A few years ago, I realized that my mom is the great love of my life.
If you’re lucky enough, you’ll have one of these great loves. For many people, it’s their romantic partner. For others, it’s a dear friend. For me, it’s my mom. She is my person in every sense of the word, the first person I think of when I have good news and the only person who can comfort me when I have bad news. Seeing her face immediately calms my nervous system.
Our relationship is not your average mother/daughter relationship. It’s not even your average mother-daughter best-friend relationship. It goes much deeper than that. She is imprinted on me in only the way a great love can be.
There are reasons for this closeness. Growing up with an abusive husband (her) and an abusive father (me) made us closer because she became my safe place in a volatile childhood. Even when my dad was at his worst, I knew my mom would be the calm in the storm. And then later, after she had divorced my dad and my brother had moved out to live with his then-girlfriend (now wife), it was just the two of us against the world. For years and years, it was just her and me, living together, our lives seamlessly intertwined.
My mom has never asked me to be anything but who I am. She hasn’t pressured me to date more or made me feel bad about not being in a serious relationship. She’s never questioned my desire to be child-free, even knowing how much joy she got from being a mother. I was terrified to come out to her, so worried that it would impact our relationship, but all she ever wants is for me to be happy and satisfied with my life.
Today is my mom’s birthday. It’s a different kind of birthday, as it comes after a big change in her life, but she reminds me time and time again of how strong and brave and badass she is every day. She was in her thirties when she left her marriage, two tweens in tow, to move back in with her parents. She was in her forties when she left the career she had been doing her whole life (teaching preschool) to forge a new career in insurance. She was in her fifties when she remarried and took another chance on love. And now, in her sixties, she’s starting over again. She’s got a pretty good track record of figuring it out and living the life she wants, and I am excited to see what this new pathway brings for her.
My mom is the best person I know. She is my favorite human, my ride or die, my bestie for the restie. Some people are lucky enough to marry the great love of their life and build a family with them. But I know I am the luckiest that the greatest love of my life is the woman who grew me in her belly, raised me, and made me into the woman I am today.
Happy birthday, Moomie. I love you to infinity!
Leave a Reply