About Me – Page 23

Categories: About Me

On Twenty-Seven

27 is working at a job I love, a job I am good at. It is a healthy working environment with coworkers that have become like family to me. It is ladies’ happy hours, Friday afternoon lunches, inside jokes galore, and giggles throughout the day.

27 is investing in friendships. It’s learning to say yes, even when no feels more comfortable. It’s opening up, being honest, and taking initiative to make plans and reach out.

27 is watching my mom find love again, and being happy for her, even when I wonder when I will find it for myself. It’s stepping back and letting someone else take care of her. It’s welcoming a new family member into the fold.

27 is learning what it means to be a Highly Sensitive Person, and building my life to enhance this aspect of my personality, not detract from it. It’s understanding that being an HSP means I experience life a bit differently than other people, that I need tons of alone time to recharge from all the intense sensory processing I do on a daily basis. It’s finding a reason why I feel so different from other people.

27 is getting smarter with my finances, spending within my means, and saving as much as I can. It’s taking teeny-tiny baby steps to more financial freedom. It’s being intentional with how I spend my money and only making purchases that feel good.

27 is realizing what a gift the ability to travel is. It’s having the financial means, the physical means, and the desire for it. It’s understanding that it is a privilege to be able to pack my bags and explore a brand-new country or city.

27 is becoming an aunt for the second time. It’s a tiny life growing inside my sister-in-law. It’s watching my nephew warm up to the idea of being a big brother. It’s anticipation, glee, hope, and love.

27 is no husband or serious boyfriend. It’s no house or apartment on my own. It’s no babies (and thank God for that!). But 27 is a life I love. It’s family I adore. It’s a dachshund that makes me abundantly happy every single day. It’s the life I’m meant to be living, no matter how far off the timeline I may be.

Categories: About Me

On Being a Highly Sensitive Person

Note: Oy! This is a long post. (Over 1,600 words!) But this is something that I’ve been wanting to talk about for a long time, and I finally found the right words to say all of this. I’m excited to talk about the Highly Sensitive Person trait, though all research has been drawn from Elaine Aron’s work and blog posts on the subject. All sources linked below!

I’ve always known that I have heightened sensitivity to certain stimuli, but it has never been more apparent than in the past year or so.

Like the time I went to an event with my mom, for her coworker. It took place at a loud bar, and I didn’t know anybody there so I felt extremely uncomfortable and insecure because I was in an uncontrolled environment. I like to control my environment, to know the place I am at and the people I am with, so when I don’t know either, it makes me want to retreat and shut down. This bar was also filled with people, and a lot of them were smoking. More than once I had to get up and leave the area because I felt a panic attack coming on. It was just too much going on at once, and I was overwhelmed with sensations – from hearing to sight to smell.

Another time was when I finished reading an emotionally heavy book. Now, most people can read this book and move on with their life. They understand the sadness of it, but it doesn’t infiltrate every fiber of their being as it did for me. That book affected me intensely. I was deeply sad for weeks, and I still feel a catch in my stomach when I think about the author and what he went through. I’m not even married, or in a serious relationship, or have any kids, and I felt this book to my core. It’s then I realized my highly sensitive nature means there are some books I cannot read because they will affect me too deeply. (I actually regret reading this book because of the way I reacted to it.)

It was really after my reaction to this book that I began to research high sensitivity and what it means. I’ve always known that I’m super duper sensitive in terms of getting my feelings hurt too often and worrying too much about what people think of me. Criticism and sometimes even joking around at my expense is something I take personally. But someone with a highly sensitive nature is not just someone who is “too sensitive” and needs to “lighten up.” It goes much, much deeper than that. It’s actually a genetic trait!

The more I researched and learned about highly sensitive people, the more I knew I found a deep sense of me. Just as how the world seemed to shift as I discovered introversion, the world again shifted and I found more sense of self through learning about being a highly sensitive person (HSP).

Elaine Aron is the pioneer behind HSP research and discovering more about this genetic trait. She’s been researching and studying this trait for years. On her website, she has a quiz to help people discover whether or not they are an HSP. So I took it and answered yes to 22 of the 27 questions asked.

Sooo.

I can’t say I was surprised by the results of this quiz because once I learned about what it means to be a highly sensitive person, I knew I was reading about myself.

So, what does it mean to be a highly sensitive person? HSPs “process sensory data more deeply and thoroughly due to a biological difference in their nervous systems.” (source) Basically, us HSPs get overstimulated and overwhelmed more easily than other people tend to. The simple act of walking into a room will cause our brains to go into overdrive to process every taste, sound, touch, smell, feeling, and thing we see. We are more attuned to what is happening around us, so our brains tire out more quickly than other people. Things just seem more to us, if that makes sense. That smell you smell is heightened for us. That loud conversation happening across the room feels like it’s happening right next to me. If the temperature in the room feels cold to you, it’s freezing for me.

And there are other things to know about being an HSP:

Being an HSP does not have anything to do with being an introvert. In fact, 30% of HSPs are extroverts. It’s also not about being shy or having any sort of social anxiety/phobia.
We feel a need to control our environment. This is why a work-from-home position is best for HSPs. We can control where we work, the temperature in the room, the noises, the lighting, etc. Additionally, open-floor office plans are not helpful for HSPs (and introverts, for that matter) because there is way too much going on, which makes our brains work in overdrive to process it all.
We are hugely affected by criticism. Our defense mechanism for this is to criticize ourselves first and avoid it if we can. I know personally that I can go into a downward spiral of self-doubt with even the slightest critique of something I’ve done.
We tend to enjoy solo exercising. We get too worried about what people are thinking of us and how we are performing, so group exercise types, like boot camps or running groups, are no bueno. I’ve tried both and hate them so much because I’m always more focused on what others are doing than my own workout.
Decision-making isn’t our strong suit. Why? Because we have to weigh all our options before coming to the decision. We are also “more aware of subtleties and details that could make decisions harder to make.” (source) But this is not always a bad thing! We thrive in group situations because we are the ones who can weigh all the pros and cons for different decisions, and we make others take a step back and look at the full picture before moving forward.
When there is too much happening around us, we get unpleasantly aroused. For me, this manifests itself with knots in my stomach, an increased heart rate, and feeling jittery and overheated (even in a cold room). Often, this unpleasant arousal happens when I’m in a loud environment, when too many conversations are happening around me, or when I’m feeling uncomfortable in an unfamiliar social situation.
We do not thrive under pressure. I know I, for one, do not perform well when I have a ton of things to do in a short period of time. I get overwhelmed, can’t figure out where to begin, want to cry, and generally feel rattled and emotional.
We are people pleasers. We have a hard time asking for what we want because we don’t want to cause trouble or inconvenience other people. (I have the hardest time with this! Especially when I begin a new job and I should be asking questions. Sigh.) We tend to be more sensitive to the needs of others and forget to think about our own.
We are more sensitive to pain. The biggest way I see this in my own life is in the fact that massages are painful for me. Even the ones that are supposed to be relaxing just hurt me so much. I remember the last time I got a massage and my mom got the same one. She left her room saying how amazing and relaxing it was. I left my room hobbling, after spending an hour trying not to cry on the table from the pain. (And, due to the point above – being a people pleaser – I very rarely will tell the masseuse that the pressure is too hard. I KNOW.)
We tend to take on the emotions of the people around us (so when my mom is sad or hurting, I am also sad and hurting and want to do whatever I can to find a solution to her “problem,” even when there is no solution at all). We’re also incredibly empathetic and interested in hearing about our friends’ problems and how they are reacting to them.
We’re often told we need to toughen up and stop taking things so seriously. This is the most annoying thing I hear people say to me. Guess what? It’s not that easy. It’s not about “toughening up.” Our sensitivity is not a weakness. It is just who we are.

But you know what? I don’t count my high sensitivity as a weakness. It’s just one part that makes me me. Researching high sensitivity has helped me better understand who I am. To understand there is a reason loud, busy places affect me more than others, to accept that I’m just going to get my feelings hurt more often than others, to acknowledge why certain aspects of my personality feel so different than others (like the inability to ask questions and how I basically fall apart when I’m under pressure).

I don’t count being an HSP as a weakness because it simply means I experience life in a bigger, fuller way. I love hard and deep and honest and openly. I am deeply in tune with my emotions and I’m able to process my feelings in a stronger way. When I’m sad, I take the time to work through why I’m sad. When I’m happy, I embrace it wholeheartedly. When I’m upset, I acknowledge my feelings and let them have their place. What I’m saying is that I find that being an HSP just means the world is a little bit brighter, a little bit louder, and a little bit larger. And that’s not always a bad thing.

Are you a highly sensitive person? Have you ever heard of this trait before?

sources: 1, 2, 3, 4

Categories: About Me

Building a Capsule Wardrobe, Part III

So far, I’ve talked about putting together a capsule wardrobe and what my ideal summer capsule would entail. I’ve also talked about purging my current wardrobe and where it stands today in regard to creating this capsule. I have some work to do with my wardrobe, mainly continuing to get rid of pieces and adding new items. Items that make me feel good and look good, items that more closely reflect my personal style.

So, in order to do that, I really need to hone in on my style and what types of items I love. I know I opt for comfort and casual more often than not. That I need pants that fit my short, stubby legs. That my style is mostly classic and modest.

I did some light perusing of different items at some of my favorite stores, so I could talk through my style in regards to the different areas of my wardrobe.

First, we’ll talk about bottoms.

L-R: Loft, Loft, Daisy Fuentes, Lucky Brand, Old Navy, Old Navy

In my ideal capsule, I would like to include two pairs of slacks and one pair of dressy capris for work, and two pairs of casual capris and one pair of skinny jeans for casual weekend wear.

One thing I know is that I really love dressy pants from Loft. They fit my body perfectly, which is really hard to do when you’re five-two and chubby. I currently own only one pair of slacks from Loft, but I love them and feel really good when I wear them. And, they are super comfortable! I’m not used to slacks being comfortable, but Loft pants really are! I’d like to add another pair of slacks to my wardrobe, along with a cute pair of capris.

Secondly, I really want to treat myself to a nice pair of designer skinny jeans. Right now, I go to Old Navy for all my jeans, but I really want to spend the money on a great pair that will last a long time and fit me well. I have my eye on a sweet pair of Lucky skinny jeans, but I’m not sure if they are the best option for short, curvy girls.

As for casual capris, I’d probably opt for Target or Old Navy. I’m not as picky with these, but I’d still want to find two pairs that make me feel good when I wear them. The capris/shorts I have now for my casual weekend wear make me feel rather frumpy and dull.

dresses skirts
L-R: mine, mine, Loft, Loft

Next, we’ll talk about dresses and skirts. I am pretty happy with the dresses in my wardrobe currently (pictured above). In fact, I wore the flowery one to work last week and got six compliments on it. I think that’s a record for me?! It was crazy! I really love those dresses because they’re modest, hit at the knee, and are made of super, super comfy material. And they look cute on me! A win-win.

I only have one skirt in my wardrobe now and it’s okay, but it’s not my favorite. I love the options at Loft, so I can see myself buying one of their skirts for my wardrobe. When it comes to skirts, I want something a bit flowy and fun and hits close to the knee. I really like the options I found at Loft!

Next up, my dressy shirts for work. I didn’t go searching around the Internet for options for these, so everything above is what’s in my wardrobe currently. I really love JC Penney for finding really nice dressy shirts that don’t break the bank. I like them to be silky, comfortable, and in fun colors. And I reallllly love cowl necklines. They’re my favorite! (These probably don’t fit into what a capsule wardrobe should contain, since your shirts should be more neutral and solid colors, so they can be mixed and matched in many different ways, so that’s something I need to keep in mind!)

cardigans
L-R: Target, Target, Target

For cardigans, I really want to find better options than what I have in my wardrobe currently. I’m very picky about my cardigans, and I really didn’t find options I loved on the Internet. Basically, I’d like to find a black cardigan, a white cardigan, and then one or two more in a fun color (like purple or orange!). I like my cardigans to be a little longer, falling to my hips, which is something I have a hard time finding! The cardigans I find either stop at my waist or hit waaaay below my hips and make me look frumpy. Where do you buy your cardigans?

L-R: Old Navy, Gap, Loft

Next up, casual tees! I have a good selection right now, but I would like to replace some of the items with solid-color casual tees. I like Old Navy for casual tops, but they either get too stretched out after only a few months of wear or shrink if I accidentally put them in the dryer. (AH! So annoying!) I hear Gap is a good place for finding soft, comfortable casual tees. Where do you shop for casual tops?

shoes
L-R: Target, Target, Target

The last category is shoes! I’m thinking of sticking to a neutral flat, a black flat, and a pretty sandal. I actually have all of these items in my wardrobe currently, and love them, so we can mark this section complete – woo!

So there you have it! I obviously have some work to do, and I think that not only will using capsule wardrobes help me better define my style and find clothes that feel good, but it will also help me to be more intentional when I shop. I know exactly what things I need and what I’m looking for, not simply shopping just to shop. If it’s not something I need for my capsule, then I don’t need to be buying it.

Where do I go from here, though? Well, I want to continue reducing my current wardrobe so I’m trying to wear everything that’s in my closet at least once and be honest about the item and how it makes me feel. For example, last week, I wore a dressy blouse to work and realized that I just didn’t feel good in it and the ruffly neckline irritated me so much. So, I washed it and placed it in my pile of clothes to donate. One less item to worry about!

I am also planning on shopping for a few new items for my capsule. Right now, I am mostly focused on new cardigans (I have four in my wardrobe currently, but don’t love any of them) and finding a great pair of dressy capris (which is a lot harder than it may seem!).

I am feeling a lot calmer about my wardrobe and cultivating a style I love because I feel like I have a plan of attack and a vision for what I want my style to be. I’ve never really felt good about the way I dressed, never had intention behind my style. I think by going through this process and creating capsule wardrobes, my closet will be filled with comfortable, fun-to-wear clothes that are 100% me.

What’s the last piece of clothing you bought for yourself?

Categories: About Me

Building a Capsule Wardrobe, Part II

Last week, I wrote about beginning to create a capsule wardrobe. I have been feeling very uninspired by my wardrobe lately, mainly because it was stuffed with clothes I didn’t love and rarely wore. So, to begin creating a wardrobe I love and a style that makes me feel good, I had to go through a major purge of what was hanging in my closet presently.

First of all, let me tell you how much I love to declutter. I go through a major spree in different areas of my home at least a few times a year. (This year, my mom and I have already gone through our linen closets and did a major purge of our kitchen, probably getting rid of 40% of what we were “hoarding.”) I had recently done a purge of my winter wardrobe when I put away my winter clothes, sending along a huge bag to ThredUp, which is hands-down the easiest way to get rid of clothes you no longer love (but are still wearable) and earning a few bucks in the process. (I highly recommend them! It’s totally free!)

Anyway, a few weekends ago, I did a huge purge. I’m not kidding when I say I took everything out of my closet and dresser. This is what my room looked like:

Clothes on the bed, clothes all over the floor, dresses and skirts hanging up on hooks… eek! It was crazy!

Once it was all out in the open, I began going through each different pile and deciding whether to keep or give away the items. If it didn’t fit me, it was given away. If I knew it was something I hadn’t worn in the past six months, given away. If it made me feel frumpy or crappy the last time I wore it, given away. Before long, I had a huuuuge pile of clothes to give away. I ended up giving away:

Dresses – 2
Skirts – 1
Dressy shirts (for work) – 7
Casual shirts – 12
Cardigans – 6
Sandals – 1
High heels – 1
Skinny jeans – 1
Capris/shorts – 3

Total number of items taken out of my wardrobe? 34! (Plus, I removed another 14 items of workout clothes, loungewear, swimwear, etc.) My closet feels so much lighter now! And my dresser drawers feel so much more organized. (They had started to stress me out because they were so disorganized and messy!)

Here’s what I was left with as it relates to my capsule wardrobe:

Skinny jeans – 1
Capris/shorts – 3
Dressy slacks (for work) – 3
Casual shirts – 9
Dressy shirts (for work) – 17
Cardigans – 4
Dresses – 2
Skirts – 1
Flats – 3
Sandals – 1
TOMs – 1

This leaves me with a 45-piece summer capsule right now, and some working uniforms. Obviously, I still have some work to do. I am not 100% satisfied with my wardrobe as it stands right now, and I know I kept a few items that I should get rid of. Plus, I’m going to need to remove some items to make room for new clothes that more accurately fit my style and fall in line with my ideal summer capsule like the quality denim jeans available at EDWIN. For example, I have a pair of black dressy slacks I wear to work that I’d like to replace with a better-fitting pair of dressy capris. Things like that.

I think my biggest worry with creating a more minimalist wardrobe is the fact I no longer work in a casual dress office environment. When I attempted Project 333 last summer, I was working in a much more casual office environment (I could literally get away with wearing yoga pants to work!), so I didn’t really have a ton of dressy work clothes. Over the past year, I’ve been building my business casual work wardrobe. The last time, I could basically overlap my weekend wear with my work wear. That won’t be possible this time around, so we’ll see how it goes!

Anyway, steps one and two of creating a summer capsule have been done. I’ve reduced my wardrobe by almost half and I have created my ideal summer capsule wardrobe. What’s left is to further reduce what is sitting in my closet, and begin to build my capsule by buying clothes that fit me better and make me feel great from Fear of God Essentials. As I’ve mentioned, it’s going to be a work in progress but I’m excited to get started!

Next week, I’ll finish up this little series by talking more about my style and the sorts of clothes I’d like to have in my closet. It’ll be a wishlist of sorts, so that should be fun!

When was the last time you did a big purge of your clothes?

Categories: About Me

Building a Capsule Wardrobe, Part I

I’ll be completely honest: I’m not very fashionable. I think one of the main reasons why I don’t get too into fashion is due to being overweight. It’s not very fun to shop for clothes when you want to run out of every dressing room screaming once you see yourself in a three-way mirror.

I recognize that it’s very possible to be fashionable and look good even when you’re overweight. I see so many women my size who manage to make their size work for them, not against them. I’ve been putting off really honing in on my style and creating a wardrobe I love because I wanted to lose weight first. When I am at my perfect weight, then I can get my life started. This is how I approach many things in life: everything is going to fall into place and my life will be super perfect when I am finally at my happy weight.

The truth is even though I want to get to that happy weight and I am working towards that, there’s no reason to put off building a wardrobe I love. I’ve been putting this off for years because I wanted to lose weight first. But I still deserve to feel good and wear clothes that make me feel good, even at the size I am now. I need to stop thinking the girl I am now doesn’t deserve good things in life. She does. She deserves the effort, she deserves the time, she deserves to feel good even at an unhappy weight.

So that’s what I’m doing. I am going to work on putting together a capsule wardrobe. It’s going to take me a while, but I am really excited to take this on and find a style that makes me feel good. Because we all deserve to like our appearance and feel good about ourselves.

So, let’s talk capsule wardrobes! Basically, a capsule wardrobe is a small collection of essential clothing and accessories to use during a season. You want to choose classic pieces that won’t go out of style and can be mixed and matched in different ways and add a few seasonal pieces to the mix with each different capsule. Things that don’t count in a capsule include workout clothes, loungewear, pajamas, undergarments, and sentimental jewelry (such as a wedding ring).

For me, since I live in Florida and we don’t experience actual seasons, I’m only planning on creating a summer capsule and a winter capsule. It’s only August and we still have a good four months of hot weather ahead of us, so I’m going to work on building my summer capsule now.

It’s up to you how many pieces you want in your capsule wardrobe, but you do want to keep it minimal. For me, I am considering the below 35-piece wardrobe:

- Skinny jeans – 1 pair
- Dressy slacks (for work) – 2 pairs
- Dressy capris (for work) – 1 pair
- Capris – 2 pairs
- Dresses – 2
- Skirts – 2
- Dressy shirts (for work) – 12
- Cardigans (for work) – 4
- Flats – 2
- Sandals – 1
- Tees (casual) – 6

One thing I should note is that I didn’t include accessories with my capsule wardrobe. I don’t wear jewelry and I consider my sunglasses more a necessity than an accessory. (They’re as essential to me as my eyeglasses.) It’s up to you if you want to count jewelry in with your capsule, but I don’t think it matters that much.

So this is where I am at right now. I did a big closet purge this weekend and even though I just sent off a huge bag of clothes to ThredUp in May, I have enough clothes and shoes to fill up another bag! That seems so crazy to me! I’ll talk more about my closet purge next week, and where I stand with my current wardrobe.

I know I’ll have some shopping to do to get my summer capsule wardrobe set into place, and it’s something that will be a work in progress for a while. (Since I’m also trying to live more frugally and pay off some debts, which takes priority.) But I’m excited to have a plan and to begin curating a wardrobe that makes me feel good.

Have you ever created a capsule wardrobe? Do you consider yourself fashionable?