About Me – Page 22

Categories: About Me

Expose

It’s funny how my yearly word always seems to come to me, seemingly out of nowhere.

I had no idea what my word would be this year. For me, 2016 was a fairly good year. There was the garbage fire that was the presidential election, but overall, it was a year in which I have more positive than negative memories.

I made some goals for 2017, but those are all tasks to mark off. No fast food! Get a tattoo! Read some classic novels!

My yearly word is different. It’s about the way I want to feel throughout the year and how I want to challenge myself.

But I didn’t really know how I wanted to challenge myself in 2017. How did I want to feel this year? Passionate, fulfilled, satisfied, loved, secure… these are all words I wrote down while brainstorming.

And then the word came to me when looking at the synonyms for a different word, and it fit so perfectly.

Expose.

It means to lay open, to uncover, to present to view, to reveal, to unmask, to display.

It means to stop hiding behind the stories I tell myself of why I am not good enough or smart enough or pretty enough or bold enough to make my biggest dreams come true.

It means to stop letting my social anxiety and introversion and high sensitivity keep me from trying new things and opening up.

It means to expose myself in all the ways I need to be exposed. To expose my writing to the world. To expose my true self to the men I date. To expose my feelings about politics and racism and discrimination to people, even when it feels uncomfortable. To expose myself to situations where I might feel vulnerable or scared or uncomfortable so I can open myself up to opportunities I don’t typically explore.

Expose is about letting myself be open to what’s next, to reveal my truest self even when it’s scary.

And, listen, I will continue to be my introverted, quiet self. It’s not about putting myself in situations that will only exacerbate my social anxiety or overstimulate me. I’m not sitting here, telling myself I need to get out more and stop hiding at home. I am still going to hide at home when I need to. I know what situations are terror on my nervous system and what situations aren’t. A friend hosting a get-together with a bunch of people I don’t know? Nope, that’s not a good place for me to be. A friend invites me and a couple of other people out to brunch or to see a movie? Yeah, that’s a situation I know I can handle and I’m hiding behind my social anxiety when I turn them down.

In 2017, I want to live a bit more boldly than I have ever lived before. I want to take more risks and expose my heart to the world. I want my writing published in more places than just my blog. I want to be vocal about what I believe in. I want to fall in love and take a chance with my heart.

In 2017, I want to be exposed.

Categories: About Me

The Beauty of the Solitary Life

Perhaps it’s strange, but when I was younger, I always envied the older single women in my life more than the women with families.

I constantly thought about what their lives must be like: having as much alone time as they wanted, living in a space they didn’t have to share with anybody, being able to spend whole weekends entirely alone.

I looked at them and thought to myself, That is what I want.

I felt as if there was something so spectacular about the freedom of living alone and being alone. I never have been a girl who hated being alone. I loved half-days at school because it meant I could go straight home and spend an entire afternoon before my mom came home by myself, reading or playing alone. I loved summer because I didn’t have to spend entire days in the company of other people, having to be social and active. I hated sleepovers, unless I knew my friend really really well, because it meant I’d have to be “on” for an entire evening and morning and I always craved the comfort of my own bed and home. I was never a girl who made plans with friends on the weekends because I wanted my weekends for myself: to recharge after five days of being with people all day. Even college was tough and I spent so much time holed up in my dorm room my freshman year. And if I wasn’t in my dorm room, I was holed up at the bookstore, reading a novel I’d picked off the shelf.

I never wanted to admit any of that because it was this aspect of my personality that I abhorred. I felt that there was something weird or wrong with me for needing so much alone time. Nobody else around me seemed to struggle! They all seemed to enjoy spending time with other people and had this comfort level with themselves that I didn’t have.

I didn’t understand who I was, not when I was in college and certainly not when I was younger. But as I learned about my highly sensitive nature and my introversion, all of the puzzle pieces clicked into place for me.

This is just what it means to be a highly sensitive introvert. My body physically craves alone time. My senses send me signals when I’ve had too much. Being around people is overstimulating for me because I’m taking in everyone else’s energy and spending so much time processing the environment around me. Alone time is a necessity and I need bunches of it to feel like myself again.

I need quiet, I need peace, I need only myself.

And here I am today, a girl who knows who she is. A girl who accepts who she is. A girl who loves that she’s an introvert and is completely okay with spending entire days alone.

I’m living the dream I wanted as a young girl: living alone and being alone. And it is everything I thought it would be, and more.

It is not lonely but fulfilling. Not scary, but comforting. Not overwhelming, but exactly what I need.

There’s beauty in this space that’s all my own. A space I get to decorate as I please and clean as much or as little as I want (thankfully, I inherited my mom’s obsessive cleaning tendencies!). It’s a space to come to when I’m feeling overstimulated by too much social interaction, a space to relax and recharge.

It’s my home. And it’s all mine.

This is the life I desired when I was younger and, while someday I want to move from this stage to the one that is a husband and family, I’m going to enjoy the hell out of what I have today and appreciate the space and the joy of being alone.

Categories: About Me

What Olympians Can Teach Us About Goal Setting

I love the Olympics. I love all sports, really, but I especially love the Olympics.

It makes my heart pound. It makes me anxious and nervous. It makes me shout at the TV, rooting for people whose names and stories I didn’t even know until five minutes ago. It makes my stomach fall when an athlete stumbles. It makes my eyes fill with tears when an athlete realizes the dream they have been working toward for years and years and years has finally come true: they are an Olympic gold medalist.

I love these athletes. I love their shining moments. I love watching their dreams come true.

What we see when we watch the Olympics is the sexy side of goal setting.

We’re seeing the end result. The glitz and the glamour. The bright lights and the glory.

What we don’t see is everything that led to this moment.

Take Simone Biles, as an example. She will go down in history, at least for now, as the greatest gymnast of all time.

And how did she get there? By working her ass off, day after day.

Early morning workouts. Strict eating habits. Turning down plans and proms and dates and sleepovers with friends. Spending all of her free time at the gym. Working on her routines over and over and over again. Failing and getting back up. Succeeding but knowing she still has to get back to work.

These are all the unsexy sides of goal setting. She worked for years and years and years for the Olympics. It was all work done behind the scenes. We didn’t see all the blood, sweat, and tears that led to her final floor routine, which gave her the gold medal in the all-around competition. We didn’t see all the work she had to do internally to find her confidence and poise.

But it’s all those unsexy steps that were the most important. All the early mornings and workouts and strict schedules. Those steps led to the Olympics. Those steps led to standing on top of the podium as the best gymnast in the world.

And, can I just be honest for a minute here? I truly, truly, truly hate those unsexy steps.

They are so boring, you know? They are such a slog.

I just want the final moment.

I want the cute engagement story, the goal weight, the strong body, the published novel, the robust savings account.

But do I want to do all of the hard work it takes to get to that place?

Suffering through bad dates and terrible Tinder convos. Resisting sweets and shoving salad in my mouth instead. Waking up early and pushing my body through a tough workout. Working tirelessly on a novel that may or may not become published. Turning down plans with friends and saying no to fancy vacations.

All of it takes sacrifice. (I’m trying to make a point here, but yes, I understand that Simone’s sacrifice to gymnastics is completely different than the sacrifice of going on a Tinder date.)

Our goals take so much sacrifice, and I think we (I?) have the tendency to quit when the going gets tough, to YOLO our way out of working hard because, truly, we only get one life and why should we spend it in sacrifice mode? Why should we resist what we think our body wants?

It all comes down to the question: are our goals worth it? Is the glory of the final moment worth the weeks, months, or years (at least in Simone’s case) it takes to get there?

The answer is unique to each individual, and I do think those who become Olympians have a specific drive and competitive spirit that isn’t inherent in every person. You have to want it and you have to want it more than you want anything else.

You have to continue to push yourself, even when the going gets tough, because of the final moment. The gold medal, the published novel, the goal weight. That’s what’s driving you, that’s what keeps you motivated when you’re down in the trenches of the unsexy part of achieving goals.

We have to want those final moments. We have to live and breathe them as if they are ours. We have to visualize how we will feel, look, and act when our dreams are fulfilled.

And then we have to go out there and press on, even when it sucks, even when it’s so hard it feels impossible, even when we want to give up and call it quits.

Achievement for most of us doesn’t mean stepping onto the top of a podium with a medal around our neck. It may only mean stepping onto a scale alone in our bathroom and cheering for ourselves when we see the number we’ve been striving for. Or taking a photo at the finish line of a 5k you worked hard to complete.

But we can still take so much inspiration from these Olympians.

The blood, the sweat, the tears… it’s all worth it. Believe it is worth it, believe there’s nothing stopping you but yourself, and work your ass off and you can achieve anything you set your mind to.

(I mean, unless your goal is to beat Katie Ledecky in any type of race in the pool because, sorry, I just don’t think that’s possible.)

Categories: About Me

What Self Care Means to Me

Self-care is one of my favorite topics, so much so that I’ve been on a mission to help friends of mine think about self-care and how to implement routines into their daily lives. I think it’s one of the strongest acts of self-kindness, to understand what self-care means to you and how to ensure you are taking care of yourself in this way.

Self-care is about the actions you take to provide a little TLC to your physical, emotional, or mental health. It’s intentional practices that you put in place to help you when you’re feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, tired, anxious, sad, or upset. In doing so, you trigger your body to begin to relax, calm down, and get centered. It provides a routine to leave your worries behind, if only for a little bit.

Here are some of the self-care practices I use regularly:

Bubble baths – Yes, I know that this is a pretty basic self-care practice, but it truly is my most favorite one. I take a bubble bath almost daily, usually right after I get home from work. I make the water as hot as I can handle it, squeeze out soap (I use regular body wash; nothing fancy here!), and then sink into the warm water and bubbles with a book. There’s truly nothing more euphoric for me than the moment when I submerge my body below the bubbles.
Naps – I love taking naps more than anything in this world. My affinity for napping is probably why I’m so hesitant about children. (I hear there’s something about getting less sleep as a mother? Ehhhh.) There’s something so delightful about crawling into a cool bed on a warm afternoon day and falling into a deep sleep with my snoring dachshund by my side.
Five minutes of sunshine – I use this self-care practice mostly at work when I’m feeling stressed out or anxious and need a break. I take myself downstairs to this beautiful deck area that is quiet and has a great view of the water. I soak in the sunshine, let my mind wander, and enjoy the quiet. It’s blissful.
Taking a day to read a trashy romance novel – If I’m feeling particularly overwhelmed and overstimulated, I’ll spend a Saturday stretched out on my bed reading a romance novel. I have a few authors I can always count on for giving me a book I won’t want to put down. It feels so indulgent and truly helps my mental well-being.
Baking – I used this self-care routine when I moved a year ago and was feeling lost and anxious. Baking centered me. It’s such a precise science, baking is, and it requires your full attention. The end result is something sweet and tasty, and since I’m an emotional eater, that also takes care of this need for self-care.
Going for a walk while listening to a podcast – I don’t do this as often as I’d like because there aren’t too many great walking paths around me (other than Bayshore Blvd, which isn’t my favorite). But I do love a long walk by myself where I can listen to a podcast and get lost in my thoughts.

You’ll notice that all of my self-care routines are solo activities and that’s because I’m a highly sensitive introvert that needs a ton of alone time to recharge. I typically indulge in self-care when I need this recharging, and then I’m free to get out there and socialize with friends and colleagues. Extroverts (and introverts who aren’t highly sensitive) might enjoy having a long phone conversation with a good friend, window shopping at the mall, or going to the beach for the day. We all have different self-care needs and it’s up to us to build these routines into our lives so that we have an action plan in place when we need to slow down.

What self-care routines do you use?

Categories: About Me

17 Questions

Happy Friday, friends! I’ve seen this survey floating around a few blogs I read, and since I love filling out surveys, I thought it would be a fun end-of-the-week post to write. Feel free to fill it out on your own blog!

1. What brings you the greatest joy?

A good book, a silent apartment, and my dog. I think that’s what makes me the happiest: the times when I’m alone and snuggled under a blanket with Dutch, reading a book.

2. What are your vices?

My biggest vice is probably soda, Dr. Pepper especially. I know it’s terrible for me, but I can’t help how much I love a good, ice-cold soda. One of these days I’ll make the transition to LaCroix, but I had the lime flavor once and it was so tasteless. (What’s the best flavor, LaCroix fans?)

3. What is on your nightstand?

A lamp, an essential oil diffuser, my dachshund bookend, and books!

Looks neat and tidy, doesn’t it? This is because I’m not showing you the entire nightstand; the shelf and drawers below are a mess. This is basically where I dump things I need to hold onto, but don’t have the time to deal with/organize at the moment. And the place I keep junk that needs to be thrown away. Weekend project: clean this up so I can stop being embarrassed by it!

4. Do you have a secret talent?

If I have one, it’s coming up with as many creative ways to complain when I’m doing an arts and crafts project. For some, it makes me hilarious to be around; for others, it’s annoying. Ha!

5. What is your greatest indulgence?

My hair appointments are a huge indulgence. I go every other month to a fancy salon, but I can’t imagine going anywhere else! Getting my color done costs around $60 and a haircut costs around $50. I also go in every month to get my bangs trimmed (but most of the time, stylists don’t charge me) and every 3-4 months for an eyebrow waxing. It’s incredibly indulgent, but it’s just about the only thing I spend a lot of money on.

6. What should everyone try at least once in their life?

Going on a cruise! I truly believe that cruising is a fantastic way to vacation – to actually vacation where you get away from technology and can’t check email, social media, etc., so you can focus on relaxing and being with your loved ones. It’s not for everyone, I understand that, but I think a lot of people don’t give it the credit it deserves. There is nothing more incredible than walking along a deck and seeing nothing but water surrounding me on all sides. It makes me feel small and it makes me feel grateful.

7. What makes you laugh?

Oh gosh, my coworkers! I don’t think a day goes by when I’m not laughing at something, whether it’s a silly conversation or a funny joke or a story they tell me. I really, really love my work environment. It’s a fun place!

8. What is one thing people would be surprised to know about you?

I think people would be surprised at how quippy I am. I feel like I am fairly serious on my blog and social media, and I’m not really that serious IRL. Ha! I am incredibly sarcastic and I love joking around with people. My roommate thinks I’m hilarious, which is why I love her so much. 😉

9. What is on your bucket list?

I would love to take a Mediterranean cruise someday. I think that would be the perfect way for me to explore parts of Europe!

10. What is on your feet right now?

My feet are bare! I try to wear shoes as little as possible. Even at work, I take them off when I’m at my desk. Hehe.

11. How did you make your first dollar?

If I’m not mistaken, I made my first dollar by cleaning at my mom’s daycare. I think it was the summer after sixth grade, and my brother and I worked together. We cleaned all of the toys in the daycare center, bleached all of the chairs, and probably did some other random cleanings. It was hard work!

12. What superstition do you believe in?

That bad luck comes in threes! I firmly believe this superstition is true.

13. What items in your closet do you wear the most?

My black slacks that have an elastic waistband. Ha – they basically feel like wearing yoga pants to work, but they look professional. Ain’t nobody got time for buttons and zippers.

14. What is the best gift you’ve ever received?

Dutch! He was a gift from my great-aunt when she couldn’t keep him because he was snapping at her grandkids. (He’s not the best around children, ha.) He’s the best gift I’ve ever been given, hands down.

15. What is on your liquor shelf?

I don’t have one! I rarely drink, so liquor is not something I spend money on.

16. What is on your kitchen counter?

On one counter: coffee maker, a container for our spatulas and spoons, spoon rest, knife block. On the other: basket for Dutch’s treats, a toaster oven, a dish drainer, a paper towel holder, and a fruit bowl.

17. What would you never leave home without?

My phone! I can’t go anywhere without my phone. I feel lost. And I don’t see that as a bad thing. I don’t feel lost because I need to be constantly attached to my phone, but I have anxiety and I need to know that my people are okay at all times. If I don’t have my phone with me, I won’t know if some catastrophe occurred and that just makes me feel more anxious! My phone is just that extra support that all is okay for now.

Tell me something people would be surprised to know about you!