I met with a personal trainer this past week (free with new gym membership), and we discussed my goals for weight loss and what things may be holding me back. It was an extensive discussion but there were a few points I made that stuck out for me.
- The biggest thing holding me back from losing the weight and keeping it off is myself.
- One of the reasons I’ve never been able to successfully maintain a healthy lifestyle is because I lack consistency.
The thing about trying to lose weight and trying to do it for so long is that you become your own worst enemy. You envision yourself skinny, envision yourself healthy but that’s all it really is – a vision. Even if you stick with the plan for a while, there’s always that tiny voice in the back of your head saying you’re going to fail. Something will happen and the weight will come right back on.
I need to be consistent. With eating healthy. With exercise. Because I know I feel better about myself when I feel in control of my body. I know nothing feels as good as an insanely good, heart-pumping workout where I leave everything on the floor. But still, I’m inconsistent. Even now, as I come off two great weeks of being in control of my eating and getting in tons of great workouts, I’m still wondering when it will all become too much. Not if, but when.
I also did a fitness test with the personal trainer, one such test being the chest press. At first, he had me do 15 reps at 30 lbs which I was able to do, but it was hard. He asked me if I thought I could do 45 lbs. I was honest and said I didn’t think I could. 30 lbs was very hard and I didn’t think I had it in me to do 15 more reps with 15 more pounds of weight on the machine. He told me to try, so I did. And I managed to do 15 reps at 45 lbs.
I am holding myself back from reaching my full potential.
That’s a hard statement to make because it puts all the blame on me. I can’t blame my circumstances, my parents, or even my body. It is me. It is my mind. It is telling myself I can’t do something when I know I can. In this journey, I have a lot of supporters but ultimately, I need to support myself. I need to be my biggest cheerleader and push myself to do things I didn’t know I could do. Instead, I’m placing limits on myself.
The thing is, I’ve shown myself I could do it. I’ve lost weight before and transformed my eating habits but I let life get in the way of keeping healthy habits. I let school and a crazy schedule and family issues take over and gave myself permission to eat poorly and treat my body the wrong way to keep myself happy. Yet I wasn’t happy. I was disappointed in myself and disgusted at my body.
And even though this healthy living journey can be so damn hard, I need to remember that it will ultimately make me happy. Junk food does not make me happy. Pushing past my limits does.
Starting Weight: 159.2 lbs
Current Weight: 151.2 lbs
Net Difference: -8 lbs (-2.8 this week, but up 4.2 total from my lowest weight recorded.)
Body Fat: 27.17% (Now tracking body fat instead of BMI, since I can thanks to my gym! A better picture of health than BMI, in my opinion.)