Recurring Series

TGIF (v. 72)

The high of my week was a great annual review with my boss. I wasn’t necessarily worried about this review because I know the value I bring to my department, but I was curious how she saw my contributions considering she joined our team in the last half of the year. Thankfully, everything lined up! I appreciated her thoughtful feedback and how she articulated the career growth she sees in me, specifically within our department. It made me feel really good! And I found out my bonus percentage for the year, which was such a relief because I was counting on that bonus to pay off my LASIK bill. Woop!

The low of my week was anxiety. It’s been over a week of living in a high-anxiety state and I am very much ready to call my psychiatrist to talk through medication options if this doesn’t improve. I spent last weekend spiraling about a specific situation (surprisingly, not about my mom this time!), and I am so grateful to my friend Mikaela who sat with me on the phone for over an hour on Friday morning when I texted her that I was panicking. We didn’t talk about the anxiety, she just chatted with me as she went about her morning after dropping her daughters off at school and getting ready for the workday at home. This is what I need when I’m spiraling: distraction. I was hoping the anxiety would ease after the weekend, but it hasn’t. Ugh.

I’m currently reading two books. On audio, I’m almost done with Remember: The Science of Memory and the Art of Forgetting by Lisa Genova. In print, I’m about 100 pages into Crow Mary by Kathleen Grissom. I’m really enjoying it!

A Reel I enjoyed was this very good usage of the Internet to show us the different types of “cat engines.” Sometimes, the Internet can be just what we need right now.

A podcast episode I enjoyed was my own! The Friendship Paradox is back, baby! We took a very long, six-month hiatus due to hurricane madness and very busy schedules and in that time, we both realized how much this podcast means to us. Our first episode of season 9 was all about what happened to cause our hiatus and how we handle hard times.

The best money I spent was $30 on lunch with my mom yesterday. I was thinking about how much I did not want to eat a sad bowl of tuna fish for lunch when my mom texted me to see if I was available for lunch. Yes, please! We met at our favorite local deli and I had a delicious sandwich that was so much better than my original lunch plans. And I got some mom time! (I paid for my mom’s lunch since she got us dinner the night before—I promise this deli isn’t charging $30 for a sandwich, ha!)

My plans this weekend include some pampering and a girls’ weekend away! It’s going to be a very good weekend, my friends. I gave myself a four-day weekend so I could really enjoy myself. This morning, I am going to the hair salon where I am going to get new color and a haircut (yes, I was doing my hair at home and now I feel like going to a salon, whatever). I’m also going to get my underarms and brows waxed. (I’m hoping waxing my underarms regularly may help with my cyst issue since blocked hair follicles can cause these types of cysts.) And then in the afternoon, Bri and I will be off to Orlando! We’re staying with her friend where we plan on going to a Taylor Swift-themed romance bookstore, loving on her friend’s animals, enjoying afternoon tea, and corralling said friend for a podcast episode! (She’s an enneagram 4 so we’re going to dive into her personality.) It will be a lovely weekend (though I will very much enjoy a relaxed, low-key Monday to recover from it all!).

What are your weekend plans?

Categories: Recurring Series

Five for Friday (v. 113)

1) Fight for Air Climb

Well, I did it! I signed up for the Fight for Air Climb. On Saturday, I used the stair stepper at my gym and I was able to climb 150 steps without too much difficulty so I think I can handle the climb. Maybe. Hopefully. With a lot of grumbling, at least. To get ready for the climb, I’m going to use the stair stepper at least twice a week and increase the number of stairs I climb each time so that I can at least be close to handling 900+ steps on April 5th. And now for the part where you guys come in (if you’re so inclined). I’m trying to raise $100 for the American Lung Association, so I’m going to leave the link to my fundraising page here. Any amount helps, even just a few dollars!

2) A break-up

I broke up with my dietician yesterday. Because I am a coward, I did it over the messaging app while cancelling our next appointment (and I even asked ChatGPT how to write the message for me, lol). I love my dietician and she taught me so much, but I don’t know how helpful she is going to be on my journey to lower my A1C. If I do go back to a dietician (which I will probably only do if I’m diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes), then I will see a diabetes dietician. I don’t feel like I was making all that much progress in living a healthier lifestyle with my dietician, but she’s definitely the person I want every woman who struggles with a diet culture mindset to go to. She was excellent at helping me break down those thought patterns and eating behaviors! But now, it’s time to do things my own way, which will entail tracking my food and paying close attention to portion sizes and nutrition facts.

3) The elephant in the room

NGS wrote a post yesterday that really resonated with me. I haven’t talked about politics much on my blog lately, not because I’m not thinking about it all the time but because it feels so dark and heavy and I don’t really have the words to express how scared I am. It feels easier to talk about other things. I am scared for democracy, for freedom of speech, for the Constitution. I am scared that there are no checks and balances anymore, and that this administration is going to be able to dismantle politics as we know it. I am scared that we won’t have any more global allies or the protection of NATO. I am scared for our immigrant community and the absolute shitstorm they are enduring. I am scared and heartbroken for trans people and losing the ability to declare their gender on documents (WHO is that hurting?!). I can’t believe we withdrew from the WHO and what this will mean for global health outbreaks going forward. I could keep going. Things are terrible and every new story makes me want to scream into the void.

4) Let’s talk about cats

Because there’s no great way to segue after the previous point, let’s talk about cute things my cats have done recently: Lila playing with her crinkly ball (the only toy she will bat around the apartment). Eloise snuggling into my freshly washed quilt and not moving (not even for treats). Lila hardcore snuggling me in the early mornings. Eloise sleeping on the dining chair next to me while I work at the dining room table. Lila splaying herself out on the coffee table while I’m coloring and watching TV. Eloise grooming a toy (!?!). Lila being sweet and loving with this beaver toy, so sweet and loving that I think they might be having a love affair.

5) Weekend plans

I have a great weekend planned! I have nothing going on tonight and I’d really like to finish one of the books I’ve been slogging through for over a week now. Tomorrow, I’m going to a friend’s daughter’s play, which should be so adorable. And then I’m going to drop off my nephew’s birthday present at his home and go shopping with my mom. Sunday, I have a writing date with Mikaela and then I’m going to visit my cousin to snuggle her baby. It’s been forever since I’ve seen her or him, and I am vastly overdue for a visit.

What are your weekend plans?

Categories: Recurring Series

36 Questions | Part II

A few months ago, I answered a few questions from this questionnaire and figured today was a great day to answer a few more! To be honest, a few of these questions got very deep and personal but it felt cathartic to write about some of the events of my past. <3

1. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

Oh, I would most definitely like to retain the body of a 30-year-old. My therapist told me that the newest science believes that brains continue developing into the early thirties (rather than 25, as originally thought), so I’d like to keep my fully formed brain with me, thank you very much. I’d also like the ability to make new memories and enjoy the wisdom that comes with being older and having more experiences. And wouldn’t it be amazing to be in my 80s and still have the joints and muscles of a 30-year-old? No more aches and pains! That would be a gift.

2. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

On an almost monthly basis, my body starts acting up at night. My shoulder hurts or a headache won’t go away or I pulled a muscle in my chest but it definitely feels like I’m having chest pains. On those nights, I go to sleep and think to myself, “I’m going to die in my sleep from a heart attack or stroke!!!” (Those nights, I always come so close to calling my mom and telling her I need to go to the ER immediately, but I can usually calm myself down enough to be logical about what’s happening.) Anyway, I have yet to die in my sleep from a heart attack or stroke, but apparently that’s the way my anxiety brain thinks I will die so that’s something for me to talk about in therapy, I guess.

3. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

I think I am most grateful for the relationship I have with my mom. She is truly my best friend and someone I enjoy being around more than anyone in the world. Mother/daughter relationships can be so complicated, and I think the fact that she was my primary caregiver during a time when my dad was not a stable parent in my life drew us closer together. She was dedicated to providing a stable, loving, encouraging home for my brother and me. She listened to us, she took time to hang out with us, and she never badmouthed our dad in front of us. Did I have teenage angst with her? Yes, of course. (I wrote “I Hate My Mom” on my dresser in a fit of teenage rage one day and then felt so bad about it that I covered it up with a sticker.) Was I embarrassed by her as a teen? Duh. (My brother and I asked her to park a few blocks away when we were going to this weekly church event so we could pretend that we walked there.) Was I hormonal and not able to handle my emotions very well? Yuuuup! It’s all part of the growing up process. As I got older, as I went through estrangement with my dad, as we suffered the loss of family members, we formed a tight bond. And I am so grateful to have a healthy, loving, supportive relationship with my mom. It’s the best thing in my life.

4. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

I wish I had a father who loved me. In his own way, he did love me but that love came with conditions. If I didn’t live up to his conditions, he became a bully. He berated me, shouted curses at me, and made me feel that I was unworthy of his love and attention. And that’s why I estranged myself from him in my early twenties, a decision I have not regretted since. (In fact, I am so, so proud of that young girl who dared to make that choice.) It took many years of therapy (and a handful of bad relationships where I realized I was giving everything up to make my partner happy without asking anything of them) to get to a place where I feel confident in who I am. And I know my father was the one with the problems here, not me. And damn, imagine missing out on the last 16 years of memories with your son and daughter. That’s on him.

5. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Easy: I would be able to make conversation with anyone. I wish I was friendly and outgoing, and someone who didn’t struggle to make conversation with people. But I am not that person. I always feel like I’m bothering people if I try to engage them in conversation, and I never know how to (a) start a conversation and (b) keep it going. I am always amazed at my friends who can go up to literally anyone and strike up a conversation. They don’t struggle with word retrieval or stumbling over their words or feeling dumb. Being able to conversate easily with people is such a great skill, and I wish I had it.

Do you want the body or mind of a 30-year old? What quality/ability would you like to have?

Categories: Recurring Series

Five for Friday (v. 112)

1) Supplements

I’m trying out some new supplements to see if they’ll help with my chronic inflammation (which I think is the reason behind all of the nerve pain I’ve been experiencing lately, and may even help lower my A1C). My dietician recommended I start taking fish oil and from there, I went down a rabbit hole of other supplements that could help improve inflammation. Ultimately, I decided I’d start taking fish oil and turmeric, in addition to the multivitamin and Vitamin D supplement I already take. I’m hoping that the addition of these supplements and the changes I’m already making to my diet will start to shift the tide of the health issues. Fingers crossed!

2) Birchie Made Me Do It

This week, Birchie posted about the American Lung Association’s Fight for Air Climb that she’s doing, and because I’m a masochist, I looked up to see if there’s one of these climbs happening near me. Unfortunately, I found one. There’s a climb in Tampa at the Bank of America Plaza on April 5th and my mom and I are thinking of signing up. Are we CRAZY?! I think we’re crazy. I know we work out regularly but are we in climb-900+-stairs-at-once shape? But also, we lost my uncle (my mom’s brother) to lung cancer in 2023 so it feels like a good cause and I love a good fitness challenge. Maybe I’ll meet a hot firefighter on my way up and we’ll have the sweetest (or sweatiest) meet-cute.

So here’s my plan: Tomorrow, I’m going to use the stair stepper at the gym and see how long it takes me to climb 100 stairs and how I feel afterward. If I do not feel like dying and that I could feasibly keep going if needed, then I’ll sign up for the stair climb. I’ll have six weeks to prepare, which would give me enough time to feel confident that I won’t die in a stairwell in Tampa.

3) Downtime

I have re-engaged the Downtime feature on my phone. From 8 p.m. to 9 a.m. five nights a week (Sunday – Thursday), I will lose access to those apps that tend to suck me in and keep me from doing my evening and morning routines in a timely manner. I am hoping this will help me get to bed earlier and be more productive in the morning because those phone games and Instagram and Reddit apps can really slow me down. Plus, it will bring down my average screen time, which is so high that I can’t even talk about it. (After two days of using Downtime, my average screen time was already down by almost two hours. That should tell you how often I was using my phone in the early mornings and evenings! Oof.)

4) Warm-Ups Do Work!

Last week, I complained about my Wednesday night HIIT class and how I feel that I’m not adequately warmed up for it. After sitting all day at a desk and then immediately jumping into a workout class, my body is usually very unhappy with me! This week, I got to the gym early and did 20 minutes on the elliptical and then spent 10 minutes stretching. I really focused on my hip flexors and hamstrings (as directed by Nicole!) and I think it helped so much! I felt a lot more loose and limber starting class and my lower back didn’t hurt nearly as much as it usually does! One of the stations we did this week was a repeat from last week (single-legged RDL with a ball, and then we throw the ball at a target). I could only do one of the three circuits for that station before my back started hurting too much. This week, I could do most of the circuits (my back started hurting about halfway through the third circuit) and with a heavier ball (15 lbs vs 10 lbs). Now I know: the warm-up is key to a better workout.

5) Weekend Plans

I don’t really have much going on this weekend! Today, I am taking Lila for her annual vet appointment (please send prayers that I can get her in her carrier without too much drama) and then I will have a low-key evening at home. Tomorrow, I plan on going to the gym for a workout, getting a pedicure, and in the evening, it’s game night with the fam! And Sunday will be an easy day. I’ll go to a yoga class, do my weekly grocery shopping, do some meal prep, but mostly take it easy.

What are your weekend plans?

Categories: Recurring Series

One Picture Per Hour | Sunday, February 16, 2025

7:15 a.m.: It’s time to wake up and Eloise is sitting on my stomach. Lila was also jumping off and on the bed throughout the early morning, but Eloise gets the photo for this one!

8:21 a.m.: It’s time for the weekly bath for my CPAP equipment. They get to spend 30 minutes in warm water and gentle, unscented dish detergent. My nasal mask goes into a separate bath with a special disinfecting tab.

9:08 a.m.: I took a walk to my mailbox because for some reason, Amazon dropped off a package into my mailbox and not my front door like they normally do. Gah! The package included a new yoga bag I wanted to use today so I had to go get my mail!

10:28 a.m.: My plan was to leave my apartment around 10:00 to go to the gym and do a few of the weight machines before yoga class. But I got a little anxious about the gym being really busy and trying to find unoccupied weight machines. So I decided to do a simple routine at home instead. I have a set of 8-lb dumbbells (don’t tell my HIIT trainer who never lets me use anything less than 15 lbs in class, ha!) and did about 20 minutes of arms and legs, which felt awesome!

11:00 a.m.: It’s yoga time! I really love my new yoga bag (to hold yoga blocks and a knee pad) but my current yoga mat is too big for it. I guess I need to purchase a slimmer yoga mat! (I need to get a new one anyway; this one is pretty old.) Yoga class was alright. There was a sub for the class and she did a lot of traditional yoga poses and less deep stretching.

12:52 p.m.: Leftover pizza for lunch and an episode of Big Brother. My mom and I are currently making our way through Big Brother 2 and wowww is it a completely different show with some problematic behavior/language. But I have to place the show in the time period (summer 2001) and we had some problematic views at that time!

1:48 p.m.: Shower time! I decided I should probably not be a gross mess for the rest of the day.

2:42 p.m.: I drive to Bri’s house while listening to my audiobook. We’re recording podcast episodes today!

3:32 p.m.: You guys! I got my nose re-pierced today. YAY! I forgot I had brought up the idea of getting my nose re-pierced to Bri on our Galentine’s date on Friday and she was all about it. It was so, so painful just like the first time around but the pain only lasts a few seconds really. I’m so happy to have my nose piercing back!

4:01 p.m.: It’s podcasting time! We have some fun plans for this podcast and it was so great to be back in the saddle. We recorded two episodes today with the first one releasing on March 11th.

5:11 p.m.: More podcasting! Thankfully, we have our podcast mascots hanging out with us. They’re pretty adorable.

6:43 p.m.: The benefit of podcasting on a late Sunday afternoon with Bri? Her husband made us dinner! It was delicious and the best part is that I didn’t have to make a single part of it. Yum, yum!

7:37 p.m.: After dinner, Bri and I do some scheduling of lady dates and podcast recording dates and then we join Sean on the couch for a few episodes of Brooklyn 99. My favorite show! I will never turn down Brooklyn 99 episodes, that’s for sure.

8:51 p.m.: Home sweet home, and Lila is really excited about treats! (Or I caught her mid-yawn, you decide.)

9:45 p.m.: I would like to tell you that I spent my time after getting home working on this post, but instead I Facetimed with my mom and then laid on the couch and played Happy Color on my phone for way too long. Lila jumped on the couch at some point, so I got a little bit of cat love in the midst of my rotting.

10:17 p.m.: I was too tired to do anything else, so I got into bed with my book. But alas, this picture is a farce. I did not read a single page of my book and instead just watched Instagram Reels until I was too tired to keep my eyes open. For shame!

What’s something you did yesterday?