Stephany Writes

Categories: Life

On September

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Hello, hello, hello!

Oh, it feels so good to be back online. My time away from the internet was lovely, but I really missed this space. What these breaks really solidify for me, more than anything else, is how much I love this little blog of mine. I missed writing and connecting. I missed brainstorming about blog ideas. I missed opening up and speaking my truth. I’m so excited to dive back into blogging.

I didn’t miss social media as much as blogging. I never do, really. Social media is so noisy and I loved how much quieter my mind was without it. I only really missed social media when I was waiting in line for coffee or on a walk with Dutch. Those little moments of downtime when I just wanted to occupy my mind with something brainless. It’s really rather strange to be waiting for something and just… sit there while you wait. Quietly. Without opening up a social media app.

In any event, the break was good for me and I am so, so happy to be back. I have so many blog post ideas running through my head and I’m excited to get back to writing.

So, let’s talk about September and what I’ve been up to:

Hurricane Hermine

In the days leading up to moving weekend, a tropical storm started brewing in the Gulf of Mexico. The Tampa Bay Area wasn’t supposed to get hit, but we were predicted to get tons of rainfall due to the outer bands. The tropical storm soon developed into a Category 1 hurricane and I have to believe whomever named this hurricane has beef with Harry Potter. But whatever. My work closed early on the Thursday before my move, as well as closed completely on Friday, as a safety precaution. Thankfully, we didn’t get too much rainfall, for which I am very grateful.

A seamless move

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I am happy to report that my move to my new apartment was as seamless as it could be! I did my moving in bits and pieces. I got my keys on a Friday and then moved the majority of my boxes on Saturday and my furniture on Sunday. (Well, my brother moved in my furniture. I just rented the U-Haul and tried to stay out of his way.) It was a physically demanding move due to all the back and forth of moving boxes into my car from my second-floor apartment, and I am so glad it’s over. I think I’ll stay put for three years at least, just because I hate the process of moving.

An easy transition

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It was well documented that I was worried about how I would handle the transition to living alone, emotionally. Change, especially physical change, is really super duper hard on me. When I moved into the dorms as a freshman in college, I was severely homesick for the entire nine months I lived on campus, so much so that I went home every weekend. I also struggled pretty awfully last year when I moved in with Roomie. So, I figured I would also have a hard time with this move and prepared myself for that as much as I could. Well, for reasons I still don’t understand, aside from a rough first night in the apartment, I transitioned pretty smoothly. By my second night, I was feeling pretty good and didn’t have any feelings of anxiety or fear about my new living situation. Mostly, I was just excited about the fact that I get to have my own space and reap all the benefits of living alone.

Cutting cable

I love TV. A lot. My old roommate was actually impressed at how full I could get our DVR during the busy TV season. But when I moved, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to have cable and a DVR because it’s just too expensive for one person. (I was quoted around $160 for cable/DVR/Internet, yikes.) Instead, I opted for an Internet-only package and told myself I would have to learn to live without cable. And truthfully, it’s been pretty easy to live without it! I have Netflix and have toyed with the idea of adding on Hulu Plus or Amazon Prime (but haven’t felt the need for either just yet). I have a digital antenna so I can watch broadcast channels as needed. And it just feels good to cut the cable cord. I used to feel so much guilt if I wasn’t caught up on certain shows and I’ve never been one to sit down and binge on TV all day. It feels good to not have my full DVR mocking me every time I turn on my TV.

All of the birthdays

September is a month that is filled with birthdays. My brother turned 30 and it’s just weird that we are in this stage of life now. Solidly adults. He’s got a wife and two kids; I’ve got a dog. We are definitely not kids anymore, though we still like to bicker like we are. 🙂 My nephew turned 8 and that’s also weird. He’s solidly a kid now. He’s reading and writing and can even play games like Trivial Pursuit (the kid’s version, of course). It’s wild. My stepdad and a few of my friends also celebrated birthdays, so it was quite the month!

Odds and ends

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Other happenings in September: I read a ton of books, 12 in total, most of which were romance. I put in a lot of hours freelancing, finishing up some website content for two clients and signing on a brand-new client for regular monthly content. I decided to embrace a bold bang cut and I go back and forth on whether or not I love it immensely or just completely hate it. And Dutch is doing well. He loves his new home, most especially because he has so much grass to sniff and jump around in.

September was good to me, it was so good to me. I thought the transition to living alone would be hard, but it’s been exactly the opposite. If anything, it’s showed me how ready I was for this next phase of my life and how much I love being alone. It’s truly a sensational feeling.

Catch me up on YOUR lives! What’s been going on?

Categories: Life

A Little Break

Tomorrow begins my month-long break from blogging and social media.

It’s a tradition I started back in 2012 when I was going through a painful time and I needed to step away from the online world for just a little bit, to clear my head, to get back to myself.

It was such a rejuvenating time for me, so exactly what I needed, that I have continued to take month-long breaks from blogging and social media each year (excluding 2014).

Usually, I take the break in August, but this year, I decided to take my break in September because I knew I would be moving and I figured it would be best if I could be present during this time of transition, to step away from the distraction and the loudness of social media.

I won’t lie, though, I am seriously having second thoughts about taking my break. I’m worried about how I’ll handle the move, and wondering if the distraction of social media is exactly what I need.

I usually start a social media break excited to get away, but I have trepidation this year. I am drowning in fear of “what if I feel sad… lonely… scared…?”

It’s scary to be this vulnerable, but being vulnerable and completely open to how I’m feeling is the only way I know how to be. Even when it’s scary to admit how terrified I am of change. Even when it’s good change. Even when I want the change.

So there it is. I am scared. But I am going to take the break anyway. Because I know I need to. I know I need to sit with the uncomfortable feelings of loneliness and fear and sadness and let it be okay to not be okay. The distraction of social media is not helpful; what is helpful is acknowledging my feelings and giving myself buckets of grace to make it through the struggle of transition.

I have a lot of plans for how to use my time away. I want to:

  • settle into my new place and make it a home. (And try not to freak out about moving in a freaking tropical depression! ARGH!)
  • get back to reading my Bible and really digging into the lessons God is trying to teach me right now. I haven’t been very connected to God lately, mostly due to my own inability to accept grace, and that needs to stop.
  • figure out my five pillars of singleness. I loved this post from Leigh Kramer that talked about her ideal single life and identified her five pillars of singleness. This really spoke to me in my unending (or so it feels) journey of singleness.
  • write lots of fiction because that’s something I haven’t been doing as regularly as I want.
  • figure out an exercise schedule that gets me excited to work out again.

It’ll be a good month. A hard month, a growing month, but a good month. I’m excited to start this new journey and to have a place to make 100% my own.

Have a good September, everyone. I’ll be back in October!

Categories: Life

What I Learned in July

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1) Gut instinct is a real thing.

Early in July, an apartment came available in the community I want to live in when I move in September. The rent was about $70 over my ideal price, but my nerves got the best of me – I wanted to live in this community and I’ll deal with the higher rent price! I called the leasing office, had the application emailed to me, and was on my way to get money orders for the application fee and security deposit. But while I was driving, my stomach was twisted into knots. All I kept thinking was that I was making a bad choice.

So I turned around. I left. I listened to my gut feeling, which was telling me that this was not the apartment.

And then, two days later, an apartment in that same community came available at the exact rental price I was looking for. Timing is everything, isn’t it?

I’m so glad I paid attention to what my gut was telling me because by doing so, I was able to apply for the apartment I truly wanted. And I did so with peace, knowing I was following my intuition.

2) Braiding a friendship bracelet is surprisingly therapeutic.

My roommate introduced me to the relaxing benefits of braiding a friendship bracelet. I’m not sure how I lived 28 years of my life without ever making a friendship bracelet, but here I am. I’m still working on mine, but I’ve been braiding little by little while watching TV. I started while watching a John Mulaney comedy special (highly recommend – it’s on Netflix!), continued through episodes of Big Brother, and braided while watching the fourth Harry Potter movie. It’s such a calming activity – give it a try!

3) Part of the reason why I love my alone time is because I’m not *technically* alone.

One of my least favorite things to do is to drop Dutch off at PetSmart for baths and vet appointments. Even though I know he needs them, it still breaks my heart to hand off my little munchkin to these people who don’t have the same emotional attachment to him as I do. I just want to tell them how special he is and to treat him kindly. (I shudder to think of the kind of mom I will be. SIGH.)

I also hate dropping Dutch off because coming home to an empty apartment is quite dreadful. It’s just so quiet. Even though Dutch is small and he doesn’t make a ton of noise, there’s something comforting about having another living being (can a dog be a “being”?) with me. Alone time feels a bit lonelier without him by my side. Even if he’s away from me, sleeping in his bed, it’s comforting to know I am not technically alone. Dutch is there.

I guess it’s something you get used to, or maybe this is just what makes me a dog person. I can’t imagine my life without a buddy by my side.

4) I just really hate going to the beach.

My friend told me about a beach that was small, quiet, and secluded after I told her how much I hated beaches because they’re always so busy and crazy and loud. So I went to this beach and, you know, it was my kind of beach. It was really peaceful. It wasn’t crowded or filled with screaming kids. It also had an easy-to-access parking lot. But, even so, I have come to the understanding that I’m just not a beach person. I wish I was. I’d like to be, but I’m not.

I think it’s because it takes so much effort. And driving to the beach (this beach was a 45-minute drive, ugh) is annoying. And then I want to make sure all the effort is worth it so I want to stay a long time, but truthfully, after 3 hours, I’m ready to call it a day.

Kudos to all of you beach people, but I’ll just stick to pools and cruise ships. (And if you’re wondering: no, I never do beach excursions while on a cruise. Good for you, not for me!)

5) Visiting a puppy store is a healing experience.

My mom and I visited a puppy store in July and it was everything I could have ever hoped for. I spent most of my visit snuggling a Victorian bulldog puppy who fell asleep on my chest. There was also a dachshund puppy who was just so wee and cute. My mom and I made the mistake of inquiring about the prices for these two puppies. (Verdict: the bulldog was $3,000 and the dachshund was $1,500.)

BUT JUST LOOK AT THIS:

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I’d never buy a puppy from a puppy store, mind you. All of my dogs have been rescues and that’s how I will continue to get dogs. And also, I’d never spend that much money on a dog. (Can you even imagine?!)

But still, visiting the puppy store was so wonderful. I loved spending time with the puppies and snuggling them. They were all so excited and sweet. It was a healing, restorative experience.

6) Lisa Unger lives in the Tampa Bay Area.

Who knew? She’s a favorite of my book club (we’ve read two of her books as a book club, though many members have read several of her novels) and I had no idea she lived in our area. Next step: get her to join us for a book club discussion!

7) I think I like country music.

I’ve always been one of those “I like all music except country” types of people. And then I started watching Nashville and I fell in love with their music. So much so that I bought the first two volumes of their songs on CD. But still, I resisted country music. I liked the music from Nashville, but not, like, actual country music. No way!

Well, on a whim, I decided to listen to the Hot Country playlist on Spotify. And I loved the music. So much! With each new song that played, I found myself adding it to my playlist.

What is it about country music that I love so much? Maybe it’s the storytelling aspect. Maybe it’s the drawls. Maybe it’s the seriously fun, easy-to-sing-along-to songs. All I know is that I’m enjoying this new aspect of my music tastes.

Tell me, what’s something you learned this past month?

Post inspired by Modern Mrs. Darcy

Categories: Life

My Favorite Podcasts (Round 3)

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Every year around this time, I like to write about the podcasts I listen to. I wrote my first post in 2014, a follow-up post in 2015, and now I’m doing Round 3 today. Like everything in life, my podcasting tastes grow and change through the years. There are podcasts that were on those previous lists that I no longer listen to, podcasts I am still as obsessed with today as I was two years ago, and plenty of new ‘casts I’ve added to my feed.

I’m not going to list every podcast I listen to (you can refer to my 2015 post for that – many of those are the same!), but I am going to list some of my favorites that I think are worth a listen!

For an inspiring podcast about living with intention… The Lively Show.

The Lively Show has been on my list every year because it remains my favorite podcast. It is the show that introduced me to this fascinating world of podcasts, and in the two-and-a-half years since it first aired, it has just gotten better and better. Currently, Jess is traveling through Europe so she’s not interviewing guests, but instead giving us a real-time glimpse into what it’s like to travel while trying to live life purposefully. I love this little step-back because these episodes are just as fascinating as her “normal” ones, but I am also looking forward to the interviews coming back. Jess is a fantastic interviewer, and I always come away with something to think about.

For a podcast about women’s history, feminism, and pop culture… Stuff Mom Never Told You.

I feel like Cristen and Caroline are my friends because I’ve been listening to them for so long. I truly appreciate their viewpoints and the way they approach their topics. The episodes can range from silly (like pet names for significant others) to the serious (like rape culture), and I feel like I’m constantly learning from them and reframing my point of view.

For a podcast all about books and news from the publishing world… Book Riot.

Book Riot has to be one of the top book podcasts out there because it consistently puts out engaging and interesting episodes that dive deep into the heart of what’s going on in the book world. I like how the hosts have very strong opinions and don’t hold back their thoughts on any topic, which always makes for a lively discussion.

For a podcast that feels like a fun chat with your girlfriends… The Shepod.

This short-and-sweet podcast is just plain fun. It feels like brain candy, and I don’t mean that in a bad way. I just mean that I know when I listen to an episode, it’s going to be fun and light-hearted and easy listening. Each episode is about 30 minutes in length and it’s one of those podcasts I can go to when I’m feeling down and it’ll immediately lift me up. And Sara’s laugh gives me life. 🙂

For a podcast that will cause your TBR list to grow… What Should I Read Next?

This newer podcast is basically a recommendation show in which the host, Anne Bogel, talks to a guest about three books he or she loves, one book he or she hated, and what the guest has been reading lately. Based on that conversation, Anne recommends three books. Talking about books that people have loved and hated can be tricky because books have such a personal and emotional connection. But there’s no judgment – just deep, honest discussion about the books that have impacted us.

For a podcast that covers topics like race, gender, and pop culture in a seriously funny way… Another Round.

This podcast is my favorite, mainly because Heben and Tracey are outstanding podcast hosts. They are funny, self-deprecating, and intelligent. Their perspective on race, gender, and culture has seriously rocked my world and helped me to see things in a completely different light. They have fun segments that are just the two of them chatting and they also have some incredible guests. (I think my favorite interview so far was with Marley Dias, the girl who launched the #1000BlackGirlBooks campaign. She’s more articulate at 11 than I am at 28! And I basically sobbed when this precious girl recited I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings. Pleeeeeease give that episode a listen.)

For a podcast that takes a meandering approach to interviewing inspiring guests… Real Talk Radio with Nicole Antoinette.

I love this podcast, even if Nicole doesn’t follow all the so-called “rules” of podcasting. For one, her episodes are long – usually 2 hours in length. For another, she releases all of her episodes for each season on the same day. I never listen to all of the episodes all at once (usually one per week, like I would with a “normal” podcast), but I really love the meandering way she interviews. With such a long podcast, I feel like we get to see so many sides to a person’s life: their business, their routines, their relationships, their mistakes, their successes, their backgrounds. Nicole dives deep and isn’t afraid to ask the tough questions, which makes for heartfelt conversations.

For a podcast that interviews interesting guests about their thoughts on topics people normally shy away from… Death, Sex & Money.

Anna Sale forever has my heart! I adore this podcast and it’s nice that it’s usually never longer than 30 minutes. (Though sometimes I wish certain episodes were longer to dive deeper into the guests’ lives.) Anna always has a good mix of guests: sometimes celebrities, sometimes not. And, as the title suggests, the conversation always centers around death, sex, and/or money. Anna is probably the best interviewer I’ve come across in my podcast listening!

Honorable mentions: Call Your Girlfriend, The Nerdist, StartUp, Stuff You Should Know, Starr Struck Radio, and Invisibilia

Do you listen to podcasts? If so, what’s your favorite to listen to? If not, what’s stopping you?! 😉

Categories: Life

Dos and Don’ts of Online Dating

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I’m always interested to know how people met their significant others. There are the usual stories: college, a bar, work, etc. But then there are the stories that really intrigue me: the ones who have met their significant others online. My roommate is one example, a coworker is another, and my mom is a third. (Yep – Mom met my stepfather through OK Cupid if you can believe that!)

Online dating used to have a stigma attached to it: only people who couldn’t meet a mate in the “real world” opts for online dating. But that stigma is quickly fading. I mean, now it’s odd if you’re single and aren’t using a dating app, thanks to Tinder and Bumble and Hinge that have turned online dating into a game to play.

I’ve been online dating for five years now, and there have been some great moments and some truly terrible moments. But I feel like I’ve gained a lot of experience over the years, just from being on the sites and from talking to friends about their experiences. So, I thought it might be fun to write a list of “Dos and Don’ts” when it comes to online dating. Here we go!

Do provide a variety of photos

My general rule of thumb is to have 4-5 pictures: one selfie, one full-body photo, and then up to three photos that showcase part of your personality (I usually include a picture of Dutch and me and a picture of me on a cruise). I think those first two photos, though, are key. I like a selfie for my profile picture because it showcases my face front and center, which is important (I despise profile pictures that include a group of people because… who is the person I’m supposed to be looking at?!) And then a full-body shot is necessary because nobody wants to be surprised come the first date! 😉

Your pictures are how a match gets to know you. So much of online dating is about visuals, so choose photos that truly represent you.

Don’t get stuck in a texting relationship

It depends on how responsive the person I’m talking to is, but I tend to like 3-5 days of talking online to see if there’s any sort of connection. After that, it’s time to make a plan to meet. I try not to spend more than 10 days from the first message to the first date. Now, I totally understand that my time frame might seem outrageously long to some people, but I like to take my time to get to know someone before agreeing to a first date.

I once got caught up in a texting relationship for two months (true story!) so, for me, 10 days is small potatoes. Exchange a handful of messages, and if it’s going well, establish a time to meet up in person. Don’t get stuck exchanging messages for weeks, though.

Do understand what you want

In my opinion, it’s important to have standards because it helps to define exactly what you’re looking for. Your time is precious and you don’t want to spend it going on dates with people who don’t fulfill certain criteria for you. Get super clear on what you are looking for – and this isn’t only physical. What kind of partnership do you want? What certain things do you need out of a relationship? Figure out your standards and you’ll find dating to be a lot more fun!

(That said, there’s a difference between having standards and having high standards. For example, it’s okay to want to date someone who is taller than you, but if you only want to date people who are a specific height, you might have high standards.)

Don’t get picked up on a first date

This is my number one piece of advice for online dating – never get picked up on a first date, I don’t care how nice the person may seem. Typically, I wait until the 4th or 5th date for that, though I once made the mistake of getting picked up on a second date (one that ended horrifically) and having to sit through a long dinner where I felt uncomfortable was pretty miserable. Also: this person is still a stranger to you! You haven’t met them in person, so giving them your home address is wacky to me.

Do get yourself tested

Okay, ladies and gents, I need to put on my parental hat here. If you are online dating and not getting tested for STDs regularly, we’re going to need to have a chat. Your sexual health needs to be as important as your standards for who you will and will not date. At a minimum, you need to get tested once a year if you’re sexually active. (But if you’ve had unprotected sex and/or you believe your partner has an STD, you’ll want to get tested again.)

If you’re unsure of what STD testing entails (and I get it – it can be scary!), there’s a handy-dandy website to help you learn more about STDs and the types of testing you can choose from. They even have a nifty symptom checker to help you discover which STDs you need to be tested for, if any.

Don’t leave home without an exit strategy

Before you leave for your date, make sure you have an exit strategy in place. This is especially important for women, to have a way to leave the date if things become uncomfortable. This allows you to leave the date whenever you want – even if you’re five minutes in. You do not have to stay there if you feel unsafe. Have a friend standing by to call you with an “emergency,” have an excuse ready to go if you need to leave, just have an exit strategy.

Having an exit strategy may sound dishonest or mean. But it’s not; it’s smart dating. It can be a scary world out there, and if you’re not feeling comfortable with the person you’re with, then you need to follow your gut and leave.

Do enjoy the experience

Online dating can be the worst. I totally get that. I’ve been doing it for 5+ years, and it has had high-highs and low-lows. But when I take away the pressure of finding the perfect mate and just try to enjoy the experience of meeting new people, I find myself liking this world of online dating. I have met some really cool and interesting guys that I would never have met if it weren’t for OK Cupid and Tinder and eHarmony. I’ve gotten to explore more of my city, try new restaurants, and see new things. Be open to what’s to come. It may exceed your expectations.

This post was sponsored by STD Testing Plus, a website that provides fast, accurate, and confidential STD testing at labs throughout the United States. All words and opinions are my own. Thank you for supporting me.

How did you meet your significant other? If you’re single, any additional “Dos” or “Don’ts” that I left off my list?