Recurring Series

Currently in September

Loving… that I finally sold my sectional! I listed my sectional for sale the first weekend in September and I heard crickets for weeks. I kept lowering my asking price, took some better photos, but still, nothing. Until last weekend, when all of a sudden, I received a flurry of messages inquiring about it! I finally sold it to a woman on Saturday, and she and a few friends came by to pick it up. And, just like that, no more sectional! I’m really glad it’s finally gone – my apartment feels so much bigger now! I’ve ordered a new couch, but it’s going to take six weeks to get here. Womp!

Loathing… the heat. Oy vey, September is always a fairly miserable month in Florida because the heat is always so intense. We’re regularly seeing heat indexes over 100 degrees with UV levels in the high to extreme range. And forget about the humidity. It’s not fun. Very thankful for air conditioning, both in my car and in my apartment. (I always seem to forget that AC isn’t a given in every part of the country. You’d never rent/buy in Florida without central AC!)

Watching… not much lately. Wednesday was the Big Brother season finale, and I was really, really happy with the person who won. But I’m not really sure to do with my time now that I’m not watching Big Brother three nights a week and scouring Reddit forums for theories. Maybe I’ll be able to finish season three of Mad Men before the end of the year, heh.

Listening to… the Presidential podcast. Has anyone listened to this? It’s a documentary-style podcast about our presidents – going chronologically, each episode explores a president, how he got into office, and the legacy he made. It starts with George Washington and ends with… well, you know who it ends with. It’s fascinating and I love that it’s not too dense and is easy to digest. However, it’s not a podcast I can put on in the background while I’m working. It requires active listening, so I typically listen to episodes while I’m on a walk. The podcast was originally published in 2016, so I’m a little late to the game, but wanted to throw it out there for anyone looking for an interesting podcast to listen to!

Anticipating… finally getting a kitten! I think I am ready to start making serious preparations to welcome a new kitty into my life. I’ve been emailing back and forth with a catpert (I trust you to figure out the portmanteau) to figure out exactly what I need and what I should expect. As someone who has never owned a cat, I am flying blind, so it’s nice to have a catpert to help me figure this all out! I am planning on placing a big order on Chewy.com today and maybe even visiting a shelter to scope it out this weekend. Maybe. (Also, my catpert has brought up the idea of welcoming two kitties into my life, instead of one. Please leave your argument for or against this decision in the comments.)

Grateful… for all the time I get to spend with my mom. Lately, I’ve been realizing how special our relationship is and how lucky I am to have her as my mom. I’ve always known that we have a one-of-a-kind relationship and that not many women get to have this type of closeness with their mothers, but it’s just been hitting me at different moments about how amazing our friendship is. She’s always been my favorite person to be with, and I feel like our bond is just growing stronger as the years pass. It’s a beautiful thing.

Needing… to upgrade my workout clothes. Most of my workout clothes I’ve had for years and years (I won’t even tell you how long I’ve had one of my sports bras…), and it’s just time to start replacing the clothes and buying stuff that makes me feel really good. I’m not talking about dropping a ton of money at Lululemon (I doubt they have my size anyway, sigh) (that sigh is towards Lululemon’s terrible sizing standards, not towards my own size), but just finding shorts and tanks that make me feel comfortable and confident when I wear them.

Tell me something you’re anticipating right now!

Categories: Recurring Series

Friday Questions (v. 7)

Hey, hey! Happy Friday! I am having my first slow weekend in WEEKS and I couldn’t be happier about it. I need a weekend like this because, for the past few days, my anxiety has felt a little unmanageable. Sunday will be a busy day with a Starbucks writing date and celebrating my brother’s birthday, but Friday and Saturday should be low-key and plan-free. Yay!

Today’s post is a continuation of the Friday Questions series, in which I answer questions Nicole poses to her guests on her Real Talk Radio podcast. Enjoy!

1) If you could master any one skill, what would you choose?

I would love to learn how to be a better conversationalist. I am always so in awe of people who can have long and interesting discussions with just about anyone they meet because I sometimes struggle with keeping a conversation going even with close friends! I know it’s the “introvert way” to say we cherish deep conversations and hate small talk, and while that’s true for me, I also would love to be great at small talk. It would just be nice to be able to have a normal conversation with someone, without losing my words or having long, awkward silences.

2) How do you spend the first hour of your day?

Usually, it entails going for a 30-minute walk around my apartment complex so I can get my steps in and then getting ready for my work day. I’ll take a shower, decide if I want to blow dry my hair or not, do my makeup, and then pack my lunch and prepare my coffee. (Okay, so this is more like the first hour-and-a-half of my day, ha.) I’m very slow in the morning as I’m getting ready, as I’d rather wake up a little earlier and take my time getting ready than sleep in and have to rush around.

3) When you look back on the past five years, what do you feel most proud of?

I’m proud of building a happy, fulfilling single life. I am ridiculously proud of that. I have an active social life and a group of friends whom I’ve traveled with and who have carried me through some really tough times. I have a strong relationship with my mom and brother, and my mom remains my best friend to this day. I am financially secure and able to live on my own. I have a job that I enjoy and plenty of hobbies to keep me busy. My life may not include a partner at this moment, and it may not have the children I thought I’d have at this age, but that’s okay. It may never include a partner or children, and that’s okay, too. I’ve built a happy life as a single person, and that’s something nobody can take away from me.

4) What is one of your biggest fears or insecurities?

Since fears and insecurities are two separate things, I have a different answer for both.

My biggest fear is losing a close family member, like my mom or my brother. If I’m woken up in the middle of the night, my first thought is always that I’m having a premonition that someone has died. Which then leads me to a panic attack, which is always fun. The best thing I know to do to handle this fear is to just take deep breaths and remind myself if something tragic were to happen, I would be okay and I will get through it.

My biggest insecurity is my weight. I really, really wish I was someone who had high self-esteem and a positive body image, but I don’t because I live in a fat-phobic society that tells me daily that my body is not ideal. I’m really working on cultivating a better self-image, and not by being on a crazy diet to lose a bunch of weight. I just want to be happy with myself as I am today and not wrinkle my nose at my reflection in the mirror. I don’t deserve that kind of treatment, you know?

5) What do you want to be known and remembered for?

I want to be known and remembered as someone who people trusted with their biggest thoughts and feelings. I want people to feel that they can come to me to be a nonjudgmental listening ear and to give good advice when they need it. I just want to be there for people and to know I served them in the best way I knew how.

What’s a skill you’d love to master?

Categories: Recurring Series

Looking Forward… the Fall 2018 Edition

I haven’t done one of these “Looking Forward…” posts since February 2017, so I think it’s definitely time to talk about some of the exciting things on the horizon for me:

Today, I’m looking forward to my afternoon nap.

Ha! I have been so tired this week, and I think it might have to do with my goal of walking 10,000 steps every day. I just don’t think my body is used to that much movement! I’m asking more of my body than I have in a really long time, and it’s letting me know it needs some rest to repair itself. So, I’m definitely trying to listen to my body and this weekend, while busy, should also be full of some long naps and restful nights.

This weekend, I’m looking forward to kayaking for the first time.

I’ve never been kayaking, can you believe that? And I live right next door to a nature preserve that has kayak rentals! So, on Sunday, my mom, my brother, and I are going to this preserve to go kayaking. It’s part of my mom’s Christmas present (she wanted us to do an activity together) that she’s finally cashing in on. I hope it’s a fun day and that we have great weather!

Next month, I’m looking forward to my first therapy appointment.

I finally got in touch with a therapist and finally got an appointment scheduled! I am really, really looking forward to this appointment and I hope I click with this therapist. I’ve been trying to keep a list in my phone of all the things I want to talk about because I completely spaced when I was on the phone with her, scheduling the appointment. She asked why I was seeking therapy and I was all, “Uh… anxiety? Relationship problems? Family issues?” It was not my finest moment, that’s for sure. Thankfully, she sent me an online form where I was able to list out exactly why I was seeking therapy, and I was able to better organize my thoughts that way.

This year, I’m looking forward to getting my next tattoo.

I always knew I wanted to get a tattoo to commemorate my love for Dutch, but the problem was that I didn’t know where to get it on my body. I wanted it in a location that was easy to hide, but also where I could see it often. And then, one day, it hit me exactly where to get it and now I keep picturing it there. So, I’m ready to get this tattoo and would probably go tomorrow to get it, if I could. It’s happening soon, though, and I can’t wait to show everyone when it’s done!

Next year, I’m looking forward to seeing the Grand Canyon in person.

I’m pretty stoked about this, and my mom is on board to make it our mother/daughter vacation for 2019. There will be lots to plan, but I’m really looking forward to that process. I just don’t think I can go another year without seeing this beauty for myself. It is time.

What’s something you’re looking forward to – big or small?

Categories: Recurring Series

Currently in August

Loving… my new goal of walking 10,000 steps every day. I officially sent in my cancellation notice to my gym, which meant I needed to figure out what I was going to do for exercise. Okay, that’s a lie because I haven’t even been using the gym, but making that decision to quit the gym prompted me to think about what I wanted to do for exercise. And I decided to dust off my FitBit and commit to walking 10,000 steps every day. It is a HARD goal and requires getting in a 30-45 minute walk every day. And also, it forces me to get up from my desk and take short walks outside throughout the day. But I am really enjoying this new challenge. It’s great for my mental health (fresh air! exercise! vitamin d!) and great for sleep because my body is so ready to rest after being in motion all day.

Loathing… SI joint pain. The unpleasant side effect of moving my body to the tune of 10,000 steps a day is that I’m experiencing some soreness and pain in my tailbone. I think it might be my SI joint (that’s what Dr. Google tells me), so I’m trying to do some light stretching after I take a long walk. It seems to be helping, but I also think it may be time for me to visit a chiropractor. I’ve wanted to visit a chiropractor for a really long time because I’m pretty sure my spine is all sorts of jacked up after spending almost a decade at a desk job, even though I’m kinda terrified it will be super painful. But this SI joint pain is also pretty damn painful, so if a chiro can figure it out for me and allow me to friggin walk without pain, it’s worth it.

Watching… the last season of The Office. Y’all. It’s been a struggle to get through this season. The writing is just not at the level I expect from this show, and I kinda hate all of the plotlines. I even stopped it around episode 8 or 9 to watch four seasons of Friends back to back. But I am determined to finish this series at long last! Only a few more episodes to go, and I’m pretty sure I’ll cry like a baby at the series finale. I’m also slowwwwly making my way through season 3 of Mad Men. There’s just something about this show that doesn’t have me on the edge of my seat to watch the next episode, but I also enjoy it when I’m watching it. It’s weird.

Listening to… Dirty John. I know, I know. I’m wayyyy behind on this true crime podcast, but I was a little wary to listen to it because true crime can be a little too much for me. As I suspected, this podcast has been a bit triggering for me, but in a way I didn’t expect. It’s not triggering because of the scary content, but because Dirty John is eerily reminiscent of my dad, right down to the threatening phone messages, blaming his failures on everyone else, and manipulating women. At this point, I’m over halfway done so I think I’ll power through and finish it, but ugh. Why are men so terrible?!

Anticipating… the start of football season. I am so ready for the new NFL season and to spend my Sundays at my mom’s watching the games with my brother. There’s truly nothing better than that!

Grateful… to be feeling the best I’ve felt in a really long time. I would say that this is probably the best I’ve felt in maybe a year? Life has just been hard in a lot of different ways since October, which is when my vet told me it was time to start seriously monitoring Dutch for quality of life. From October – February, I was in a constant state of stress because taking care of a geriatric, blind, deaf dog who had dementia was a lot of work, especially for one person. Not to mention, I was constantly worried about Dutch and trying to make every day as comfortable and happy for him as possible. Then, I had to let Dutch go, and, well, my grief process has been very well documented on this blog. It’s been rough learning to live without him, but I feel like I’m finally beginning to see the light and find my way out. It feels really good.

Needing… to put a ban on Amazon. It’s actually gotten worse and not better since canceling Prime because now I just buy enough to qualify for free shipping (which usually means I add a book to my cart because why not?) and then order. I’ve placed five separate orders in August alone (totaling at least $30 each time…), so I think it’s time for me to tackle a shopping ban in September. My credit card needs a break.

What are you watching and anticipating?

Categories: Recurring Series

Five for Friday (v. 55)

1) Lately, I’ve been feeling embarrassed about my older car and wishing I had something new and flashier. I hate having these moments of embarrassment because it’s fine to have an older car. There’s nothing morally better about having a newer model, and my car drives just fine right now. And also, I just got it paid off and there’s no way in hell I want another car payment right now. But still, there’s the sense of embarrassment that my car is 13 years old and is nearing 125,000 miles, and doesn’t have all the bells and whistles of newer cars. No Bluetooth or backup cameras or self-closing trunks. It’s old and slow. I’m trying to remind myself that a car is not a measure of financial stability. Those with newer cars aren’t better with their money than those with older cars. (In fact, it’s probably the opposite.) And this little old lady I’m driving is my first car, something I got on my own and paid off in full due to my own hard work. That’s something to be proud of.

2) I’ve been having a ton of anxiety when I’m driving on the highway. This is a problem since I have to drive on the highway to get to work. It usually appears right as I’m merging into traffic, which can often be a scary task for anyone with all of the cars flying by. And I know the anxiety is due to my recent highway snafus, with tire blowouts happening right during the morning rush hour. (The first tire blowout happened as I was merging, so there ya go.) I’ve never been a particularly fearful driver, which I know may seem crazy with how fearful I am about everything else in my life. It’s probably due to the defensive driving skills my dad taught me (hey, he was good for some things!) and I’m a pretty good driver as it is. So this highway anxiety is a new experience and I don’t like it at all. I’ve yet to have a straight-up panic attack, the kind where I have to pull over and calm myself down. But the signs are there – heavy breathing, racing heart, overheated body – and I have to take a lot of deep breaths and remind myself that I know what to do if something happens. I’ve done it twice already. I’m not really sure what more I can do to help myself through this anxiety, but I’d sure love for it to disappear any day now.

3) It looks like my days of wearing contacts are coming to an end. I had a feeling this was coming, due to my worsening astigmatism. I’ve had astigmatism for a while now, probably since my early college days, and I used to have no issue with contacts. I wore toric lenses, which are specifically designed for those with astigmatism, and never had an issue. But over the past year, wearing contacts (especially at work) was growing more and more uncomfortable. The contact would move around in my eye and get stuck in a position that made my vision blurry. So I’d have to constantly put rewetting drops in my eyes and move the contact around to get my clear vision back. It’s really annoying, and I talked to my eye doctor about it at my last appointment and he agreed with my assessment that wearing contacts for everyday use is probably not the best thing anymore. For most people with astigmatism, the contact can move around a bit and they can still see fine. But when you have really bad astigmatism, one simple rotation and you suddenly can’t see at all, which is what I’ve been experiencing. So, I’m going to switch to wearing glasses most of the time (the main reason why I bought prescription sunglasses finally!) and getting daily contacts to use when I don’t want to wear glasses.

4) I’ve been thinking about the next place I want to travel to. I thought about planning another cruise for the spring of 2019, and I might still do that, but what I would really love to do is see the Grand Canyon. It’s one of those bucket list items for me, something I’ve always dreamed of. I think it’s time to make it happen for me next year. I haven’t spent a ton of time researching about taking a trip to the Grand Canyon, just did some digging about where to stay for a trip like this, but I think I might dive into the research and planning more deeply in the next few months. (And yes, I would like allllll of your recommendations because I don’t really know what I’m doing here.)

5) August 28th is the midterm primary for Florida, and for some reason, I requested a mail-in ballot for the first time ever. I don’t even know why because we have the option for early voting and voting on election day isn’t really that big of a deal for me. (I could always work from home that day.) But I got my ballot in the mail a few weeks ago and have let it sit on my counter since then. Realizing that election day is imminent, I finally opened it up only to discover I had waited too long to fill it out and would have to go to a physical location to drop it off. Still, it was nice to fill it out in the comfort of my home and take my time looking at each candidate and position and making an educated vote. And, since I’m dropping it off instead of mailing it in, I should still get an “I Voted” sticker, and isn’t that the point of these elections? (Joking, of course.)

Where would you like to travel next?