Happy Friday! I have a pretty low-key weekend planned, although I’ll be spending the majority working on a side project since it’s due on Monday. In the midst of that, I have a massage planned and my nephew’s birthday party. I’m also hoping to put together my gallery wall (nope, didn’t do it last weekend!) and assemble a small, three-shelf bookcase I picked up from Target a few weeks ago. So I think I’ll have plenty to do to fill my time!

It’s the end of the month, which means it’s time for another round of Friday Questions from the Real Talk Radio podcast. Let’s dive in!

1) Fast forward five years. Your future self is talking to you. What advice does your future self give you right now?

I think my future self wouldn’t want me to spend so much time worrying about my love life and that I’ll never find someone to spend my life with. Because maybe I won’t! And isn’t that okay? I’m so happy with what my life looks like today – I have a career I love, friends I adore, and two perfect cats to dote on. I’m financially independent, self-sufficient, and have so many hobbies that I’m never bored. That’s a beautiful life, even if it doesn’t include a partner. My future self would want me to be happy with where I am now – while still continuing to put myself out there and be open to meeting new people – and to stop wasting mental energy worrying about what the future holds.

2) What’s one thing that helps you when you’re feeling very overwhelmed or stressed?

Making lists! Work right now is insane and I’ve been feeling very stressed about my workload (it should all calm down around October 8th). So I wrote out a list of every single thing I needed to do this week and next week and then organized all the tasks into a daily schedule. So, I know exactly what I need to do every day for the next two weeks. It helped my stress levels immensely. There’s a lot going on, yes, but as long as I stay focused, I can get it all done.

When I’m stressed about something not work- or deadline-related, it still helps to make lists. Maybe a brain dump of my thoughts if I’m feeling stressed about a personal situation. If it’s my budget, it’s listing out my upcoming expenses to get a better grasp on my financial situation. I’m a visual person and just being able to see everything laid out and understanding exactly what I need to do helps me to take a deep breath and feel less stressed.

3) What’s the one thought that gives you the most butterflies right now?

I’m pretty excited about NaNoWriMo. I’m looking forward to immersing myself in my book for the month of November and making serious progress on it. I’ve attempted NaNoWriMo a few times and only succeeded at it once, but I remember how much fun it was the one time I succeeded. I was so fully committed to writing each and every day, and I had the time of my life. This time, I have a much better plot and more fully fleshed-out characters so I’m hopeful the process will be easier and even more fun than last time.

4) What’s one thing you’ve had to learn to accept about yourself?

My quietness. I used to be very self-conscious about it, especially because I’d always have to answer the fateful question, “Why are you so quiet?” (Which, how do you even answer that?! I don’t ask people why they talk so much!) I’m never the loudest person in the group and even with my best friends, I’m the one sitting back and letting everyone else talk. Maybe I’ll interject a comment here and there, and if it’s a topic I’m especially amped about, I’m happy to jump into the fray, but mostly, I let everyone else do the talking. It took me a long time to come to terms with my quietness because I always used to view it as a negative part of my personality. I always thought it meant I was boring and that was why I’d never have friends. But it’s not! It’s just part of who I am and it means when I do speak up, it’s because I have something to say, something I feel is important and worth opening up my mouth for.

5) Who’s someone (writer, blogger, podcaster, etc.) who has had an impact on your thinking this year?

Robin DiAngelo. She wrote the book White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism and it was a life-changing read for me. No matter how “woke” you think you are (“you” being the collective white person), we all have implicit racism. We all laughed at a racist joke, even if we didn’t think it was funny because we wanted to “belong” to a group. Robin’s book digs into why whiteness is considered the superior identity and it has helped me recognize all the tiny ways we engage in racist behavior. It all matters. Robin DiAngelo does such an amazing job at unpacking how we interact with racism in so many ways, from our schools to our neighborhoods, and it’s astonishing all the ways people of color have to care for white people’s feelings. (Ugh, we are so damn fragile. It’s disgusting.) Anyway, she has changed my worldview and helped me to better understand my own racism so I can try to be a better ally. I still have a long way to go and I work every day to dismantle my own implicit bias. I can’t recommend this book highly enough.

What’s something you’ve had to accept about yourself?

Happy Friday, my friends! I am happy to see this long weekend, although I am not happy about Hurricane Dorian. At the moment, it seems like the west coast of Florida will miss most of the nastiness. It could land at a Category 1 for us (which is what Irma was for us in the Tampa Bay area) or it could miss us completely. Right now, it’s leaning towards missing us completely, but we’re told to be prepared for high winds, rain, and power outages. Fun times! I’m just worried about the east coast of Florida since it could land as a Category 4 there and that could be devastating. Fingers cross Dorian veers south and disappears into the Atlantic!

Aside from all that craziness, my weekend should be low-key. I have a massage this afternoon, some errands to run tomorrow, and game night with the fam on Saturday night. I was hoping to take Chip to the dog beach with my mom and stepdad, but it’s going to be a rainy weekend so no-go for that. Time to hunker down, read lots of books, and pray my power doesn’t go out!

Anywho… let’s dive into today’s post! I’m reaching into the archives of the Real Talk Radio podcast to pull out some of the community questions to answer. Enjoy!

1) How do you typically spend the last hour of your day?

Typically, I’m doing my nighttime routine, which involves tidying up my apartment, washing any dishes that are in the sink, and cleaning the litter boxes. I also brush my teeth and face and then snuggle up into bed with my book and my phone. I alternate between reading and scrolling through Instagram for about 30 minutes before setting my alarm, plugging in my phone, and saying goodnight to the kitties!

2) What’s one area of your life that’s challenging right now?

Hm… there are a few areas, but most of those I’m not willing to talk about on my public blog. Haha. But something I am willing to discuss is friendship and finding ways to reach out more. I have a very hard time reaching out, even just texting a friend to ask about going to dinner. There are a few friends I want to do this with, but I’m so fearful of rejection (and the way I downward spiral when someone says no, even if they give an entirely reasonable answer as to why), so I just… don’t. Of course, if I do make plans, then I have to worry about social anxiety and spending all of my time leading up to dinner dreading it. Even though I know I’ll enjoy it! And feel great afterward! But my social anxiety likes to be that little devil on my shoulder beforehand. It’s exhausting. Hence, why I don’t reach out.

3) When it comes to money, what is one thing you purposefully don’t spend money on and what is one thing that is a totally worthwhile splurge?

I purposefully don’t spend money on shoes. I’m not someone with multiple pairs of shoes for every different scenario. I have one pair of flip-flops, one pair of sandals, a pair of black flats, a pair of nude flats, one pair of heels, one pair of TOMs, etc. I pay as little as possible for shoes and only replace them when they have fallen apart. (I just threw out a pair of sandals that I had worn a hole through. I wore those suckers to the bone.) Shoes hold so little value for me.

As for something that’s a totally worthwhile splurge for me, definitely expensive haircuts and color. I probably pay close to $1,000 a year for my haircuts and colors. Every two months, I visit my salon to have my hair colored (and every four months, I get it cut) and it’s not cheap at all. But it’s so worth it to me. The coloring products they use are of higher quality and my hair holds the color pretty well, and there’s just something decadent about these hair appointments for me. I love them and very much look forward to them every other month!

4) If anything were possible, what is one of your big dreams or fantasies?

I’d love to start a silent reading party here in St. Petersburg. I loved the silent reading event I attended earlier this summer, but it takes place in a small room at a meditation center and I don’t think most people know about it. My dream is to partner with a well-known restaurant or bar in the area that would allow me to host the event on a Saturday morning (preferably when they’re closed). People could get a drink and maybe a snack, sit down with their book and read for an hour or two. There’d be time for socializing before and after. Similar to what Silent Reading Party RVA is doing. But I don’t even know how to get started or how to get the word out! Just a dream I have in the back of my mind.

5) What’s one activity that you can always count on to make you feel good?

I mean, this is easy. Reading! Especially if it involves a hot bubble bath. 🙂 Reading is the one thing I try to do every day, even if it’s only for 10-15 minutes at the end of the day. It allows me to escape my mind for a while and focus on something else, and I just love it so much.

What’s something you don’t splurge on and something you do?