Feeling: Content and happy. I’ve been feeling really good about where I am and where I want to go lately. While not everything in my life is where I want it (see: weight issues and my lackluster dating life), I can’t help but love this place I am right now. That said, being a generally anxious person means I’m constantly on my guard and waiting for the next shoe to drop. It’s so hard to be happy when you live with anxiety because you’re always waiting for something bad to happen. I am trying my best to live in this moment and just be happy for the sake of being happy. It’s a work in progress.

Reading: Looking for Alaska by John Green. I’ve read two of his books: The Fault in Our Stars, which I absolutely loved, and Paper Towns, which I did not love. It’s a little slow right now but I’m only about 50 pages in so I’m hoping it picks up soon.

Watching: Big Brother and tonight is finale night! I know I’m not in the minority when I say this season has been pretty horrible. The contestants have been really boring and nobody really played the game the way it is meant to be played. (Not to mention all the racist and homophobic things that were said at the beginning of the game. Though I think Aaryn is truly remorseful and I really believe she learned a big life lesson from this show.) I really do not care for anybody in the final three but if I had to choose someone to win, it would be Gina-Marie. She made some big moves, at least, and that’s way more than we can say for Spencer or Andy. At the very least, I am looking forward to good ole Dr. Will coming back to grill the houseguests. Should be interesting!

Anticipating: Ordering my iPhone 5S on Friday! I have been eligible for a phone upgrade since early summer, but I haven’t been in the right financial place to justify spending $200 on a phone when my old one works perfectly fine. But since my 2-year contract expires soon, I know I need to bite the bullet and get a new phone. Plus, I’m still rocking the iPhone 4 so this will be a huge upgrade for me. I can’t wait!

Wishing: To go on a really good date. As I mentioned above, my dating life has been so lackluster. OK Cupid has left me feeling more and more disenchanted. (The last guy who messaged me on there asked me how I felt about casual sex. Lovely. Just lovely.) I’m not unhappy being single, exactly, because in some ways it’s really great but I just miss that special feeling of going on dates and getting to know someone and being with them. And the last date I went on was so dull, I’m at this place when I’m wondering when it will ever happen for me. If ever.

Thinking: About birthday plans! My birthday is on Thanksgiving this year, which I’m excited about. I plan on participating in the Turkey Trot 5K, eating a delicious dinner, and celebrating with my family.  But I’m also aching to do something more than that, because I always love celebrating my birthday in a fun way. My heart is nudging me towards a long weekend in Orlando and visiting Islands of Adventure and Universal Studios (I haven’t visited either park in over 3 years) because weekends in Orlando are just my absolute favorite. They also aren’t cheap. If I don’t end up going to Orlando, I’m thinking about a night out at a real fancy dinner spot (just not sure where yet!) and then a tattoo appointment for the tattoo that’s been on my mind for over a year now. Decisions, decisions!

Loving: Lazy Friday afternoons, pool time, cooler mornings, football being back and the Dolphins actually playing really well, running again, the Christina Perri Pandora station, winning the football pool at work, and it being fall premiere season.

What are you most excited about right now? 

Feeling: A bit hermit-y lately. I haven’t been going out much and my weekends remain low-key, where even going to church seems like a hassle. It’s hard to have these really fun and exciting weekends when you’re trying to eat healthily and not spend money. So I’ve been keeping to myself lately and not getting out as much as I should be. I don’t mind my hermit-y ways, because it’s allowing me to get a lot of writing done. (I’m over 3,000 words into a new novel!) But, at the same time, I know how good socializing is for me so I need to make more of an effort when I can.

Reading: Bird By Bird by Anne Lamott. I’m not too familiar with her work, but I’ve heard so many great things about this book that I had to give it a try. I’m only about 70 or so pages in, but I am really, really enjoying it. It’s witty, yet filled with so many good tips and advice for writers. I did have a bit of a giggle, though, when I read “You put a piece of paper in the typewriter…” in one of the beginning chapters. (That was when I found out the book was written in 1994! OK then.)

Listening to: The Paris Wife via audiobook on my commute to and from work, which I should be able to finish up this week. (Only 2 CDs left!) I can’t say that I am loving this novel (I’m just so annoyed by Ernest and Hadley!) but I do think the writing is lovely. The reader of the audiobook is not my favorite and can be distracting, but overall, it’s been a good read. (Err… listen?)

Watching: It’s July so Big Brother, of course! My obsession level with this show is unparalleled. I’ve yet to find a show that gets me so consumed. My favorites this season are most definitely Candice and Amanda. And I think Aaryn should have been kicked out of the house by the producers a long time ago… her behavior is so disgusting and awful. Other shows currently obsessed with: So You Think You Can Dance (Fik-Shun & Amy are the cutest couple of all time), Whodunnit (I think Cris is the killer), and MasterChef (rooting for Bri!).

Anticipating: A media fast in August. Last year, I spent a month away from all things social media and blogging after going through a particularly difficult time I wanted to keep private. It was one of the best decisions I made to help me heal and really helped me to focus and get back on the right path. And while I’m not going through any difficulties right now, I am planning on doing another month-long media fast in August. Honestly, I can’t wait!

Wishing: I could travel more. Why is traveling so expensive? Now that I’m getting super strict about my spending habits and budget and paying off debts, it’s looking less and less likely that any sort of travel will happen this year. I wanted to go away for my birthday, but I know I have to make the smart decision to stay home and keep socking away at those debts. I just keep reminding myself that this is a season. It’s not forever and it’s not the worst thing in the world. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Learning: That I don’t mind cooking as much as I previously thought. Don’t get me wrong, I will always love getting take-out over getting into the kitchen to cook a meal after a long day of work, but it’s not as bad as I say it is. I don’t find cooking relaxing, but there is a measure of pride when I can take a recipe from a website and create the meal in my kitchen. And since I only make healthy recipes (if I’m going to cook, it might as well be healthy, right?), it always feels good to sit down at the table and eat something good for me and that I spent time and effort to make.

Thinking: About getting my first tattoo. About dyeing my hair back to brown. About cutting my bangs. About how lonely living alone would be. About my career. About how dating is nothing like a romance novel. About why I seem to get 2-3 mosquito bites every time I walk Dutch.

Loving: Pool days and beach days, my coworkers, daily gchats with Nora, using the library more frequently, writing fiction again, sleeping better, watermelon, green smoothies, and Skype dates with faraway friends.

Feeling: Very proud. Yesterday, I watched my cousin graduate from high school and I was just filled up with so much pride in her. I don’t talk about family much on here, but this cousin had a baby in October and before then, she was behind in her classes. She managed to catch back up and graduate right on time while being pregnant and then caring for a baby. She put in so much hard work and it all paid off! I’m really proud of her and how she’s turned her life around since having baby Mia.

Reading: Mockingjay, the last book in The Hunger Games trilogy. I have enjoyed this series immensely and I love being back in the world of Katniss Everdeen. I can’t believe it took me so long to finally read these novels – they are so fantastic. I’m a bit nervous about how it all wraps up, based on reviews I’ve seen, but I’m trying to form my own opinion of the series.

Watching: Currently obsessed with The Voice and MasterChef. I feel like I’m the only person in the world who’s happy with who America is sending home each week. I’m torn between Michelle Chamuel and The Swon Brothers as my favorite. I would really just like to be Michelle’s BFF, but then Zach Swon is, like, my perfect man. That’s a toughie.

Anticipating: This weekend! I actually have a pretty full weekend of social plans, which I’m excited about! I lead such a boring life usually so I’m always psyched when I have things to do. I’m also learning that being around people and being social can recharge me. Not in the same way being alone does, but when I’m surrounded by supportive people who get me, it feels right and exactly what I need.

Planning: On starting a new virtual Bible study with some blog girlfriends. It was Kathleen who first sparked the idea and there’s been a lot of interest. I’m really excited about it because I haven’t been involved in a Bible study for over a year and I really, really miss the fellowship. It’ll be a different experience doing it online, but I think it’ll be really fun! Our first study will be on 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess by Jen Hatmaker and we start the study next week. (So if you’re interested in joining our group, let me know and I’ll pass it along to Kathleen.)

Enjoying: The worksheets I’m doing for Nicole’s 30-Day Sugar Detox. I’ve had so many eye-opening revelations while going through the questions and it’s really showing me how I got to where I am now. I’m really interested to see what other revelations will come to me as the weeks go by.

Wishing: That making healthy choices was easier for me. I want to make the healthier decision because I know it makes me feel better about myself in the long run, but when the moment comes down to it, I always seem to choose the option that will taste good now, but leave me feeling like crap later. Sigh.

Learning: That I am in charge of my future. Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want out of my life and how to get that. I think I’ve been holding myself back from new experiences and paths because the change is scary and I’m worried about what other people will think of me. But there are very specific goals I want to accomplish in the next year and in order to do that, it’s going to take standing on my own two feet, asking for what I want, and not being afraid to go after it.

Thinking: About my dad, since today is his 50th birthday. On a day like today, I can’t help but wonder if he’s missing my brother and me, or if he’s still angry with us. I really, really wish he could be an active part of my life and it’s just sad that he’s not willing to make the effort for that to happen.

Loving: Fig Newtons. Strawberries. Sunny days. Sleeping better. Sore muscles. Kisses from Dutch. Being back at church. A lighter closet. Being social. Opening myself to new opportunities, even when they scare the pants off me.

Feeling… very apprehensive about Sunday. After much cajoling and peer pressure from my mom and her friends, I signed up to walk the Iron Girl 5K on Sunday. My mom, her friend, and I will all be walking it together and it’s her friend’s first 5K so that will be a neat experience. Plus, the race is located on Clearwater Beach so we’ll have gorgeous views, good conversations, and a pretty medal at the end! (Completely honest… I probably would not have signed up if I didn’t get a medal. I love races that give out medals for 5Ks!)

Writing… barely any fiction lately. Well, none, actually. And I’ve lost all my inspiration and motivation for fiction writing, too. I guess it’s true that the less you do it, the harder it is to jump back into it.

Reading… The Great Gatsby. It’s the April book for my book club. (I actually picked this book and pushed hard for it! Usually, I sit back and let others decide.) I read the book in 10th grade and remember liking it (and I never liked any novels I had to read for school!) so I’m excited to read it again. We made plans to see the movie when it comes out, too! Whee!

Listening… better when I’m around people. Like most people my age, I have a hard time putting my phone down but I keep seeing bloggers write about putting away the phone/laptop/tablet/whatever when they’re with people and I’m trying to do the same. It’s not always easy, but I am more intentional about it.

Eating… spaghetti, as I write this on Thursday night. Spaghetti is my go-to easy meal when I want to cook something simple, delicious, and moderately healthy. And the leftovers are the best ever!

Wishing… for a new pair of glasses. I’ve really never liked the glasses I have, so I’ve been scouring Coastal.com for something new. I really like their options and prices, so I may find myself ordering from them in the near future!

Enjoying… vacation anticipation. Just 17 days until my cruise! I can’t wait. My mom and I have been making plans, looking up excursion options, and getting all sorts of excited about our vacation.

Drinking… Mike’s Hard Lemonade. I rarely drink (and I never have drinks on hand at the house) but we bought this drink when our Favorite Georgia Family was here so I decided to break all my rules and have one on a work night. Delicious!

Learning… that I’m stronger than I think I am. We place so many limits on ourselves. Saying “I could never…” is so much easier than, “I think I can…” (Sorry to go all Little Engine I Could there.) The harder path is never the easiest, but it is the most worthwhile. I need to keep remembering that.

Missing… how I used to sleep. I just cannot sleep well lately. Weekends used to be my favorite because I would sleep in and feel so well-rested, but now I’m up by 7:30, even if I’ve gone to bed late. I’m not a fan of this!

Thinking… about what the future holds for me. Life keeps slipping past me, unnoticed. Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, months turn into years. And I feel so stagnant in my life. I feel like I have so much more to offer, so much more to explore, so much more to pour my heart into. But I hold myself back because of fear, loneliness, anxiety, laziness. I want more, but there are days when I just don’t want to put the time and energy into doing what needs to be done to get more.

Using… Spotify, finally. I chatted about it with a few ladies on Twitter and they convinced me to give it a try over Pandora. I’m still getting used to it and figuring out how to use it but I like what I see so far! Being able to sample entire albums and create playlists is what ultimately drew me to it.

Have you ever ordered glasses online? What’s your favorite go-to simple meal to cook at home?

// inspired by Amy

Feeling… a little lost, a little uncertain. Life is good right now and a lot of awesome things are happening, but I don’t want to lose me in the midst of everything. I’m overwhelmed by my thoughts and struggling to find balance. It’s the ebb and flow of life, I suppose. I’ll figure it out but right now, I’m trying to work through my thoughts, journal as much as I can, and be okay with not having it all figured out just yet.

Writing… more non-fiction than ever before. I miss writing fiction and dreaming up plots, but I’m committed to writing 50 guest blogs this year so my main focus has been on getting those posts written, edited, and sent off. It’s thrilling to see them sprinkled around blogs I adore and I love how it’s made me learn to be more dedicated and serious about writing.

Reading… Eat, Pray, Love, which I am loving. I can see why people might not like it, and some parts are very slow, but there is something about this writer that I love. It’s really a great read!

Listening… to Pandora constantly at work. I don’t listen to music too often at work, but there is lots of construction happening in our building and we can easily hear their music and conversations. So it’s necessary to drown it out.

Eating… hard-boiled eggs like it’s my job. I eat about two a day, split down the middle, and sprinkled with salt and pepper. They are my go-to snack of choice right now. They are perfect between meals to stave off any hunger!

Wishing… I was planning another cruise soon. Yes, even with the Carnival Triumph debacle, I am still just as much in love with cruising as before. At best, my next cruise won’t be until the fall and that’s only if I can afford it. I’m hopeful!

Enjoying…  my own car! My mom and I have been in a one-car family for so long that it still feels a little strange to have the independence and freedom that comes along with my own wheels. It’s really, really nice.

Drinking… lots and lots of water. The best part of my soda fast was that I developed a taste for water and it has helped my skin clear up IMMENSELY. I see such a difference and I’m not using any cleanser or moisturizer right now. Just cleaner foods and more water!

Learning… to be kinder to myself. Isn’t it amazing how much harder it can be to be kinder to ourselves when we give other people such a break? I’m learning to trust myself and my intuition, give in to what my heart desires even when it means taking a free fall into the unknown, and be okay with who I am at this moment.

Missing… my dad. For some reason, I’ve been missing him more and more lately. He was one of my favorite people to be around when I was a kid and he always knew how to bring me out of a bad mood. I miss what we had.

Thinking… way too much, all the time. My brain never shuts off and it can be so exhausting to be inside my head. I jump from this problem to that problem, bouncing back and forth between issues, creating even more problems as I think of them. I wish I had an off button where my mind could just be silent and still for 5 minutes.

Using… the practice of shutting my eyes and taking three deep breaths when I need a moment of peace before I tackle something. Whether it be a conversation, a work project, or just a moment I need to myself… it helps to calm down my overactive mind and prepare me for what lies ahead.

// inspired by Amy