Stephany Writes

Categories: About Me

Q & A

Last week, Kathleen tagged me in this fun little meme and since I love doing question-and-answer type posts, I thought I would play along today. Feel free to fill this out on your own blog or answer in the comments!

1. What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?

Usually, I’ll check my email on my phone and check my notifications. The first thing I do after getting out of bed is going to the bathroom and taking Dutch on a morning walk.

2. What do you eat for breakfast?

Lately, it’s been string cheese and a big bowl of fruit salad (my favorite mixture: watermelon, strawberries, and pineapple!). I’ll also have a hard-boiled egg 1-2 hours later.

3. What’s your go-to weeknight meal?

I love leftovers and I don’t love cooking, so I try to only make 1-2 actual meals a week. An easy weeknight meal that I’ve been having lately is baked chicken nuggets which are super easy to make and delicious.

4. Do you do any kind of journaling or memory keeping?

Aside from my blog, no. I’ve tried to start journaling, just to get things out of my head that I can’t (won’t?) talk about on my blog, but I’m not very good about remembering to do so.

5. How do you fix your coffee, or do you prefer tea (or neither)?

Usually with two creamers and a sprinkle of sugar. Or as a Frappuccino, which is my preferred way to take my coffee, albeit not a very healthy way.

6. What’s the last good book you read?

Oh, I really loved Attachments by Rainbow Rowell. I read it during my cruise and it was such a sweet, cute read. I definitely recommend it!

7. If you had a day all to yourself with no schedule, how would you spend it?

I would be the laziest. It would be embarrassing to even write it down because it would just involve a lot of napping, reading, and binge-watching TV shows.

8. What are three things on your life list?

Travel to Europe, get a tattoo, and skydive.

9. When you really need to relax or de-stress, where do you go and what do you do?

A nice, long bubble bath helps. Settling down with a good book. If it’s work or having so much on my plate that’s stressing me out, writing out a long to-do list helps me to see the big picture and start knocking off tasks. And if I’m stressed out about a situation, talking helps tremendously. My mom is the absolute best at helping me talk through my stress and realize what I’m freaking out about isn’t a big deal, probably because we are so eerily similar that she understands what I’m going through firsthand.

10. What’s on your nightstand?

I have a coconut that I bought on a cruise that’s filled with coins, an old-fashioned alarm clock, a lamp, a rolled-up shopping bag, and the current book I’m reading.

11. What’s the last thing you do before you go to sleep?

I set my alarm (I love to Sleep Cycle app!) and I make sure Dutch is in a comfortable spot. He likes to burrow under the covers with me, so I just make sure he’s a) giving me enough room to sleep (he likes to stretch out length-wise across the bed sometimes) and b) has enough air.

What’s the last good book you read? What are three things on your life list?

Categories: About Me

On Being an Adult. Sorta.

I’m in a weird stage of life. I’m in the latter half of my twenties, which feels strange to say because most days, I still feel like I’m 16. I’m closer to 30 than 20. Honestly, so far, I have really enjoyed my twenties. I still have a good three-and-a-half years left to enjoy them, and it hasn’t been all rainbows and butterflies, but I have grown so much in these past six-and-a-half years. Like most people, my twenties have been a period of self-discovery, of trying to figure out who I am and what I want from life. But still, it’s weird to realize where I am now and that I am no longer a kid, even though I feel like I still am most of the time.

This post, inspired by one Gina wrote, has been on my mind to do and I thought I would finally get it out of my head and onto my blog today. This is me at 26, and all the ways I feel like an adult and all the ways I still feel like a kid. (This will be fun to look back on when I’m turning 30, I think!)

Ways I Feel Like an Adult

  • My career. I have really struggled with defining myself by my job for the majority of my twenties. I think it’s something a lot of us do, especially once we graduate college and we have to find a perfect job that looks impressive when we’re talking to other people. I didn’t have a great first job after college and I dealt with a lot of job-related anxiety because of that, but it has helped me to grow up, learn about office politics, and be accountable. And now, after losing my way a bit in my mid-twenties, I finally feel like I’m on the right track for what I want to do for the rest of my life and there’s nothing more empowering or adult-like than that!
  • Dealing with my debt. I spent way too many years pretending my debt didn’t exist or that putting my school loans in forbearance is what I “had to do.” This is a very immature way of looking at finances, money, and debt. I’m glad I’m finally taking action and understanding that it’s very important to take care of your debt because that’s what responsible grown-ups do. Plus, debt is something I don’t want following me throughout my thirties, either.
  • Paying bills. Can I just say how much joy I receive by paying my bills? Because I do. I just kinda enjoy the feeling of paying a bill, even if it’s not always fun to see my bank account dwindle in the process.
  • Grocery shopping and cooking for myself. Up until the beginning of this year, my mom and I were grocery shopping together and eating our dinners together. We still grocery shop together most weeks because it’s convenient, but at the beginning of this year, we started separating and making our own meals. (Partly because she went Paleo and I didn’t want to go Paleo.) It’s been fun to do this because it gives me more control over my meals and what I want to eat, and I always found cooking to be a very Adult thing (just me?). I enjoy finding new recipes, meal planning, and grocery shopping just for me.
  • Being accepting of myself. I’m shy. I’m quiet upon meeting new people. I’m a highly sensitive person. Too many conversations or loud music is overstimulating for me. I’m an introvert to my core. I like to stay in most nights. Trying new things is scary for me, but I always feel better by doing so. I would prefer to spend time with animals than people. Bars are not my scene and never have been. I can’t do small talk. I’m extremely funny once you get to know me. All these things? They have taken a long, long time for me to accept that this is me. This is what I like. This is who I am and how I was created. It’s taken me a long time to realize this doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with me or I need to come out of my shell or I’m boring. I’m just me and I really like me and I’m excited to grow even more into who I am throughout the rest of my life.

Ways I Still Feel Like a Kid

  • Living with my mom. It’s hard to feel like an adult when you live with your mom. While it’s honestly the best situation for me to be in, and living with her is pretty awesome, there’s also a defeatist feeling to acknowledge that I still live with my mom. I don’t think I will really feel like a bona fide Adult until I move out on my own.
  • Not being married, or having ever been in a serious relationship. Nothing makes me feel like I’m behind the curve more than realizing I’m 26 and I’m not married, nor have I ever been in a serious relationship. It makes me feel like something is wrong with me! And maybe there is. Who knows! Or maybe it just hasn’t been my time yet. (We’ll go with that answer, ‘kay?)
  • Looking perpetually like a teenager. I don’t really mind that I look very young for my age, but it really doesn’t help feeling like an adult when I realize people think I’m still in high school. It doesn’t happen as much anymore, but on the last cruise I took with my mom, my dinner tablemates seriously thought I was under 18. Sigh.
  • Not liking most “adult-type” food, like wine, sushi, etc. Yeah, I’m just not into that stuff. There are so many different “adult” foods that I just don’t like and it makes me feel like I’m missing some essential Adult gene. Shouldn’t I want to sit down with a glass of wine after a long day? Or have a sushi date with girlfriends? And don’t even get me started on fancy fine-dining restaurants. Gimme a casual steakhouse any day.
  • Not feeling as established as other people my age. Sometimes, it’s really weird to learn that people who seem to be so much more together than me are either younger than me, my age, or only a year or two older. I can give you a ton of examples, and I think that’s partly due to being involved in the blog world. You see all these people and they have these fantastic careers and great relationships and big opportunities and it’s so easy to feel like you’ve fallen behind on this ridiculous timeline. But my timeline is my timeline alone. It’s not supposed to match anyone else’s. (Rinse and repeat!)

What are some ways you feel like an adult, or still feel like a kid?

Categories: About Me

10 Things I Like About Myself

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I saw this post on Cassie’s blog a few weeks ago and I loved the idea behind it, so, of course, I went over to Christy’s blog, where this link-up originated.

I was so drawn to this concept. I mean, is anyone with me? Does anyone else have such a hard time talking about the things they are good at and their strengths because it feels boastful and braggy? Or maybe we’re so conditioned to talk down about ourselves, deny compliments, and belittle our achievements, that it feels awkward and difficult. It’s not boastful, it’s not a #humblebrag, it’s nothing but recognizing who you are, what you like and are good at, and owning it. There’s no point in hiding it! All it does is hide your gifts and talents from the world.

I think the world could use a lot more love. (Duh.) And when we love ourselves, when we acknowledge how awesome and unique and special we are, that’s the only way we can give love out to others.

So, let’s love. Today, I’m throwing off my armor to discuss 10 things I like about myself. Some silly, some serious, but all things that make me uniquely me.

1. I have a great sense of humor. My sense of humor is a huge part of who I am and I can easily say I am a funny girl. I make people laugh, I’m witty, and I try to find humor in just about everything I do. Also, sarcasm is my love language.

2. I am an exceptional daughter. Oh, yes, I am. My father is completely missing out on my awesomeness but I get to lavish it all on my mom. I’m kind and considerate, I listen to her, I get excited about her milestones and achievements, and I try to offer advice when needed. She’s an exceptional mom, so I’m just trying to live up to her standards, honestly.

3. I love animals. Sometimes (most times), I think I love animals more the people. Animals just make me feel good. I get so excited every night when I leave work because I know I’ll get to see and cuddle with my pup.

4. I’m a good writer. Writing is the best way I know to express myself. It’s where I feel the most authentically me. But it’s taken me a long journey to get to this point where I can say I am a good writer. Writing is what I was born to do.

5. I am a good listener. I actually really, really love listening to other people’s problems. Not whining. I don’t like listening to whining, but when someone comes to me and tells me about something they’re struggling with or has an issue about? I feel so honored. I love to listen and I like to think I’m good at understanding where they are coming from and offering comfort, not advice. (Most times, people just want comfort.)

6. I try my best and know how to give myself credit for a job well done. I may not be the best at everything I try to do, and I may fail a lot, but I still get back up and keep trying. And when I do get back up? I applaud myself for having the bravery and gumption to keep going, even if I know I may get knocked down again. And that? That is the best we can ask of ourselves.

7. I’m an early-to-bed, early-to-rise kinda girl. I’m the girl who, at 26 years old, feels weird when she’s out after midnight. In fact, in my entire life, the latest I have ever been out is two a.m. and that’s happened a handful of times. I’m the girl who would rather wake up early than go to bed late. And I no longer feel the need to defend this part of me. In fact, I really like my early-to-bed, early-to-rise nature! I like my 9pm bedtime and the fact that getting a solid eight hours of sleep every night is incredibly important to me.

8. I love organization. Organization is my happy place. In my home, everything has its place and I spend way too much time thinking about how I could better organize my kitchen, my closets, my bathroom cabinet. Organization makes me feel calm, peaceful, and centered. (I would seriously love to come to anyone’s home and organize it for them. I’ll even do your garage! New side hustle, perhaps?)

9. I am willing to wait for radical, life-changing love. Most importantly, I know I am worth that kind of love. This is why I’m not the girl who dates around and doesn’t have time for guys who are going to continuously push me away, play hard to get, or “forget” about dates. One day, I am going to make some lucky guy an incredible girlfriend, fiancee, and wife.

10. I’m sensitive. I used to think my sensitivity was a weakness, something to hide. But it’s not. My sensitivity means that I care about what people think of me and I strive to be a better person. It means I take on other people’s problems as if they are my own and their pain is my pain. It means I can sympathize, even when I’ve never been in their shoes. It means life feels brighter, music moves me deeper, and fragrances are richer. It means I am in tune with my emotions and more cautious about what I say because I understand how much words can hurt or heal.

Your turn: what do you like about yourself?

Categories: About Me

Question and Answer

Happy Monday! I had a really wonderful weekend: made some great progress on my WIP with my writing partner on Friday night, went to the Strawberry Festival with my mom on Saturday, and met up with Lisa for an afternoon coffee date on Sunday. (She is just as wonderful as she appears on her blog and seriously, I love the friendships I have made from blogging! Some of my truest friends.)

So after all that, I didn’t have much energy to put together a post that had actual meat to it. I decided to pull this question-and-answer post I’ve been working on from my drafts and publish it. I first saw this on Save, Spend, Splurge’s blog and I liked the questions that were asked so I’m borrowing it from her. Feel free to play along on your own blog!

1) If you could change something about yourself, what would it be and why?

That’s an easy one: my weight. Ideally, I would like to be around 55 lbs lighter and I think it would help me so much with the way I feel about myself, both physically and mentally. I don’t like being fat. I don’t like the way it makes me feel or the way it holds me back from so much. I don’t have this magical expectation that my life will be problem-free and my self-esteem would skyrocket the moment I reach my goal weight, but I think attaining this goal would go a long way to helping me see how capable and strong I am.

2) What’s the farthest you’ve been from home?

That would be Toledo, Ohio. When I was nine, my family went on a road trip to Ohio where we visited a bunch of my dad’s old buddies, went paddle-boating in a lake, saw family we hadn’t ever met before, played some cutthroat games of Sorry!, and slept a few nights in an old trailer. It was an… interesting vacation. I wouldn’t say it was fun, though. (My parents fought the entire time and when you’re nine, visiting people you’ve never met is pretty boring.)

3) What is your motto?

“This moment counts.” I have a bad problem with looking too far in advance and not appreciating every little moment in my life. The little ones – like funny conversations with work friends or taking a long nap with my pup – and the big ones – like taking a cruise or achieving a big goal. It’s also a good reminder for me when it comes to losing weight or saving money. That this seemingly inconsequential moment counts. Saying no to sweets, packing my lunch, buying that shirt that I think I really, really want… all of it counts. These little moments count. They are the ones that add up to the big ones.

4) What are your hobbies?

Reading, blogging, writing, spending time with family and friends, cruising (ha), watching copious amounts of TV, sleeping.

5) What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

I would do bad things for Ben & Jerry’s Half-Baked ice cream. You can also never, ever go wrong with chocolate chip cookie dough.

6) What two things could you not do when you were a child, but you can do now?

Make money of my own and buy a candy bar at the store, whenever I want to. (I mean, is that not the coolest perk ever of being a grown-up? IF I WANT A KIT-KAT BAR FOR BREAKFAST, I CAN EAT A KIT-KAT BAR FOR BREAKFAST!) (Okay, this may be why I struggle with my weight. Perhaps.)

7) If you could travel anywhere in the world – where would you go and why?

I think I would go to Hawaii. That’s one of my dream destinations, more than traveling over to Europe. I’m just an island type of girl! I love the way being in a tropical paradise makes me feel: loose, happy, and free. Just two weeks of fun, sun, and relaxation? Sign me up!

8) Have you ever met a famous person?

The most famous person I have met was Michael Pittman, who used to be a running back for the Tampa Bay Bucs. He had a fitness boot camp and my mom and I joined because of a cheap Groupon deal. It was actually a really great boot camp and I loved it, but then he moved away to California and it just wasn’t the same.

9) What is your least favorite thing about yourself?

Probably my shyness. I’m A-OK with being an introvert, but I wish I wasn’t so darn shy! I cannot make small talk to save my life and it takes me so long to warm up to people to feel comfortable enough to even talk to them about mundane things, like work or what I did last weekend.

10) One word that describes you?

Quiet. And raise your hand if you are also a quiet person by nature and have been asked countless times why you are so quiet. I really hate being asked that question. How do you even answer it?! I just… am. That’s my nature. There’s no exciting reason for it! The same reason other people are outgoing and talkative.

11) If you were a crayon, what color would you be and why?

Turquoise!

12) What is the weather like right now where you are?

Bee-yoo-tee-ful! It’s in the 60s in the mornings and evenings and then warms up to the upper 70s in the afternoon. I can’t even tell you how much I love this weather! We’re having a few cold, dreary days here and there, but mainly? It’s just gorgeous.

13) How tall are you?

I am five-two. Shorty McShorterson!

14) When you were little – what did you want to be “when you grew up?”

I always told people two things – either a veterinarian or an author (never a writer – it was always “author”). I have always been an animal lover, so I thought being a vet would be a logical choice (though I didn’t know how I would deal with the hard parts of being a vet – dealing with sickness and death). The author dream is something that has never left my heart. Someday!

15) Toilet paper. Roll with paper coming off the top or the bottom?

I guess the top? I don’t really pay that much attention, nor do I particularly care that much. Like, it’s toilet paper. Some people are seriously passionate about the way their toilet paper lays but for me? I have bigger things to worry about.

16) Favorite sport you like to watch or participate in?

My favorite sport to watch is football. And my favorite sport to participate in is… um… nothing? Is that a bad answer? I’m really not much of a sporty girl!

17) What kind of food do you prefer eating when you are out?

Italian is usually a good go-to!

18) Last movie you watched?

Oh, goodness. I think it might have been Love Actually! I watched that on New Year’s Eve, ha. I am not a huge movie watcher, apparently.

19) Would you like to be famous?

Nope. I would like to be a successful published novelist, yes, but as for fame where I couldn’t go out in public without being harassed? Not for me.

20) What book are you reading?

Right now, I am reading Then Came You by Jennifer Weiner. I like it so far!

21) If you have $5 million to spend in 5 days, but with the clause you could not spend any of it on yourself or your family, what would you do with it?

I think it would be neat to support lesser-known charities and causes. Like people who run dog rescues. I have a friend who runs one and they rely so much on support from other people, like vets. It’s a very hard, thankless job that you do not for anything but pure love of animals.

22) If you knew that you could try any kind of work/employment and that you would not fail, what would you attempt doing?

I would quit my job to turn my attention to full-time novel writing. Oh, what a dream!

Where is the farthest from home you have traveled? Have you ever met a famous person? What is one word you would use to describe yourself?

Categories: About Me

On Being a Socially Anxious Introvert

I spent a lot of my younger years hating the fact that I was shy, that social situations intimidated me, and that I generally enjoyed being home by myself more than out with other people.

My mom and my brother are the same way. We are all shy and quiet and introverted, homebodies to our core. My dad, on the other hand, is the exact opposite. He is loud and brash and extroverted and can make friends with just about anyone. He’s friendly and outgoing; I am not. It drove him crazy that he fathered two introverted kids who were quiet and shy.

And because of that, I spent a lot of time wishing I was more outgoing and making friends came easy to me. I wanted new situations and being around people to feel exciting, not intimidating. Extroverts tend to rule the world, probably because they’re just more outspoken and their personalities seem to shine a bit brighter than that of introverts. Introverts are happy working behind the scenes, while extroverts want the starring role.

I wanted to be a star. I wanted to exude confidence and friendliness and openness. I wanted to be that girl who had no problem making friends, who could easily chat it up with a stranger on the street, who could enter new situations feeling curious and excited, not terrified and overwhelmed. And I hated, hated, hated that I was not that girl. But more than that, I think, deep down, I always knew I wasn’t meant to be that girl. That wasn’t my calling in life, that’s not the person God created me to be.

And then I discovered what being an introvert really means. For my entire life, I had drawn the distinction that introverts are shy and extroverts are outgoing when that’s actually not what it means to be an introvert at all. (Or an extrovert, for that matter. Shy extroverts do exist!) Introversion and extroversion depends on where you draw your energy from. For me, being around people can be overstimulating, overwhelming, and ultimately draining. It is only when I am alone that I can recharge my batteries and start to feel more like myself. That’s when I can restore my energy.

Truth be told, I actually really hate when I have more than one social engagement on a weekend. For me, if I have more than one social event happening on a weekend (and forget about weekdays – I hold those sacred and plan-free unless absolutely necessary), I feel overwhelmed. More than anything, I love quiet weekends where I have little to no plans. I will never be the girl with the full social calendar and I am A-OK with that. I’ve never needed to be social all the time (or even most of the time), and I’m learning to harness that knowledge and be okay with it.

So there’s one side of the coin: introversion. And I love that I’m an introvert. I love being a homebody, being quiet, being alone. There’s so much power in understanding yourself and learning to accept yourself for who you are and what you need.

And then there is the other side of the coin: social anxiety. I’ve never been formally diagnosed with social anxiety, but I can relate to many of the common symptoms of this disorder. So if I don’t have social anxiety, I have a very high level of shyness. Both social anxiety and shyness are largely ego-driven and come from the fear of being in unknown social situations and worrying about what other people will think of you. Being in new social situations can be extremely terrifying for me. I get stomachaches, headaches, and so much anxiety racing through my body that it makes me shiver (my teeth will actually chatter when I’m deep in fear mode).

The amount of anxiety I had when I started my current job almost brought me to my knees. It was the most intense anxiety I have ever had. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t stop my racing thoughts, couldn’t see past the unknown. I was so worried about my new coworkers and what they would think of me. I distinctly remember my second day of work, where I brought a frozen meal to heat up for lunch. It took so much courage for me to get up from my desk, walk to the break room, heat up my lunch, and take it back to my desk. Just the simple fact of knowing I would go into that unknown area of my new office where my coworkers would be chit-chatting with one another to heat up my lunch made my palms sweat, my teeth chatter, and my heart race. For most people, this is no big thing and, in hindsight, I feel silly acknowledging how difficult it was, but for me, it was a moment of celebration. This simple act took so much courage and, because of it, I was able to build on it and grow more and more comfortable at my new place of work.

My shyness is largely due to my low self-esteem and insecurity. I’m so concerned about what others might think of me that it turns me into someone who would rather keep to herself than try to engage people in conversation. It’s why I’m always the quietest one in a group of people (even when surrounded by friends I know well) and why I hate, more than anything, having attention on myself. It’s like there’s this bubble that forms when the attention is on me and all I can hear is the rushing sound of my anxiety racing through my ears. Everything else is muted, my whole body starts heating up, and forming words is nearly impossible. Everything seems to happen at warp speed and I don’t have enough time to keep up. My mind is five minutes behind while everyone else is operating in the present.

And that’s why most people who know me in real life don’t really know me. Because I can write 1,000 words on being a shy introvert and what it actually feels like to be one, but speaking about it is almost impossible for me, without stumbling over my words, forgetting phrases, and feeling completely overwhelmed by the attention. I guess that’s why I love writing so much. Because it is only through my words that I can freely be me. I can be honestly, authentically myself and get these words out of my head.

So while I would love to be a more outgoing, friendlier version of myself, I’m acknowledging and accepting my shy, quiet introverted nature. It’s freeing when you hone in on the truest parts of your authentic self, when you find your truth and learn how to live in it. I wasn’t made to be loud and brash and extroverted. I was made for the behind-the-scenes, I was made for quiet and calm and peace. That’s who I am, I’m accepting it, and I’m going to live in this truth with joy.