Family – Page 2

Categories: Family

Love, Laughter & Happily Ever After – The Wedding

On Saturday, my mom and stepdad were married in a beautiful ceremony by the water in downtown St. Petersburg.

It was a gorgeous day – sunny with big puffy clouds in the sky and a slight breeze off the water. They professed their love in front of friends and family, with my mom’s best friend officiating.

I love weddings. I really do. They’re just so full of love and happiness, of hope and excitement. Even during the times when I’m a bitter, chronically single girl, I love weddings. They turn me into a sap.

My mom’s wedding was no different. I feel like I’m such a broken record nowadays, but honestly, my mom deserves this so much. She has been through a lot in her life, especially as it relates to the crap she put up with when married to my father. I’m so happy she has found someone who treats her with patience and kindness and respect. It gives me hope that someday I can find the same.

There’s not too much to say about the actual wedding day because everything went perfectly. (There was a slight mishap when two of my mom’s friends who arrived early to decorate started decorating in the wrong area… but we got that sorted out quickly!) After the ceremony, we stayed for pictures and then cleaned up and headed over to the restaurant for the reception.

And the reception was just as wonderful! The service was fantastic and the food was delicious. And I just loved how people completely loved on my mom and her new husband. I’ve known for a very long time how special and awesome my mom is, and it pleases me to no end that she has found a group of friends who see that as well.

But, before I knew it, it was time for my mom and stepfather to leave for their honeymoon. There was a lot of emotion tied to this day – the stress of getting everything done on time and helping people find the location, the happiness of seeing my mom get married, the joy of being around my family and my mom’s friends – and seeing them off felt like the final pin into this journey of planning a wedding. As I packed all the wedding paraphernalia in the car, I felt like I could breathe for the first time in a few weeks. The wedding planning was over, my mom was now married, and they could take a break and relax on their honeymoon.

So, it was a beautiful wedding and I am so happy for my mom. I’m also thrilled to officially welcome Robert into our family. In the beginning, I wasn’t sure how he would fit in, but he does. It hasn’t been a seamless fit, but it’s a fit nonetheless. And I’m happy to call him my stepfather.

Happy wedding day, you two lovebirds! I cannot wait to see what the future has in store for you guys.

Categories: Family

Three Years

Minnie was a surprise.

I didn’t believe my mom at first when she told my brother and me that we were getting a dog. It was something I had hoped for, wished for, but never really believed would happen. Secretly, my mom and my dad had been visiting the local SPCA shelter and already had the paperwork to prove that Minnie would be ours soon.

I was in fourth grade, my brother in fifth. I remember leaving school early, and driving to the animal shelter to pick her up. She was beautiful. She sat on my mom’s lap as we drove home and immediately found her spot on a blanket laying on the floor the moment she walked into the door. At that moment, she stole all of our hearts and we would never be the same.

Over the next 11 years, Minnie was one of the best friends I’ve ever had. She slept in my bed every night, taking up as much space as she could. She would greet us at the door with something in her mouth, be it a shoe, a sock, or a receipt, anything laying by the door. She liked hugs and kisses after being away from us but was always content to lay in her bed while we watched TV.

She was a good dog. We could walk around in a public park without a leash on her and she would stay by our side, no matter what. My dad trained her and he did an amazing job. We could let her outside in the front yard and she would never leave, only scratching at the door when she was done. She would sit by the door and stare us down when she had to go outside. Sometimes, it would get so uncomfortable that we would leave in the middle of watching TV to take her out.

She was easily frightened by loud noises and yelling. Dutch is the total opposite, looking at you disdainfully when there’s yelling. Minnie always thought the problems lie with her so she would slink down real low, tail behind her legs, offering her apologies when most times, she wasn’t the one at fault. It was the most pitiful thing.

In April of 2008, I was giving Minnie a hug and petting her when I noticed her throat felt like there were two lumps. I had my mom feel them and we set up a doctor’s appointment right away. The vet didn’t have good news. Shaking his head and tsk-ing, he let us know that Minnie had most likely developed lymphoma. At best, she had 2 years left and that’s if we pursued surgery and chemotherapy. He gave her a shot to “help with the pain” but I know in my heart, it was the wrong decision. Within a few hours, Minnie was different. Lethargic, unhappy. She wasn’t the same.

We took her to a specialist, who confirmed our fears. She had lymphoma. Chemotherapy could help, but it wouldn’t prolong her life for more than two years and there wasn’t any guarantee of that. So we made the tough decision to let her live out the rest of her days until her quality of life diminished too far. Those next two weeks were the hardest of my life. It was so tough to see her go from a lively, fun dog who would greet us at the door full of energy, jump on the couch to cuddle while watching TV to a shell of the dog she was. She had a spot on the floor she only moved from to go outside. Every step she took was painful and every night, she would moan in pain. I don’t know how I could go through that again. I don’t know how it didn’t absolutely kill me from the inside with her.

It was June 8, 2008 when we decided we had to do what was best for her. We took Minnie to an emergency pet center to put her down. It was so difficult to hold her in my arms, a 25-pound sick dog, knowing this would be the last time I held her. The last time I looked into her furry face and saw my love reflected. When we went home, she would not be there for the first time in 11 years. I couldn’t be in the room when it happened. I left a split second before it happened. I hate myself for that. I hate that I left her. I hate that I couldn’t be there in those final seconds.

Minnie was an amazing dog. I feel blessed that she was my first dog and attached herself to my heart so solidly. I knew it would be difficult to replace her, but Dutch has done his part in restoring my heart. Still, Minnie will always be that first dog, the first one who taught me what love looks like.

Categories: Family

Cheated Out of a Father

A few weeks ago, I was walking through an aisle in the grocery store where I witnessed a father-son interaction. After everything I’ve been through with my dad, I always find it interesting to watch interactions between fathers and their kids. I have to admit, though, most of the fathers I see have very little patience with their kids. This was especially true with my dad, to an extreme.

The father was on one side of the aisle and the child on the other. While the father was sniffing candles, the child was playing with a display. And the kid accidentally knocked down one of the items on the display. He quickly picked it up and put it back but I was more interested in the father’s response.

From my own personal experiences, I expected a sharp reprimand and a look of sadness on the child’s face.

Instead, the father looked over at his son, gave a low chuckle, and motioned for his son to follow him. No reprimand, no look of sadness on the child’s face.

Honestly, I was astounded – and a little choked up. Never in my life could I ever imagine my father doing this. He was a man who was long on discipline and short on love. (At least, this is the way it felt to me.)

And I just feel so cheated out of having a father. I feel cheated out of knowing a father’s unconditional love and approval. Who knows what type of life I would be leading today if I had a father who loved and supported me in every aspect of my life? Who wasn’t a convicted felon?

It’s so easy to get caught in the what if’s, especially when life isn’t working out the way you imagined it. I could imagine what my life would be like with a great father, but it’s such a moot point. There’s a reason God gave me this father in my life. There’s a reason I’ve had to deal with such heartache and pain when it comes to him. I don’t know why but it has made me a stronger person. And it’s made me a person who is not going to settle for a relationship where a guy doesn’t show his love and appreciation for me. I saw how my dad treated my mother. I saw how he belittled her, threatened her, and beat up on her. I saw how long it took my mom to break out of this shell my dad placed her in to become the woman she is today. That’s not going to be me.

I am not settling for a relationship like my mom had. I want a man who is going to be there for me on my worst days and on my best days. I want a man who is going to treat me with dignity and respect. I want a man who brings out the best in me. I want a man who is going to be the best father to my children, who loves them unconditionally, no matter if they score the winning soccer goal or fail to hit the ball once in a baseball game. (And all of this goes hand-in-hand for how I need to treat my future husband as well.)

And when God gave me a father like my deadbeat one, he also gave me a mother who surpasses all expectations. She is the most unselfish, giving, and loving person I’ve ever met. She has given up so much for my brother and me and has shown me time and time again, what it’s like to fall down, brush yourself off, get up, and persevere. She has evolved into my best friend and someone I would be lost without. My mom more than makes up for my father.