It’s starting to get to me. The loneliness, the isolation, the news, the way every day feels exactly the same. I’m struggling to figure out what work/life balance looks like when I’m stuck at home all day and logging on to work on the weekends doesn’t feel like such a huge commitment.
I’m sad because I was supposed to spend this week in New Orleans, far away from work and everyday life. I’m thankful that we were able to get the money back for the hotel and have a reservation credit for the flights that we have a full year to use, but it’s still one of those kicks in the gut. Traveling is most likely not something many of us will be doing this year. I know I don’t plan to travel at all—maybe a weekend away somewhere within driving distance if things get back to normal, but that’s the extent.
My office chair arrived on Friday afternoon, and it was super easy to put together. And now I can actually sit at a desk and work! Eloise thinks the chair is a new nap spot for her and has taken to using it as a scratching post way too often (argh!), but she is kind enough to let me use the chair to work when I need to. I really feel the difference in having a dedicated working spot. I’m trying to only work from this desk, not my bed or my kitchen island or my couch. It helps to keep things separated, you know? My bed is for sleeping, my couch is for reading, my kitchen island is for eating.
My anxiety has worsened this week. I have this persistent feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach and it won’t go away. I still haven’t scheduled that therapy appointment because the devil on my shoulder is telling me it won’t help. Don’t I already know what I need to be doing? But no, no I don’t. Because I’ve never dealt with a global pandemic before. And I’m dealing with it while totally isolated from the world. I don’t have a quarantine buddy. I’m not even seeing my mom right now, aside from our regular Facetime calls, and it makes my heart ache.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m taking it all too far. You know? Most of my friends aren’t isolating at the level I am, and it makes me feel like a crazy person sometimes. Do I need to self-isolate to the extent that I don’t even see my mom? (I made the decision to isolate from her since she’s still going into her office and she’s around my stepdad, who’s a truck driver, on the weekends.) But I also see the actions of other people and I am just livid with the risks they are taking. I don’t care if you feel like you won’t get the virus—you can easily infect someone else! The way I see it, I can isolate completely. I can work from home and order contactless takeout and stay away from the people I love. I can wear a DIY mask when I’m at the grocery store and properly disinfect everything when I get home. I’m not on the front lines, but I can do this. I can play my part in flattening the curve. So maybe I am going “overboard” in some people’s eyes, but hey, I’ve always been a rule follower. And when this pandemic ends, I want to know I did what I could to help in the little way I can.
I’m still really enjoying working from home. Sometimes I miss getting dressed and putting on makeup and going into the office, and having a clear delineation between work life and home life. But mostly, I love that I can sleep in until nearly 8 every day (I’ve been waking up naturally between 7-7:30, which is so nice!) and work in comfy clothes and be with my girls every day. I love being able to open the blinds to have natural light in my apartment, rather than working in a cube farm with artificial lighting. I love being able to choose when I want to exercise, whether that’s in the middle of the day or right after I stop working. I haven’t worn makeup in four weeks and my face feels better than it’s ever felt. Who knew that caking my face in chemical-laden products was causing all of my skin problems? Heh. It makes me want to experiment with a no-makeup lifestyle when this is all over.
The cats seem to love having me home. At least, that’s what I tell myself. 🙂 They spend a lot of time sitting on the windowsill searching for lizards, a lot of time wrestling, and the most time sleeping. Eloise lives for her afternoon naps in the sunshine. She’ll stretch alllll the way out on the windowsill to get as much sunshine as possible. Lila’s very quiet during the day—she’ll play with Ellie and watch lizards with her, but she escapes under the bed for her naps. Every now and then, she’ll curl up on my bed or on one of the cat beds I have in my room. She comes alive at night. 🙂
I watched the entirety of Love Is Blind this week, that crazy dating reality show on Netflix. It was highly entertaining and I loved chatting about it with a friend who watched it with me. And now I’m catching up on the latest season of Nailed It, which is probably my most favorite Netflix original show. Please do yourself a favor and binge that show if you haven’t. It will make you laugh hysterically, which is what we all need right now.
I’m hanging in there, as best as I can. I desperately want to get back to normal life, but I’m committed to social distancing as long as we need to. I keep forgetting that Easter is on Sunday. Last Easter was spent enjoying a church service at a local park and then meeting up with my brother and his family at a crowded IHOP. I probably won’t do anything to celebrate this year, although maybe I’ll stream a church service on Zoom. And pick up some Cadbury Creme Eggs during my weekly trip to Publix.
Stay safe, friends, and let me know how you’re doing. <3
Suzanne
Your cats are SO cute. (Although using your new chair as a scratching post – ugh!)
Lisa of Lisa’s Yarns
I think you are wise to be following directions and self isolating. I think we all need to do our part to flatten the curve. So don’t let anyone make you feel like you are taking it too far!! We are also being super cautious since I am high risk and I feel like all of our friends are too. But we all have kids so I think that makes you want to be extra careful.
The lack of an end in sight to this is definitely hard on me. I need to have something to look forward to! Plus our weather has sucked lately. It snow yesterday! It didn’t accumulate but it was so depressing!!!
Rachel
I hear you on so much of this. I too am loving being home but find myself sitting sooooo many hours. If work wasn’t already taking years off of my life, sitting definitely is. Because my gym closed, I have to get up super early to beat the Florida heat. I’m happy to say I have still been successful in getting my steps in. I am struggling with separating work/play. I’ve set up my computer in my craft room. On Friday, hubby comes in and actually removes it – so I don’t log in over the weekend. Removing it has become a nice symbol that I’ve come to appreciate. Thanks, as always, for sharing.
Tara
Re: cats and chairs. Yup. That all checks out, both the scratch the crap out of it and converting it into a nap spot. Nala is my chair thief. If I get up from my desk, there’s a good chance she is going to slide right onto it and try to claim it as her own lol. Little brats!
As far as isolating goes, you’re not being a crazy person at all. You are doing exactly what it is we are all supposed to be doing to flatten the curve and end this thing. So, for what it’s worth, thank you for doing that even though it’s hard. It sucks but it will make a difference.
Anyway, just wanted to send a little love and tell you hang in there <3 We’re all in this together and while it’s not easy right now, we will get through it.
Nadine
Nope, you’re not going overboard. If everyone acted as you are (which, well, we’re supposed to), then it’s possible that we can actually shorten the length of this thing and avoid some unnecessary illness and death. You are doing it exactly right, and I hear you, it’s really frustrating to follow the guidelines, sacrifice so much, and see others who bend the rules/are dismissive, etc. I see people making exceptions, but if we ALL made one exception or two, that just exponentially increases the risk of spreading COVID. I’ve had some very rational and sensible people ask me if I’m able to see my parents. Able to see my parents? Yes, I can get in a car and drive over and go into their house but I’m choosing not to because we’re not supposed to be doing this (unless we’re caregivers, etc). I just try and try to remind myself that I can’t control other peoples actions. It’s hard, but we’re all in it and for as many people who are out there ignoring guidelines, there are so many more who are following them, sitting tight, being patient. Thanks for these updates!
Kate
You’re not going overboard – but I understand the feeling. SO many people, even smart, caring people who I love & trust, are just not doing what they should be – & I find it appalling & surprising & frankly unconscionable. I am not even doing weekly grocery trips. We did one HUGE trip at the beginning of all of this, & we’ve been extending it as best we can; I have a grocery pickup scheduled for next week.
Stay safe, safe well, stay inside – & don’t feel guilty about it. Thinking of you. <3
Kim
I am sorry last week was so rough and I hope this week is better! Fingers crossed! And I really do think talking to your therapist will help, even if you don’t get a new tool to use out of it. I bet it would be good to have someone listening.
Yes, you gotta keep the work area of your home away from those other areas! How much of your reading do you do on the couch vs bed? I love love love to read in bed, and rarely do on the couch since if I am in there, Steven often is too, and he is watching something on TV.
You are not going overboard. You won’t look back and regret not seeing your mom and staying home. You will look back and feel proud you did what you could! I am surprised at people still going out, having friends over, going to the store in pairs, just, ugh.
I love not wearing makeup when I work from home too! I have actually been putting in on more than usual though, since I have more video calls! (I just use stuff on my brows and eyes though).
It’s so fun to see what the cats are up to during the day! And funny that they watch lizards! Ha! Here it’s birds and chipmunks and squirrels 🙂
Charlie
You’re not going overboard at all. If everyone distances themselves the curve has to flatten. You’re doing your bit to help save lives. Recently I’ve seen quite a few photos of cats on work chairs, which are newly arrived at home! Lots to look forward to after this is over. We might not know when, but it will happen.
San
You’re absolutely not taking it too far… I think right now, people can’t take it far enough. If staying at home as much as possible and only going out when it’s absolutely necessary, that is a small price for me to pay to make sure we’re flattening the curve. I get that people get cabin fever, but man, go for a walk/run … don’t go to other people’s houses, crowded parks, etc. This defeats the purpose of all this.
I am love your little work area that you set up and I am glad you have a desk and a chair. I (finally) ordered one too (it will get here this week) and I can’t wait to NOT sit on the kitchen chair anymore…