About Me – Page 23

Categories: About Me

On Being a Good Girl

I was the kid who never needed a curfew. Who once grounded herself because she wanted to know what it felt like. Who never stepped foot in detention or a principal’s office. Who rarely talked back to her mom… and would feel intense amounts of guilt anytime she did.

My mom never once worried about where I was, who I was with, what I was doing. I was the quintessential good girl. I didn’t drink, I didn’t party, and I’ve never done drugs. I’ve never been grounded, and the only time I was ever in serious trouble (I can’t even remember the reason), my mom opted to take the computer and my books away from me. (IT WAS AWFUL, YOU GUYS. AWFUL. AWFUL. AWFUL.)

I’ve been thinking a lot about the plight of the good girl, lately. It’s part of my identity and there are times that I wear my good girl persona as a badge of honor and times when I wish I had been a little more badass, gotten myself into a little more trouble, had cooler stories to tell friends.

Being a good girl is something that has followed me into adulthood. I am a bona fide rule follower. My library books are never late. I only cross the street if the pedestrian signal is flashing. I pay my bills on time. I won’t even jaywalk!

I wonder a lot about how I ended up the way I did. Why didn’t I veer off onto a different path, especially considering my childhood. I’ve written about it a few times on the blog, so I don’t want to rehash all of that. My home life was messy. I didn’t have a normal childhood, which is what makes me wonder how I decided to veer on the straight and narrow, to harness the personality of a good girl, rather than something… else.

I think the easiest explanation is that I needed control. There was a lot about my childhood that felt out of control, so being a good girl was something I could have total control over. I could control my schooling and be the best student possible. I could control being the best child, to lessen the stress my mom was under, and to hopefully earn my dad’s love. And that’s what I did. I threw myself into schoolwork and I tried to be the very best daughter for my parents. That I could control.

And it worked out for me. It really did. I graduated from high school with honors. I paid my way through college, graduating with honors. I’ve held down two post-grad jobs, excelling in both. I’ve forged friendships with people who are similar to me – I don’t have time for people who are more concerned with drama or getting wasted on the weekends or any of that. I just don’t. It doesn’t appeal to me. And sure, maybe I could have had more interesting stories to tell if I’d been less of a good girl. My good girl persona extends to my dating life and how I am very selective about the type of people I choose to date, to which someone once told me, “That’s boring.” Yep. It is. And I am proud to be boring to some people. Bring on the boring.

Being a good girl is just who I am. I’m proud of that child who threw herself into school and being good, rather than boys and finding her worth in other people. I’m proud of the woman I have become – someone who appreciates who she is. Someone who has created a life she really loves. And, though I know rules are meant to be broken every now and then, it also doesn’t mean my story is any less interesting if they aren’t.

Categories: About Me

The 10 Question Meme

It’s no secret that I love listening to podcasts. I currently subscribe to 22 podcasts, and I’ve listed a few of my favorites in this post. I should probably write another version because I’ve added a ton of new podcasts to my feed since I wrote that post, many of which I love more than the ones listed there.

But I digress.

One of my favorite podcasts is The Art of Simple. It’s funny that I love this podcast so much since it’s a bit motherhood-centric and I generally don’t enjoy those types of podcasts (obviously, since I’m in a completely different stage of life/not sure I even want to have children). But there’s something about Tsh and the way she interviews her guests. It’s fun to listen to, and I’m always a bit giddy when she has a new podcast up. Whenever she has a new guest on the show, she asks them the below 10 questions. They’re simple and fun and designed for a quick reply. So when Amber and then Lisa both wrote a post detailing their answers to the 10 questions, I thought it would be fun to play along.

Here we go!

1. Twitter or Facebook?

This is difficult because I don’t use either very regularly anymore. In fact, I probably wouldn’t even have a Facebook if I didn’t use it for communicating with my book club girls! My favorite form of social media is Instagram these days, but if I had to choose between Twitter or Facebook, I’d pick Facebook since it keeps me in touch with friends and family. And I’d have to echo Amber’s thoughts that Twitter has a bit too much noise. (I even deleted about 150 people I was following, and it’s still a bit noisy!)

2. Morning person or night owl?

I’m more of a morning person than a night owl. I’d rather work out in the morning than at night, wake up early than stay up late, and I generally prefer daylight to nighttime.

3. How do you drink coffee?

Lots of ways! I love coffee as a frap (which is basically a dessert) or in latte form. If I’m drinking regular coffee, I take it with two creams and a dash of sugar.

4. It’s 9pm and you’ve got the house to yourself, what do you do?

Well, as a single gal, these nights are all too common. (And I love that!) Typically, I’ll take a hot bubble bath and then lay in bed to read!

5. What’s on your nightstand right now?

A lamp, an old-fashioned alarm clock, a coin jar, and the current book I’m reading.

6. What smell do you love?

Coffee. Freshly cut grass. Chocolate chip cookies baking. The ocean. Sheets straight from the dryer.

7. What smell do you hate?

Cinnamon. Cigarette smoke. Burned meat or fish.

8. Other than your current home, where would you most like to live?

No surprise here – Savannah, GA! I truly believe I will call that city home someday.

9. If you could only eat one nationality of food for the rest of your life, which one would it be?

That’s an easy one – Italian. Any other nationality of food I can take or leave (yes, this includes Mexican food. I really have to be in the mood for Mexican. I can go weeks without eating it and be just fine.), but this girl loves her pasta!

10. When you were six years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?

At that age, probably a veterinarian. I loved animals so much and thought being around them all the time would be so much fun. (I held onto this dream until I was 16 years old and took a college-level science course. That’s when I realized a science degree was not in the cards for me!)

Other than your current home, where would you live?

Categories: About Me

Limitless

I’ve started running again.

I had to start running because I signed up to run a 5k at the end of March in Savannah. And I would like to be able to run the majority of that race without, you know, wanting to die.

I have a love/hate relationship with running. I love it when it feels easy and I hate it the rest of the time.

So mostly I hate it.

I don’t look forward to my early morning runs, but there is literally nothing in the world that tops my feeling when I finish a run and fulfilled my goal. (Which is, thus far, completing all the intervals given to me on Couch-to-5k.)

I have to coach myself through the running. I have a bunch of little mantras:

Nobody said this was going to be easy.

It’s okay to be uncomfortable.

Pain is weakness leaving the body. (Even I roll my eyes at that one. OKAY?!)

Nothing good in life ever came for free or easy.

You can do hard things. You can do things you didn’t think were possible.

Running makes me feel capable. It makes me believe in the possible.

The number one reason I don’t reach my goals isn’t because I’m afraid of hard work. No. It’s because I don’t know if I deserve good things. It’s because those big goals I want in life are scary as hell, and I don’t know if I’m good enough to achieve them.

I learned this term the other day: Upper Limit Problem. Marie Forleo explains it better than I can:

Each of has an internal thermometer for how much success, wealth, happiness, love, and intimacy we’ll let ourselves experience. That’s our upper limit setting. Kind of like our success comfort zone.

When we exceed our internal thermostat setting and life gets super duper OMG good (we have an influx of money, get healthy and thin, find a great relationship) – we unconsciously do things to sabotage ourselves, so we can drop back to the old, familiar place where we feel in control.

A “success comfort zone.” The upper limit to what you think is possible. And when things in your life start exceeding that upper limit, when what you thought wasn’t possible in your life suddenly become possible – and not just possible, but on top of the world amazing – we fall back into old patterns so we can get back to our comfort zone. It makes so much sense. At least in my life.

I’ve been in this unending cycle of wanting to lose weight, and losing weight, and then falling back into old habits because – just for a moment – I was finding success. Success that wasn’t exactly comfortable. Success that I wanted but I didn’t feel I deserved. Success that I worked for but didn’t know if I was good enough to keep.

And running. I’ve started and stopped running so many times. I stop when it gets too hard and complain I’m just “not the running type.” I stop even when things are going well and I’m on pace to meet my goal because this is “uncomfortable” and I “just don’t want to do it anymore.” (You can go ahead and imagine a foot-stomping to go along with it. I’ll wait.)

There is no limit to what we are capable of. The possibilities are unending. We can do whatever we want. I want my life to be one where I fought. I fought for not finding the good, but the great. Not settling for good enough, but striving for better than I could imagine. Finding what lights me up, what I am passionate about, what fuels me, and fighting for it. We only get one life. I only have one chance to get this right. And I’m going to fight for what I want. I’m going to set goals and believe in the power of myself to work my ass off to get it. The time is now. It’s not next week or next year or when I’m skinny or when I’m more financially stable. It’s right now.

This is the year we all put a stop to the self-pity and the negativity and the foot-stomping. And we dig in deep, grit our teeth, and find the courage, the bravery, and the guts to go after what we want. I’m going to stop believe there is an upper limit to what I am capable of, an upper limit to what I deserve, an upper limit to my success. There is no limit. There is no comfort zone. There is only fighting for what we want, grabbing onto the success we find, and enjoying the ride.

Categories: About Me

Four Things

I’ve seen this fun little survey floating around on a bunch of different blogs this week, so I thought it would be fun to do on my own! It’s Friday, and this evening is my work’s Christmas party, and that’s all I can really think about. So, easy-breezy post for today it is!

Four names people call me other than my real name:
1 – Steph (self-explanatory, right?)
2 – Titi Steph (this is what my nephew calls me)
3 – Doogie (my dad’s old nickname for me)
4 – Kister (okay, this is just a joke. This is how my mom and I pretend Dutch says my name. What? Your dog doesn’t have a specific voice and a name for you? Huh.)

Four jobs I’ve had:
1 – Babysitter, for a few weeks when I was younger
2 – Preschool teacher, during college
3 – Marketing assistant, first post-college job
4 – SEO copywriter, currently

Four movies I’ve watched more than once:
1 – Tommy Boy
2 – The Santa Clause
3 – The Shawshank Redemption
4 – Elf

Four books I’d recommend:
1 – Me Before You by Jojo Moyes
2 – Wild by Cheryl Strayed
3 – A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini
4 – The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal

Four places I’ve lived:
1 – St. Petersburg, Florida
2 – Tampa, Florida
3 – Clearwater, Florida
4 – Largo, Florida
(Well, isn’t this list exciting?! Haha!)

Four places I’ve visited:
1 – Savannah, GA
2 – Ochos Rios, Jamaica
3 – Grand Cayman
4 – Cozumel, Mexico

Four things I prefer not to eat:
1 – Pumpkin pie, or any kind of pie, really
2 – Any type of Asian food
3 – Any kind of fish
4 – Sweet potatoes

Four of my favorite foods:
1 – Subs from Publix (I eat these at least once a week, usually twice)
2 – Cookies
3 – Pizza
4 – Mashed potatoes
(Don’t you love how these are all white, carby foods? Umm. Yeah.)

Four TV shows I watch:
1 – The Voice
2 – Scandal
3 – The Mindy Project
4 – The Biggest Loser

Four things I’m looking forward to this year:
1 – My work’s Christmas party (tonight!!!)
2 – Enjoying the Christmas season to its fullest
3 – My (hopeful) trip to NYC in the spring
4 – Moving to my own apartment in the summer

Four things I’m always saying:
1 – “Dutch, stop being a jerk.” (I say this daily during our walks. I’m such a nice dog mom!)
2 – “Sounds like a plan, Stan.” (To anyone. I actually know zero Stan’s.)
3 – “Okily dokily!” (Because I’m a dork.)
4 – “F*ck!” (I asked my mom if she could think of anything I say regularly, and this is the answer she came up with. I… um… may have a cursing problem. Maybe.)

What are four movies you’ve seen more than once and four books you’d recommend?

Categories: About Me

On Twenty-Seven

27 is working at a job I love, a job I am good at. It is a healthy working environment with coworkers that have become like family to me. It is ladies’ happy hours, Friday afternoon lunches, inside jokes galore, and giggles throughout the day.

27 is investing in friendships. It’s learning to say yes, even when no feels more comfortable. It’s opening up, being honest, and taking initiative to make plans and reach out.

27 is watching my mom find love again, and being happy for her, even when I wonder when I will find it for myself. It’s stepping back and letting someone else take care of her. It’s welcoming a new family member into the fold.

27 is learning what it means to be a Highly Sensitive Person, and building my life to enhance this aspect of my personality, not detract from it. It’s understanding that being an HSP means I experience life a bit differently than other people, that I need tons of alone time to recharge from all the intense sensory processing I do on a daily basis. It’s finding a reason why I feel so different from other people.

27 is getting smarter with my finances, spending within my means, and saving as much as I can. It’s taking teeny-tiny baby steps to more financial freedom. It’s being intentional with how I spend my money and only making purchases that feel good.

27 is realizing what a gift the ability to travel is. It’s having the financial means, the physical means, and the desire for it. It’s understanding that it is a privilege to be able to pack my bags and explore a brand-new country or city.

27 is becoming an aunt for the second time. It’s a tiny life growing inside my sister-in-law. It’s watching my nephew warm up to the idea of being a big brother. It’s anticipation, glee, hope, and love.

27 is no husband or serious boyfriend. It’s no house or apartment on my own. It’s no babies (and thank God for that!). But 27 is a life I love. It’s family I adore. It’s a dachshund that makes me abundantly happy every single day. It’s the life I’m meant to be living, no matter how far off the timeline I may be.