Stephany Writes

Categories: About Me

Thirty-Two

I turned 32 yesterday. It was a day filled with family and good food and so much love. It’s always strange to share my birthday with Thanksgiving, but it’s also kind of nice. Thanksgiving is my second-favorite holiday after Christmas so there’s something serendipitous about it.

Right before writing this post, I looked back on what I wrote last year and oh, I had such a rough start to my thirties. A battle with depression, my dog dying, my Pops dying, my work life changing drastically.

Thankfully, 31 went a whole lot smoother and a whole lot better. I kicked off this new age by adopting Eloise, my sweet black-and-white kitty. Adopting her was unexpected (a friend of a friend rescued her and was looking for a home for her) but it was the best decision I made. Eloise is my little shadow now, and I couldn’t imagine life without her.

I rang in the new year surrounded by friends at a small house party. I remember taking a moment after we counted down to the new year and thinking how lucky I was to be here, in this moment, with the people who mean the most to me. It was the beginning of a beautiful year.

I adopted Lila, my sassy little calico cat, a couple of months later, taking a friend with me to the shelter “just to look.” She was the one who convinced me that Lila and I had a bond. She was the one sitting next to me as I signed the paperwork while frantically googling, “How to introduce a new cat to another cat.”

I visited Ireland with my mom and while we had a wonderful time and I’m so glad we went and saw the Cliffs of Moher, visited so many castles, and experienced the craziness of Dublin, the trip was so very hard on my anxiety. I don’t want to say that I’m not cut out for international travel because man, it was so cool to be in Ireland, but I will have to approach my next trip much, much differently. I cried more on the streets of Dublin than I’ve cried in my own apartment this year, having these ridiculous panic attacks and fights with my mom (who most definitely did not deserve my ire). I get worried that I made her trip to Ireland, a place she’s wanted to visit for YEARS, a bad one because my anxiety was so out of control. I don’t think I did, but I hate that I even have to worry about it.

I was happy to spend lots of time with family this summer, especially when some of our out-of-town members came to stay for a week. It was nice to be around everyone. Our family has changed a lot over the years, as families tend to do as the grandkids grow up, and it’s especially different now that both Grandma and Pops are no longer with us. But it was good to be with them.

I spent a long weekend in Boston for our annual girls’ trip. New England was in its full fall glory, the foliage so stunning that it brought one of my friends to tears when she saw the leaves. It was delightfully chilly while we were there, and we were all excited to bring out our boots and jackets and scarves (said like a true Florida girl, ha). It was a lovely time, although it reminded me how badly I need better walking shoes as my feet were so sore each day.

Therapy was a regular occurrence this year, as I have a standing date every four weeks. It’s been exactly what I hoped it would be, helping me to crack open my past and see how it’s affecting my future. I’ve learned so many great coping skills for my anxiety and depression. Over the past few months, I’ve been in such a good mental health place. I feel stable and healthy and whole. So much so that I have an appointment with my primary care doc next month to discuss lowering the dosage of my anxiety meds. I had doubled the dose early last year when I was in a major depressive episode and it helped immensely, and I was convinced I needed to be on that dose forever and ever because it was the only thing holding me together. But now… I think I can wean myself down to a lower dose. It feels good to feel stable enough to even contemplate this.

I’ve spent the last year rebuilding my work life after lots of changes had me questioning my place in the company. I won Employee of the Month in December, had lots of discussions about the future of our department and where I fit into it, and celebrated six years at this company with a marvelous review and above-average raise. I feel good about my career. I still love the work, really exciting changes are on the horizon, and it’s a low-stress job. What more could someone need?

Dating has been relatively non-existent this year. I circle through the dating apps – Tinder, OK Cupid, and Bumble – but I haven’t put a lot of effort into it. Thanks to therapy, I’ve started to come to terms with some of the trauma surrounding my dating life. Sometimes, you just need someone else to listen to you and say, “You know that’s not how it has to be, right?” Ah, right. Dating has never been a positive experience for me and I have a lot I’m working through in therapy, trying to break past my own fears and self-doubts. My own trust issues. I’ll get there. I know the best way is through. In order to have positive experiences, I have to date. In order to learn how to trust myself, I have to put myself into situations where I have to exercise this trust. It’s hard when the fear feels so overwhelming, but little by little, I’ll get there. I know I will.

What do I want out of 32? I’d like to finish my novel and start the revision process. I want to date more. I want to be a better friend, reach out more, schedule more friend-dates. I want to move to a bigger apartment and decorate it the way I always dreamed. I want to manage my money better and feel empowered by my budget, not hindered by it. I want to exercise more, eat more greens, and take care of my body – not because it needs to be thinner but because I want it to function correctly for a long, long time. I want to spend more time in nature and take more walks. I want less time on my phone, less time worrying about the future, less time procrastinating. I want more time with my people, more time looking up, and more time enjoying the fullness of life.

31 was good to me. It was so good to me. I’m expecting the same out of 32.

Categories: About Me

A List of My Silly Fears

Today, I want to talk about silly fears. This isn’t about anxiety or panic attacks; those are not silly. They can be excruciating. Instead, I’m talking about really dumb fears. The kind of fears that sometimes don’t make sense and never truly interrupt your day-to-day life. Some things on this list I’m embarrassed to share but hey, vulnerability is the name of my game! So, without further ado, here are some of the really silly things I worry about:

1) My car running out of gas the minute my gas light comes on. (Yes, I know I have at least 30 miles to E, but I’m not going to chance it!)

2) Audibly farting in front of a bunch of people. (My worst nightmare.)

3) My phone dying when I’m out with friends. (What happens if I need to request a Lyft?! What happens if there’s an emergency and I can’t call anyone?!)

4) Losing my phone in a random location. (In college, I left my phone in a bathroom and never saw it again. Legitimate fear! Also, I’d owe Sprint a lot of money as I’m still paying off my phone so it’s also a financial fear.)

5) Getting stung by a bee or wasp. (I’m always so concerned about how I’d get the stinger out.)

6) Not closing Chip’s cage correctly so he is able to get out of it and make a mess in my mom’s apartment. (She’d forgive me for this, right?)

7) Not remembering to grab my credit card from the sleeve at a restaurant. (Never fails, as I’m walking out of the restaurant, I must check my wallet to make sure my credit card is there.)

8) Walking down stairs. (I’m always imagining tumbling to my death whenever I’m walking down a set of stairs. I grip the handrail firmly.)

9) Opening my laptop to a blue screen of death. (I have a backup Chromebook but it would mean no work-from-home days until I could get a new laptop + the remote server installed onto it.)

10) Throwing up. (I haven’t thrown up since college. I’m trying to set a record here.)

11) My seat belt not being buckled in on a rollercoaster and falling off and dying. (Once, I hadn’t buckled myself in correctly and when the ride operator came to check, he buckled me in. But ever since, I’m so worried that a ride operator isn’t going to be so careful and I’m going to die by flying off a rollercoaster. I spend the whole time leading up to the ride starting pulling hard on the seat belt to check it. In hindsight, this is probably not a silly fear because DEATH but I’m leaving it in.)

12) Being stung by a stingray. (Always do the stingray shuffle, guys!)

And, for the best one of all, 13) An insect burrowing under my skin and sucking all my blood out. Does such an insect exist? I don’t know, I’m not going to Google it. But I remember one of my classmates in kindergarten telling us a story about how a bug flew into his sister’s eye and if his dad hadn’t been able to get it out, it would have sucked all of the blood out of her body and she would have died. Maybe this is when all my worrying began because you better believe I’ve been worried about blood-sucking insects since then.

Tell me one of your silly fears!

Categories: About Me

How I Set Boundaries with Technology

A few weeks ago, I came across this blog post by someone I follow about the boundaries she’s setting for herself in our digital age. It got me thinking about my own boundaries because, for someone who struggles with anxiety and is a classic introvert, being constantly tied to my phone and social media apps is not good for my mental health.

At this point in my journey, I am very aware of myself and what I need. I know what aggravates my anxiety and what boundaries I need to make sure I’m living my healthiest possible life. It’s not always the most popular method, and it might get my millennial card revoked, but taking care of myself, my feelings, and my energy is of utmost importance to me. So here’s how I make sure I do that:

1) I removed Facebook and Twitter from my phone.

This was a recent change I made, but it’s been so great! It’s nice to not have the constant notifications, or even the little red bubble to inform me I need to check my Facebook app right this second because what if there’s an important notification waiting for me? Facebook always makes me feel overwhelmed when I check it because there are so many conversations happening and I feel pressure to like and comment on every status. The only reason I haven’t deleted my profile entirely is that my book club organizes our meetings and events on there and in that sense, it’s helpful. Often, I forget that I’ve deleted Facebook from my phone so I have to remind myself to check it on a website browser once a week or so. There have been a few important things I’ve missed (like people messaging me over Messenger, which I also deleted) but overall, it’s been a lovely change and I don’t see myself adding Facebook back to my phone anytime soon.

As for Twitter, I deleted that app because I so rarely check it anymore and I can’t remember the last time I posted a status. Plus, my feed is filled with a lot of politics (since I followed a lot of news organizations and political pundits after the election) so it can be a very dark hole to drop into. I don’t need that in my life!

Implement it yourself: Choose a social media app and remove it from your phone as an experiment. Maybe you only want to do it for a few days. But see how it goes! Do you miss it? Or have you forgotten it even exists?

2) I never check my work email after hours.

I know that this isn’t a possibility for everyone, but for the way my job functions, there’s no reason for me to be tied to my work email when I’m not at work. I also refuse to check my email when I’m on vacation. I’ve never downloaded Outlook to my phone or added my work email to my email app. Nope. Not happening. Having a clear separation between my work life and my personal life is necessary for me. I love what I do but it also takes a lot out of me, and I need to not think about work when I’m not there. There’s something so wonderful about being completely disconnected from work in the evenings and weekends.

Implement it for yourself: Set boundaries with your work email. You don’t need to be tied to it at all times. Remove push notifications and give yourself a specific time that you’ll check emails, maybe at 8 p.m. before you start to wind down to bed.

3) I try to take a social media break once a year for a full month.

I don’t do this every year (I won’t be doing it this year), but it’s something I try to do every year if it makes sense. I love social media but there can be a lot going on. When I used Twitter and Facebook more frequently, along with Instagram, getting off social media for a month was essential. You don’t realize how noisy your mind can be with social media (so many opinions!) until you take it away. It’s so relaxing to just be and not have to worry about posting status updates or taking that perfect shot for Instagram. You can just do things without documenting them! What!? Don’t get me wrong – I love documenting my life and taking videos of my cats and taking perfect Instagram-worthy pictures. But it’s nice to get away from it for a month.

Implement it yourself: Maybe taking a full month off social media is too much for you to contemplate. Start small! Take a weekend off or a full week off. You’ll be amazed at how freeing it is to get away!

4) I use the Instagram mute option frequently.

Instagram is my favorite social media app. I never use Facebook or Twitter anymore, as mentioned above, but I can’t stop, won’t stop with Instagram. However, there are times when Instagram can be a difficult place to be. It can be where I see my friends hanging out without me, or life updates that bring the envy monster out. I don’t want to be this person who gets jealous like that. I know it’s ridiculous and I have spent a lot of time in my therapist’s office talking about it. But it’s also who I am, and it means the best thing I can do for my mental health is to mute people whose pictures and Stories I just need to take a break from for a little while. These are people I don’t want to fully unfollow; I just need to protect my mental health for a bit and keep Instagram as a place that makes me feel good and happy when I open the app.

Implement it for yourself: Next time you’re scrolling through Instagram, check in with yourself. Does this person’s updates make you feel jealous or envious? Are you getting aggravated every time you see this person post a Story? If those negative emotions come up, mute their posts and/or Stories. It doesn’t have to be forever, but taking some time away can be so good for your mental health.

5) I mute phone notifications.

Phone notifications are the bane of my existence. I remember when I had Instagram notifications going straight to my home screen so I could track every time someone “liked” my photo. And if I wasn’t getting any likes, that could send me into a downward spiral. So I muted phone notifications. I only get notified for breaking news alerts via CNN and for texts. However, I’ve muted any group texts I’m a part of because I’ve found that those can overwhelm me when everyone is texting at the same time and notification after notification is pinging my phone. My phone is a quieter place because of it and I love it so much. (However, I recognize that this is why I’m terrible at using dating apps because I never want to be on my phone and I’m not the best at responding to texts in a timely manner. Is my millennial card revoked now?) I’ve also set up Do Not Disturb from 8:00 p.m. to 6:00 a.m. on my phone, which might be one of my favorite features of the iPhone. (In addition to the Do Not Disturb feature turning on whenever I’m driving.) Anyway, I know most people would hate to miss out on notifications but it just means I have to be intentional about my phone usage and remembering to check in on apps if I’ve turned off notifications.

Implement it for yourself: Are there some apps that are constantly bugging you with notifications? Open up your settings and remove their push notifications from your life. You don’t have to be as strict as I am, but let’s face it, a lot of these damn apps are disrupting us with inane notifications that we don’t need.

6) I use my personal email inbox strategically.

Here’s my truth: I get very anxious when I see other people’s personal email inboxes and they’re just a long list of opened and unopened emails. I can’t handle that. I have developed a few strategies for handling my personal email inbox so it works best for me.

First, I use their filters to make sure some of my emails skip my inbox entirely. This includes email newsletters and emails from retailers. I love both very much, but they can clutter up my inbox easily and stress me out. By keeping them in a separate folder, they’re there for me when I need them.

I’ve also recently started using multiple inbox system that I learned about on Kelsey’s blog. You guys, this has been life-changing for me. It basically entails enjoying “Inbox Zero” on your main inbox while keeping important emails you either need to read or respond to visible. I’ve been enjoying this new inbox system so much because it puts everything in a specific category so I know exactly what I need to respond to when it comes to blog emails, bills to pay, etc.

What are some ways you set boundaries with technology?

Categories: About Me

What I’ve Learned About Cats After Eight Months

It’s been almost nine months since I brought Eloise home and seven months since Lila entered our lives. Before adopting my girls, I had zero experience with cats. (My family was more into dogs than cats, especially considering my grandma was super-duper allergic to cats.) I really had no idea what I was getting into. (Thank god for Kim, who I relied on so much. She sent me a long list of items to buy for cats and patiently answered all of my questions, even the really stupid ones. Heh.)

So, it’s been nine months of learning for me and I thought it might be fun to share all the stuff I’ve learned about cats and their behaviors. Let’s dive in!

> Sometimes, they sleep with their heads up. It still kind of weirds me out that they will fall asleep sitting upright because dogs just don’t do that. I had no idea what was happening when I saw Eloise do it for the first time and had to google about it.

> I’ve grown way too comfortable with the sight of their buttholes. Honestly, one thing nobody told me was how often I would be up close and personal with one of my cats’ buttholes. Lila’s especially, since she likes to lay right on my chest with her butt in my face.

> Cats love to wrestle! The first time Eloise and Lila fought, I was worried! Was someone going to claw an eye out? Nope – it’s just their way of playing! It’s always fun and playful with them. They just love to tussle and mess with each other, like all siblings do. It’s grown to be one of my favorite things because it’s just so funny to watch them wrestle!

> A tiny scrap of paper, bottle cap, hair tie, or other silly object brings them the most joy. Forget about regular cat toys. These girls just want silly inanimate objects to play with. They can keep themselves entertained for a long time by pushing these objects around the floor or throwing it up in the air or biting it. Speaking of…

> Nothing of mine is safe anymore. Whether it’s a hair tie on the floor, a necklace on my bathroom counter, or a marker on my kitchen island, if they find it, it’s for them to play with. The same is true with dogs (let’s talk about how Chip will sometimes run around with my mom’s glasses in his mouth), but the difference is, Chip can’t climb up on my bathroom counter or kitchen island or dresser. The cats can.

> Their pupils change sizes! Chalk this up to something else I didn’t know about cats. Sometimes, their pupils are as big as saucers and sometimes as small as slits. I think it has something to do with light and darkness? I read up on it a while ago because I was so interested in learning why their pupils can be such massively different sizes. Speaking of which…

> I can make their pupils dilate! Ah, it’s so funny to see this happen. I’ll do it just for fun when one of the girls is sitting on me. I’ll make a silly sound and watch their pupils get really big… and then return to normal when I stop making the sound. It’s the little things, sometimes.

> They eat insects! I did not realize this was going to be one of the benefits of having cats. (Or maybe I just had a really lazy dog, haha.) But the moment they spot an insect in the house, they are off to the races to kill it. Which works for me! One of the worst parts of living alone is having to kill all the bugs myself so it’s nice that I can let them do it for me. (I try not to let them eat the bug, though. I just appreciate that they help me kill the bugs. Team effort!)

> They climb on everything. Oh my goodness, I think the only place they haven’t climbed on is my kitchen counter. They love being on my kitchen island (they use my bar stool to get up there), my TV stand, my bed, and the window ledge in my bedroom. Ellie really loves jumping from my bed to the top of my dresser (and it’s one of those tall six-drawer dressers, so it’s quite the jump!) Lila has taken to jumping onto my bathroom counter when I’m using the toilet (TMI, sorry). They also love jumping on the side of the tub when I’m taking a bath, which freaks me out a bit because I’m worried about them falling in! Oh, and last night, I found Lila just sitting on top of my suitcase. Just because. Ellie will climb onto my new bookshelf from time to time, but usually only the bottom shelf. All this to say, nothing is safe. Everything is free to climb. I really need to get a cat tree but there’s nowhere in my apartment to put it. Definitely something I’ll be getting when I move next year!

> Speaking of climbing on everything, I still cringe every time they jump from a high distance. Sometimes, Ellie will jump right from the top of my dresser to the floor and it freaks me out. Just this week, Lila jumped a good five feet (laterally) from my bathroom counter to the center of my room. I know they’re okay to jump like that (something about a flexible spine?), but as a former dachshund mom who had to be so careful about Dutch’s back (I didn’t even like him jumping off the couch!), it’s this weird dichotomy. Hopefully, one day, it won’t freak me out so much!

> They give love bites! Eloise, especially, gives lots of love bites. She really loves to nip me in the elbow or side of my wrist, especially when I’m sitting down and petting her. Lila’s form of love bites is to just gnaw on one of my fingers, lol. Sometimes, she’ll wake me up in the middle of the night just for gnawing. Ah, silly girls.

> I didn’t realize how much time I would spend petting them. Oh boy, they are very demanding about their pets! They will even paw at me to give them pets if I’m not giving them the attention they feel they deserve. I had no idea how much time I would spend just rubbing and scratching that special spot right below their ears. They go bonkers for pets.

> They are so affectionate! Goodness gracious, I did not get cats that are aloof. My girls are obsessed with their mama. (Which makes me happy because I am just as obsessed with them.) They greet me when I come home, meow loudly for pets, and cuddle up with me at night. I think I definitely got lucky when it comes to having super affectionate cats, but I’d like to think I also had a little to do with it. Like, maybe because I’m so affectionate and loving with them, they reciprocate? Perhaps.

Categories: About Me

How I Listen to Podcasts

Hello, friends! I mentioned a few weeks ago when I detailed some of my favorite podcasts right now that I thought it might be interesting to keep track of exactly when I’m listening to podcasts and how long I’m listening to them during a typical week. Well, last week, I kept track of my podcast listening times and tabulated my results for you guys! Here’s the breakdown:

Getting ready (21%) – I had no doubt that this would be where the bulk of my podcast listening occurred. Since I live alone and don’t have to worry about bothering anyone, I can listen to my heart’s content as I get ready for the day. I listen in the shower (I have a Bluetooth speaker for my shower), while I do my hair and makeup, as I feed the cats, as I pack my lunch, etc. It’s nice to feel like I’m hanging out with some friends in the morning. Bonus – I don’t have to make conversation with them! 🙂

Playing games on my phone (16%) – Okay, I’m kinda surprised this is my second-largest category. I’m going to guess it has to do with the fact that I didn’t exercise as much this week due to some unpleasant GERD symptoms I was experiencing. That has to be it, right? Otherwise, I may need to come to terms with how many hours I’m spending playing games on my phone. But it’s nice when I need a break from work. I pull up my latest podcast episode and crush some candies or play some Wordscapes for a few minutes. It’s totally mindless and wonderful.

Driving (11%) – This percentage is higher during the weeks I’m not listening to an audiobook. But this week I was, so I only listened to podcasts while driving after I finished my audiobook (on Wednesday). As a note, I don’t have Bluetooth in my car. I just turn the volume up as high as it can go and tuck my phone into a cup holder, which helps to amplify the sound. It works for me, although I dream of the day when I can have Bluetooth!

Working (10%) – I can’t always listen to podcasts while I’m working, but at least a few times a week, a task pops up that’s mindless enough that I can listen to a podcast while doing it. Usually, this is when I’m publishing content on a client’s website or working on a content plan.

Nighttime routine (8%) – Every night, I take the time to tidy up my apartment, clean any dishes in the sink, and scoop all of the litter boxes. This takes 15-20 minutes every night and accounted for 8% of my podcast listening last week!

Exercising (7%) – As I mentioned above, exercising fell to the wayside a bit because I wasn’t feeling my best. I only worked out twice, both long walks (around 45 minutes) while I listened to a podcast.

Cleaning (6%) – Cleaning is one of my go-to suggestions for how to start listening to podcasts. Listen while you sort laundry, fold laundry, clean the tub, sweep the floors, wash the dishes, etc. I got a good amount of podcast listening in while cleaning last week!

Preparing meals (5%) – I had quite a few plans this week, so I didn’t spend a ton of time making recipes. But I did listen while heating up some meals, as well as when I was making my breakfast and lunch at work.

Coloring (3%) – I take in a lot of podcasts while coloring. It’s one of the most relaxing things for me! I didn’t do as much coloring this week as I normally do, but it’s one of my favorite things to do.

Grocery shopping (2%) – Grocery shopping is not my fave, but listening to a podcast makes it a little less painful. I spent about a half-hour at the store this week and caught up on a fave podcast while checking off items on my list.

Misc (11%) – There were a lot of little categories where I listened to a podcast while doing something, so I combined them all into a miscellaneous category. This includes walking Chip one evening, unpacking my lunch bag and putting things away, eating a quick lunch in my car at work, online shopping, making my meal plan for the week, formatting a blog post, and walking into work/walking to the parking garage after work. All of these little snippets of time added up to over two hours of podcast listening over the week.

After the week was finished, I learned that I had listened to more than 21 hours of podcasts! And the crazy thing is, a lot of that podcast listening happened in short bursts. There were only a few instances where I listened for more than 30 minutes (getting ready, driving, working). Most of the time, it was a snippet of 5-15 minutes. This is very similar to how I read, preferring to read in short bursts rather than sit down for an hour or two, so it must have something to do with my attention span. I probably need to challenge myself to focus for longer periods of time, especially at work, so I’m not breaking my focus to play a quick game of Candy Crush while listening to a podcast. Maybe it’s time to give up the iPhone games? (Please say no.) Or maybe it isn’t something I need to fix.

It was interesting keeping track, though, and to see my podcast listening laid out like this. It’s making me think more deeply about my listening habits and what they mean for me, big picture. I don’t have any pretty answers here… just something I’m thinking about.

Do you listen to podcasts? When you do get the majority of your listening in?