Recurring Series

Friday Questions (v. 14)

Happy Friday, my friends! I am happy to see this long weekend, although I am not happy about Hurricane Dorian. At the moment, it seems like the west coast of Florida will miss most of the nastiness. It could land at a Category 1 for us (which is what Irma was for us in the Tampa Bay area) or it could miss us completely. Right now, it’s leaning towards missing us completely, but we’re told to be prepared for high winds, rain, and power outages. Fun times! I’m just worried about the east coast of Florida since it could land as a Category 4 there and that could be devastating. Fingers cross Dorian veers south and disappears into the Atlantic!

Aside from all that craziness, my weekend should be low-key. I have a massage this afternoon, some errands to run tomorrow, and game night with the fam on Saturday night. I was hoping to take Chip to the dog beach with my mom and stepdad, but it’s going to be a rainy weekend so no-go for that. Time to hunker down, read lots of books, and pray my power doesn’t go out!

Anywho… let’s dive into today’s post! I’m reaching into the archives of the Real Talk Radio podcast to pull out some of the community questions to answer. Enjoy!

1) How do you typically spend the last hour of your day?

Typically, I’m doing my nighttime routine, which involves tidying up my apartment, washing any dishes that are in the sink, and cleaning the litter boxes. I also brush my teeth and face and then snuggle up into bed with my book and my phone. I alternate between reading and scrolling through Instagram for about 30 minutes before setting my alarm, plugging in my phone, and saying goodnight to the kitties!

2) What’s one area of your life that’s challenging right now?

Hm… there are a few areas, but most of those I’m not willing to talk about on my public blog. Haha. But something I am willing to discuss is friendship and finding ways to reach out more. I have a very hard time reaching out, even just texting a friend to ask about going to dinner. There are a few friends I want to do this with, but I’m so fearful of rejection (and the way I downward spiral when someone says no, even if they give an entirely reasonable answer as to why), so I just… don’t. Of course, if I do make plans, then I have to worry about social anxiety and spending all of my time leading up to dinner dreading it. Even though I know I’ll enjoy it! And feel great afterward! But my social anxiety likes to be that little devil on my shoulder beforehand. It’s exhausting. Hence, why I don’t reach out.

3) When it comes to money, what is one thing you purposefully don’t spend money on and what is one thing that is a totally worthwhile splurge?

I purposefully don’t spend money on shoes. I’m not someone with multiple pairs of shoes for every different scenario. I have one pair of flip-flops, one pair of sandals, a pair of black flats, a pair of nude flats, one pair of heels, one pair of TOMs, etc. I pay as little as possible for shoes and only replace them when they have fallen apart. (I just threw out a pair of sandals that I had worn a hole through. I wore those suckers to the bone.) Shoes hold so little value for me.

As for something that’s a totally worthwhile splurge for me, definitely expensive haircuts and color. I probably pay close to $1,000 a year for my haircuts and colors. Every two months, I visit my salon to have my hair colored (and every four months, I get it cut) and it’s not cheap at all. But it’s so worth it to me. The coloring products they use are of higher quality and my hair holds the color pretty well, and there’s just something decadent about these hair appointments for me. I love them and very much look forward to them every other month!

4) If anything were possible, what is one of your big dreams or fantasies?

I’d love to start a silent reading party here in St. Petersburg. I loved the silent reading event I attended earlier this summer, but it takes place in a small room at a meditation center and I don’t think most people know about it. My dream is to partner with a well-known restaurant or bar in the area that would allow me to host the event on a Saturday morning (preferably when they’re closed). People could get a drink and maybe a snack, sit down with their book and read for an hour or two. There’d be time for socializing before and after. Similar to what Silent Reading Party RVA is doing. But I don’t even know how to get started or how to get the word out! Just a dream I have in the back of my mind.

5) What’s one activity that you can always count on to make you feel good?

I mean, this is easy. Reading! Especially if it involves a hot bubble bath. 🙂 Reading is the one thing I try to do every day, even if it’s only for 10-15 minutes at the end of the day. It allows me to escape my mind for a while and focus on something else, and I just love it so much.

What’s something you don’t splurge on and something you do?

Categories: Recurring Series

Quick Takes on a Friday (v. 5)

1) My car has been doing this weird thing lately where sometimes my key fob will lock my driver’s side door and sometimes it won’t. The key fob always locks the other doors… just not the driver’s side. I can’t explain it! It will work fine for a while and then stop working for a few days and then work again. It’s so strange.

2) For my cat parents out there, do you trim your cat’s claws? Eloise lets me trim her claws without too much fuss (she’ll give me a mournful “meow” and try to jump out of my arms, but generally, she’s good about letting me trim her front paws), but Lila is a nightmare about it. It’s honestly traumatizing. I have to somehow wrap her up like a burrito in a blanket but she’s too fast for me! If I do manage to get her, she brings her back claws out and up to scratch me and will hide her front claws from me. At this point, it’s not worth it for me to try to trim her claws myself. They aren’t terribly long (and she uses scratching pads regularly), so I’ll just keep an eye on them and make sure they don’t grow into her paws.

3) This year, my book club has started a different way of choosing our monthly read. Usually, we all throw out some ideas and pick from that batch, but we didn’t feel like we were choosing really great books that way. So instead, our fearless leader A. assigned us a month where we would be in charge of coming to book club with three recommendations and we’d pick the book from those recs. It’s been wildly successful so far. August is my month to pick and you know, I’m oddly nervous about it! I have two great selections picked out (which I won’t reveal here since some of the girls read this blog!) and I’m mulling over my TBR list to figure out the third book to suggest. I feel like I have a reputation in my book club since I read the most out of anyone in the group, so there’s a little bit of pressure to choose great books. Here’s hoping I don’t disappoint!

4) This week did not start off on the best note. There was a work issue that popped up along with some personal life drama that brought me to a low place. I felt overly sensitive and the littlest, most innocuous things were setting me off. When I feel like that, it’s just so hard to pull myself out from the undertow. I just want to be able to be a person who can go through life without being so sensitive about everything. I had dinner with my mom on Tuesday and talked through some of the problems, and that really helped because a) as a sensitive person, she gets it better than anyone in my life, and b) mom time is always therapeutic for me. I have a hard time reaching out when I feel this way because I don’t want to bring anyone else down (as someone who takes on the energy of people around me, I’m sensitive to the fact that I can be the one to bring someone else into a sad, depressive state), but I’m always reminded of how much I need to do this when I’m feeling low like this.

5) I’m reading White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo right now, and man, it’s so good. I have highlighted so many pages and my book is filled with stickies. I’ve been taking photos of certain passages and putting them on Instagram Stories because I just can’t keep this knowledge to myself. It’s uncomfortable to read about all the insidious ways we all practice racial inequality, even when we think we are “woke.” Some passages to ponder:

One of the greatest social fears for a white person is being told that something that we have said or done is racially problematic. Yet when someone lets us know that we have done such a thing, rather than respond with gratitude and relief (after all, now that we are informed, we won’t do it again), we often respond with anger and denial. Such moments can be experienced as something valuable, even if temporarily painful, only after we accept that racism is unavoidable and that it is impossible to completely escape having developed problematic racial assumptions and behavior.

Whiteness rests upon a foundational premise: the definition of whites as the norm or standard for humans, and people of color as a deviation from that norm. Whiteness is not acknowledged by white people, and the white reference point is assumed to be universal and is imposed on everyone. White people find it very difficult to think about whiteness as a specific state of being that could have an impact on one’s life and perceptions.

People of color may also hold prejudices and discriminate against white people, but they lack the social and institutional power that transforms their prejudice and discrimination into racism; the impact of their prejudice on whites is temporary and contextual. Whites hold the social and institutional positions in society to infuse their racial prejudice into the laws, policies, practices, and norms of society in the way that people of color do not … When I say that only whites can be racist, I mean that in the United States, only whites have the collective social and institutional power and privilege over people of color. People of color do not have the power and privilege over white people.

6) This is quite an interesting book to read, too, in conjunction with this week in politics, where the president of our country used racist language when talking about four congresswomen of color. It’s appalling but not surprising, infuriating but expected from someone like him. Also, isn’t it great to know that there are rules forbidding lawmakers from calling the president racist, but no rule to forbid a president from being a racist? Interesting, that. It’s almost as if we care more about how white people are perceived than how people of color are treated! /sarcasm

7) Oof, I have a busy weekend planned and while I’m looking forward to all of it, I’m also crying at the lack of naps. (Naps are life, okay?!) Tonight, I’m meeting up with a friend for a reading date. Tomorrow, I’m going to a pool party to celebrate a friend’s birthday and then, potentially, going to a painting event in the evening. Sunday, I have my usual writing date and in the evening, I’m going axe throwing! I’ve been wanting to do this for a while and it should be super fun!

What are your weekend plans?

Categories: Recurring Series

TGIF (v. 30)

The high of my week was a bowling date with a friend. She invited me to hang out on Sunday evening, knowing how hard Father’s Day is for me. It touched me so much! I spent a long time not really talking about my dad to my friends because I didn’t want to bum them out, but I’ve started to open up more and be more honest about how hard it is to be estranged from someone I love. And in doing so, I don’t have to spend days like Father’s Day alone and stuck in my own thoughts. We went to a nearby bowling alley where we played three games of bowling and a round of pool. We definitely want to make these bowling dates a regular thing!

The low of my week was finding out that Ellie has an ear infection. 🙁 I took Ellie for her biyearly comprehensive exam, only to find out my poor girl has a slight ear infection in both ears! She hasn’t really been bothered by her ears (that I’ve noticed), so it was quite a shock. Thankfully, Ellie takes the ear drops like a pro. She sits still and lets me put the drops in without any fussing or clawing. (There is no way I would be able to do this with Lila!) The vet recommended using an ear-cleaning solution weekly with her – any other cat mamas do this?

An article I loved was 5 Ingenious Tips to Make Your Fresh Produce Last Longer. I know, I know. The title isn’t all that exciting and the tips weren’t brand new information, but the writing! The writing tickled me so much that I had to share it.

For baby spinach, mixed greens, or that pesky arugula, open the package right away. Fluff it up a little to show it you mean business. Then place a paper towel inside. This not only soaks up excess moisture, but it also reassures the lettuce that you’re no tyrant and, in fact, care for its comfort level.

A podcast episode I enjoyed was Lisa Kudrow on Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend. I’m currently bingeing on previous episodes of this show after I kept hearing people rave about it, and I really like it! It’s not as funny as I expected, but that’s okay. There’s an earnestness to it that I really appreciate. And I most definitely loved this episode with Conan and Lisa, who actually have a long friendship history. It was such a sweet, fun episode!

The best money I spent was $23 on a cardigan from Amazon. I am on the hunt for a great-fitting cardigan with 3/4th-length sleeves (that’s also reasonably priced. I’m not paying $50 for a cardigan.) I don’t like long sleeves because I have short arms, so long sleeves always go a few inches past my hands and I have to continually push them up. Anyway, it is remarkably hard to find cardigans with 3/4th-length sleeves. I have a white cardigan from Target that’s the perfect sleeve length, but they don’t sell it anymore. (I’ve had this cardigan for years, too, so it’s really held up!) Anyway, I’m hoping this cardigan I just bought meets my standards because this hunt has gone on for far too long. Why are cardigans with shorter sleeves so elusive?

My plans this weekend include a pool party tomorrow and family game night tomorrow night! My Saturday will be packed as I will be at the pool party in the afternoon and game night right after it, so I’m blocking off Friday and Sunday as “me days.” 🙂 I don’t have any plans for tonight other than ordering in pizza and watching a silly Netflix movie (I’ve got Murder Mystery queued up!) and Sunday will be for sleeping in, running errands, and reading. I know how to self-care, ha.

What are your plans this weekend? What was the high of your week?

Categories: Recurring Series

Friday Questions (v. 13)

Hey, hey! It’s Friday and I have a fairly busy weekend ahead of me – a massage after work, girl’s night out tonight, a vet appointment for Eloise tomorrow morning, a writing date, game night with the fam, and my least-favorite holiday on Sunday. Whew! Will I be able to take a nap at all this weekend? Stay tuned!

I’m wrapping up this week with Friday Questions, which I got from the Real Talk Radio podcast. I love these questions! They really make me think.

1) What’s one fact or idea that you’ve learned recently that’s changed the way you think about yourself or the world in general?

I’ve been thinking a lot about climate change recently, mostly because our current presidential administration doesn’t seem to think it’s a thing. (All of the eye rolls.) The facts don’t lie, and if we don’t make major changes, things are going to be pretty scary in the future. So, I’m trying to do my part in whatever small ways I can and that mainly comes down to the trash I produce. I don’t think I’ll ever live a no-waste lifestyle but I am trying to be mindful of the small ways I can limit my waste. Like no longer using paper towels, or plastic baggies, or single-use wipes. I recycle as much as I can and work really hard to produce only one bag of trash a week. (I’d love to get this down to once a month but baby steps!) These are small steps, but it feels good to be making them.

2) Talk about a time when you really pushed your limits and impressed yourself.

This may seem like a small example, but it happened on Tuesday night when I attended a silent reading event hosted by a local literary organization in my city. I went with a friend, thankfully, because I do not think I could have had the courage to go alone. Leading up to the event, I was a wreck. I woke up with so much anxiety roiling through my body.

I am 100% sure I would have just driven right by the center and gone home if my friend wasn’t with me. But she was, so we found parking and nervously walked around the building to the front. Just opening the door to the center felt like an insurmountable task. I really wanted my friend to be the one to open the door, but since I was the one who invited her to come along with me, I knew I had to be the brave one. It was so scary! But I’m so glad I did it and pushed myself beyond what is comfortable for me. It was such a fun night and stuff like this helps me remember that I can do stuff that feels scary!

3) What’s one decision in your past that had you chosen differently, would have led you down a totally different path in life?

If I had decided to move forward with getting my degree in education. Instead, I decided to change majors when I was nearly finished with the program, and I am so glad I did. My life would be completely different if I was a teacher. (Though I’m not sure I’d still be one today.) I’d have different friends, different responsibilities, a different home. It’s weird to think about, honestly. I am so happy where I am today and what my career looks like right now, so I can’t imagine how different my life would be if I had graduated with an education degree and become a teacher.

4) What’s one belief or opinion that you’ve done a complete 180 on?

Oh man, I used to be the staunchest pro-life supporter. Like, I was the person who would snidely respond to pro-choice supporters with, “If a woman doesn’t want to get pregnant, she should keep her legs closed.” Yeah. Look, I’m not proud of that and it hurts for me to even write that, but that’s my truth. (And, also, that’s what happens when you spend the first 18 years of your life in an evangelical church.) Thankfully, my opinion has changed dramatically after doing a lot of research and listening to women’s stories. Now, I’m staunchly pro-choice and I believe women should have control over their own bodies. I don’t believe you should be forced into celibacy if you don’t want to have babies. Sex is about a whole lot more than making babies.

But honestly, it’s amazing what happens when you break out of your bubble and just start listening. Once you start to pay attention and hear what women are saying, it can completely transform your worldview.

5) What’s one place in your city that you really recommend people to check out if they travel there?

Oh, I’d totally recommend Datz! It’s this funky little restaurant with the best food. You’ll probably want to skip lunch beforehand because you want to come to Datz starving and ready to eat a lot of good food. (Also, please throw out your diet for the night. You don’t want to think about calories here.) And, afterward, even though you’ll be totally stuffed from dinner, pop into Dough next door for a sweet treat!

What’s a place you often recommend for your city?

Categories: Recurring Series

Quick Takes on a Friday (v. 4)

It feels like it’s been ages since I’ve sat down and updated you guys on my life! Let’s get into it:

1) Thanks to a mistake from my apartment’s leasing office, I know that my rent is increasing this year. My rent didn’t increase last year so I was hopeful the same would hold true this year, but no dice. It’s not going up by too much (around $40 per month) and it still makes this place the cheapest than any other one-bedroom in the area, so I’ll be sticking around for another year, most likely.

2) Speaking of apartments, my mom and stepdad just moved to a new place last weekend! Instead of being 10 minutes away, they’ll be five minutes away. Ha! Their apartment is beautiful with these gorgeous built-in bookshelves and a totally luxurious bathtub, and now I’m coveting the day I can move out of my tiny apartment and into something better. Soon!

3) June is always a really hard month for me. My dad’s birthday is on the 5th and it always makes me so sad to not celebrate it with him. I always spend the day wondering what he’s doing. And then there’s the holiday I dread every year: Father’s Day. It’s even worse this year because I could usually use Father’s Day as my excuse to spoil Pops but I can’t this year. I’m feeling anxious just writing about this, ugh. Thankfully, I have a therapy appointment this afternoon and hopefully, we can implement a plan of action to help me get through it.

4) Onto something happier: my little ladies! I’m planning on writing a post soon about what it’s been like to have two cats but the Sparknotes version is that it’s literally the best thing ever and I am completely obsessed with them. A few weeks ago, Lila finally found her voice and she has the sweetest, squeaky meow. It just melts my heart every time I hear it! It’s so tiny yet high-pitched. They are both pretty vocal, meowing at me in the morning and when I get home from work. I love it so much! My friend who watched my cats while I was gone told me that my cats are literal angels on earth, which made me so happy. I tend to think they are, but it’s nice when someone else (who is very familiar with cats and their mannerisms!) points it out.

5) Y’all. It’s officially summer in Florida and I don’t know if I’m going to make it. It’s already SO DAMN HOT that I just never want to go outside. We’re already seeing temps in the mid-90s with heat indexes in the triple digits. It’s not even June! This is going to be a very long summer. Please pray for my electricity bills.

6) I have a hair appointment tomorrow and I’m considering a semi-drastic cut. I love making crazy changes to my hair and it’s been a while since I’ve done something like that. I may even see if she can dye it purple like I’ve been wanting to do! It’s summer – it’s time for a fun change. 🙂 Here’s what I’m thinking for the color, and this one for the style. Stay tuned to my Instagram to find out what happens!

7) I haven’t worked on my novel for… a very long time. I think I only wrote 3,000 words total in April and none at all in May. I picked up a new freelancing client right before I left for my trip, so I spent my weekends either a) recuperating from Ireland or b) freelancing. I hope I can get back to my novel in June because that’s my #1 priority this year. Maybe I’ll challenge myself to write 4,000 words a week to catch up. Or maybe not. We’ll see.

8) It’s most definitely time for new bookshelves. Right now, I have too many books for my shelves so I’ve taken to stacking books on top of one of them. I’ve had my eye on these gorgeous Hemnes bookshelves, and I just need to buy them already. I think I’m a bit intimidated by the assembly process, which is why I keep letting weeks go by without purchasing them.

9) Things I’m looking forward to this summer: a friend’s pool party in mid-June, the Fourth of July holiday, my mom’s birthday, going to a silent reading party, seeing the Backstreet Boys in concert (!), and hopefully spending many summer afternoons at the pool.

Tell me something you’re looking forward to this summer!