Recurring Series

Friday Questions (v. 18)

Happy Friday! I feel like I’m ready to get back to a somewhat normal blogging schedule, although it’s hard not to bring COVID-19 into my posts. But I think that’s natural and okay! This week, I felt the urge to make a blogging schedule (I’ve basically abandoned all blogging plans since mid-March), so I did that and now have a tentative plan through June. Time will tell if I feel like sticking to it, though.

Today, I wanted to return to one of my fave Friday posts – answering questions from the Real Talk Radio podcast! Let’s dive in. 🙂

1) What’s something that makes you feel the most at home?

I’m going to be super corny here: my cats. They make me feel grounded, less alone, and happy. I love having them to come home to—the six months I spent between Dutch’s death and adopting Eloise were some of the loneliest of my life, mostly because coming home to an empty apartment is downright depressing. I love having these silly, happy girls to hang out with all the time.

2) Describe your current favorite outfit: what’s making you feel most like yourself these days?

Listen, are any of us wearing anything fashionable right now? I’m just not one of those people who wants to get dressed and do my hair and makeup to sit in my apartment all day. That said, I have adopted a “day wear” look. It consists of a pair of soft pajama pants (tencel fabric – almost feels like silk!) that have a really fun pattern and a tank top. It’s so comfy! I don’t know if it’s making me feel “most like myself” but it does make me feel really cozy and happy. 🙂

3) What’s something you’re actively working to get better at?

I’m trying to learn how to not take everything so personally. This is one of my most constant struggles, something I’ve spent hours in therapy discussing. I am extremely sensitive—and this doesn’t just relate to being a Highly Sensitive Person. Being an HSP is more about my nervous system and the way my brain processes outside stimuli. But I’m also inwardly sensitive, in which I take things very personally and perceive things as slights that don’t mean to be. The easiest way to explain it is like this: I was planning a movie date with four friends many months ago. (Remember movie dates?) It was at a theater with assigned seating, so one friend bought his ticket and picked a seat. I bought my ticket and picked the seat next to him. Then the other two friends picked the seats on the other side of him, leaving me alone. Did they mean to pick seats away from me? No. Does it mean they don’t actually like me? No. But I took it deeply personally and felt hurt.

This is an illogical thought pattern. My friends aren’t going out of their way to hurt me or exclude me! That’s silly. Come on, brain! But it’s a defense mechanism because underlying this sensitivity is low self-esteem. That’s what this kind of sensitivity boils down to. It’s this constant worry that my friends don’t like me, that I’m not worthy of their friendship, that they all talk about me behind my back. (I really would have hoped I would have grown out of this by my 30s, but alas.) Logically, I know that none of that is true, but when my sensitivity kicks in and I feel slighted by something a friend said or did (or didn’t say or didn’t do), all of those fears come rushing to the surface.

I don’t want my friends to feel like they need to walk on eggshells around me, or that my feelings are their responsibility. This is my own internal struggle, something I am working hard on breaking down. I want to be able to have normal relationships where every little thing isn’t always dissected and internalized by my brain. Do you know how exhausting that is? It’s so exhausting. So, I’m working on it. I’m trying to take that illogical thought pattern and challenge it when it pops up. (“What facts do I have that support this thought? What facts do I have that do not support this thought?”) I try to remind myself of all the big and tiny ways my friends have shown their love and care. Sometimes, I’ll even talk to a friend that I trust deeply about how I’m feeling. (“Lately, I’ve just been feeling like I don’t matter.”) There’s something really powerful about taking my inner critic out of my head.

4) When you look back on the past few months, what do you feel particularly proud about?

I’m proud that I’ve been able to manage my anxiety quite effectively, even through this global pandemic. I haven’t fallen down rabbit holes of worrying about worst-case scenarios and have remained fairly optimistic through this whole thing. My anxiety definitely has its moments and my sleep has been affected in myriad ways, but overall, it hasn’t been too bad all things considered. This type of situation can wreak havoc on anxiety sufferers because everything feels completely out of our control (especially since our country is led by buffoons) and there’s no clear timeline of what happens next. Florida is reopening, but what happens if cases explode? What is the summer going to look like? the fall? Will I feel safe planning any sort of trip (driving distance) away this year? Will football be back in September? What will it look like if it is? When will I feel safe eating at a restaurant? But even listing out all these questions doesn’t make my anxiety rise. The truth is, the answer to all of them is, I don’t know. And that’s okay.

5) Who’s one person you love following on social media?

I’ve probably mentioned this account before, but it bears repeating because it’s probably the best “dogstagram” – it’s Crusoe the Celebrity Dachshund! Crusoe looks exactly like my Dutchy-Boy, which is probably why I love his account so much, but it’s also such a fun, light-hearted, hilarious Instagram! In the last year, Crusoe became a big brother to Daphne, who has her own account and she lights up my world just as much. (Probably because I dream of having an English cream dachshund one day!) Crusoe also has a Youtube channel and his videos are always hilarious and incredibly well-produced. My mom and I always text each other after a video is released to talk about it and relay our favorite parts! (We’re obsessed.) Anyway, if you want an account to follow that’s just going to make you smile, I definitely suggest Crusoe and Daphne!

Tell me someone you love following on social media!

Categories: Recurring Series

Monthly Budget Update | February 2020

Happy Friday, friends! It’s the end of the month, which means it’s time for another budget check-in. February was a bit of a spend-y month, as I let myself have a little more free rein with my budget because of the sweet tax refund that was deposited in my bank account early last week. Eh, it happens!

I’m still not quite sure I’m budgeting correctly. Scratch that. I know I am not. I am not really following specific parameters for different areas of my finances, which is something I really want to work on in March. It’s just sometimes hard to know when something unexpected is going to pop up! I’m thinking that implementing a cash budget system for “fun money” might help me be more mindful of how much money I’m spending. It’s always a lot harder to keep track of what I’m spending when I use cash, though. Any and all thoughts (well, please be kind, of course) are appreciated!

Anyway, here’s how my spending broke down in February:

Debts (31% – was 33.7% in January) – In the overall picture of my budget, paying off debt was slightly lower than last month but I put a larger chunk of money toward my credit card in February – $1,500 to be exact. (Thanks, tax refund!) This category also comprises my student loans.

Housing (17.6% – was 31.1% in January) – Most of my housing costs remained the same in February, but I didn’t have an Internet bill this month. I have no idea why! It’s really weird, but hey, I’m not going to question it.

Auto (11.1% – was 1.2% in January) – A much higher percentage of my budget this month because my biyearly car insurance was due. This category also included two gas fill-ups.

Spa (5.4% – was 1.1% in January) – I knew this category would be much higher in February because I had a hair appointment scheduled (highlights, cut, blowout—the whole shebang). This also includes a pedicure and the tip for my monthly massage.

Shopping (5.3% – was .9% in January) – Oof, shopping took a way higher percentage this month! This is mainly because I invested in two new bras from Thirdlove ($129 total). I also bought a necklace, two books, new shoes and a shirt for the mud race, a shirt for my book club’s photo shoot, a new purse, and a wallet. Eeks! Definitely need to be more mindful of my spending in March.

Pets (5.2% – was 3.1% in January) – Both girls had their annual vet appointments this month, so I knew this category would bump up a bit. When I had Dutch, he was on Banfield’s “insurance” plan so I never had to worry about paying for office visits, shots, etc., so I wasn’t sure what to expect with the cost of these vet appointments. I was pleasantly surprised! Two office visits and two shots (for Lila; Ellie wasn’t due for any) were around $200. This category also comprises a big bag of litter and a new carrier. (Previously, I was using a very bulky plastic kennel that was awkward to carry. Plus it takes up so much space! After using it for Ellie’s appointment and hating it, I splurged on this carrier that I can hang on my shoulder and folds up easily.)

Eating Out (4.1% – was 3.6% in January) – Lots of eating out this month, but the total percentage is less than I imagined. My food budget is something I’m constantly working on, mostly because I hate to cook and would much rather pick up takeout.

Groceries (4% – was 5.9% in January) – I spent less on groceries this month so that was nice. (But I also ate out more—it all balances out, I guess.)

Savings (3.7% – was 5.6% in January) – I’m pretty sure I saved around the same amount of money as last month, but it was less of my overall budget. This includes dropping $50 into a car savings account, $100 into my apartment savings account, and another $50 into my “no-spend” fund.

Home (2.6% – was 0% in January) – This wasn’t included in my January budget roundup because I didn’t buy anything for my apartment that month. But this month, I used part of my tax refund to buy a cordless vacuum. I also bought a desk organizer and these fun little hexagon-shaped bulletin pieces to hang up over the eventual desk I’m going to have in my room. (This is one of my big goals for March!)

Phone (2.6% – was 4.4% in January) – I spent the same amount on my phone bill this month as last month, but overall, it worked out to be a smaller portion of my budget.

Subscriptions (1.9% – was 2.8% in January) – Just like my phone, I spent the same amount in February as January, just shakes out differently percentage-wise. This includes my subscriptions to Netflix, Spotify, and PicMonkey; my massage membership; my Sephora PLAY! subscription; and the two podcasts I support on Patreon.

Financial (1.2% – was 0% in January) – Another new category for this month. This includes an interest charge on my credit card (ugh) and paying for TurboTax to do my taxes.

Gifts (1.2% – was 0% in January) – Yet another new category! 🙂 This month, I bought a little gift for my “gal”entine as well as a birthday gift for my nephew.

Health (0.9% – was 2.2% in January) – This includes my gym membership as well as some health essentials—ibuprofen, contact solution, and re-wetting drops for contacts. (I could have used my FSA card for the contact essentials, but I totally forgot to swipe the card when I was at Target. Oh well.)

Beauty (0.8% – was 1.3% in January) – This includes micellar water, face wash, toner, a new tube of mascara, BB cream, makeup brush cleaner, and a blending sponge.

Toiletries (0.8% – was 1.5% in January) – This includes many bottles of body wash (for bubble baths), conditioner, and mouthwash.

Donations (0.4% – was 0.6% in January) – My monthly $20 donation to Elizabeth Warren’s campaign.

Household supplies (0.4% – was 0% in January) – I bought toilet paper and a few bottles of hand soap.

Categories: Recurring Series

Day in the Life: Tuesday, February 25, 2020

Hi, friends! Happy Wednesday. 🙂 I thought it would be fun to take y’all through a typical day in my life today! I loooove these posts and think it’s fascinating getting a glimpse into someone’s regular life. I’d like to do these posts once a quarter if I can remember. Today, I’m taking you through my Tuesday, which wasn’t particularly exciting in any way, but that’s what makes it a great day to document. Enjoy!

4:45AM: My alarm goes off. I push snooze and Lila climbs on top of me for cuddles. She’s always so super snuggly in the morning and it’s my favorite thing!

4:55AM: I finally get up and find both girls lying on the bed. This almost never happens!

5:15AM: I head to the gym for a morning workout. I do 10 minutes on the elliptical and then spend the rest of my time working out on the weight machines.

6:05AM: I get home and greet the girls. I take a shower and get ready for the day while listening to my audiobook.

Second-day hair, yassss!

7:35AM: I commute to work, listening to Taylor Swift and rocking out. 🙂

8:15AM: I get to work. After getting settled, I make a bowl of oatmeal and eat my breakfast while updating a spreadsheet for a meeting I have this morning.

8:40AM: I start editing content from two different writers. Editing content is a very big part of my job and I love it!

10:15AM: My editing task is finished so I take a break and drink my protein shake while reading blogs.

10:30AM: I answer some emails and have a short little back-and-forth with a coworker about one of our clients.

10:40AM: I’m called in for our weekly project update meeting. Since part of my job involves coordinating content for clients who are getting new websites, we spend time each week discussing those projects and making sure they’re moving along at the right pace.

11:15AM: Back at my desk and I answer some emails that came in while I was in my meeting. I also take care of some tasks based on the notes I made during my meeting.

11:30AM: Time to start writing content! This was supposed to be my priority task for today, but it kept getting pushed aside. I need to write a set of informational blog posts and I’m hoping to get five written by the end of the day.

This never-homeowner has learned so much about homeownership at this job.

12:30PM: After writing one blog, I take my lunch break. I buy a wrap, chips, and a cookie from the downstairs deli and go outside to eat with some coworkers. It is super windy (16mph winds!) but warm and since it is icy cold in the office today, it feels good nonetheless. We chat about life and work and our insane love for Brooklyn 99. 🙂

1:30PM: Back to the office. I freshen up my makeup in the bathroom and also pull up my hair because it’s a knotted mess from being pummeled by the wind for an hour. At my desk, I go through emails that came in during lunch. Nothing pressing for me to deal with, yay!

1:45PM: Alright, back to my writing task. Let’s see if I can knock out those four blogs by the end of today.

5:30PM: All done for today! I wrote all four blogs, so hooray for that! I also got sidetracked dozens of times. I had a few coworkers come up to talk to me, another coworker show me a really cute video of the raccoon he spotted outside, and I spent some time pricing out flights for a trip my mom and I are going to take some time this spring.

6:00PM: I stop at Publix to pick up dinner and a few items for tomorrow. It’s been a weird week where I had plans on Monday night and am going out on Wednesday and Thursday, so I didn’t really meal plan this week.

6:20PM: Home! The babies are happy to see me and we have a few minutes of pets before they decide that’s enough of me. 🙂

6:40PM: I take a bubble bath and Lila comes right up to the side of the tub for pets. I can’t resist her!

7:10PM: I sort my laundry and then get a load in the washer.

7:30PM: I sit down to eat dinner, scrolling through Reddit while eating my Pub sub. Ellie jumps up on the island multiple times while I’m trying to eat and I have to keep putting her on the floor. Argh! Really need to break her of this habit.

8:00PM: Time for another Democratic debate! Whew. Since the last debate was so intense and it seems really likely Bernie is going to be the nominee, I want to watch it and see if the other candidates finally start going after him. The answer is yes (but I’m not sure how successful they were with their attacks, honestly) and the debate is really just a goddamn mess.

While I watch the debate, I multitask! I start working on this post, switch out my laundry, tidy up the apartment, and play with the cats.

9:45PM: I turn off the debate. I fold my laundry, scoop the litter boxes, and brush my teeth. I also finish up this post.

10:30PM: I finally crawl into bed with my book. I don’t think I’ll be reading too much tonight because I am one tired girl! Thankfully, I’m working from home tomorrow so I don’t have to wake up until 7:45. YASS!

Categories: Recurring Series

Five for Friday (v. 59)

1) I think I have finally mastered second-day hair! I used to wash my hair every day because it got so greasy and flat if I didn’t. Second-day hair basically grossed me out. But I wanted to master second-day hair because I thought it might help keep my color locked in longer. So I began the very slow process of “training” my hair to only get washed a few times a week. I found a good dry shampoo (this is what I use) and also checked out YouTube videos on the correct way to use dry shampoo (turns out, I was doing it wrong all along!), and I’m actually really loving my second-day hair now. It doesn’t feel greasy or gross anymore! There are actually days I even forgo dry shampoo because my hair feels fine without it. My next goal is to master third-day hair—right now, I either throw it up in a bun or wash it (if I’m doing something where I feel like I *need* to style my hair). Third-day hair feels a little too greasy to style, even with dry shampoo. But hey! I am proof that it is possible to train your hair to not need to be washed so frequently. I never thought I could go 2-3 days between washing it!

2) I tried to make this recipe on Monday night. It sounded so good! But the experience of trying to make it reminded me how much I hate cooking, especially recipes that involve a ton of tiny steps and multiple pans. (I mean, maybe for you, this recipe sounds simple enough. Not for me, apparently!) I should have prepped all the ingredients beforehand, but I figured I would just get them out along the way, and that was a huge mistake. The butter in my saute pan burned before I could chop and add the red onions (I have a fancy chopper that does all the “chopping” work for me so I thought I could do it quickly while the butter was melting in the pan.) Anyway, the recipe turned out awful and I wasted so much food and time and energy. This is why I stick to my tried-and-true recipes, sigh.

3) I’m on a little Instagram break right now, and it’s been wonderful. I deleted the app from my phone early last week after seeing a few too many posts that made me feel bad about myself. Whenever that happens, I know it’s time to step away for a little while. I did sign back in on Sunday to write a post for Lila’s “gotcha” day and update Stories with my latest reads, but deleted the app after I had done that. I really needed this breather from Instagram! I spend so much time mindlessly scrolling the app—something I didn’t realize until this week, as I find myself continuously opening my phone with no intention; I just want to mindlessly scroll. But since I don’t have any sort of social media on my phone right now (I took Twitter and Facebook off sometime last year), the mindless scroll is basically nonexistent for me. I’ll probably put the app back on my phone soon, but right now, it’s been really good for my mental health to be off it.

4) Who watched the Democratic debate on Wednesday night? Hoo boy, it got intense. Loved seeing Elizabeth Warren so fired up—she’s been my choice from the beginning and I’ve been frustrated by the results of the Iowa caucus and New Hampshire primary. The way the whole field of contenders piled onto Bloomberg was pretty damn amazing. (Also amazing was the way Elizabeth Warren called on him to release his former employees from their NDAs and his whole response to that mess.) I only watched the first 90 minutes because it started so late for us East Coasters (9pm on a weeknight – what!) I donated to Elizabeth the next day and I am really hoping her strong debate performance helps her in the Nevada caucus. *prayer hands*

5) I have a busy weekend planned! Today, I’m taking Lila to the vet for a checkup and shots (pray for meeee) and might meet up with a friend for a reading date. Tomorrow, I get to see LISA (!!!) for lunch and then have a bonus project to complete for work. And Sunday is my nephew’s birthday party (he’s FIVE today, time makes no sense to me).

Happy weekend! Tell me something good that happened to you this week. 🙂

Categories: Recurring Series

Friday Questions (v. 17)

Happy Friday and Happy Valentine’s Day! I have today off work, but not for fun reasons. I have an orthopedic appointment this morning and a vet appointment for Eloise this afternoon (just her annual wellness visit). Let’s hope my ortho has good news for me and Eloise doesn’t put up too much of a fuss about being at the vet. (She’s usually pretty chill, even at the vet, so she should be fine.)

I have more questions from the Real Talk Radio podcast to answer today! One of my favorite post series. <3

1) What’s something you do purely for fun and joy?

Writing this blog! I don’t do this for money—as I’ve said before, it’s a hobby that actually costs me money with hosting fees and all that. I’m not interested in growing my blog into a business or using it to further my career; I just love having a space to come to and chat about my life. I love the friendships I’ve made from blogging and how strong those bonds are. I love the catharsis of writing about my life and getting advice and feedback from other people. Writing this blog is so much fun for me; I wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t fun. I love thinking about blog topics and writing posts and creating graphics. I’ve been writing this blog for over a decade now and I tell myself I’ll stop when it’s no longer fun, and I am so, so grateful that time has yet to come.

2) What’s one boundary of yours that’s important to you and what does it look like in your real life to enforce it?

My alone time. I guard my alone time fiercely because it’s the #1 thing I need in order to keep my anxiety at bay. This means I say no to plans on a fairly frequent basis. I know that can be annoying to some friends, but pleasing everyone is never an achievable goal and I have to take care of myself first and foremost. I try to only make weeknight plans once a week (twice at most) and then 1-2 plans on the weekends. And if I have plans on a weekend, let’s say I make plans for a Saturday night, then I’ll keep my Saturday morning/afternoon free so I can make sure my batteries are fully charged before then. My alone time is so sacred to me and it’s the boundary that I have no problem enforcing in my relationships.

3) What are three things you are grateful for lately?

Work friends – I went through a period in 2018 and a good part of 2019 where I felt a little adrift at work as all my close work friends left for new jobs. It was a hard transition period, as I had gone from having seven or eight coworkers to talk to on a daily basis and vent about work issues to… none. But things have shifted for me and I’ve found a new group of close work friends. This makes me really happy because I am someone who needs friends at work. I do not thrive in a solitary work environment. I need buddies to chat with and have lunch with and vent to. I’m so glad I’ve found that again!
A loved one feeling better – I’m not going to get into specifics here as it’s not my story to tell, but I am so, so grateful for this after months of worry and fear.
Great sleep – I have been implementing a nighttime routine this week (finally!) and it’s been going really well. I’m usually crawling into bed by 9:15 to read (one night, I was in bed by 8:45!) and getting a solid 7-8 hours of sleep. It’s divine!

4) What’s one thing you do in your most important relationships that keeps them strong and happy?

I will admit that I am still learning how to be a good friend, and I have my own hangups about friendship that I am constantly talking about in therapy. (Mostly me saying, “I think all my friends hate me,” and my therapist countering, asking me what evidence I have that supports that theory and me mumbling, “None. But it’s probably true.”) Back in high school, I had a lot of one-sided friendships that fell away during college and it took me a long time to be able to trust people again and want to put effort into my friendships.

Anyway, I am in a much better place now and have a cohort of close girlfriends who mean the world to me. I try to regularly check in with them through text and make sure to plan things with them, like one-on-one dates or happy hours and such. It’s always hard to balance time with my girlfriends with the alone time I crave, but I try to make it work. Just as having too many plans makes my anxiety ratchet up, too much alone time makes my mood dip drastically. A good balance is key.

5) What’s the last thing you felt really excited about?

Lol, my tax refund. It’s the first time in three or four years that I haven’t had to report freelance earnings, so I was pleasantly surprised with my refund this year! It’ll allow me to nearly pay off my credit card, although I think I’m going to set aside a small portion of my refund to buy myself something special. (And by “something special,” I mean a cordless vacuum because that’s what I’ve been dreaming about lately. It’s really true what they say, adults are so friggin boring.)

What’s the last thing you felt really excited about?