Loving… that Christmas is a mere four days away. I have so much anticipation right now! I do have to work Christmas Eve, but I’m hoping to get off work in time to attend a candlelight service at a nearby church with my mom. Dutch and I will be spending the night at her place on Christmas Eve and then spend the morning preparing to host Christmas dinner for our family. (We’re both a wee bit stressed out about hosting dinner, but I think we’ll get through it with our sanity intact. I hope so, at least.)

Reading… Instant Attraction by Jill Shalvis. I read this book back in 2010 and have a rave review of it on Goodreads, and decided to re-read it. I’m on a mission to read as many contemporary romance novels as I can to give me some inspiration for my novel, which is in the same genre. This is the kind of research I can totally get behind!

Anticipating… writing my “Best of 2015” posts for this year. It’s something I’ve been doing since 2009 and it’s one of my favorite yearly traditions. The first post will be published on Wednesday, so stay tuned!

Planning… my goals for 2016. I have some really specific ideas in mind for what I want to accomplish in the new year, based on how I am feeling as I wrap up 2015.

Thinking… constantly about my novel and the kind of work I want to put out into the world.

Frustrated… with car issues. My car has, thankfully, been problem-free since I got it almost three years ago, but the past two weeks have been very costly ones on the car front. I think I’ve spent more than $800 between an oil change, engine inspections, four new tires, and a necessary repair to a water pump. And there is still a $600 repair that it will need soon, but that I just cannot afford right now. I really, really wish I didn’t have to be dependent on a car.

Wondering… how I am going to focus on work this week! I am such a little kid at heart when it comes to Christmas, and I’m filled with so much joy about what this week will bring.

Feeling… up and down, I guess is the best way to describe it. Some days I am happy and carefree and feeling so blessed with my life, and other days, I am lonely and worn out and wanting to hibernate for a month straight. It’s this strange dichotomy that has me feeling like my emotions are playing Russian roulette on a daily basis.

Sad… about Grandma, about my dad, about the missing pieces in my life.

Grateful… for the beauty of my life. I have so much to be thankful for: a beautiful home, a wonderful roommate, fabulous friends, a loving mother, a supportive brother, adorable nephews, a job I love, and a dog I adore. I have a good life, and it’s easy to forget that when I constantly ponder the “what if’s” and the “should have’s.”

Wishing… that loved ones could make phone calls from Heaven. I’d just like to hear my grandma’s voice again.

What are you currently reading, anticipating, and grateful for?

Loving… NaNoWriMo. I am having such a fun time writing my story. It’s a contemporary romance and my main character has a lot of my characteristics, so that’s fun to write about. I love NaNoWriMo for forcing me to do the work. And I’m over halfway to my goal, so there’s no stopping me now.

Reading… A Kiss at Midnight by Eloisa James. It’s a re-telling of Cinderella, and I’m reading it to fulfill the “retelling of a classic story” category for the Book Riot Read Harder Challenge. I don’t think I’ll finish all the categories in this challenge (I won’t complete the microhistory and “novel published before 1850” categories), but I am going to deem this challenge a success anyway. Now I need to figure out a new reading challenge for 2016!

Anticipating… my trip to Universal Studios on Saturday, where I will visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter for the very first time! I’m going with Roomie and I know we are going to have the best time! I’ve never been to WWoHP (the last time I was at Universal, I hadn’t even read the books yet!), so I can’t wait to experience the magic. I want to reread the series next year, and I think this will give me the inspiration to do so.

Planning… to participate in The Holiday Council 2015. This will be my fourth or fifth year doing this program, and it’s one of my favorite end-of-year traditions. Reflecting on the past year and setting intentions for the upcoming year is my jam, and I can’t wait for another three weeks of magic with Molly. 🙂

Wanting… an essential oils diffuser because I think it might help the congestion I’m still dealing with at night. I put it on my Christmas list and hinted to my mom and brother that I would really, really like that. We’ll see what’s under the tree on Christmas morning!

Thinking about… taking a break from social media for a little while. I understand why, but my feeds have gotten a wee bit too political lately. I’ve been getting lost in Facebook debates (not participating, just reading them) and there is just so much shaming that is happening, which makes me sad. A little time away never hurt anyone!

Wondering… how different Thanksgiving will feel this year without Grandma. I love Thanksgiving, so there’s a part of me that’s really looking forward to the holiday, but I’m also dreading how emotional the day will be.

Excited about… my next cruise – March 2016! My mom, stepdad, Roomie, and I are all going. It’ll be Roomie’s first cruise and I am so excited for her to experience it. It’ll be a quick cruise – just a 4-day one out of Tampa – but I am already counting down the days.

Celebrating… turning 28 in a matter of days! Ten days to be exact. I am feeling very good about 28. I feel weird to turn that age because I still feel like a kid, and I haven’t hit the milestones I thought I would have hit by now, but I feel like I am coming into my own. I’ve grown so much in this past year and have gone through certain deep valleys that I’ve emerged from knowing myself and what I want and need so much better. Here’s to a new age!

Grateful… for the love and support I’ve received from the blogging community in recent weeks. I always knew this community was an amazingly loving place – it’s been the one place where I feel like I can fully be myself and feel accepted – but I’ve been blown away. The cards, the emails, the care packages. It means so much to me, and I don’t know how to adequately convey my appreciation. Just… thank you. And I will pay it forward.

What are you currently reading, excited about, and grateful for?

Feeling… little bouts of anxiety here and there. I’m still not fully myself, but I’m getting there. Little by little, this new life will start feeling less scary.

Reading… Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. At 477 pages, this one is going to take me a while.

Happy… that my grandma is recovering well from her surgery on Thursday. I was so glad to see her on Saturday and am hoping that her tests today go well and she can finally start eating actual food. (Because she lost a lung, there’s a chance she could aspirate when swallowing, so she’s been on an NPO diet (i.e., she cannot eat or drink anything orally). She’s been getting potassium and sugar through an IV, but can’t even have a sip of water! Poor lady.

Listening to… some new podcasts, including Magic Lessons, Real Talk Radio, and Hidden Brain.

Anticipating… my hair appointment on Friday. Hair appointments make me so happy. They are relaxing and I always leave with cute hair. Yay!

Watching… all of my favorite TV shows! I love premiere season. Some new ones I’m trying: Life in Pieces, Quantico, Scream Queens, The Grinder, and Code Black.

Planning… some goals to accomplish in the last quarter of 2015. I can’t believe we’re nearing the end of this year! I have enjoyed this year, but I want to end it with a bang – so I’m setting some big goals to accomplish.

Wondering… if my stuffy nose has anything to do with my acid reflux. I was on 40 mg of generic Prilosec for 30 days, and after 30 days, I bumped down to 20 mg (per doctor’s orders). But then I wound up with a stuffy nose. It feels suspiciously how I felt when I had a sore throat for a month (no symptoms, hurt the most when I woke up, etc.) I couldn’t find much information on my theory, but I bumped myself back up to 40 mg yesterday and… no stuffy nose. Coincidence? I don’t know, but I’m going to continue and see what happens.

Waiting… for my new iPhone to arrive! I’ve been hemming and hawing over getting a new phone, but finally decided to bite the bullet and do it. I’ve had this current phone for over two years now and for something I use as much as I use my phone, a new one is just a good idea. I can’t wait for it to arrive!

Frustrated… by my lack of motivation when it comes to healthy eating and exercise. I know part of it is due to feeling sad and dealing with anxiety and panic attacks, and I’ve just been trying to take it easy and get lots of sleep. But I also know that eating better and exercising will only help my anxiety and get me on the path to feeling better. Must try harder!

Loving… kind people checking in on me, Dr. Pepper, a new beautiful pool to enjoy, Football Sundays, and salted caramel mochas.

What are you currently reading, anticipating, and frustrated by?

Feeling… a lot less stressed than I was last week. Last week, I was feeling very overwhelmed and I thought it was due to knowing my mom would be away for more than a week, but I think it had more to do with the wedding and making sure everything went perfectly for my mom. (Not that she was putting any pressure on me… it was my own perfectionist tendencies, I guess!) Once the wedding was over, I felt all my anxiety go away, and have been feeling very good this week! Three cheers to that!

Reading… What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty. It’s a ridiculously long novel, nearly 500 pages, so it’s slow going. I love Moriarty’s novels, but I do wish they weren’t so long! I think this book will end up being my least favorite of hers, but it’s still pretty good.

Watching… The League! I had a friend implore me to start watching this since I’ve been in my own fantasy football league for a few years now and she thought I would relate to it. And I love it! I’m halfway through season 2, and it can be a bit crass and silly, but it’s fun and lighthearted and just what I need right now.

Anticipating… seeing Joe Machi this weekend. I followed his journey on Last Comic Standing last year, and I was hoping he would win. I’m going with some girlfriends and I just can’t wait!

Listening to… a slew of new podcasts. I need to do a follow-up post to my post on my favorite podcasts because I have added so many more shows to my feed (I listen to around 27!) and my favorites have definitely changed. My most recent favorite is been The Shepod.

Planning… on trying out You Need a Budget. I loved San’s full review of the software, and it sounds like something that could be super useful to me. I hate talking about it, but I am not the best manager of my money and I really want to get better. I haven’t had much success using sites like Mint.com, but hopefully, YNAB will be different!

Wondering… what life is going to be like in a month or two. It’s hard to fathom how much my life is going to change when I finally move out. I can be very dependent on my mom, but I’m also very independent at the same time. Which probably doesn’t make sense. I’m worried about how my anxiety will be affected by the move, but I’m also really, really ready to shake up my life and make a big change.

Grateful… for my grandma. I learned last week that my grandma is 1 in 7. What does that mean? Well, stage IV colon cancer patients have a 1 in 7 chance of living past five years. My grandma was diagnosed in 2008. And though the cancer has returned three times since her initial diagnosis, she’s managed to kick its butt each time. This time around has been much more difficult on her, but the lady is a fighter. She’s incredible.

Wanting… a new bed. I was hoping to buy a new bed before my move, but it probably won’t happen. But this is a purchase I want to make very soon! I want to go to an actual furniture store (not IKEA!) and buy an actual adult bed and an actual adult mattress. No more hand-me-downs!

Loving… fresh flowers at home, tiny ice cream cones, the Colorfy app, group texts with my coworkers, snuggles with Dutch, and rainy afternoons.

What are you currently reading, anticipating, and grateful for?

Adjusting… to the real world after a wonderful cruise! I plan on fully recapping my vacation in the coming weeks, so stay tuned! It was definitely a… memorable… time. (How’s that for a teaser?!) Yesterday was my first full day back at work in 12 days and it was a good day! I got some work done and it felt good to be back to normal. And I missed all my coworkers! You know you work with good people when you actually look forward to work and seeing them again after a long time off.

Reading… The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein. I’ve never read this novel because I heard it’s sad and I just don’t like reading sad animal novels! But so many people have recommended it to me, and I figured I should read it (especially now, while Dutch is healthy and I can hug and kiss him every time I get sad while reading, ha!) So far, I can’t get enough of it and it’s making my dog lover heart so happy.

Watching… Revenge! I stopped watching the show early in the season, but I kept recording the episodes on my DVR. I just didn’t love the start of the new season, so I put off watching it. Then I heard that this season was the last season (which I’m happy about… I think it’s the right decision as there’s not much more they can do with this kind of show without the plot getting too crazy), so I decided I needed to have a Revenge binge! Plus, all my shows are currently on summer hiatus so there’s not much else to watch right now.

Recovering from… a sprained ankle. During my zip-lining excursion in Puerto Rico, I turned my ankle on a particularly treacherous hiking portion. It happened about halfway through the excursion and put a bit of a damper on the experience. When I got back home, I went to a walk-in clinic to get my foot and ankle x-rayed to make sure it wasn’t broken (which happened the last time I went hiking. I am done hiking for the foreseeable future, is what I’m saying.) Luckily, it is only sprained, so I didn’t need an air cast or walking boot. Very happy about that! All I’m really doing now is wearing a brace and trying to stay off it as much as possible. Luckily, it doesn’t hurt anymore… it’s just a little annoying to walk on.

Anticipating… my upcoming move. I am really excited to settle on a place and to start the process of moving. I don’t necessarily hate to move (I always love having a new home to organize and a new place to explore), but it can be very stressful and is just a lot of work. And it’s so costly! Especially since I have to factor in a pet fee, which can range from $250 to $500! But I am excited to move out and have a place of my own. And to move in with someone I get along with SO well (and whom I just seriously love and adore!)

Wishing… for another vacation! I have such wanderlust. I’m hoping to take a trip to Asheville later this year and maybe somewhere else? Hopefully, but I also have an upcoming move to pay for so time will tell!

Grateful… for my mom. I mean, I am always grateful for her because she is honestly the best. But she has been overwhelmingly awesome in the aftermath of my injury. She was perfectly fine with us taking it super easy the last two days of the cruise, drove the entire way home from Miami (without complaint!), and even did all the laundry when we got home. I am so grateful for her and her selfless love for me.

Reminiscing… about all the wonderful experiences of my cruise. Swimming in the clear blue waters of the Bahamas, driving a speed boat through the Caribbean Sea, snorkeling in a private cove in St. Thomas, zip lining in Puerto Rico. It was an incredible time and I feel so, so lucky that I have the means to experience all of this. I sacrifice in order to do so, but I also know it’s a blessing, too.

Loving… being back to normal life. Vacations are so much fun, but I also really, really love my normal life. I remember a time when I hated my normal life and would always feel so, so sad when vacations ended and I had to go back to the monotony. It’s good to have built a life that is enjoyable and makes me happy. Nothing can compare to being on vacation, but real life feels good, too.