About Me – Page 28

Categories: About Me

Changing My Story

I spend a lot of time dreaming and scheming about the life I want to live. I make lists and plans and goals. I can envision what I want and the steps I need to take to get there.

But then I stumble.

And I question myself.

And I stumble again.

And I stop believing I can be powerful enough, brave enough, smart enough to achieve these goals. I stop believing in my willpower and focus on all the ways I’ve failed in the past. I tell myself, “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.”

I can’t lose weight because I’m addicted to sugar and fatty foods.

I can’t run that half-marathon because I can’t even run half a mile without stopping and it just plain hurts.

I can’t have the social life I want for myself because I’m too quiet and shy and don’t have a lot to offer.

I can’t be bold in my faith because most days I’m not even sure if God likes me.

I can’t find love because I’m too neurotic and complicated for someone to be with.

I can’t find that job I’m super passionate and excited about because that’s just a fantasy.

I can’t even attempt to land any writing gigs because my portfolio isn’t impressive and I can’t handle rejection.

I can’t travel the world because I can barely keep my head above water with my finances as it is.

I can’t get out of debt because it’s too overwhelming to even know where to start.

I can’t move out on my own because I can’t support myself and being independent is scary.

I can’t get more involved at my church because churches are filled with extroverts and my introverted self doesn’t have a place.

I can’t is such a huge part of my vocabulary.

I forget that I have the power to change. I hold the pen to my story. I can erase and restructure.

I can continue the story I’ve been writing for years now. I could continue writing about how I keep failing at losing weight and how hard it is to find friends and how much I want to find a better job but am so scared of leaving my safety net – even if it is a place that is making me more and more miserable.

I can continue making excuses, pretending I’m doing okay, and that I have control over my anxiety.

Or I could start changing my story. I could start looking at all the different times I tell myself I can’t do something and do some deep soul-searching for why I want this goal and what is holding me back from achieving it.

Is it laziness? Is it fear? Is it doubt? Is it because I’ve spent too much time listening to what other people are telling me about how I should live?

I have the power to change my story. I may not feel brave or gutsy. The thing about getting over our fear and doubts is to accept it for what is is. Feel the fear – and do it anyway. If I spend my time waiting for the fear and doubt to dissipate, I’ll never get started on any of my goals. But what if I just let them have their place, let them be there and work with my fear? Understand why it’s there and choose to do whatever is making me scared anyway.

I could acknowledge that I’m scared I don’t have the willpower or the strength to quit sugar or run that half-marathon or eat a cleaner diet. Yes, I’m scared. I am so scared. But then I can make a plan. And I could stick to the plan, even when it gets really super freaking hard. I could continue reminding myself that I am worth all the sacrifices. I could remind myself that it will all be worth it.

I want to change my story. I want to be a success. I want to take all these goals I’ve been stockpiling in my mind and start achieving them. I want to stop believing I can’t do something and just start going after what I want, because I’m worth it.

Nicole of Life Less Bullshit is one of my favorite bloggers and she’s the one who started this call to action. She’s gone through some incredible changes over the past few years (quitting alcohol, switching to a plant-based diet, and running a marathon – some of the biggies) and she’s not done yet. This year, she’s unveiled the Change Your Story project. In her own words: “Identify your old story, write your new story, and then start committing to activities that move you from one to the other. I’ll be working on this project all year – tackling a different self-limiting story each time.”

I have a lot of stories I’ve been writing about myself that I want to change. I have a lot of shit to tackle but I’m committing myself to this project. I wanted 2013 to be a year of big, scary changes. My theme, after all, is “do the work.” I haven’t been doing the work lately. I’ve been letting that little voice inside my head that is telling me I can’t do this or I can’t do that be my truth.

“Everything you think is true about yourself is only true until it’s not.”

Old story: I don’t have many close friendships because I keep to myself. I’ve never been good at maintaining friendships because I don’t try hard enough. I’m shy and it’s incredibly stressful to put myself out there. I feel boring. I feel as if I will never find girlfriends who understand me.

New story: I’m going to be more social. I’m going to attend Meet-Up socializing events and be more active in my book club and stop hiding behind the screen. I’m going to go to events where I don’t know anyone and be myself and see what comes of it. I’m going to reach out to people and form friendships – no matter how scary it seems.

Old story: I can’t eat healthy on a consistent basis because I love unhealthy foods and hate the taste of healthy foods. I don’t have enough willpower to resist sweets. I could never become a vegetarian because I don’t like the foods vegetarians eat. I don’t want to restrict myself.

New story: I don’t have to do it all in one day. Take one unhealthy behavior at a time and fix it. I’m no longer addicted to caffeine – I can do the same for sugar. I can learn to love healthy foods. I can learn to eat sweets in moderation. I can slowly work meat out of my diet. It’s not about restriction – it’s about a cleaner, more wholesome way of eating that will make me feel so much better in the long run. It’s not going to be easy but nothing worth doing ever comes easy. I want this. I want this so badly. I can do it.

Old story: I can’t move out on my own because living with my mom is so comfortable. We have a good system that works. I can’t afford to live on my own. I’m scared to be by myself. I tried it before and failed miserably.

New story: I am ready for this. I have all the power to finally move out, be independent, and begin to create a life separate of my mom. We both need this. It will take some sacrifices, but it’s absolutely doable. It will strengthen me and help me grow immensely in ways I’m not right now.

We can be the best liars to ourselves. We can be negative influences and derail our success. We forget that we need to be our biggest cheerleaders. We need to motivate ourselves. And we have all the power within our grasp to tackle the scary goals that seem so unattainable.

At the end of last year, I wrote a letter to myself as if I was writing it at the end of 2013. (Greatly inspired by Jess!) I wanted to create a vision of what I wanted to achieve in 2013. There is so much hope and goodness and light in that letter. I want to be that girl I envisioned. And I can be. I just have to remember that changing my story means changing my mindset. It means pushing my comfort levels. And it means not settling. As they say, nothing changes if nothing changes.

Categories: About Me

Favorite Things: A – Z

Happy Friday! I am so glad the weekend is just around the corner. This week has felt extra super long so I can’t wait to have two days to relax and recharge my batteries before doing it all over again.

I thought I’d do a post I saw on Caroline and Allison’s blogs a while back. It looked like fun!

A – Apartment living. I’ve lived in apartments for most of my life and while I’ve had my fair share of bad neighbors and unhelpful maintenance staff, I still much, much prefer renting an apartment.

B – Bubble baths. I take one almost daily. A book, a hot bath, and some alone time? Always what I need to recharge!

C – Cruising. Oh, what cruising has done to open my eyes to the wonderfulness of traveling. I have been bit by the travel bug and want to see the world now!

D – Dutch! I mean, duh. This boy is my favorite.

E – Exercise. As much as it hurts to wake up early or go to the gym right after work, I always feel so much better about myself when I get daily exercise. It feels so good!

F – Football. There is no sport in the world like football. What started as a way to make my father happy has morphed into one of my biggest passions.

G – Grandma. My hero. My cheerleader. And the strongest person I know. She is battling cancer again, but I know she has the grit and determination to make it through this once more.

H – Holidays. The holiday season is my favorite time of year. I get so wrapped up in the emotion and magic of it all!

I – Ice cream. The one treat I can have in the house that I can eat in moderation.

J – Jesus. He’s kinda awesome, you know?

K – Kindle. I read almost exclusively on my Kindle. I know this probably makes me a “bad” book lover since I rarely read from actual books, but I don’t really care. It’s convenient and I have so much love for my Kindle.

L – Lazy days. My favorite kind of day.

M – Mom. My best friend, travel buddy, and biggest supporter. I do not know what I would do without her.

N – Nephew. He’s four, so he’s at this incredibly fun age where he’s learning so much and talking so much and doing so much! Ugh. I love that boy to death.

O – Outback Steakhouse. Oh, how I love this place. The service is usually fantastic and I have yet to find a place that makes a better baked potato. YUM!

P – Publix subs. If you live near a Publix and have never gotten a Publix sub, SHAME ON YOU. These are the best subs ever. I get one so frequently that most of the deli workers know my order by heart and I don’t have to say a word. I may have them… too often.

Q – Quirks. I love learning about other people’s quirks. Here’s one of mine: I always, always have to wear a tank top under my shirts. There’s something about having that extra material that makes me feel more comfortable. Maybe it’s a sensory thing?

R – Reading. My favorite pastime and the best way for me to relax and unwind after a long day. I can’t imagine a world without reading!

S – Strength training. I love the feeling I get from strength training: strong and capable.

T – Trivia. My family tends to hate playing trivia games because I’m so good at them. My brain stores a lot of useless crap, apparently!

U – USA. I have so much love for the country I live in. And I always choke up when I hear our national anthem and remember what it stands for. #SCHMOOP

V – Vacations. What’s not to love about vacations? Time off work, time to relax, time to do something out of the ordinary. My next vacation is going to be a long weekend in Orlando in May and I cannot wait!

W – Writing. My first love, my biggest passion, my therapy… nothing makes me happier than writing and allowing my thoughts to roam free outside my head.

X – X-word puzzles. OK… X is a hard one but I do love a good crossword puzzle. Fun fact: on our May cruise last year, my mom and I bought matching crossword puzzle books and then would race against one another to complete a puzzle. Related: we are dorks.

Y – Youtube. I don’t use it much, but I love it for the tutorials.

Z – Zip-lining. My first zip-lining experience was the best time of my life and I can’t express how amazing zip-lining is. It’s scary but exhilarating, frightening yet freeing. I cannot wait to do it again and again!

What is one of your quirks? What’s the scariest thing you’ve done while on vacation?

Categories: About Me

On Social Media, Images, and Stepping Away

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the image I portray on social media. Leaving Facebook out of the equation (since I rarely use it), I’m mainly focusing on Twitter and my blog.

Last week, I stepped away from Twitter for a short while. I didn’t even plan on it, but gradually felt less inclined to tweet any thoughts or even open the app when I had a chance. I felt a need to step away for a while.

I know when Twitter starts to become a negative force in my life. It’s when I start using the website for validation and acceptance, when I look at all the conversations buzzing around me and feel overwhelmed. It’s when I start feeling left out and annoyed by all these conversations. It’s when the screen in front of me is more important than the person sitting next to me.

I don’t want to be a slave to my phone. I love my phone and I think it’s a ridiculously good source of information and help and guidance and community when I need it. But I can also find those things in the people standing in front of me. I can have actual conversations with real, live people! And when I stop putting effort into them, my addiction is out of control. Candy Crush is not more important than listening to a story a coworker is saying. Jumping into a Twitter conversation is not more important than my mom talking to me about her day. Finding that perfect filter for an Instagram photo is not more important than watching my nephew play t-ball.

I want to be present in my life. I want to show up. And when my nose is constantly buried in my iPhone screen, I’m not doing that. I’m present in another area, but not always present where it matters.

I have gotten completely off-topic from my first sentence, though. The point of this post isn’t about using technology too much. It’s about what image I portray.

I don’t want to be someone who only uses social media to complain about anything and everything – my job, my family, my coworkers, public transportation, my neighbors, my roommate, on and on and on. I don’t want someone who seems to jump on the attack whenever someone poses a (usually) harmless question or comment. And on that same note, I also don’t want to only tweet when I have something positive to say. I think it’s important to be real and honest – sometimes, you do need to complain and it helps because you get feedback and support. There’s a fine line between complaining all the time and being sunshine and roses all the time.

So what image do I want to portray? I believe it is an image I’ve kept packed away and out of site because I’ve been trying too hard to emulate others. I want to portray an image of love, an image of Christ. I want my words to reflect Him and yes, even my tweets. I want people to see my Twitter stream and know there is something different. Not because I tweet incessantly about praying and Jesus and going to church… but because of my approach to Twitter. There are women I follow whom I deeply admire because of the way they send out this message of love and they have this light and joy to their lives that doesn’t come from having everything together – but because they know they are fiercely loved by God and want to show it off to the world.

I think there’s a fine line between tweeting every complaint you have and being positive all the time. I don’t want to tweet only when I’m happy, only when good things are happening. I want to be honest and open and vulnerable but leave out the snarkiness and whining. I don’t want to hide who I am, but neither do I want to be known as a complainer.

The same goes for my blog. What image am I portraying here? Is it a message of love, of vulnerability? Do I show Jesus through my words? Ultimately, this blog is for His glory, and if I’m not using it in the right way, if I’m not showing people about Jesus through my words (again, not exactly by having every post of mine filled with words like JESUS and MERCY and GRACE, but simply by the way I write)… what is the point to this?

That’s not to say I am drastically changing the way I blog or I’m closing up shop. These are just things I’ve been mulling over for the past week. My goal with this blog has never been to become popular or land a fantastic writing gig, but to simply share my story. Write the words I want to write. To be honest and vulnerable and real with how I am feeling. I have a hard time talking about my feelings to people, but writing about them is the easiest thing for me. I never want to lose that. I just want to be certain I am doing this for the right reasons.

Stepping away from social media for a bit and clearing out the noise brings me such clarity. It helps me to see what truly matters and what I am seeking. It calms me. It brings me back to my center. And I realize what is really important in my life.

Categories: About Me

The Liebster Award

Last week, my good friend Melissa nominated me for the Liebster Award. I’ve been nominated for this award before and I love it because it has a fun set of rules to complete. Normally, I bypass blog awards but the questions Melissa left for us to answer were awesome and I really wanted to answer them!

The Rules

1. Each person must post 11 things about themselves.
2. Answer the questions that the tagger set for you plus create 11 questions for the people you’ve tagged to answer.
3. Choose 11 people and link them in your post.
4. Go to their page and tell them.
5. No tag backs!

11 Things About Me

1. Talking on the phone terrifies me.

2. I have been at the finish line of every single one of the races my mom has completed. That’s 34 races, including the half-marathon she ran this weekend. I don’t love spectating, but I do love being able to cheer her on.

3. I have a raging sweet tooth.

4. Push-ups are my favorite strength exercise to do. They make me feel so strong!

5. I am awful when it comes to confrontation and talking about my feelings in person. On my blog? No problem. But in person? I’m awful at it.

6. I give every book 100 pages to grip me. But if I’m bored with the story and not interested in the outcome by page 100, I abandon it.

7. I overthink and overanalyze every single situation in my life.

8. I cannot seem to sleep past 8:30am anymore.

9. All I can think about lately is going on a cruise. I’ve been looking up 4-day cruises for April or May but it would still cost me close to $500 and I’d rather go on a longer cruise in the Fall. Sigh. First-world problems and everything.

10. This blog and the friends I’ve made from blogging make my life a billion times better.

11. This will be my first Valentine’s Day with a valentine. Ever. 🙂

11 Questions

1. Why did you start blogging, and more importantly why have you chosen to continue it over the years?

I started blogging because I wanted to write and tell my story. In the beginning, it was to document life at college and my teaching internships. I wanted to have something to look back on. I’ve moved on from there to a more personal blogging niche and I continue to blog because it’s one of my passions. I couldn’t imagine my life without blogging and I love being able to look back on all the things I felt were important to me at different parts of my life. It helps me to see how far I’ve come.

2. What was the ONE most important moment of 2012 for you, and why?

Tough question! 2012 was a crazy year for me. I think the most important moment was the month I took a complete break from social media and blogging. It forced me to stop pretending everything was okay and get really serious about my feelings and the path my life was taking. I was focused on the present, living fully in the moment, and I feel like I found myself in that month.

3. If you were on a deserted island and could have any three things, what would they be?

Hmm… Ryan Gosling would suffice. What more would I need? I guess I would also like a suitcase full of books and a toothbrush.

I never know how to answer these kinds of questions. I would be a mess if I ever ended up on a deserted island, that’s for sure.

4. What is your current favorite song that I should be listening to?

Seriously, Melissa? Queen of all things music? I feel silly recommending music to you. My current favorite song is Taylor Swift’s “I Knew You Were Trouble” and yes, my taste in music is terrible. SO WHAT.

5. What is one favorite blog post you have written?

I think my very favorite, right now, is my post titled “On Worthiness.” I continue to refer back to it when I find myself feeling insecure about things in my life and it’s just one of those posts I wrote directly from my heart.

6. Name one of your guilty pleasures.

Chocolate.

7. If you could give a piece of advice to yourself when you were 15, what would it be?

Oh, 15-year-old Stephany. My heart aches for her. She was this lost, insecure girl with no idea of how amazing and wonderful she was. I would tell her to trust herself, be her own best friend, and realize how amazing she is right where she is right now. Being popular or having a boyfriend doesn’t make someone amazing (though it feels that way when you’re in high school!), being true to who you are and loving yourself makes someone amazing.

8. What book are you looking forward to reading in the near future?

Kristy’s Great Idea. I just found out that The Baby-Sitter’s Club books are available on Kindle. So. I’m on a mission to reread the series. Yes. At age 25. I just hope they are as good as I remember them!

9. Tell your readers something they may not know about you!

I went home early from Prom because one of my contacts ripped and it was irritating my eye too much for me to enjoy myself even a little. How’s that for an exciting Prom story?

10. You’re told you have to drop one of your social media accounts. Which one, and why?

Facebook. I would delete my account now, but my book club has a page where we discuss book picks and make plans for our meetings so it’s a necessary evil I have to keep in my life for now. I rarely go on and when I do, it’s usually only to see updates for book club.

11. What is one thing you could truly not live without?

Reading. Books. The written word. I could not imagine a world where I couldn’t read on a daily basis.

11 Questions For You

1. If you could travel to any country in Europe and spend a month living there at no cost to you… what country would you choose?

2. What do you love most about yourself?

3. What did you do for your last birthday?

4. Who has been the most influential person in your life thus far?

5. What’s your favorite food to snack on?

6. What is your biggest pet peeve?

7. What’s the next step for you, career-wise?

8. Recommend a blog to me! Whose blog should I be reading and why?

9. What’s the scariest thing you’ve done in your life?

10. In your opinion, what celebrity is overrated?

11. If you could have a role in any show on TV currently, what show would it be and why?

11 People to Tag

1. Nora from Walking with Nora

2. Lauren from Her Silent Musing

3. Elizabeth of E Is Random

4. Kristen of Life By Kristen

5. Kyria of Travel Spot

6. Krysten of Why Girls Are Weird

7. Gina of Gina Marie Rose

8. San of The In Between Is Mine

9. Amber of A Little Pink In the Cornfields

10. Mandy of Knowing the Difference

11. Becky of Love Everyday Life

… and anyone else who wants to participate. I hate tagging memes because it excludes people so seriously, do this post if you want! If you read my blog, I think you’re super awesome and you deserve this award! 🙂

Categories: About Me

Siesta Sister Scripture Memory Team: Verses 1 & 2

This year, I’m taking part in Beth Moore’s Siesta Sister Scripture Memory Team (how’s that for a mouthful?). Basically, the premise is memorizing 24 Bible verses in a year’s time. On the 1st and 15th of the month, a post on her blog goes live where she gives us the verse she’ll be studying for the next 15 days and then participants leave comments with their own Bible verses. Currently, there are 11,000 women participating! Isn’t that amazing? I think it’s incredible and I’m so excited to spend this year diving more deeply into memorizing Bible verses and making my faith a more active part of my life.

For my first verse of the year, I chose one that I’ve been turning over and over in my head for months.

“For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not until the law, but under grace.” Romans 6:14 (KJV)

I’m really attracted to the meaning of grace. The bare bones of the definition is getting what we don’t deserve. It’s the entire basis of faith, at least for me. This free, uninhibited love that God pours out to us. We are undeserving of it, yet no matter how many times we mess up, how many times we fail, how many times we fall – God’s still standing right there, open arms. I want to get this word tattooed on my skin – and I’m dead serious when I say that. The word grace means so much to me, because of how very often I need it.

And no, I’m not trying to be Ms. Super Christian with a King James translation of the verse, but I pulled up this translation and the word dominion stuck out to me. Dominion. Rule. Authority. Control. Influence. Power. SIN has no POWER over me. No authority. No control. No dominion at all.

It gives me goosebumps.

For my second verse, which I’ll be memorizing for the next 15 days, I chose this one:

“So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:18 (HCSB)

One of the tenants of this challenge is to choose verses that hold a lot of meaning to you. Something that deals with what you are going through right now. It makes the memorization more meaningful. I had to hurry and find this verse, as I completely forgot about it until I saw Beth Moore’s post yesterday morning. But it still holds a lot of weight and meaning to me. I know I can tend to get caught up in the day-to-day, in the struggles, the triumphs and the pitfalls. I can get so bogged down in it. This verse is about keeping our eyes focused on the hope we have in Jesus Christ.

I know I can get so worried about the little things, worried I’m not living up to my potential or people don’t like me or I need to do more, see more, be more but when it all comes down to it: I’m doing the best I can. I am enough. All of this is temporary. My focus needs to go back to the One who is forever.