So here we are. Florida is one of the states seeing significant increases in COVID-19 cases and looks to be the next epicenter. We hit a record-high of 5,000+ cases two days in a row (Wednesday and Thursday), which is astonishing. What’s even more astonishing is that our governor is still not willing to do anything about this. He continues to insist it’s due to increased testing, which is just not factual at all. I try to check this database at least once a day to see how things are going in my county and what the ICU bed availability looks like. (28, as of Thursday night.)

Thankfully, the county I live in now has a mandatory mask ordinance in place. I’m glad we have sensible officials in our local government! All of Florida should be under this ordinance since wearing masks is the best way to prevent community spread, but alas. At least I can feel good knowing that whenever I go to the grocery store, everyone else will be wearing masks. (And I really feel for the workers who have to enforce this rule with shoppers. I know there are plenty of people who won’t like the rule, sigh.)

My family is planning this big Fourth of July party, as some family members will be in town and everyone wants to get together. At first, we were thinking about doing it at a park but now we’re planning to have it at a condo on the beach. There will be a lot of us (around 20 people, maybe?!) and I think I’m going to have to be the party pooper who doesn’t attend. I just don’t feel comfortable about it, and I hope my family understands, but even if they don’t, that’s okay. I have to do what feels right for me.

I’ve had a lot of anxiety lately, much more than normal. I’ve been in a really good place with my mental health for about the past year, so it always feels defeating when my anxiety rises to unmanageable levels. I think it all stems from the trajectory this pandemic has taken for my state. Not only are our case numbers rising, but the median age of a coronavirus patient is dramatically lower—37 years old. Normal life seems like a state of mind. Was there really a time when I could walk into a packed spin class and not blink an eye at being seated less than a foot away from people?

I think I’m also feeling rather sad about having nothing to look forward to. There are no vacations on the horizon or fun plans to anticipate. I’m trying to save my vacation days to take a good chunk of time off around my move. Even though the move won’t be too crazy since I’m moving within my complex, it will still be nice to have a lot of time to pack and unpack and get the girls used to the new setting. I’m trying to take off one day per month, too, as a mental health day. That helps! I took a Wednesday off in June and basically did nothing but read and sleep, and it was divine. I planned to go to the pool, but it rained all afternoon. I’m taking off a day next month to celebrate my mom’s birthday with her, so that will be nice. 🙂

And, hopefully, I can plan a getaway in the fall. Something within driving distance, of course. Maybe it’s time to visit Savannah again? I love that city so much, goodness.

As I mentioned last week, my company announced plans for reopening the office. They’re doing it in phases and this first phase is completely voluntary. The office will only be open on Tuesdays and Thursdays, only 25 employees can be in the office at one time, and the office will be thoroughly sanitized before and after each workday. While I don’t have any plans to go into the office to work, I am hoping to schedule a time to pick up some of the stuff from my desk. Like my wireless computer mouse and my cat calendar and my big Tervis water cup. When I left in mid-March, I had no idea I wouldn’t be back for such a long time! It’s crazy when I think about it. There were also some discussions about continuing a mostly remote work-from-home program once things return to “normal.” I would be required to come into the office once or twice a month for team meetings and such, and that sounds great to me.

In other good news, I finally got my washer fixed! I felt comfortable enough having the maintenance man come in and look at it (he wore a mask), and turns out, I needed an entirely new washer/dryer! My new one is super fancy with a touch screen and lots of bells and whistles, and it makes me less anxious to move out of this apartment, haha. It’s so exciting!

I’m still keeping pretty isolated in my day-to-day life. I did go to TJ Maxx once and Target twice, but that’s about it. I’m still not going to the gym or restaurants, and still not seeing friends. My circle remains my mom, stepdad, brother, and older nephew. I haven’t seen my girlfriends since we did a socially distanced book club meeting at the end of May, and it makes my heart ache. I miss them so much! But it’s also hard to know what sorts of activities would be ok to do, you know? And being outside isn’t all that pleasant right now in Florida between the intense heat and mosquitoes. Ugh.

In other news, I’m still waiting on the books I requested from the library. Four of the books I requested have been “in transit” for more than two weeks now. Whew. To be clear, this isn’t a complaint and I know my library system is doing its best right now. Just an observation. I know they’re dealing with a backlog and I’m assuming they’re quarantining any materials they get in for 14 days, so perhaps my time is coming soon. I’ll be patient! I’ve got enough reading material to keep me busy anyway, between my own bookshelves (both print and Kindle!) and Libby. I’ll be fiiiiine. 🙂

So that’s where I’m at right now. There’s a lot happening, and it all feels very scary and overwhelming at times. But I have to remember to stay present and not worry about what could happen in the future. Yes, Florida is most likely COVID-19’s next epicenter, but all that means for me is spending more time at home with my kitties. And is that really such a bad thing?

As I write this post on June 11, Florida has reported more than 11,000 new coronavirus cases and 350 deaths this month alone. It’s staggering. It’s tragic. It’s terrifying.

It’s hard to know if cases are going up because we reopened so early and so chaotically, or if it’s because more widespread testing is available, including at nursing homes and assisted living facilities. Maybe both factors are at play. But it can’t be stressed enough that this pandemic is not over. I see less and less people following proper social distancing guidelines and wearing masks when in public. A friend told me that her five-year-old was invited to a friend’s pool party. (!!!) Not to mention, the Republican National Convention is going to be held in Florida (biggest eyeroll ever) and you know Trump is going to want that center filled to the brim.

I’ve been hemming and hawing lately about getting a pedicure and a massage. Both are silly things to worry about when we’re in the midst of a global pandemic and racial justice movement, I know, but man, do I miss both of them. My feet are a wreck and my body feels stiff without the release of massage. I wanted to wait to see if case numbers increased after we reopened our stores and restaurants and salons, and now that I see the staggering numbers for June, I’m glad I waited. (I don’t regret getting my hair done because I felt like my salon took the right steps to protect their employees and guests. My next appointment isn’t until mid-July and I’ll reassess when the date is closer.)

The company I work for sent out a survey about our work-from-home program. As of right now, there is a target date of July 6th to start bringing people back into the office on a voluntary basis. I am really not interested in going back to the office, both because of the pandemic and because I enjoy working from home so very much. I really hope I can transition to a full-time remote worker. I’d love that. I’d be also open to coming into the office one day a week, but nothing more than that. But if I do transition to remote work, I really want to get a regular desktop computer with two monitors. Working off my laptop is fine, but not a long-term solution.

Speaking of computers, I’m still waiting for my replacement keyboard to come in. Argh! It was supposed to be shipped to the repair shop within 3-5 days, and now it’s been 10 days! Thankfully, I bought a wireless keyboard when this whole mishap happened, hoping I could hook it up to my laptop and use it. It didn’t work the first time I tried it, but I randomly decided to give it another go and IT WORKED. So now I can use my laptop (and have access to my work VPN!) and I am GLORIOUSLY HAPPY. Working on a tiny, outdated Chromebook was miserable. And I feel less crazed about getting my keyboard fixed. Yay!

In super exciting news, my library system is now allowing us to place holds again! I think they have been doing curbside pickup for a few weeks now (maybe for stuff that was placed on hold before the pandemic hit?), but now we actually have the ability to place holds and pick them up. Once my holds are ready, I’ll call the library to select a time slot to come by and pick them up (curbside, of course). I put five books on hold once I heard the news! I’m just excited to get back to my “normal” way of reading and not have to rely on my Kindle so much. This pandemic has shown me that I prefer a good ratio of print books and e-books. 50/50 at least, but more like 70/30. My ratio during the pandemic has been 30% print and 70% e-book and whew, I am ready for that to change!

I went to the beach last week, which is out of the norm for me even when not in a pandemic. Last Friday was a hard day (my dad’s birthday) so my mom took the afternoon off to spend time with me, which was so lovely. We decided to venture to the beach for a few hours and it worked out perfectly. It was overcast so the beach was not crowded at all and everyone was pretty far apart from one another. There were a few large groups, but nothing over 10 people. (It also made me realize: We should always sit at least 6 feet apart from people at the beach! Like, it’s crazy to me to not do that, pandemic or not. Get out of my bubble!)

I’m still so weirded out by this new reality of mask-wearing, even though I am 100% pro-mask. It’s just so strange, you know? To be searching Etsy for masks and to get in my mom’s car to see three masks hanging off her gear shift and to drive down the road to see someone wearing a mask while waiting for the bus. They’ve become so normal, yet they still feel so abnormal. I feel kindred spirits with people who choose to wear their masks and eye-roll-y at those who don’t. (And yes, I understand that wearing a mask isn’t possible for everyone and that there are real safety concerns for Black people wearing masks.) But I think most people just can’t be bothered, and that’s really unfortunate.

That’s where things stand with me and the state of coronavirus in Florida right now. It’s not looking good, but I’ll keep updating my notebook with new numbers and crossing my fingers we start to see improvements soon.

I feel like things have changed so dramatically from my last update. Florida’s been in the process of reopening for most of May now, and just about everything here is open—restaurants, hair and nail salons, beaches, public pools, gyms, retailers. Our local county is taking things one step further and allowing bowling alleys, movie theaters, and even tattoo parlors to open because, I mean, why not? Let’s just go hogwild here. (Sigh.)

Of course, everything that’s opened is open at limited capacity and with strict sanitation mandates in place.

It’s confusing, though, to know what to do personally. In what ways can I “reopen” my own life? As long as I wear a mask, limit contact, and wash my hands thoroughly, what’s okay for me to do? What’s irresponsible? Is it all irresponsible? Should I continue to stay at home, only going out for my weekly grocery store run?

Well, that’s not what I’ve been doing. Since my last update, I have:

• Spent time with my mom, my brother, and my nephews
• Gone to the hair salon
• Went to a socially distanced book club meeting in a friend’s backyard

After spending Mother’s Day with my mom, I have continued seeing her. We’re meeting up once a week at her home to just hang out and order in dinner. It’s been so, so nice to see her again and spend time with her face-to-face. FaceTime is just not the same!

I went to my hair salon last weekend. They had strict procedures in place, which made me feel safe enough to go: waiting in the car until your stylist is ready to see you, everyone wearing masks, people sitting six feet apart while waiting for their color to process, etc. They were sanitizing like crazy and spacing out appointments so the stylist could sanitize their area after each client. I have really missed my hair appointments and I’m glad I was able to go and felt comfortable doing so.

But there is also a lot I haven’t been doing, like:

• Getting a massage
• Getting a pedicure
• Going to a restaurant
• Shopping at Target, TJ Maxx, Homegoods, the mall, etc.
• Going to the beach or the pool
• Going to my gym

I’m not planning on going to a restaurant anytime soon, and I think I’ll also stay away from shopping for the time being. You won’t find me at a beach when there isn’t a global pandemic, so I am sure as shit not going to one now. And as much as I want to go to the pool, I think I’ll wait until my mom and stepdad move into their new home this summer, which has a pool. (!!) My gym opened this week and I am very grateful that they are allowing people to continue to freeze their membership for the time being. I don’t think I’m ready for that just yet! How does it even work? They are recommending but not requiring masks, but I can’t imagine doing a workout with a mask on!

I really want a pedicure and I am craving a massage like mad. I think I’m going to wait another few weeks on the pedicure—I’d like to see what case numbers look like as more and more things open and people start to venture out more often. My massage spa is still closed for now and I haven’t heard anything about when they are going to open. I know they are making plans to reopen, but I’m encouraged that they are taking their time to do so. It means they are putting strategies in place and taking their time. If they open, though, I’ll probably book a massage.

And then I feel guilty about that! See what I mean?

Things are open and as long as I’m being as safe as I can possibly be while venturing out, shouldn’t it be okay to do so? But none of it feels okay. It all feels like a moral decision, and no matter what I do, I feel like I’m making the wrong choice.

Maybe it’s all about baby steps. Maybe it’s about venturing out to do one thing… and then a few weeks later, if everything seems okay, adding something else in. I don’t need to do it all at once, and I also don’t need to stay home indefinitely. As long as I feel comfortable and I wear my mask and the place I’m going is abiding by the proper protocols, it’s okay to venture out. At least I hope it is.

I’m keeping my eyes on case numbers, of course. But there have been a lot of articles recently about the misrepresentation of data in Florida. One of our data scientists who helped to create an online dashboard to easily access information about COVID-19 cases was fired from her job for allegedly not being willing to fudge the numbers to support Florida’s reopening. Of course, our governor (Trump crony that he is) says that she’s been fired for a history of insubordination. (Which makes me wonder: what insubordination? Refusing to manipulate data? Hmm.) It’s frightening, though, to realize that the data I’m looking at may not even be correct. Our case numbers aren’t going down at all, but they also haven’t gone up drastically since reopening. Then again, who’s to know if they are going up…

I’m still working from home, of course, and I haven’t heard anything about going back into the office. I know a lot of companies are keeping employees at home through the summer and even into much of the fall, and I hope the same is true for my company. I’m pretty sure it will be—they haven’t been too eager to get us back into the office. So I foresee another few months, at least, of full-time remote work, which I am oh-so-happy about. Getting all of this time with the cats has been the most amazing thing. I remember how sad I would get at the beginning of every day when I had to leave them! And now I don’t have to. Yay!

So, that’s where I’m at right now. Everything felt so strange and apocalyptic this time last month when everything was closed down and all we could think about was COVID-19. And everything still feels so strange with businesses opening back up. It feels weird to walk around my hair salon and see everyone in masks and weird to see restaurants with signs out front, “We’re Back!” and weird to feel like normal life is oh-so-slowly returning. I’m not sure I’m ready for it yet. I want to guard my weekends fiercely still, even as friends reach out to make plans. I don’t know if I’m ready for that level of togetherness just yet. It still feels scary to think about being around people, even with masks on. And I think there is a level of grief in that, that maybe I haven’t truly dealt with yet. The disappearance of feeling safe in public, at least safe from germs and infectious diseases. Thinking about packed spin studios and busy airports and crowded restaurants… it never crossed my mind to worry about getting sick from being in such close quarters with people. And now it’s all I can think about.

What a weird time to be alive.