About Me – Page 29

Categories: About Me

Writing Is Work

I came to the realization a few weeks ago that I’ve been treating writing as a hobby.

A hobby, as defined by the dictionary, is “an activity or interest pursued for pleasure or relaxation and not as a main occupation.”

Oh.

Writing is something I pursue for pleasure. I wouldn’t have a blog if not! It’s something I love doing. It’s something that fulfills me. It doesn’t exactly relax me, but it is something like therapy for me. I feel the most honest when I’m writing. This is where I can say everything on my mind and it doesn’t get jumbled. It doesn’t feel forced or fake or overwhelming. When I’m writing, I am at my happiest.

It’s the second part of that definition that struck me: pursued for pleasure… not as a main occupation.

I wrote a few months ago about how I want to make a living from my writing – either as a published novelist or a full-time freelancer or both. Somehow and in some way, I am going to quit the 9-to-5 world to make writing my day job. It’s not going to happen suddenly and it’s not going to happen without hard work.

I read a post awhile back where the author questioned if she would actually enjoy full-time writing; if making it work, would it become less of something she enjoyed? And I completely understood her point and it made me take a step back and decide for myself: do I want writing to become work for me? Would full-time writing simply burn me out and make me less excited about writing?

I’m not sure. I can’t say yes and I can’t say no until I try it out for myself. All I know is that when I wrote for NaNoWriMo in November, where I was writing around 2,400 words a day as well as maintaining three posts a week on my blog, all I wanted to do was write more. Every day, I was excited to come back to my computer and continue my story or write a blog post or send a long email to a friend. I was so in love with the writing life!

I want to pursue this dream of mine. I have let so many dreams crash and burn because I didn’t put the effort and discipline into achieving them. I made the decision to make writing more than a hobby for me. It’s become something to do if I get around to it. Blog posts are put together sloppily with little thought, guest posts are submitted at the last minute, and that freelancing career I need to get started on? I haven’t even started it. Not even a little bit.

From this moment forward (well, actually from the moment I decided on this which was last Friday), I’m treating writing as my side job. It is my second job, my other occupation. I’m not making money from it (yet), but it is still just as important to me as my regular full-time job. (Well, with a little more flexibility.) I need to put time, effort, and maybe even some money into carving out a creative writing life.

It means waking up on Saturday and spending hours at Starbucks to write. It means more thoughtful and meaningful blog posts, where I spend time editing and proofreading. It means taking my guest posts more seriously and sticking to the deadlines I set. It means reaching out to other bloggers and pitching ideas to post on their blogs to continue my guest posting goal. It means signing up for freelancing websites and scouring the web for different places to submit my writing, even if it gets rejected. It means signing up for e-courses on copywriting, online marketing, and publishing. (And possibly crying every time I find a kick-ass e-course on Media Bistro and then seeing the price tag.) It means actually writing fiction and not just daydreaming about it. Doing research.

Ever since I graduated from college, I’ve spent my weekends doing things for myself. Sleeping in, lazing around, reading, shopping, lunches out, pedicures, and adventures to Orlando. It’s been nice. After spending all of my life in school where weekends meant my one time to catch up on homework and studying, I let myself go for a little while. I didn’t want to spend my weekends doing any kind of work. And once I accepted my full-time position, it was even more of a release for me to have the downtime I craved.

But it’s time to get back to work.

If I want to one day quit my full-time job to make a living from my writing, I have to start putting in the work now. I’m not going to have people clamoring for my writing if I’m not hustling to get my work read now. I don’t want writing to be a hobby for me. I want it to be work. I know this isn’t a sentiment some people share and that’s okay. For me, I need to look at it as work so then I’ll be forced to treat it more seriously. Stop letting laziness and my fear of not being good enough hold me back from what I’m meant to be doing.

I know I write better at home than in a coffee shop, but I’m more focused on finding freelance work and replying to emails in a busy setting. I know I write my best in the afternoon, and I need to take breaks between writing sessions to give my mind a break. I know I am easily distracted and need complete silence when I’m writing.

And I also know this: I was born to write. My life would be empty if I didn’t have somewhere to flesh out my thoughts and writing is where I feel completely at peace with myself. It may take a long time for me to get to a place where I am making a living from my writing, but this has always been my dream. Even when I was a little girl, all I could imagine myself doing was writing.

Writing is ingrained so deep into my bones, it is so essentially who I am, that without it… I am lost.

So while I still intend on filling my weekends up with much-needed downtime (and pool days because summer!), I also intend on becoming more serious and dedicated about pursuing a writing life.

Categories: About Me

Some Things You Should Know About Me

I use Bath & Body Works pocket hand sanitizers religiously.

My first big vacation was a trip to Ohio when I was 10. My dad, my mom, my brother, and I packed up the car and drove 14 hours straight from Florida to Ohio. The entire trip was spent visiting my dad’s old high school buddies so it was a really, really boring vacation.

I love working in a casual office environment. I wear jeans and TOMs most days and sometimes, I even just pull on yoga pants and a t-shirt.

I will always choose a cheesy romance novel over a literary great.

Even though they tend to be more expensive and tourist-y, I always choose excursions that the cruise line provides. I feel safer that way!

My favorite amusement park is Sea World.

I’ve become more and more curious and drawn to vegetarianism lately. As much as I loathed the book Skinny Bitch, the chapter on how meat is produced was really eye-opening for me.

Sometimes, I think I would thrive so much better in a work-from-home position, but I also know it’s good for me to be in an office, surrounded by people. It forces me to be more social and outgoing than I normally would be.

I hold 95% of my sneezes in. This can’t be good, but I just really, really hate sneezing.

I don’t understand people who don’t love Blake Shelton. He’s my favorite coach on The Voice!

I wish I could write about some of the things that happen at my job but honestly, I’m not sure anyone would believe certain things actually happen.

For Christmas, my mom bought Dutch a placemat for his food. It’s shaped like a bone, cloth, and sprinkled with dachshunds dressed in sweatshirts. And every day, my mom would come home from lunch to find his food bowl and water bowl tipped over and off the placemat. Apparently, he wasn’t a fan of the placemat! Grumpy old man.

Once, I tweeted about bad service at Publix. I never, ever get bad service at Publix so it was an anomaly but I was really annoyed so I tweeted it out of annoyance. Well, the manager at that Publix reached out to me to express his apologies and now, whenever I go to Publix, he goes out of his way to say hi to me and make sure everything is okay with my visit. It’s like I’m a celebrity!

I’m currently growing out my blonde hair. The last time I got my hair colored was at the beginning of January so my roots are coming in. Luckily, my natural color is just a few shades darker than my blonde so it doesn’t look terrible (since I hate the ombre look, personally). I’m not sure what I’m going to do with it once the blonde does grow out, but going back to brunette is one of my 30 at 30 goals so who knows?!

I knew my boss and I were going to get along great when, during my interview, she showed me her office and her filing system – which is color-coded. We are kindred spirits when it comes to organization and it makes us work so efficiently.

Speaking of my boss, I couldn’t ask for a better mentor. She’s helped me to grow and learn so much in the past 18 months I’ve worked at this job. We also have the same type of humor, which works out well. We spend most of our days laughing!

I’m really, really happy I joined my book club. It was terrifying to go to the first meeting where I didn’t know anyone, but I’m so glad I just went for it because I love it a lot!

I still need to try out some other Meet-Up groups, though. I’m still letting the fear get the best of me.

I still buy CDs. In the last month, I bought the Nashville soundtrack and fun.’s CD. Both are incredible!

I just finished The Happiness Project and I now have so many THOUGHTS and FEELINGS about this book. I’m really glad I read it – and now, of course, I’m itching to take on a happiness project of my own.

What’s something about you I should know?

Categories: About Me

Changing My Story

I spend a lot of time dreaming and scheming about the life I want to live. I make lists and plans and goals. I can envision what I want and the steps I need to take to get there.

But then I stumble.

And I question myself.

And I stumble again.

And I stop believing I can be powerful enough, brave enough, smart enough to achieve these goals. I stop believing in my willpower and focus on all the ways I’ve failed in the past. I tell myself, “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.”

I can’t lose weight because I’m addicted to sugar and fatty foods.

I can’t run that half-marathon because I can’t even run half a mile without stopping and it just plain hurts.

I can’t have the social life I want for myself because I’m too quiet and shy and don’t have a lot to offer.

I can’t be bold in my faith because most days I’m not even sure if God likes me.

I can’t find love because I’m too neurotic and complicated for someone to be with.

I can’t find that job I’m super passionate and excited about because that’s just a fantasy.

I can’t even attempt to land any writing gigs because my portfolio isn’t impressive and I can’t handle rejection.

I can’t travel the world because I can barely keep my head above water with my finances as it is.

I can’t get out of debt because it’s too overwhelming to even know where to start.

I can’t move out on my own because I can’t support myself and being independent is scary.

I can’t get more involved at my church because churches are filled with extroverts and my introverted self doesn’t have a place.

I can’t is such a huge part of my vocabulary.

I forget that I have the power to change. I hold the pen to my story. I can erase and restructure.

I can continue the story I’ve been writing for years now. I could continue writing about how I keep failing at losing weight and how hard it is to find friends and how much I want to find a better job but am so scared of leaving my safety net – even if it is a place that is making me more and more miserable.

I can continue making excuses, pretending I’m doing okay, and that I have control over my anxiety.

Or I could start changing my story. I could start looking at all the different times I tell myself I can’t do something and do some deep soul-searching for why I want this goal and what is holding me back from achieving it.

Is it laziness? Is it fear? Is it doubt? Is it because I’ve spent too much time listening to what other people are telling me about how I should live?

I have the power to change my story. I may not feel brave or gutsy. The thing about getting over our fear and doubts is to accept it for what is is. Feel the fear – and do it anyway. If I spend my time waiting for the fear and doubt to dissipate, I’ll never get started on any of my goals. But what if I just let them have their place, let them be there and work with my fear? Understand why it’s there and choose to do whatever is making me scared anyway.

I could acknowledge that I’m scared I don’t have the willpower or the strength to quit sugar or run that half-marathon or eat a cleaner diet. Yes, I’m scared. I am so scared. But then I can make a plan. And I could stick to the plan, even when it gets really super freaking hard. I could continue reminding myself that I am worth all the sacrifices. I could remind myself that it will all be worth it.

I want to change my story. I want to be a success. I want to take all these goals I’ve been stockpiling in my mind and start achieving them. I want to stop believing I can’t do something and just start going after what I want, because I’m worth it.

Nicole of Life Less Bullshit is one of my favorite bloggers and she’s the one who started this call to action. She’s gone through some incredible changes over the past few years (quitting alcohol, switching to a plant-based diet, and running a marathon – some of the biggies) and she’s not done yet. This year, she’s unveiled the Change Your Story project. In her own words: “Identify your old story, write your new story, and then start committing to activities that move you from one to the other. I’ll be working on this project all year – tackling a different self-limiting story each time.”

I have a lot of stories I’ve been writing about myself that I want to change. I have a lot of shit to tackle but I’m committing myself to this project. I wanted 2013 to be a year of big, scary changes. My theme, after all, is “do the work.” I haven’t been doing the work lately. I’ve been letting that little voice inside my head that is telling me I can’t do this or I can’t do that be my truth.

“Everything you think is true about yourself is only true until it’s not.”

Old story: I don’t have many close friendships because I keep to myself. I’ve never been good at maintaining friendships because I don’t try hard enough. I’m shy and it’s incredibly stressful to put myself out there. I feel boring. I feel as if I will never find girlfriends who understand me.

New story: I’m going to be more social. I’m going to attend Meet-Up socializing events and be more active in my book club and stop hiding behind the screen. I’m going to go to events where I don’t know anyone and be myself and see what comes of it. I’m going to reach out to people and form friendships – no matter how scary it seems.

Old story: I can’t eat healthy on a consistent basis because I love unhealthy foods and hate the taste of healthy foods. I don’t have enough willpower to resist sweets. I could never become a vegetarian because I don’t like the foods vegetarians eat. I don’t want to restrict myself.

New story: I don’t have to do it all in one day. Take one unhealthy behavior at a time and fix it. I’m no longer addicted to caffeine – I can do the same for sugar. I can learn to love healthy foods. I can learn to eat sweets in moderation. I can slowly work meat out of my diet. It’s not about restriction – it’s about a cleaner, more wholesome way of eating that will make me feel so much better in the long run. It’s not going to be easy but nothing worth doing ever comes easy. I want this. I want this so badly. I can do it.

Old story: I can’t move out on my own because living with my mom is so comfortable. We have a good system that works. I can’t afford to live on my own. I’m scared to be by myself. I tried it before and failed miserably.

New story: I am ready for this. I have all the power to finally move out, be independent, and begin to create a life separate of my mom. We both need this. It will take some sacrifices, but it’s absolutely doable. It will strengthen me and help me grow immensely in ways I’m not right now.

We can be the best liars to ourselves. We can be negative influences and derail our success. We forget that we need to be our biggest cheerleaders. We need to motivate ourselves. And we have all the power within our grasp to tackle the scary goals that seem so unattainable.

At the end of last year, I wrote a letter to myself as if I was writing it at the end of 2013. (Greatly inspired by Jess!) I wanted to create a vision of what I wanted to achieve in 2013. There is so much hope and goodness and light in that letter. I want to be that girl I envisioned. And I can be. I just have to remember that changing my story means changing my mindset. It means pushing my comfort levels. And it means not settling. As they say, nothing changes if nothing changes.

Categories: About Me

Favorite Things: A – Z

Happy Friday! I am so glad the weekend is just around the corner. This week has felt extra super long so I can’t wait to have two days to relax and recharge my batteries before doing it all over again.

I thought I’d do a post I saw on Caroline and Allison’s blogs a while back. It looked like fun!

A – Apartment living. I’ve lived in apartments for most of my life and while I’ve had my fair share of bad neighbors and unhelpful maintenance staff, I still much, much prefer renting an apartment.

B – Bubble baths. I take one almost daily. A book, a hot bath, and some alone time? Always what I need to recharge!

C – Cruising. Oh, what cruising has done to open my eyes to the wonderfulness of traveling. I have been bit by the travel bug and want to see the world now!

D – Dutch! I mean, duh. This boy is my favorite.

E – Exercise. As much as it hurts to wake up early or go to the gym right after work, I always feel so much better about myself when I get daily exercise. It feels so good!

F – Football. There is no sport in the world like football. What started as a way to make my father happy has morphed into one of my biggest passions.

G – Grandma. My hero. My cheerleader. And the strongest person I know. She is battling cancer again, but I know she has the grit and determination to make it through this once more.

H – Holidays. The holiday season is my favorite time of year. I get so wrapped up in the emotion and magic of it all!

I – Ice cream. The one treat I can have in the house that I can eat in moderation.

J – Jesus. He’s kinda awesome, you know?

K – Kindle. I read almost exclusively on my Kindle. I know this probably makes me a “bad” book lover since I rarely read from actual books, but I don’t really care. It’s convenient and I have so much love for my Kindle.

L – Lazy days. My favorite kind of day.

M – Mom. My best friend, travel buddy, and biggest supporter. I do not know what I would do without her.

N – Nephew. He’s four, so he’s at this incredibly fun age where he’s learning so much and talking so much and doing so much! Ugh. I love that boy to death.

O – Outback Steakhouse. Oh, how I love this place. The service is usually fantastic and I have yet to find a place that makes a better baked potato. YUM!

P – Publix subs. If you live near a Publix and have never gotten a Publix sub, SHAME ON YOU. These are the best subs ever. I get one so frequently that most of the deli workers know my order by heart and I don’t have to say a word. I may have them… too often.

Q – Quirks. I love learning about other people’s quirks. Here’s one of mine: I always, always have to wear a tank top under my shirts. There’s something about having that extra material that makes me feel more comfortable. Maybe it’s a sensory thing?

R – Reading. My favorite pastime and the best way for me to relax and unwind after a long day. I can’t imagine a world without reading!

S – Strength training. I love the feeling I get from strength training: strong and capable.

T – Trivia. My family tends to hate playing trivia games because I’m so good at them. My brain stores a lot of useless crap, apparently!

U – USA. I have so much love for the country I live in. And I always choke up when I hear our national anthem and remember what it stands for. #SCHMOOP

V – Vacations. What’s not to love about vacations? Time off work, time to relax, time to do something out of the ordinary. My next vacation is going to be a long weekend in Orlando in May and I cannot wait!

W – Writing. My first love, my biggest passion, my therapy… nothing makes me happier than writing and allowing my thoughts to roam free outside my head.

X – X-word puzzles. OK… X is a hard one but I do love a good crossword puzzle. Fun fact: on our May cruise last year, my mom and I bought matching crossword puzzle books and then would race against one another to complete a puzzle. Related: we are dorks.

Y – Youtube. I don’t use it much, but I love it for the tutorials.

Z – Zip-lining. My first zip-lining experience was the best time of my life and I can’t express how amazing zip-lining is. It’s scary but exhilarating, frightening yet freeing. I cannot wait to do it again and again!

What is one of your quirks? What’s the scariest thing you’ve done while on vacation?

Categories: About Me

On Social Media, Images, and Stepping Away

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the image I portray on social media. Leaving Facebook out of the equation (since I rarely use it), I’m mainly focusing on Twitter and my blog.

Last week, I stepped away from Twitter for a short while. I didn’t even plan on it, but gradually felt less inclined to tweet any thoughts or even open the app when I had a chance. I felt a need to step away for a while.

I know when Twitter starts to become a negative force in my life. It’s when I start using the website for validation and acceptance, when I look at all the conversations buzzing around me and feel overwhelmed. It’s when I start feeling left out and annoyed by all these conversations. It’s when the screen in front of me is more important than the person sitting next to me.

I don’t want to be a slave to my phone. I love my phone and I think it’s a ridiculously good source of information and help and guidance and community when I need it. But I can also find those things in the people standing in front of me. I can have actual conversations with real, live people! And when I stop putting effort into them, my addiction is out of control. Candy Crush is not more important than listening to a story a coworker is saying. Jumping into a Twitter conversation is not more important than my mom talking to me about her day. Finding that perfect filter for an Instagram photo is not more important than watching my nephew play t-ball.

I want to be present in my life. I want to show up. And when my nose is constantly buried in my iPhone screen, I’m not doing that. I’m present in another area, but not always present where it matters.

I have gotten completely off-topic from my first sentence, though. The point of this post isn’t about using technology too much. It’s about what image I portray.

I don’t want to be someone who only uses social media to complain about anything and everything – my job, my family, my coworkers, public transportation, my neighbors, my roommate, on and on and on. I don’t want someone who seems to jump on the attack whenever someone poses a (usually) harmless question or comment. And on that same note, I also don’t want to only tweet when I have something positive to say. I think it’s important to be real and honest – sometimes, you do need to complain and it helps because you get feedback and support. There’s a fine line between complaining all the time and being sunshine and roses all the time.

So what image do I want to portray? I believe it is an image I’ve kept packed away and out of site because I’ve been trying too hard to emulate others. I want to portray an image of love, an image of Christ. I want my words to reflect Him and yes, even my tweets. I want people to see my Twitter stream and know there is something different. Not because I tweet incessantly about praying and Jesus and going to church… but because of my approach to Twitter. There are women I follow whom I deeply admire because of the way they send out this message of love and they have this light and joy to their lives that doesn’t come from having everything together – but because they know they are fiercely loved by God and want to show it off to the world.

I think there’s a fine line between tweeting every complaint you have and being positive all the time. I don’t want to tweet only when I’m happy, only when good things are happening. I want to be honest and open and vulnerable but leave out the snarkiness and whining. I don’t want to hide who I am, but neither do I want to be known as a complainer.

The same goes for my blog. What image am I portraying here? Is it a message of love, of vulnerability? Do I show Jesus through my words? Ultimately, this blog is for His glory, and if I’m not using it in the right way, if I’m not showing people about Jesus through my words (again, not exactly by having every post of mine filled with words like JESUS and MERCY and GRACE, but simply by the way I write)… what is the point to this?

That’s not to say I am drastically changing the way I blog or I’m closing up shop. These are just things I’ve been mulling over for the past week. My goal with this blog has never been to become popular or land a fantastic writing gig, but to simply share my story. Write the words I want to write. To be honest and vulnerable and real with how I am feeling. I have a hard time talking about my feelings to people, but writing about them is the easiest thing for me. I never want to lose that. I just want to be certain I am doing this for the right reasons.

Stepping away from social media for a bit and clearing out the noise brings me such clarity. It helps me to see what truly matters and what I am seeking. It calms me. It brings me back to my center. And I realize what is really important in my life.