Stephany Writes

Categories: Recurring Series

Ten Days of Thanksgiving – Day 10

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American readers! I’m finishing up my “Ten Days of Thanksgiving” series with my final post.

Today, I am thankful for my mom.

I’ve talked about my mom a lot on my blog. We have a really close relationship and she is honestly one of the best friends I have ever had. Once I graduated from college and started my new job, the last thing on my mind was moving out. In fact, I plan on living with her for a few more years. It’s cheaper and we get along. I see no reason in leaving home just yet.

I’ve already talked up and down about how much I admire her as a person. It’s a given that I am thankful for her and our great relationship. Today, I want to talk about how thankful I am for one specific, big decision she made. It was a hard decision and took a whole lot of guts, courage, and bravery for her to take this big step.

I am thankful that my mom left my dad.

I was 11 years old and in fifth grade when she sat me down to tell me she would be leaving my father. Since their relationship had been more volatile and unhappy, I wasn’t sad. I was relieved. As Dr. Phil likes to say, “Children would rather be from a broken home than in one.” In my case, this is 100% true.

My father had (has?) a gambling addiction. He refused to admit he did but would blow his entire paycheck on gambling. He would go to Derby Lane on the weekends (and sometimes on the weekdays) to bet on the dogs. And I guess if he was actually GOOD at it, it wouldn’t have caused such a problem. (It still would be one, I think, but extra money could soften the blow, ha!) He was terrible. He almost never won and if he did, since he had an addiction, it never stopped there. He kept trying to get more and more money. My dad would promise my mom the world — once he won. She was constantly disappointed by him.

If that was the end of his problems, that would be enough. But it wasn’t. In addition to a gambling addiction, he also had a drinking and anger problem. He had a short fuse and it didn’t take much to set him off. My mom bore the brunt of his anger and she was the victim of physical abuse more times than I care to think about. That’s what scared me the most. Imagine being a 7-year-old little girl, huddled underneath your bed with a pillow pressed tightly against your ears to drown out the sounds of their arguing. Of the abuse. I remember silently begging my mom to “just be quiet” but also so, so proud of her for standing up and fighting for herself and for us kids. I felt helpless to do anything. My dad when he was angry was not someone I wanted to be around.

After twelve years of marriage, my mom finally made the bold move to leave her husband. To take her 11-year-old daughter and 12-year-old son and move in with her parents. It had to be the scariest, most uncertain time in her life but she knew she had to leave him. She left him for us, but also for herself. Because he was sucking the soul out of her. She was a shell of the woman she is today. She knew she deserved better than what he was giving her.

Sometimes, we muse about what our life would have been like if my mom had stayed with my dad but those thoughts make me shudder. Things may have gotten better but I seriously doubt that (as my father has spiraled deeper and deeper into trouble in the 13 years since). Things would probably have been bad. Really bad.

My mom made a tough decision that had to have scared her to death. But she did it and persevered. I can only hope if I am in a situation that calls me to make a tough decision, I can be as strong and courageous as her.

Categories: Recurring Series

Ten Days of Thanksgiving – Day 9

Today, I am thankful for my relationship with my brother.

Growing up, my brother and I had a very rocky relationship. We could be best friends one day and mortal enemies the next. We are just 14 months apart so we really know how to get on one another’s nerves.

I had a really hard time adjusting when he started dating his now fiance. They began dating during his sophomore year of high school and he started spending a lot of time with her. It was hard for me. My best friend and biggest male role model in my life suddenly had a life apart from my family. I had to adjust to him not being around as much.

Luckily, I adjusted and my brother and I entered into a different phase of the brother-sister relationship. It’s a more mature, steady one.

We have had some pretty awful fights over silly things or miscommunications, but we get over them rather quickly and don’t let them fester. We share an extreme love for football and comedy movies and sarcasm. He knows exactly what I’ve been through with my dad and can connect with me on a level nobody else can. We often communicate in movie quotes. I have been known to answer the phone saying, “Brother?” To which he replies, “Brothers don’t shake hands. Brothers gotta hug!”*

My brother is one of my favorite people on the planet. I get excited when I know he’s coming over and revel in the bonding. He’s the best male role model in my life and I honestly couldn’t ask for a better one. He’s responsible, an incredible father, charming, funny, and tries so hard to be the best man he can be. He’s only 25 but so much more of a man than my father ever was. (Or will be.)

I am thankful for our relationship and that we have nurtured it into what it is today. He remains one of my best friends and someone I can go to about any problem. He may not have all the answers, but he’s the rock I need when things are shaky.

*If you know where this movie quote comes from, we are soul mates.

Categories: Recurring Series

Ten Days of Thanksgiving – Day 8

Today, I am thankful for my love of the written word.

I have always loved to read. Some of my fondest memories are of libraries and stacks of books and the girls of The Baby-Sitters Club. There’s nothing I love more than getting completely wrapped up in a story, in a place far away from anywhere I’ve been or anything I’ve experienced.

I have been reading for as long as I can remember. I’ve never been much for the classics or more literary books. Those are nice from time to time, but generally, I like the ones that make me laugh, roll my eyes at the cheesiness, and my sappy heart squeeze at my characters finding love. Yes, I will generally choose chick-lit or a romance novel over a literary great.

Maybe I’m not the most well-read bookworm, but I don’t think one is necessarily better than the other. The written word is the written word. Some written words are more fluid and meaningful than others, but they each have their own way of speaking to us. Maybe the classics or biographies speak to you. They don’t do much for me, but romance novels and YA lit do.

I used to be embarrassed about being a bookworm. When I was in school, the readers weren’t the popular ones. And since I desperately yearned to be popular and accepted by the elite crowd (the Unicorns, anyone?), I hid my love for reading for a long time. But as I’ve grown up, I’m starting to realize how silly it is to hide your passions for fear of not being accepted. If I’m not accepted because I love to read (or because of my choice in reading material!), then that’s okay. Those people? They are not the people I need to be around anyway.

Have you ever hid a passion, because of how the crowd would react? What are you thankful for today?

Categories: Recurring Series

Ten Days of Thanksgiving – Day 7

Today, I am thankful for my iPhone.

My iPhone and I have not been together for very long. Less than three months but I can’t even tell you how much I love it. My cell phone provider is Sprint and I love Sprint. My mom and I have used Sprint since I was a junior in high school (2005) and I don’t think I would ever switch providers. So I knew I was stuck with Android phones and was trying to accept this fact. But there was just something about the iPhone that called to me. I wanted that iPhone.

Imagine my surprise when rumors about the iPhone coming to Sprint began to surface in mid-August. I clung to those rumors. And in October, it happened. The iPhone was available from Sprint. I ordered my phone (also beginning my very own phone plan for the cell phone provider! It’s like I’m a real adult and everything!) and it arrived on a beautiful October day. (Okay, more like a crazy October night since I had to arrange for it to be delivered to a UPS facility and patiently wait until 7:00pm to retrieve it.)

Since then, we have become best friends. I’m a tad bit obsessed with my phone. I try really hard to not let it take over real relationships, but I won’t lie that it’s a great way to pass time and keep myself occupied. Plus, it offers me so much. I can look up anything I want and more often than not, I can think of an app I would like, search for it, and find it quickly.

I know this post may come across as silly, but I don’t really care. I love my iPhone and waited a long time for it!

And for my favorite iPhone apps? Well, I thought you would never ask!

  • Words With Friends – My username is “stephanywrites”, if we’re not already playing. And we should be.
  • Hanging With Friends – I will admit to loving HWF more than WWF. There’s something more exciting about it! (Same username as WWF – if we’re not already playing, we need to be.)
  • Instagram – I love this for the social aspect. And they always make my photos look better than I can on my own.
  • iMapMyRun – The perfect app for a runner. It works so well for me.
  • SoundHound – I’ve been able to look up many songs with this app, find them on iTunes directly from the app, and download the song. (Big props to Melissa for recommending this one!)
  • Things – An expensive app, but has been very helpful in managing my to-do’s and making me feel completely more organized. I downloaded this a few days ago so I’m just discovering how to use it all.
  • Sally’s Salon – A fun, time-wasting game that I can easily get sucked into.
  • Google Calendar – I’m realizing this is much easier for me to use than a paper planner. I can add dates either on my laptop or on my phone and it gives me reminders if I request them. I’ve been using this for appointments, bill due dates, and my blog calendar.

What is something silly, completely materialistic that you are thankful for? If you have an iPhone, what are your favorite apps?

Categories: Recurring Series

Ten Days of Thanksgiving: Day 6

Today, I am thankful for financial stability.

Growing up, I knew we were poor. My dad gambled away his paycheck and my mom had to make ends meet on her meager daycare teacher wage. Things were tight – always. Every year, when I would receive flyers for Girl Scouts or extracurricular activities, I stuffed them into my backpack, never to be shown to my mom. I knew we couldn’t afford extras like that, so I didn’t even ask. I knew about money problems and stressing over them way before a child should know about such things.

I hated being poor. It was embarrassing and made me feel inferior. I made a promise to myself to never put myself in that boat. I would not get into debt and I would be smart with my finances.

I can’t say I have always followed through with that promise. I was in credit card debt by the time I was 21. My mom and I moved into an apartment that was far above our living means and we struggled with our bills. It got to the point where my mom was getting check advances on a nearly regular basis and I worried on a daily basis about where my next meal would come from. These are hard words to write because it was a dark time for me. It’s embarrassing to think of how we let it get this far, how we dug ourselves into such a deep hole.

We eventually moved, cutting our rent bill almost in half, and allowing us to breathe easier. We were able to pay our bills, we were able to save, and most importantly, my mom was able to quit her second job.

I am on the road to paying off my credit card bills. After the 25th of this month, I will have three payments left on my biggest credit card and, leaving me with just my bank credit card. (Less than $300 to pay that one off.)

Once I started my full-time job, I became more responsible for the bills. (I pay my mom a portion of each paycheck.) I have my own bills to pay each month. And I can pay them. I don’t ever have to worry about not being able to pay my bills. When I get paid, I give my mom her portion and then break down the rest of my money between bills, savings, and entertainment money. It doesn’t leave me a lot left over after everything is paid, but it is enough. Money is not something I have to stress over anymore. (Other than the stress of not having a lot of fun money for myself, heh.)

After spending my entire life stressing about money, it feels really, really good to be in this place. I am thankful for a job that leaves me with a good paycheck twice a month. I am thankful for a mother who can and happily does support me so I don’t have to do this all alone. I am thankful that I am not materialistic and the things I’m lusting after are things I need but are also things I’m willing to patiently wait and save up for.

Struggling with money is terrible and frustrating and scary. But you can fight your way out of it and come out on top. My mother and I are proof of that.