1) Emergency therapy
Monday afternoon, I had an emergency therapy appointment and I am so, so glad I reached out to my therapist and scheduled this appointment. I needed it. One of the things you should know about me is that I don’t cry in therapy. I don’t cry much in general, and I’m also not a therapy crier. I only cried once with my last therapist and it was really only my tears welling up for a few minutes. I always feel so vulnerable when I cry and I hate to do it in front of people. But hoo boy, I cried my lil face off in therapy on Monday. I couldn’t stop the tears! It felt like so many emotions came to the forefront during this session and I blubbered them all out to my therapist. It felt so good! So healing. So calming. Maybe I’ll cry in therapy every time now! We talked about my worries about my mom and now my stepdad having Covid but mostly, we discussed the loneliness I’ve been feeling and what has triggered these feelings. Part of it is that I’ve passed a year since I had my first date with someone I thought was going to be a long-term relationship; the fact that it turned out to be short-term and I haven’t gone on another date since has definitely triggered these feelings. Another part is my lifestyle and isolating myself a bit too much. Some days, I don’t talk to another human face-to-face from Sunday to Saturday. That’s six whole days of no in-person human connection. !!! So I’m going to try to build some “people time” into my weekly schedule.
I want to commit to going into the office once or twice a month (it’s still not fully open, but we can come in if we want). I want to go to a new coffee shop every Friday morning to work, and invite friends/coworkers along with me. And I want to make a plan one night every week where I’ll get out of my apartment and see people. I usually have a regular dinner date with my mom, my cousin, and my cousin’s daughter, and I want us to get on a monthly cadence with that. I have book club once a month. Mikaela has invited me over to have dinner with her family whenever I want (she’s the best; when I told her about my loneliness, this is what she suggested. “I can’t do much in this stage of life [three children ages 7, 2, and 4 months], but you are always welcome to come over and have dinner with us.”), so I’ll do that once or twice a month. And I really want to bring back my monthly lady dates with Bri, which we haven’t done in a while. It may sound like a lot, and it feels like a lot to maintain as someone who is generally pretty lazy about friendships. But it’s still less than I was doing pre-pandemic considering I’m home all day. And human connection is so important. I’m missing that in my life right now.
2) Books
I am really grateful for all of your supportive comments on my post from Monday, encouraging me to pick up more light-hearted reads right now. When I’m going through a mental health crisis, I probably don’t need to read about heavy, serious topics! I put down Mediocre for the time being and I’ve been solely reading romance novels this week. I also set aside Missoula on audio in favor of the second book in the Truly Devious series. A fun mystery is much more my speed right now! Thanks for reminding me that I do not need to be so tied to my TBR list—sometimes, I need to be a mood reader and take care of myself!
3) A new toy
On Wednesday, the girls’ birthday present finally arrived—a brand-new cat tower! I had the hardest time deciding between two different cat towers and when I finally decided on the one I wanted, it was out of stock. It was back in stock last week, so I bought it and was so excited when it arrived on Wednesday. It’s so much bigger and fancier than the tower they used to have and Eloise has already taken to it. She loves climbing up to the tall platforms to survey her kingdom and taking naps in the little caves. Lila has been inspecting the tower and curled up in one of the caves for a time, but is still a little supicious of it. I bought this tower because it has two cool hammocks and Lila loves sleeping in a hammock. I hope she uses them!
4) goodreads_reviews
My new favorite Internet find is goodreads.reviews on Instagram. The person behind this account screenshots hilarious 1-star reviews of books and I spent one night last week swiping through their archives and giggling to myself. (And it was during a period of high anxiety, so I needed the relief!) Here are some of my favorites:
5) Weekend plans
What are your weekend plans? This one will be a busy one for me, and I am so grateful for it! There have been a lot of low-key weekends, which are good and fine and needed, but too many of those in a row can make me feel lonely. Tonight, I’m planning on ordering pizza and watching a standup special (I’m thinking Iliza Shlesinger’s Elder Millenial). Tomorrow, I have my writing date with Mikaela, I’m recording two podcast episodes with Bri, and then having a belated birthday celebration with my mom and family. (Mom tested negative for Covid on Monday!) And on Sunday, I’m going to check out a new coffeeshop in Tampa and probably take a nice long nap in the afternoon. 🙂
How do you combat loneliness? What are your weekend plans?