is a tough question to even think about but not a tough one to answer. I would spend the day with my mom, my brother, and my nephew. Those three people mean the most to me in the entire world and I would want to spend it recreating memories and soaking in all the time left I had with them. (What a morbid question, though! Geesh!)

42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?

Absolutely not. I have no inclinations for fame and while I don’t think I would mind being extremely attractive, I’m fairly happy with my mediocre looks now. Sure, I’m not a beauty and YES, I want to lose weight but I want to do it the hard way. I want to put time and effort, sweat and tears into becoming skinnier because that’s part of the process of healing from the inside out. And honestly? The face that stares back at me every day is mine. She is me. We are one. I wouldn’t want a stranger looking back at me, because I’m pretty good friends with the girl I see now.

43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?

It’s very simple: being alive is just about breathing and moving through each day. You go through the motions of everyday life, but never fully reach out and grasp all life can be. You don’t even have to be depressed or sad, you could be content with your life. But you’re not really living. You’re not taking risks and challenging yourself and loving every moment you breathe.

Truly living? That’s what we aspire to. It’s when you finish each day, exhausted but happy because you didn’t sit down and let life pass you by. You have taken life by the horns and are throwing yourself out into the Universe. Each day isn’t sunshine and rainbows, but you finish each day knowing you did the best job you could to build the best life you can imagine. It’s going to bed every night and not dreading what awaits you in the morning. It’s waking up and being excited about the “to-do” list, even if it’s filled with mundane things. You have a pep in your step because you’ve realized what life is all about and you have captured those moments the rest of us are still wishing on.

44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?

There is a deeply personal answer to each challenge we face, where we have to weigh the risks and rewards. Sometimes, we have to stop thinking so damn much and just start doing. I am a thinker and I weigh the pros and cons of just about every decision I make and it can be as simple as what I want to eat for lunch. When it feels right for you, that’s when you stop thinking. When you know you will be happier if you went to that book club or went sky-diving or traveled alone for the first time in your life, you will know it in your heart. And you’ll stop believing in all those cons and risks.

45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?

I am terrified of making mistakes. Terrified. Even though we learn from mistakes, I always feel that making them makes me inferior. As if there is something wrong with me because I tripped up. I’m slowly beginning to realize that making mistakes is part of the growth progress. We have to make mistakes, we have to fall down. It’s the only way we can grow, it’s the only way we can learn. But there’s something scary about making a mistake. I think that’s why I haven’t tried harder to get published, even small articles or short stories. I am terrified of not being good enough.

The truth is? I’m not experienced enough to be “good enough”. I will get rejected and I will have lots of areas in my writing to improve on. Learning the mistakes I’m making in my writing will only make me a better writer, but it’s scary to lay your heart and soul on the line – your passion – and find out just how many mistakes you’re making.

Are you afraid of making mistakes? Tell me, would you reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become attractive and/or famous? Why or why not?

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] [part 6] [part 7] [part 8]

*Questions found here

Categories: Recurring Series

Ten on Tuesday (Vol. 43)

1. What are 3 things that are on your Christmas wishlist?

I posted about my Christmas wish list last week but one item I desperately want to receive this year (that I forgot to list!) is a new comforter set. I have my eyes on this set from Target. I currently have one from IKEA but the comforter is way too big for my full-size bed. Also, my dog isn’t a fan of the comforter. I’m not even kidding. He protested the change until I finally brought my old comforter up on our bed for him to sleep in. No, he’s not spoiled at all.

Talk about going off on a tangent! OK. Three things on my wish list: a new comforter set, a new cover for my Kindle, and new workout clothes from Target.

2. What’s your favorite Christmas song?

I’m torn between “Little Drummer Boy” by Jars of Clay and “Go Tell It On the Mountain” by Needtobreathe. Two of my favorite bands with beautiful renditions of both songs.

3. Do you have a favorite band or singer that sings it especially awesome?

Whoops. See above.

4. Have you heard about the website Goodreads?

Yes, I most definitely have! It’s one of my favorite sites. I use it constantly to look for new books to read, rate and review books I’m reading, and keep up with #twookclub! We use a Goodreads group to suggest books to read, vote on the next book to read, and just chat about general things. I’m debating whether or not to put up a discussion about the book pick of the month for others to discuss the book in further detail (especially for those who can’t make the monthly chat!). But yes, know of and love Goodreads. If you consider yourself a bookworm, you need to be using this site!

5. What are 3 books you want to read?

  • Stuff Christians Like by Jon Acuff, because I’m obsessed with his blog
  • The Christian Atheist by Craig Groeschel, because the tagline reads “Believing in God but Living As If He Doesn’t Exist” which is basically the way I’ve been living my faith over the past year
  • Divergent by Veronica Roth, because of the rave reviews it is getting from everyone

6. Do you hunt deer?

No, I don’t.

7. Have you started Christmas shopping? Are you completely finished?

I have started. I am finished shopping for my brother and my boss. I’m still drawing a blank as to what to get my sister-in-law. I’ve bought my nephew a shirt, but have a few other items to purchase for him. And I haven’t even started on my mom which is always a big process for me. (I like to spoil her since she never was spoiled when she was married to my dad – nor in the years that followed, as a single mom to teenagers.) But I love Christmas shopping so, so much that it doesn’t bother me at all. Not the rush, not the lines, not the busyness. I love it all.

8. Did you shop on Black Friday? What was the best deal you got?

I have never shopped on Black Friday but I think I will one year. Just for the experience. And only for something silly, like a Belgian waffle maker. Because who doesn’t need one of those?!

9. What’s one holiday tradition that your family has?

I think our biggest tradition is waiting until Christmas Day to open presents and stockings. I couldn’t imagine opening presents on Christmas Eve and it’s such a fun, special memory. (Especially staying up late with my brother when we were younger. We always tried so hard to stay awake!) We were finally allowed to get up at 6am, open our stockings, and then wake our parents up to open the present haul. Now, with my brother out of the house, it’s a little calmer. I’m able to sleep through the night (although it’s still a little hard! I’m a five-year-old on Christmas Eve, still!) and my mom and I wake around 7:30-8:00 to open our stockings/presents before waiting for my brother and his family to come over.

10. How many blogs do you read? Do you subscribe/unsubscribe often or do you purge every once in a while?

I follow 84 blogs in Google Reader, but they are all in their own folders so I make sure I read the blogs that I love the most first. I use the “mark all as read” button more than I would like but it’s impossible to keep up with them all. About once a month, I’ll add a few new blogs to my Reader, as well as purge blogs I’m either skimming or not reading at all.

Tell me: What is one holiday tradition your family has?

*Questions found here

Categories: Recurring Series

Everyday Moments: November 2011

1 – Writing over 2,000 words during my first day of NaNoWriMo

2 – Running for 20 minutes straight for the first time ever. And it felt… easy?

3 – A lunch outing with co-workers

4 – Wearing boots for the first time this season

5 – A new hairstyle

6 – Rocking a 5K race and a lunch date with my grandparents

7 – A shopping trip at Marshall’s that yielded me two shirts and a sweater for under $25

8 – Making it through a tough BodyPump class where I did EIGHTY-THREE squats during the first half of the squat track. That’s just… no. Not right.

9 – Snuggles and kisses with Dutch

10 – Sleepover with my nephew

11 – Getting a raise at work

12 – Running 2 miles without stopping (!!) and meeting Amber

13 – Watching the SFvNYG game with my brother. He’s a little insane when he watches his Niners, but it’s still so much fun to watch football with him. Also? Watching my nephew have conversations with Dutch. PRICE! LESS!

14 – A quiet lunch at Panera

15 – Locking in my days off for November and December. I had 5 days (+ one “shopping day” my bosses gave to everyone) to use up so starting Thanksgiving week, I will have at least one day off for the next eight weeks.

16 – Feeling skinny

17 – A dark chocolate Dove bar

18 – Coming home from a draining day at work to see my nephew at my place. Love.

19 – Buying an adorable coat and scarf for $25 from Old Navy. (They were having a crazy 75% off outerwear sale. My coat was $15!)

20 – Shopping for the first Thanksgiving hosting gig for my mom and I

21 – Getting in a good morning workout so I could come home after work and RELAX. It made me happy all day.

22 – Feeling completely settled and happy

23 – Leaving work an hour before quitting time and knowing I have six days all to myself

24 – A drama-free, stress-free Thanksgiving with the people I love the most

25 – Going to the Sea World Christmas Celebration

26 – Buying a dresser from IKEA and my brother coming over that night to help me put it together. (And by help, I mean he did it all by himself with me standing by…)

27 – Our first #twookclub chat. There are some things to change but ultimately a GREAT success!

28 – Turning 24

29 – A relaxing day off, where I took a 3-hour mid-morning nap and caught up on my DVR. Splendid.

30 – A small birthday celebration at work

Categories: Recurring Series

Ten on Tuesday (Vol. 42)

1. Do you were glasses, contacts, or are you one of those perfect eyed people?

I wear glasses currently. I want to switch to contacts when I go for my next eye appointment (in January) since glasses get in the way when I’m exercising or running but I think I look better with glasses than not, so I’ll probably always wear them for the majority of the time.

2. What is the next item you are going to purchase?

Currently, my brother’s Christmas gift. I don’t think he reads my blog but I won’t mention what it is, just in case. It will be my first Christmas gift purchased and I can mark him off my list. Yay!

3. Have you ever watched Judge Judy or any other real court show?

Yes. I watched them all the time in the summers when I was younger. Whenever I think of those shows, I immediately associate them with my dad and Velveeta with tuna fish. 🙂

4. How do you feel about fake nails?

They’re not for me but almost every woman in my office has them. I just don’t feel the need for them, personally.

5. What is your favorite sport to watch?

Football. NFL football, especially. I could watch it all day, every day.

6. If you could create your own Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavor, what would it be and what would it be named?

Oh, gosh. I am so not original or creative enough to think of a good answer to this question! I do say that “Half-Baked” comes pretty close to perfection.

7. Do you have any scars?

None! Does this make me lucky… or boring? I’ll go with lucky! 😉

8. Does your pet’s name fit them? Is there a more appropriate name?

I think it does. I’m not sure I could come up with a better one, at least off the top of my head.

9. What is your favorite television show theme song?

I think we can all agree that Friends had the best theme song. Anytime I hear it, I get so happy. I also loved the theme song for Growing Pains, which remains as my favorite family sitcom. “As long as we got each other, we got the world spinnin’ right in our hands…”

10. What was your favorite activity on the playground?

It’s a toss-up between the swings and the monkey bars.

Categories: Recurring Series

Ten Days of Thanksgiving – Day 10

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American readers! I’m finishing up my “Ten Days of Thanksgiving” series with my final post.

Today, I am thankful for my mom.

I’ve talked about my mom a lot on my blog. We have a really close relationship and she is honestly one of the best friends I have ever had. Once I graduated from college and started my new job, the last thing on my mind was moving out. In fact, I plan on living with her for a few more years. It’s cheaper and we get along. I see no reason in leaving home just yet.

I’ve already talked up and down about how much I admire her as a person. It’s a given that I am thankful for her and our great relationship. Today, I want to talk about how thankful I am for one specific, big decision she made. It was a hard decision and took a whole lot of guts, courage, and bravery for her to take this big step.

I am thankful that my mom left my dad.

I was 11 years old and in fifth grade when she sat me down to tell me she would be leaving my father. Since their relationship had been more volatile and unhappy, I wasn’t sad. I was relieved. As Dr. Phil likes to say, “Children would rather be from a broken home than in one.” In my case, this is 100% true.

My father had (has?) a gambling addiction. He refused to admit he did but would blow his entire paycheck on gambling. He would go to Derby Lane on the weekends (and sometimes on the weekdays) to bet on the dogs. And I guess if he was actually GOOD at it, it wouldn’t have caused such a problem. (It still would be one, I think, but extra money could soften the blow, ha!) He was terrible. He almost never won and if he did, since he had an addiction, it never stopped there. He kept trying to get more and more money. My dad would promise my mom the world — once he won. She was constantly disappointed by him.

If that was the end of his problems, that would be enough. But it wasn’t. In addition to a gambling addiction, he also had a drinking and anger problem. He had a short fuse and it didn’t take much to set him off. My mom bore the brunt of his anger and she was the victim of physical abuse more times than I care to think about. That’s what scared me the most. Imagine being a 7-year-old little girl, huddled underneath your bed with a pillow pressed tightly against your ears to drown out the sounds of their arguing. Of the abuse. I remember silently begging my mom to “just be quiet” but also so, so proud of her for standing up and fighting for herself and for us kids. I felt helpless to do anything. My dad when he was angry was not someone I wanted to be around.

After twelve years of marriage, my mom finally made the bold move to leave her husband. To take her 11-year-old daughter and 12-year-old son and move in with her parents. It had to be the scariest, most uncertain time in her life but she knew she had to leave him. She left him for us, but also for herself. Because he was sucking the soul out of her. She was a shell of the woman she is today. She knew she deserved better than what he was giving her.

Sometimes, we muse about what our life would have been like if my mom had stayed with my dad but those thoughts make me shudder. Things may have gotten better but I seriously doubt that (as my father has spiraled deeper and deeper into trouble in the 13 years since). Things would probably have been bad. Really bad.

My mom made a tough decision that had to have scared her to death. But she did it and persevered. I can only hope if I am in a situation that calls me to make a tough decision, I can be as strong and courageous as her.