It’s a common question asked of people who live alone: Don’t you get lonely?
I’m not immune to loneliness. It happens to me from time to time. If I have a weekend with no plans, I get this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach, and then I start imagining never having plans ever again, losing all my friends, and becoming a hermit. (I love catastrophizing!)
But loneliness is not something I struggle with all that often. If I do feel it creeping in, I know the antidote is to make plans with friends or figure out a fun way to fill up my time by myself. Maybe I’ll take myself to a coffee shop and read my book, or find a used bookstore to explore, or invite myself over to my mom’s house for a swim.
Generally, though, I love living by myself. As I wrote earlier this week, I have no shortage of hobbies to keep me busy, and I have two very cute four-legged friends who make sure I never feel like I’m totally alone. If I start getting a little lonely as I’m reading on the couch on a Friday night, all I have to do is reach out and pet Lila’s soft belly or find Eloise, who will always trill at me whenever I talk to her.
Sometimes, as I’m driving home, knowing I’ll be going home to an empty apartment (empty of other humans, that is), I think about how I would feel if I were coming home to someone else. Or maybe I’m not driving home alone, but someone is sitting next to me in the passenger seat.
I gotta be honest here: Nothing about that scenario is appealing to me. I love going home to an empty apartment! I love knowing I don’t have to worry about anyone else when I get home and can do whatever the hell I want. (And listen, yes, I know you can do that when you have a partner, but still. It’s different when there’s another person in your home, even if it’s someone you love deeply and want them to be there.)
Maybe one day I will decide it’s time to get back on the dating apps and find someone to share my life with, but right now, I’m really content with living alone and being alone. I am a Super Introvert and need tons of alone time to recharge my batteries. And while I have found ways to combat loneliness, sometimes I just need to let the feelings come. Loneliness happens to all of us, and it’s okay to just accept that today’s going to be a shit day and hope that tomorrow is better.
I’m grateful that it’s not something I deal with too often, though.
I have never lived alone. I moved out from living with my mom and brother to living with a roommate, and after that moved in with Ted. I sometimes wish I had. Especially when I worked in an office, I felt like I never had time to do whatever the hell I want. Now I have a taste of that 3 days a week when I’m working from home, but you know what? I’m working, so it’s not the same. I love them and am not sorry they are here obviously, but I do sometimes think about what would be different if it were just me. (Hint – there would be a dog involved, maybe even a cat, and meal planning would be much easier.)