Stephany Writes

Categories: Life

The Coronavirus Diaries | Week 2

It’s another week of social distancing, working from home full-time, and trying to not fall into a downward spiral of despair every time I read the news.

I had a panic attack this weekend after going to the grocery store and seeing empty shelves everywhere. I went on Friday morning. The first thing I wanted to get was cheese for sandwiches… and there were exactly two packages of sliced cheese left. TWO! As I continued to shop, I continued to be met with empty shelves and little-to-no choices for what to eat. It was scary.

It’s not like we’re not used to empty shelves in Florida. It happens constantly whenever a hurricane threatens. Suddenly, water becomes liquid gold, flashlights and batteries are nowhere to be found, and shelf-stable foods are ripped from the shelves. But gradually things go back to normal.

I have no idea when things will go back to normal here. Or what normal will even look like.

It’s hard to believe that restaurants will reopen and gyms will turn their lights back on and shops will open their doors and it will be like the past few months never happened.

Just a bad dream.

I went away this weekend with some friends. I talked about it in last week’s post. We wanted to go kayaking at Ichetucknee Springs and decided to make a weekend of it. We planned this trip back in January before any of us had an inkling of what Coronavirus was. As the virus spread to the States and social distancing started to become the norm, I really didn’t think this trip would happen. It felt irresponsible, even though we were below the CDC threshold of 10 people. The trip happened and it was fine, but I was panicky all weekend. That seems to be my norm nowadays.

We couldn’t kayak from Ichetucknee Springs, either, since they closed down the park on Saturday. The park rangers gave us an alternate place to go, but that ended up being closed, too. Thankfully, our Airbnb was right on the Suwannee River so we were able to kayak from there. And it ended up being perfect for my first time—we kayaked for an hour and it was downstream the whole time, so we didn’t even need to paddle much. (It was so low-key that I definitely couldn’t count it as a workout, ha!)

It was good to get away and be around people, but it also exacerbated some of my anxiety symptoms. Lately, I’ve been feeling homesick whenever I’m away from my apartment. There’s really no other way to explain it, even though that seems like a weird way to describe how I’m feeling. Like… who gets homesick in their thirties? But it’s happening to me often, whenever I’m away from my apartment for more than a few days. All I can do is count down the days until I’m home again, in my familiar apartment with my beloved girls.

I didn’t realize it until a few weeks ago, but I forgot to schedule my next therapy appointment after my last one in early February. We were on an every-four-week cadence and I think we had scheduled them for a full year and when that full year ran out, we forgot to set up more appointments. Oops! At first, I thought that was okay because I was feeling really good and less in need of regular therapy. And now we’re in a global pandemic. So I need to contact her about setting up an appointment. I’m not sure if she’s seeing patients in her office right now, but I’m crossing my fingers I can at least get on the phone with her in the next week.

I feel like the tone of this post is melancholy and I want to assure you that I am okay. I am a bit more anxious than I was a month ago and I’m finding it hard to stem the tide of downward-spiraling thoughts, but I’m trying to employ some of the strategies I learned through therapy—taking things one day at a time, staying away from the news when I can, and recognizing what I can and can’t control in this. And there are good things, like:

  • Marco Polo with friends – I’m loving this app! It’s essentially a “video walkie-talkie” where you film a video for a group or a friend and they can respond to it and make their own videos. My book club is using it as a way for all of us to check in and chat as we go about our days, and it’s been super fun. It makes me feel so connected to my friends!
  • Working from home – I’ve always had this niggling suspicion in the back of my head that I would THRIVE in a full-time remote position. And I am two weeks into working from home full-time and loving it. I love being at home, love not having a commute, love getting to work in comfy clothes. I haven’t worn makeup in almost two weeks and my face feels so much more hydrated and happy. I feel like if I can enjoy working from home at a time like this, when I can’t meet up with a friend for lunch or stop by the gym for a midday workout, I would do just fine when things go back to “normal.”
  • So much cat time – Oh, you guys, it’s just so wonderful to have so much time with my girls. I love them so damn much and being able to hang out with them all day has been such a treat. I think they’re loving it, too, as evidenced by Ellie constantly trying to take naps right in front of my laptop as I try to work and Lila curling up next to me when I work on the couch. <3
  • Making a daily schedule – After a full week of feeling like I was flailing about and just moving from task-to-task willy-nilly, I started making a daily schedule to guide me throughout my day. Last week, I was waking up 15 minutes before I needed to log into work and then working late into the evening. Now I’m trying to wake up earlier to get in a workout, take a shower, eat breakfast, etc., before starting my workday. I’m trying to set specific times when I’m working and when I’m taking a break. It helps me to plan my day, figure out when I’m going to log off and cook dinner, and when I’m going to go to bed. I try to make every day a bit different to keep things exciting during these quarantine days, and it’s really helping me feel less crazed.
  • Daily naps – Here’s my little secret. I’m taking an hour-long nap every afternoon, and it is the MOST divine. I use this as my “lunch break” since I work while eating lunch. There is something totally decadent about slipping into my bed in the middle of the day and taking a little nap. It’s hard to express how much I look forward to these naps and how rejuvenating they are for me.
  • Walks outside – I’ll admit I’ve been a little lazy about taking a daily walk lately, but they are so good for my soul. I need to get outside, feel the sunshine and fresh air, and get my eyes away from my computer screen. I need to stretch my body and move it and let my butt get a break from the chair. I just need to remember that even a 10- or 15-minute walk is good!

Currently, Florida is not under any sort of stay-at-home order, which is truly mind-boggling to me considering we’re closing in on 2,000 cases statewide and states with far fewer cases are under this order. Thankfully, our county leaders are logical human beings who understand the seriousness of stopping the spread so they have instituted countywide stay-at-home orders beginning today. Just another reason why local elections matter, people!

Stay safe and HOME, friends, and tell me what you’re doing to stay sane during this unprecedented time.

Categories: Life

A Coronavirus Update

Hi, friends. What a weird, crazy time we’re living through right now. And we’re all living through it as a collective, which is both terrifying and comforting. I don’t really feel like sticking to my normal blogging schedule during a time like this (though I’ll probably continue my reading updates for some normalcy). Instead, I think I’ll just start blogging my feelings as they come.

Yesterday, my mom and I made the decision to cancel our trip to New Orleans. I don’t think I’ve talked about this on the blog yet, but we were planning on going April 6-9 and staying at the iconic Royal Sonesta. I was super excited and already working on an itinerary. But I don’t think things will suddenly be better in two weeks and it’s smarter to wait until everything is behind us. I was able to get a full credit for the flights and my mom is working on getting a refund or credit for the hotel. It’s a bummer, but we’ll go later this year. It will all be fine.

As I mentioned on Monday, the company I work for made the decision to go remote this week. In a weird way, this has become a little test to see if I’d like to work from home on a more regular basis. I’m only three days in and all three days, I’ve left my apartment. (Monday to go to my mom’s to celebrate Chip’s birthday, Tuesday to vote and take Chip out, and Wednesday because my mom was working from home and asked if I wanted to join her in the afternoon.) So that’s been nice! I wonder what it would be like if I didn’t have plans almost every day in a work week. That’s more of the norm for me. I’ve always thought I’d be the perfect candidate for working from home (I am a classic homebody and offices can be overstimulating for my nervous system), but I also like being around my coworkers.

I’m not following the news incessantly because, well, nobody should be doing that. We all need to take breaks from it. I listen to the What a Day podcast and read the accompanying nightly newsletter to find out what’s currently happening. I’m also listening to America Dissected: Coronavirus, which is hosted by an epidemiologist. I have CNN push alerts set up for breaking news + news about COVID-19 (I rarely click the link; I just read the alert). But that’s about it. I’m not on Facebook or Twitter anymore, thankfully. Instagram can get overwhelming enough!

Here in Florida, we’re making some changes. All bars and nightclubs are closed for 30 days and restaurants have to be under 50% capacity. Many restaurants have shifted to delivery or to-go only. Schools are closed until April 15th and universities are going online for the rest of the semester. Our public library system is closed and starting Monday, all Clearwater beaches will be closed for two weeks. (Really wish the other cities would follow suit. Geez.) Lots of businesses, like my vet’s office and dentist’s office, are only taking patients in the event of an emergency.

However, we still had our primary. I went to my polling location to vote because I totally dropped the ball on voting by mail. Well, to be honest, I had no idea who I was voting for until a few days ago. I sanitized my hands thoroughly before going in. I only touched my ballot and a pen (I was told that the pens had been sanitized). Oh, and also the “I Voted” sticker, oops. But they did a great job of making sure voters didn’t have to touch anything else! They had doors propped open and someone standing nearby to open any closed doors. And I was the only person there when I went. And of course, afterward, I thoroughly washed my hands with warm water and soap!

Most of my anxiety about this virus is about how this is going to affect our economy. I don’t mean to say I’m not worried about people’s lives—I definitely am! I’m really scared we waited too long to put severe measures in place to flatten the curve. But I’m also terrified about what our economy is going to look like even a month down the road. I’m sad for the small businesses that might not make it and for all the people who have already been laid off from this nightmare. Will it be worse than 2008? Who knows. I surely have no idea about the stock market or investments or any of that. But it seems like it could be really bad. And that’s keeping me up at night.

I don’t want to end on that note, so let’s talk about happier news: I’ve decided to go on my kayaking trip this weekend! We’ll be staying at an Airbnb in a semi-remote location. (Not, like, murder-y remote.) We’ll be kayaking and paddle boarding in a natural spring where few people will be around. And we’ll be eating all of our meals in. There will be eight of us in total, nobody who is high risk. I have thought long and hard about going because I want to be responsible… but I also don’t want to let my social anxiety get the better of me. And I truly think it was my social anxiety that was telling me to cancel. (Even though I know it will be fun! And I’ll be glad I went! But, alas, that’s not how social anxiety works. I can only do my best to not let the fear win.)

So that’s where I am today. Scared and unsure and trying to make the best of this weird time. I hope you all are hanging in there, too.

Categories: Life

February Recap

Ah, February! It was a good month for me, filled with lots of fun experiences with my favorite people. There was also a little bit of mental unwellness, which is why I took a three-week break from Instagram. It was exactly what I needed and after doing a purge of some of the accounts I follow, I’m back on the app and feeling good about it. I’m trying not to spend more than 30 minutes on it every day, which I think helps keep me from falling down the scrolling rabbit hole. (Can we talk about how dangerous that “Explore” page is? Oof.) Anyway, here’s February in highlights!

Super Bowl Sunday

Super Bowl Sunday always feels like a holiday to me, and it was extra special this year because my brother’s favorite team was in the Super Bowl! Unfortunately, they ended up losing and it was very disheartening but we still had a really fun time. Mom hosted a party and a bunch of our family came over. We had tons of food and desserts, and it was a lovely, lovely evening with so many of my favorite people.

A Mom Date

I always take the Monday after the Super Bowl off work and my mom did so as well, so we decided to make it a day of luxury for us! We met up around noon, had lunch together, and then went to our favorite pottery place to paint. After that, we got massages (separately, lol). We both have memberships at our local Hand & Stone spa so we decided to schedule our monthly massages at the same time this Monday. Then, we got pedicures!

Mud Girl Race

I already talked about this race in this post, so I won’t get too detailed about my experience. Suffice it to say, it was incredibly fun, the highlight of my year so far, and I can’t wait to do another one. (If you have a Mud Girl race near you – sign up and do it! It’s a fun, supportive atmosphere and you’ll have a blast!)

Galentine’s Day

Honestly, I can’t remember how many years my dearest friend, B., and I have been doing an annual Galentine’s Day celebration. At least five years, maybe longer. This year, she came over to my place after work and we gave each other little gifts (she also bought me a long-stemmed rose!), ordered pizza, and watched a rom-com: When Harry Met Sally. (Neither of us had seen it before!) It was the perfect way to celebrate this lovely little holiday.

A Road Trip with Chip

My mom and I took a road trip in the middle of the month to potentially pick up a sibling for Chip! Unfortunately, the dog wasn’t the right fit for the family so we left empty-handed. It was a long day of driving, around 12 hours from the time we left my apartment to the time we arrived back in town, and Chip was with us. When my mom said she wanted to bring him with us, I was really worried about how he’d handle being in a car for that long but he did AMAZING. Who knew that this tiny monster would become a perfect angel in the car? He enjoyed hanging out in the front seat, sleeping on our laps, and doing a little driving himself.

The Girls’ Annual Wellness Visits

Both of the cats had vet appointments this month, and I was really nervous about how they would do! I mean, truthfully, I was mostly concerned about getting them into the carrier (especially Lila) because neither of them particularly enjoys being in them. (Who knew?) Turns out, Eloise was harder to put in the carrier than Lila. I was able to pick Lila up while she was sitting on my bed and get her in the carrier but Eloise hid under the couch and wouldn’t come out for anything. (I had to move the couch to get her, lolz.)

Both girls did wonderfully at the vet, though! Again, I was more nervous about Lila than Eloise because she doesn’t even let me hold her so I wasn’t sure how a vet was going to be able to examine her and give her shots. Eloise was her usual friendly self while Lila cowered in the carrier until she was forced to come out. Then, after her shots, she let me hold her! The vet said I could put her in her carrier and I was like, “No way! She never lets me hold her!” It was so sweet. Lila has such a soft, cuddly little body and it was pure bliss for me.

Anyway, the girls are both healthy, although Lila has gained some weight over the year. She’s close to 11 lbs now and the vet doesn’t want her getting any bigger. Meanwhile, Eloise lost some weight, weighing in at a svelte 9.4 lbs. I’m not too worried about Lila’s weight (my mom protested that all of her weight is in her coat, haha). I’ll keep an eye on her, but she’s happy and healthy and that’s all that matters!

Lunch with Lisa!

It was so wonderful to spend a few hours with Lisa last month. Once I learned that she would be vacationing with her family just a short drive from where I live, I immediately pounced on the idea of meeting up for coffee or lunch. I’m so glad we were able to make it work. We had a great time catching up, discussing our cats, and talking about books. It’s always so wonderful to take these blog friendships off-screen. <3

D’s 5th birthday

My youngest nephew turned FIVE this month, which is mind-blowing. How has half a decade passed since he was born? We celebrated with a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. I can’t believe this little man will be in kindergarten next year! (And yes, he dressed up as Buzz Lightyear for his birthday party. This dude dances to the beat of his own drum and it is the BEST.)

Book Club Photo Shoot

The shining star of February! This was such a delight and I’m so excited to see our photos. Back in October, my friend B. (yes, the same one mentioned above!) let us in on a secret: She bought our book club a photo shoot package through her wedding photographer. !!! This has been a dream of A., our leader, for years and years.

Before the shoot, I stopped by a local blowout bar that recently opened up near me. The place was so cute and I loved the energy in the space. So positive and empowering! I asked for nice big curls and I wish I had time to take a picture before all the festivities because my stylist did a wonderful job! Alas, I finished just five minutes before I was due to the photo shoot location (eeps!). I ended up being 10 minutes late, but luckily, some other friends were running behind so it was no biggie.

It was a beautiful day, but a bit chilly and windy (which meant my bangs were all over the place for the pictures—hopefully they turned out okay!). We all brought along our favorite book (Anne of Green Gables for me!) and got lots of great photos of us holding our books and interacting with each other.

We also tried to get some photos of us doing normal book club things, like chatting with books, checking out the calendars on our phones to set the next book club meeting, and of course, selfies!

Our time went super quickly (it was a 45-minute shoot) and before we knew it, it was all over! It was just the best experience and I’m so glad we’ll have these beautiful professional photos to celebrate our friendship by. We really are so much more than a book club—we’re a group of women who love each other deeply.

Favorites of February

Tell me one of your highlights from February!

Categories: Life

That Time I Ran a Mud Race

My mom is the one who brought up the idea of doing a mud race. She found this race randomly one day in September and said she’d pay my race fee. I looked at the website and thought it over. It didn’t seem like it would be one of those hardcore mud races, plus it was females only which are my favorite kinds of races to do, so I shrugged and said “Sure.” After all, it was still almost six months away and a lot can change in six months.

Fast forward to February. I’m two months out from breaking my ankle and while I knew I could physically walk a 5K, I wasn’t sure about the whole obstacle course thing. Was I going to make it?

We were going to find out.

We arrived at the race site, which was at this gorgeous former horse ranch in Dade City, around 7:30 on Saturday and it was a chilly 38 degrees. I told my mom, “You know, if we lived in the Midwest, this weather would feel great!” She looked at me and said, “But we’re not from the Midwest.” Ain’t that the truth?

Thankfully, as the sun came up, it warmed up a bit and was probably in the upper 40s, low 50s when we were racing.

Our official start time wasn’t until 9:15 but we decided to be rebels and got in the starting chute around 8:30 since they weren’t being super sticklers about start times. Due to the nature of this race and not wanting to cause a bottleneck at the beginning of the course, they were letting small groups go at a time. Once that small group crossed a specific part of the course, they’d let the next group go. It was really efficient and before long, we were up at the front and it was nearly time for us to start!

I started getting really nervous at this point! It was only then that it sunk in that I was going to be splashing around in mud for three miles. I’m not someone who enjoys being dirty, at all, and remember hating it as a kid, too, so I was feeling a little apprehensive about it.

But nothing to it but to do it—it was time to go!

The first obstacle came quickly, just 200 yards from the start. It was a simple mud pit that we had to run through, and it felt like the weirdest thing to do! A mud pit is something you avoid, not walk in willingly with shoes on. And yet, that’s exactly what we had to do. (Side note here: I went to Target the day before the race to buy a cheap pair of shoes because I sure did not want to ruin the new shoes I bought just a few months ago! Thanks, Kim, for the tip!)

Challenge #1 done! There was a bit of a walk to the next obstacle, which was an easy one where we just had to climb over and under various obstacles. (Climbing over was harder for me because I’m so short!) Then we had to run on an inflatable that had mud pit holes to avoid, climb up and over vertical monkey bars (scary!), and then… the obstacle that caused me to tweak my ankle.

What’s that? Did I hurt my ankle again? Nobody is surprised? Well, fine then.

I had a feeling this obstacle was going to be a difficult one. It involved climbing over not-very-stable mounds of closely packed dirt and then jumping into a mud pit (that was fairly deep—maybe went up to my thighs?). There were three mounds to climb and mud pits to jump into. The second time I jumped into the mud pit, I landed weirdly and felt something give in my ankle. So I immediately climbed out of the mud pit and skipped the last section. I don’t think I did anything super damaging—I was able to walk on my ankle with just a small twinge of pain and complete the course (making sure to baby that ankle and use my left leg for leverage and landing), and thankfully I have physical therapy tomorrow to address it!

The course really seemed to fly by, something I have never said about a race. I felt like I was truly in the moment and just enjoying every single second I got to spend on this course. It was a gorgeous day (although I wouldn’t have minded if it was 10-20 degrees warmer, ha) and I just felt so grateful to be on this course and able to handle most of the obstacles. I really surprised myself!

I think the reason I loved this race so much was that there were so many obstacles to play on! All in all, there were 21 and it never felt like we were walking for very long before we came to the next obstacle. And they were all so varied and fun! It was more than just crawling in mud pits, although there was definitely a lot of that. We went down slides and climbed up and down rope ladders and climbed on bales of hay. We walked up and down seesaws, crawled through tunnels, and did a farmer’s carry in an abandoned horse stable. I never knew what was coming next for us, but I knew I was going to give each obstacle my best shot.

My mom might not want me to talk about this, but there was this sweet moment in the race when my mom was trying to crawl on this vertical rope obstacle and she was having such a hard time! Halfway through the obstacle, she fell and was just hanging in the middle. One lady climbed underneath the ropes to help lift her up and some other ladies helped her get up on her feet again. Everyone else around her was cheering her on and being so supportive and encouraging. It was really special and reminded me of the power of women helping women.

I finished this race feeling so empowered and proud of myself. I didn’t let myself get upset because I wasn’t as fast as some of the other women and some of the obstacles required a lot more work for me than it did for others. (Like a set of stairs on an inflatable slide. As I watched woman after woman bound up them, I turned to my mom and said, “Why do I feel like this is not going to be as easy as they make it look?” And it wasn’t. But that was okay.) We went slowly and carefully, taking our time. It probably irritated some of the runners around us, but eh. This isn’t a race you run for time or anything like that. It’s a race you run to just have fun!

I’ve been thinking a lot about the joy of movement lately. It’s a wonder to be able to be alive and able to move my body in the way I want. I am so grateful to this body for all it can do. It’s a fat body, but so what? It can still do so much! It ran a fucking mud race this weekend! With this fat body, I walked a 5K with ease and completed 19 of the 21 obstacles on the course. Nineteen obstacles! What a gift.

My first mud race was a delight in every way. I can’t wait to do another one. And that’s something I definitely didn’t think I would ever say.

Categories: Life

January Recap

It’s a new year, which means I’m revamping my monthly recap post. I loved recapping my year with categories like I did last year (and who knows, maybe I’ll go back to that format again!), but I thought I’d try something new in 2020. This year, I’ll be highlighting some of the biggest moments of my month. Let’s dive into January!

Dog-Sitting Duties

I had the pleasure of dog-sitting for two different dogs in January—my own fur-brother, Chip, and a friend’s dog, the sweetest greyhound named Tessie. My mom and her husband went away for a long weekend at the beginning of the month so I spent two nights with Chip. And then I spent one night with Tessie in the middle of the month. The energy levels of these two dogs couldn’t be more opposite (Tessie is a lazy lady who loves lounging on the couch while Chip is a crazy monster man who rarely ever sits still.) It was nice to get some doggo snuggles in this month!

A New Toilet

I had quite the ordeal in January with a leaking toilet. It started in late December and didn’t get resolved until 10 days into January. Oof! I had maintenance men in and out of my apartment for days, including five hours on a Thursday night. I don’t think I went to bed until after midnight that day, but I felt worse for the maintenance man who had been working all day and then dealing with my toilet all night! (I know it’s his job, but still.) I thought the toilet just needed a simple fix, but the problem ended up being so complex that they ordered me an entirely new toilet! Woop! (Now… how do I get them to order me a new oven so I can cook in something made in this century?!)

Starting PT

In early January (about four weeks post-injury), I had another X-ray done on my ankle that showed no change in the fracture. It’s very likely that my ankle is as healed as it will ever be unless I have elective surgery. I do not want to have surgery (I shudder to think of the medical bills, even with my health insurance), so I opted for a more conservative approach: physical therapy. I started in mid-January and will have my last appointment next Thursday (and then will have my final orthopedic follow-up to see where the ankle stands now). PT involves a mix of manipulation exercises to stabilize my ankle joint and release some of the stiffness as well as working on building up strength in my ankle/leg. The hope is that the next time I do fall, my leg can take the brunt of the motion without my ankle twisting beneath me. Here’s hoping!

Reading Dates

I had a few reading dates with a friend this month, and they were wonderful! We met up at our local library on a rainy Saturday (honestly, could there be a more perfect place to have a reading date?) and then at her pool on a sunny Friday afternoon. Reading dates have become my favorite socializing activity, I think. We spend half the time chit-chatting and catching up and the other half of the time, we read silently (typically, for 45 minutes). I definitely want to plan at least two reading dates a month because they are just so lovely.

My First Mazzaro’s Experience

Mazzaro’s is an Italian market that’s a staple in St. Petersburg, and I’ve never been to it! So when my friend recommended we visit Mazzaro’s for our monthly lady date, I was all for it. We went on a Saturday afternoon so it was hella busy, but so much fun. (Also, get you a friend who understands your social anxiety and constantly checks in with you when the crowds are getting hectic. This girl is magic.) First, we toured the space to get a feel for what we wanted to buy and then we ordered lunch at the counter (sandwiches) and ate outside while catching up with each other. After eating, we headed back inside to do some shopping. I left with a portion of chicken parmesan, two types of pasta salad, Mazzaro’s own spaghetti noodles, and half a pound of Italian cookies. Mmm!

Kobe’s Death

Like most of the world, I was shocked and deeply saddened by Kobe Bryant’s death. Is he a complicated figure? Of course he is. But I still mourn his death, the death of his young daughter, and everyone else who died on that helicopter. I am horrified for his wife and his daughters, the grief they must be experiencing to lose two vital members of their family in a freak accident… it’s overwhelmingly sad. It’s a huge loss, one where I think I will always remember where I was when I found out.

Favorites of January

What was a highlight of January for you?